DISCLAIMER: I do not own ANYTHING in here. Power Rangers, FFVII/VIII, Mr.
T, 1-800-COLLECT, N64, Charlton Heston and The Ten Commandments, WLIIA and
Mr. Fosberg (don't ask) or anything. And I don't have any money, so suing
me won't getchya anywhere. If you want to email me with flames go to
www.dontkillme.com/please
A little mix up
Disk 1
Chapter 1:Midgar and Garden
Part 1: The entry of all
Cloud walked with Tifa to the 7th Heaven bar talking about old times. They did eventually bump into Barret and Marlene who was serving drinks to a man with a peculiar looking sword, a man with a tattoo on his face, a man that looked like a cowboy, and three girls.
"Enjoy yours drinks ladies and gentlemen." Tifa announced.
"…whatever." said the man with the sword.
"Man Squall, you always have to nark on my groove." said the man with the tattoo on his face.
"…whatever." said Squall. One of the girls walked up to him and hugged him.
"Leave squall alone, Zell. He's trying to think, can't you see?" said the girl with blue on.
A blank look on Squall's face didn't encourage him much. "Man, even Rinoa's narkin' on me," Zell said and then returned to nursing his beer.
The group went silent after that, except swishing noises of the booze. Tifa showed Cloud around including the hideout, introduced him to everyone, and brought him upstairs. The group was preparin' to leave.
"How are we supposed to beat Ultamecia? I mean we just barely beat matron," noted the especially hyper girl. Most everyone ignored her. "Hey! Don't ignore me!" she said as she whipped out a pair of nunchakus. Again they ignored her and she just gave up and hung her head low. They soon left and Barret closed the bar.
"Meeting, now," he roared. Everyone trudged to the pin ball machine and went down to the hide out. They got briefing for the upcoming mission. "I pity the foo' who gets in our way!" he said as he ran upstairs to prepare. Cloud looked upstairs to Barret who was punching air.
"How peculiar."
They soon left the bar and headed to the train for the mission. "Bye Cloud! Bring Barret back in one piece!" They boarded the train and headed out. About 15 minutes later, the attack began. Battling through the guards, they made their way to the elevator.
"Okay Cloud, push the button." said Jesse.
"No, you." said Cloud
"Fine…" She walked up and pushed the button.
They got out and headed toward the reactor. They heard voices coming from around the bend and headed in with 'swords' drawn. It turned out to be the six from the bar.
"Die, Shin-ra!!!!" Barret declared. Squall looked kinda confused.
"…whatever." he eventually said and pulled out his sword and began attacking Cloud who blocked every move.
"Wait," said Zell, "what are you guys doing here anyway?"
"Came to blow it up, and I pity the foo' who gets in my way."
"Wooow, hold up there Mr. T. We came to blow up the reactor too." said the hyper girl. "Maybe we can join forces, are you against Ultamecia too?"
"Who? Don't know such a person." said Jesse. "You see, we're here cause Shin-ra sucking the life out of the planet. And the reactor is the 'minion' who is doing it, so we are the ones going to fix it."
"So this isn't a machine made by the sorceress?" asked Zell.
"Never mind, sucka'. Lets just blow this thing before the robo-guard comes." Minutes later a huge explosion filled the night air with a bright light. Cloud made his way to the train, but he knocked a girl over.
"Umm, is there anything wrong?" asked the girl.
"…………yes." Cloud couldn't have put it more blunt.
"Well, I should get going. But, before I go, would you buy one of my flowers? If you don't I'll just die. My dog has a sickness, and, and, and….." She trailed off after that.
"Oi, fine, fine, how much?" he asked. Cloud hated the sappy sad story bits, which always turned out to be a scam.
"For one of our bouquets, twenty two fifty. Of course, that includes tax." She gave her best business voice.
"Fine, here, and I hope you choke!!" he yelled after he took the bouquet.
"Thank you, come again!" the flower girl chirped brightly.
Now that that was over with, he had to catch the train. He ran towards the rendezvous point but was cut off short by two weenie looking guards.
"Sss-stopp, orr I'll-I'll sh-shoot." said the smaller, and obviously younger, of the two guards. Cloud whipped out his sword and prepared for battle. He charged and killed the two easily, then ran for it.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Zell running to Cloud for support. " It burns, oh it burns! Why do they have to use flame throwers?!!"
"Because, it was commanded by the head of Peace keeping division, Heidegger"
~ Shin-ra Meeting Room ~
Meanwhile, at the headquarters of the evil corporation, Shin-ra inc., they plan to trap the hero group AVALANCHE featuring The SeeD six, with their hit, I'm gonna blow you up.
"I believe we send extra guards to each reactor and keep it on double secret alert. You know, with the bells sounding and a loud speaker that says 'warning, warning, danger, danger'. You know, stuff like that." said Scarlet. Obviously, she had planned this with Heidegger. The door opened suddenly and closed just as hard.
"Hey, man. How's me home prez???" Reno slurred at president Shin-ra.
"You missed the entire meeting, you idiot," Tseng said.
"You talkin' bout my mama???!!!!!" Reno slurred, unknown that everyone was laughing at him.
"Never mind, everyone's dismissed." They all walked out. President Shin- ra headed upstairs to his son's office.
"Where were you?!! Oh never mind, you'll probably give me a stupid answer. Just be there next time I call a meeting." The president walked to the elevator.
~ Rufus' Office ~
"Its OK Mr. Wiggles, he's gone now… do you want anything?" Silence followed for a couple of seconds as Rufus waited for his stuffed chocobo's answer. "Really? I was kinda hungry too." He called the cafeteria for a order of soup and lettuce. This was a peculiar order to the staff who just complied with the orders.
Outside, Rufus's the attendant came up with his soup and lettuce when she had heard talking inside the office. Not wanting to be left in the dark, she put her ear to the door. 'The food will be her any moment, Mr. Wiggles.' Holding her laugh in, she took his soup in and made sure to tell the kitchen staff all about this.
Rufus took the lettuce and placed it in front of Mr. Wiggles, expecting him to peck at it as chocobo's usually do. Nothing happened and he picked the lettuce up.
"What's wrong, not hungry?" The chocobo didn't respond. "Why aren't you talking to me?" Rufus took the lettuce and tried to force feed Mr. Wiggles. "You never eat anymore! You need to eat!" Eventually, Rufus satisfied himself that his poor stuffed chocobo had had enough to eat, and let him off the hook… for now.
~ Far Off North Crater ~
"Sephiroth Fimlinker Hojo!!! You eat your vegetables this instant!" said Jenova.
"But mo---m, do I have to? I mean, I am grown up," whined Sephiroth.
"Don't sass me, young man. I was not like this when I was your age, I always minded my mother! Of course that was a couple thousand years ago, but that doesn't matter. You'll listen to me or else," she threatened.
"Yes ma'am." He retreated and glowered at his mother. He began eating creamed spinach with a disgusted look on his face.
"And don't you dare even THINK of using your Masamune on me, or else I'll tan your backside!" Sephiroth swore under his breath, she had just taken away his idea. "I heard that! You're grounded!"
"Mo---m!"
~ Sector 7, Seventh Heaven ~
"Where's my money, Mr. T?" asked Cloud.
"Don't call me that anymore &(#$%@#%$%!! Here, and I hope you choke!!!" Barret screamed and went downstairs. Cloud walked up to Zell and handed the flowers to him.
"Here, I-uh don't have anyone to give this to, so you can have them. Give them to your girlfriend or something." Cloud shuffled away from Zell.
"Hey, thanks for the flowers Cloud!" Zell said in a girly voice loud enough that everyone could hear.
No one decided to laugh since Cloud had look on his face that could kill. Cloud headed downstairs for a rest up before the next mission. Something was wrong, Squall was in his spot.
"Hey man, get out of my spot," commanded Cloud.
"…whatever." Squall said, getting up.
Cloud sat down and tried to go to sleep, but there was one problem. Irvine was chasing Tifa around the table. Cloud got up and went after him.
"Shut up, you idiot!" Cloud yelled and pulled out his sword. "I'm trying to sleep!!!!!!"
After he was pulled off Irvine he went to sleep, and this time he did it successfully.
Part 2: Garden
After the apparent success of the reactor mission, Zell decided to report to Headmaster Cid. Since all Squall could apparently say was '… whatever,' Zell was now in charge.
"Who cares about your #*@& report. I got problems of my own," Headmaster said as he hung from the roof of the Garden. "I gotta hide from the CIA man."
Cid had obviously been to the doctor for some pain medication. Zell just decided to ask for his money. "Sir, it's payday and…"
"Oh, I see. You want your paycheck. Well here's the money, and I hope you choke! Oh, and please don't tell the government where I am, man."
Zell led everyone to the front entrance where Cloud and the others were.
"Sooo, did you get paid?!! Huh, huh?!" asked the obviously hyper Cloud.
"Yep, and for some reason, he told me to choke on it. And he must have been near the pain killers again, cause he was saying something about the CIA. I really don't know about him anymore," said the less hyper Selphie.
Zell took both groups in and told the guard that they were students from Trabia garden. They passed the Dr. Kadowaki's office, and went to the cafeteria. Zell immediately got in line for the hot dogs, and much to his delight, he had got the last two.
"Finally, I get more than one!!" Zell yelled to the group. He began to munch on them happily. Cloud sat away from the group near an older person.
"Hello, there. You don't like you're from around here, what your name?" asked the man who was oddly petting his arm.
"My name is Cloud Strife and that's all you need to know," Cloud said scornfully to the balding man.
"Minky doesn't like you, do you Minky?" He made a sound like a cat hissing.
(This is in honor of Mr. Fosberg, a band teacher, an excellent comedian, and Greg Proops from WLIIA.)
After Zell had choked on his hot dogs, they went to see Laguna. Laguna was in his room practicing his pose.
"Hello Squall! How have you been?" asked Laguna quickly standing up straight from his pose.
"…whatever." said Squall.
"Oh, still in that kick. Well, Zell introduce me to your friends," He said
"OK, this is Cloud, Barret, Biggs, Wedge, Jesse, and Tifa," Zell told them as they came into the room.
Laguna started to get a leg cramp at the sight of Tifa. He limped up to Tifa and introduced himself. "Hello, I'm Laguna-" his voiced cracked and the entire group laughed hysterically at him. 'Darn, and that was my time to be suave, oh well,' he thought to himself.
The group made its' way up to the control room where Nida was standing ready for any travel plans.
"He-Hey don't touch that, get away. No not that!!" yelled Nida as Cloud pushed every button and control near him. "Aw Crap, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!"
The Garden gave a great jerk and started to speed up rapidly. "Now it's my turn to drive!!" Cloud yelled with a crazed look in his eye. They started towards the mountains nearest to Midgar. Cloud was swerving from left to right making everyone tumble around. Cloud hit every tree in sight and bumping the ground. They ended up slamming into the foothills of the mountains.
"Ahhh!!" screamed Headmaster Cid as he visibly fell off the roof. "The CIA is attacking!!!!"
"Cloud, you're going to pay for this," said an obviously furious Nida. Nida took the controls and took them back to Midgar. Unbeknownst to the group they had left The Headmaster in the wilderness, alone and scared.
~ The Wilderness ~
"Uh, so you live here?" asked Cid. The chipmunk didn't respond. Suddenly Cid went into a trance (induced by the drugs). He stayed in it for hours. Finally, when he had broke out, he stood up triumphantly. "I shall lead these animals to the holy land. It was given to me by the God of this land, Smudgy smacky." He said in a Charlton Heston type voice. He took the squirrel in his hand and started out toward Midgar.
~ Sector 7, Seventh Heaven ~
"It wasn't me, it was Donkey Kong!!" said Zell in a panic as Barret chased him around. They were playing Mario Kart 64 and Zell blasted Barret with a red shell at the end of the rainbow road race. "Oh, no, it was Canada, or congress. Pick one, I got more!!"
"We have to get ready for the next mission, guys," said Tifa.
"It was her!!" Zell pointed to her. Barret stopped abruptly and went into a charge chasing after Tifa. The end was Zell on the floor, laughing, Tifa being knocked out, and Barret having an inflated ego.
When they managed to wake up Tifa, then Barret and Zell. (Being knocked out by Tifa,) they prepared for the upcoming mission.
"OK, so what we do is do what we did last time?" asked Quistis.
"Yep," said Barret.
"Yippee," said a sarcastic Zell.
Part 3: Bubble gum and plastic explosives
~ Train Graveyard, midnight train ~
"Let's go, we've been caught!! Try to keep calm and don't look suspicious." screamed Barret.
"Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!! We're gonna DIEEEEE!!!!!!" screamed Zell as he ran about the car. Barret walked up to him and knocked him out.
Cloud followed the 'fearless leader' to the last car and jump out the door. Tumbling several times and slamming into the wall. Seeing three Barrets walk up to him was too scary and he turned to run away. Finally getting his normal vision back, Cloud checked his pockets for anything he had lost. Fortunately he had lost nothing except…
"Cloud, do you have the plastiques?" asked Barret in his usual tone of voice - angry and clueless.
"Uh, yeah. I do…" Cloud searched frantically in his pockets for something to substitute for the bomb. He pulled out a package of Bazooka Joe bubble gum. He put the wad all together and showed Barret, "See, there it is."
"Good, now lets go," said Barret, Cloud trudging behind trying to think of what to do.
~ The Reactor ~
Thinking of nothing, Cloud just waited for his punishment for failing the mission. Walking up to the reactor, he was about to tell the group that he had lost the whole bomb, except the wiring.
"OK, Cloud. Hook it up," Tifa commanded. Cloud took out the gum bomb and put the wiring into it. He then hooked the clock to it and stepped away.
"OK, let's get out of here before it blows," he said as he began to run. Reaching the insanely high cat walk, the group headed to the exit way. A group of soldiers strolled in from both ways and a helicopter worked its way up to the reactor. When it did finally reach the reactor, Zell ran up to it and tried to touch it.
"Oooooooo, pwetty hewycopter!! So fast, da bwades go," drooled Zell. Quistis promptly ran up and hit him on the head.
"Snap out of you idiot!!" she said.
"Sorry, it was like a lava lamp…" he said before running back behind Squall.
Out came President Shin-ra, standing like and old man. "It's a pleasure to see you here, Mr. Bond. Uh I mean AVALAHCHE and SeeD. Well, this is the last time I see you, ARISE MY MONSTER!!!!" President Shin-ra screamed. A bright flash and a giant appeared to destroy the heroes.
"It's morphin' time!!! I mean let's kill him," Cloud yelled out.
"Let's bust this sucka up for not usin' one eight hundred collect," Barret said as he charged straight into battle.
After destroying the monster, Zell picked up the spoils. "Hey, a grenade!" Zell said, unbeknownst to him that the pin had been pulled. Zell dropped it as soon as Cloud informed him. The grenade exploded as soon as it hit the metal floor. Cloud and Zell fell but saved themselves by grabbing onto the twisted metal.
"Blasphemers, thou shalt not harm monsters of this land." Thus saith the Lord unto the Egyptians. Uh, I mean to the heroes. While the others were distracted with the Charlton Heston wanna be, the two hanging from the catwalk disappeared to the depths below.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!" they screamed like school girls as they said their hail-Marys and prepared themselves to die.
"Zell, I-I love you…" Cloud confessed just before they hit the ground, thinking that he was going to die. They clutched on each other and screamed some more. Bammmmmm, flat as a pancake. Or so you think.
~ Unknown ~
"Get the #%@^ off my #^&*ing flowers!!" said a faint voice from far away. Cloud came to and his eyes focused in. He could see Zell standing next to the girl who had over charged the flowers he had bought. "You're awake, now get off my flowers!! You've already ruined most of them. This is going to cost you of course!!"
~ The Reactor ~
"There's no time left we have to go. Quistis, grab Cid and I'll help the two hanging." said Selphie. She walked up to the hole in the catwalk and saw that the two had fallen.
"…whatever." said Squall, his usual talkative self. Just then the reactor blew as everyone headed back to the Sector seven.
A little mix up
Disk 1
Chapter 1:Midgar and Garden
Part 1: The entry of all
Cloud walked with Tifa to the 7th Heaven bar talking about old times. They did eventually bump into Barret and Marlene who was serving drinks to a man with a peculiar looking sword, a man with a tattoo on his face, a man that looked like a cowboy, and three girls.
"Enjoy yours drinks ladies and gentlemen." Tifa announced.
"…whatever." said the man with the sword.
"Man Squall, you always have to nark on my groove." said the man with the tattoo on his face.
"…whatever." said Squall. One of the girls walked up to him and hugged him.
"Leave squall alone, Zell. He's trying to think, can't you see?" said the girl with blue on.
A blank look on Squall's face didn't encourage him much. "Man, even Rinoa's narkin' on me," Zell said and then returned to nursing his beer.
The group went silent after that, except swishing noises of the booze. Tifa showed Cloud around including the hideout, introduced him to everyone, and brought him upstairs. The group was preparin' to leave.
"How are we supposed to beat Ultamecia? I mean we just barely beat matron," noted the especially hyper girl. Most everyone ignored her. "Hey! Don't ignore me!" she said as she whipped out a pair of nunchakus. Again they ignored her and she just gave up and hung her head low. They soon left and Barret closed the bar.
"Meeting, now," he roared. Everyone trudged to the pin ball machine and went down to the hide out. They got briefing for the upcoming mission. "I pity the foo' who gets in our way!" he said as he ran upstairs to prepare. Cloud looked upstairs to Barret who was punching air.
"How peculiar."
They soon left the bar and headed to the train for the mission. "Bye Cloud! Bring Barret back in one piece!" They boarded the train and headed out. About 15 minutes later, the attack began. Battling through the guards, they made their way to the elevator.
"Okay Cloud, push the button." said Jesse.
"No, you." said Cloud
"Fine…" She walked up and pushed the button.
They got out and headed toward the reactor. They heard voices coming from around the bend and headed in with 'swords' drawn. It turned out to be the six from the bar.
"Die, Shin-ra!!!!" Barret declared. Squall looked kinda confused.
"…whatever." he eventually said and pulled out his sword and began attacking Cloud who blocked every move.
"Wait," said Zell, "what are you guys doing here anyway?"
"Came to blow it up, and I pity the foo' who gets in my way."
"Wooow, hold up there Mr. T. We came to blow up the reactor too." said the hyper girl. "Maybe we can join forces, are you against Ultamecia too?"
"Who? Don't know such a person." said Jesse. "You see, we're here cause Shin-ra sucking the life out of the planet. And the reactor is the 'minion' who is doing it, so we are the ones going to fix it."
"So this isn't a machine made by the sorceress?" asked Zell.
"Never mind, sucka'. Lets just blow this thing before the robo-guard comes." Minutes later a huge explosion filled the night air with a bright light. Cloud made his way to the train, but he knocked a girl over.
"Umm, is there anything wrong?" asked the girl.
"…………yes." Cloud couldn't have put it more blunt.
"Well, I should get going. But, before I go, would you buy one of my flowers? If you don't I'll just die. My dog has a sickness, and, and, and….." She trailed off after that.
"Oi, fine, fine, how much?" he asked. Cloud hated the sappy sad story bits, which always turned out to be a scam.
"For one of our bouquets, twenty two fifty. Of course, that includes tax." She gave her best business voice.
"Fine, here, and I hope you choke!!" he yelled after he took the bouquet.
"Thank you, come again!" the flower girl chirped brightly.
Now that that was over with, he had to catch the train. He ran towards the rendezvous point but was cut off short by two weenie looking guards.
"Sss-stopp, orr I'll-I'll sh-shoot." said the smaller, and obviously younger, of the two guards. Cloud whipped out his sword and prepared for battle. He charged and killed the two easily, then ran for it.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Zell running to Cloud for support. " It burns, oh it burns! Why do they have to use flame throwers?!!"
"Because, it was commanded by the head of Peace keeping division, Heidegger"
~ Shin-ra Meeting Room ~
Meanwhile, at the headquarters of the evil corporation, Shin-ra inc., they plan to trap the hero group AVALANCHE featuring The SeeD six, with their hit, I'm gonna blow you up.
"I believe we send extra guards to each reactor and keep it on double secret alert. You know, with the bells sounding and a loud speaker that says 'warning, warning, danger, danger'. You know, stuff like that." said Scarlet. Obviously, she had planned this with Heidegger. The door opened suddenly and closed just as hard.
"Hey, man. How's me home prez???" Reno slurred at president Shin-ra.
"You missed the entire meeting, you idiot," Tseng said.
"You talkin' bout my mama???!!!!!" Reno slurred, unknown that everyone was laughing at him.
"Never mind, everyone's dismissed." They all walked out. President Shin- ra headed upstairs to his son's office.
"Where were you?!! Oh never mind, you'll probably give me a stupid answer. Just be there next time I call a meeting." The president walked to the elevator.
~ Rufus' Office ~
"Its OK Mr. Wiggles, he's gone now… do you want anything?" Silence followed for a couple of seconds as Rufus waited for his stuffed chocobo's answer. "Really? I was kinda hungry too." He called the cafeteria for a order of soup and lettuce. This was a peculiar order to the staff who just complied with the orders.
Outside, Rufus's the attendant came up with his soup and lettuce when she had heard talking inside the office. Not wanting to be left in the dark, she put her ear to the door. 'The food will be her any moment, Mr. Wiggles.' Holding her laugh in, she took his soup in and made sure to tell the kitchen staff all about this.
Rufus took the lettuce and placed it in front of Mr. Wiggles, expecting him to peck at it as chocobo's usually do. Nothing happened and he picked the lettuce up.
"What's wrong, not hungry?" The chocobo didn't respond. "Why aren't you talking to me?" Rufus took the lettuce and tried to force feed Mr. Wiggles. "You never eat anymore! You need to eat!" Eventually, Rufus satisfied himself that his poor stuffed chocobo had had enough to eat, and let him off the hook… for now.
~ Far Off North Crater ~
"Sephiroth Fimlinker Hojo!!! You eat your vegetables this instant!" said Jenova.
"But mo---m, do I have to? I mean, I am grown up," whined Sephiroth.
"Don't sass me, young man. I was not like this when I was your age, I always minded my mother! Of course that was a couple thousand years ago, but that doesn't matter. You'll listen to me or else," she threatened.
"Yes ma'am." He retreated and glowered at his mother. He began eating creamed spinach with a disgusted look on his face.
"And don't you dare even THINK of using your Masamune on me, or else I'll tan your backside!" Sephiroth swore under his breath, she had just taken away his idea. "I heard that! You're grounded!"
"Mo---m!"
~ Sector 7, Seventh Heaven ~
"Where's my money, Mr. T?" asked Cloud.
"Don't call me that anymore &(#$%@#%$%!! Here, and I hope you choke!!!" Barret screamed and went downstairs. Cloud walked up to Zell and handed the flowers to him.
"Here, I-uh don't have anyone to give this to, so you can have them. Give them to your girlfriend or something." Cloud shuffled away from Zell.
"Hey, thanks for the flowers Cloud!" Zell said in a girly voice loud enough that everyone could hear.
No one decided to laugh since Cloud had look on his face that could kill. Cloud headed downstairs for a rest up before the next mission. Something was wrong, Squall was in his spot.
"Hey man, get out of my spot," commanded Cloud.
"…whatever." Squall said, getting up.
Cloud sat down and tried to go to sleep, but there was one problem. Irvine was chasing Tifa around the table. Cloud got up and went after him.
"Shut up, you idiot!" Cloud yelled and pulled out his sword. "I'm trying to sleep!!!!!!"
After he was pulled off Irvine he went to sleep, and this time he did it successfully.
Part 2: Garden
After the apparent success of the reactor mission, Zell decided to report to Headmaster Cid. Since all Squall could apparently say was '… whatever,' Zell was now in charge.
"Who cares about your #*@& report. I got problems of my own," Headmaster said as he hung from the roof of the Garden. "I gotta hide from the CIA man."
Cid had obviously been to the doctor for some pain medication. Zell just decided to ask for his money. "Sir, it's payday and…"
"Oh, I see. You want your paycheck. Well here's the money, and I hope you choke! Oh, and please don't tell the government where I am, man."
Zell led everyone to the front entrance where Cloud and the others were.
"Sooo, did you get paid?!! Huh, huh?!" asked the obviously hyper Cloud.
"Yep, and for some reason, he told me to choke on it. And he must have been near the pain killers again, cause he was saying something about the CIA. I really don't know about him anymore," said the less hyper Selphie.
Zell took both groups in and told the guard that they were students from Trabia garden. They passed the Dr. Kadowaki's office, and went to the cafeteria. Zell immediately got in line for the hot dogs, and much to his delight, he had got the last two.
"Finally, I get more than one!!" Zell yelled to the group. He began to munch on them happily. Cloud sat away from the group near an older person.
"Hello, there. You don't like you're from around here, what your name?" asked the man who was oddly petting his arm.
"My name is Cloud Strife and that's all you need to know," Cloud said scornfully to the balding man.
"Minky doesn't like you, do you Minky?" He made a sound like a cat hissing.
(This is in honor of Mr. Fosberg, a band teacher, an excellent comedian, and Greg Proops from WLIIA.)
After Zell had choked on his hot dogs, they went to see Laguna. Laguna was in his room practicing his pose.
"Hello Squall! How have you been?" asked Laguna quickly standing up straight from his pose.
"…whatever." said Squall.
"Oh, still in that kick. Well, Zell introduce me to your friends," He said
"OK, this is Cloud, Barret, Biggs, Wedge, Jesse, and Tifa," Zell told them as they came into the room.
Laguna started to get a leg cramp at the sight of Tifa. He limped up to Tifa and introduced himself. "Hello, I'm Laguna-" his voiced cracked and the entire group laughed hysterically at him. 'Darn, and that was my time to be suave, oh well,' he thought to himself.
The group made its' way up to the control room where Nida was standing ready for any travel plans.
"He-Hey don't touch that, get away. No not that!!" yelled Nida as Cloud pushed every button and control near him. "Aw Crap, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!"
The Garden gave a great jerk and started to speed up rapidly. "Now it's my turn to drive!!" Cloud yelled with a crazed look in his eye. They started towards the mountains nearest to Midgar. Cloud was swerving from left to right making everyone tumble around. Cloud hit every tree in sight and bumping the ground. They ended up slamming into the foothills of the mountains.
"Ahhh!!" screamed Headmaster Cid as he visibly fell off the roof. "The CIA is attacking!!!!"
"Cloud, you're going to pay for this," said an obviously furious Nida. Nida took the controls and took them back to Midgar. Unbeknownst to the group they had left The Headmaster in the wilderness, alone and scared.
~ The Wilderness ~
"Uh, so you live here?" asked Cid. The chipmunk didn't respond. Suddenly Cid went into a trance (induced by the drugs). He stayed in it for hours. Finally, when he had broke out, he stood up triumphantly. "I shall lead these animals to the holy land. It was given to me by the God of this land, Smudgy smacky." He said in a Charlton Heston type voice. He took the squirrel in his hand and started out toward Midgar.
~ Sector 7, Seventh Heaven ~
"It wasn't me, it was Donkey Kong!!" said Zell in a panic as Barret chased him around. They were playing Mario Kart 64 and Zell blasted Barret with a red shell at the end of the rainbow road race. "Oh, no, it was Canada, or congress. Pick one, I got more!!"
"We have to get ready for the next mission, guys," said Tifa.
"It was her!!" Zell pointed to her. Barret stopped abruptly and went into a charge chasing after Tifa. The end was Zell on the floor, laughing, Tifa being knocked out, and Barret having an inflated ego.
When they managed to wake up Tifa, then Barret and Zell. (Being knocked out by Tifa,) they prepared for the upcoming mission.
"OK, so what we do is do what we did last time?" asked Quistis.
"Yep," said Barret.
"Yippee," said a sarcastic Zell.
Part 3: Bubble gum and plastic explosives
~ Train Graveyard, midnight train ~
"Let's go, we've been caught!! Try to keep calm and don't look suspicious." screamed Barret.
"Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!! We're gonna DIEEEEE!!!!!!" screamed Zell as he ran about the car. Barret walked up to him and knocked him out.
Cloud followed the 'fearless leader' to the last car and jump out the door. Tumbling several times and slamming into the wall. Seeing three Barrets walk up to him was too scary and he turned to run away. Finally getting his normal vision back, Cloud checked his pockets for anything he had lost. Fortunately he had lost nothing except…
"Cloud, do you have the plastiques?" asked Barret in his usual tone of voice - angry and clueless.
"Uh, yeah. I do…" Cloud searched frantically in his pockets for something to substitute for the bomb. He pulled out a package of Bazooka Joe bubble gum. He put the wad all together and showed Barret, "See, there it is."
"Good, now lets go," said Barret, Cloud trudging behind trying to think of what to do.
~ The Reactor ~
Thinking of nothing, Cloud just waited for his punishment for failing the mission. Walking up to the reactor, he was about to tell the group that he had lost the whole bomb, except the wiring.
"OK, Cloud. Hook it up," Tifa commanded. Cloud took out the gum bomb and put the wiring into it. He then hooked the clock to it and stepped away.
"OK, let's get out of here before it blows," he said as he began to run. Reaching the insanely high cat walk, the group headed to the exit way. A group of soldiers strolled in from both ways and a helicopter worked its way up to the reactor. When it did finally reach the reactor, Zell ran up to it and tried to touch it.
"Oooooooo, pwetty hewycopter!! So fast, da bwades go," drooled Zell. Quistis promptly ran up and hit him on the head.
"Snap out of you idiot!!" she said.
"Sorry, it was like a lava lamp…" he said before running back behind Squall.
Out came President Shin-ra, standing like and old man. "It's a pleasure to see you here, Mr. Bond. Uh I mean AVALAHCHE and SeeD. Well, this is the last time I see you, ARISE MY MONSTER!!!!" President Shin-ra screamed. A bright flash and a giant appeared to destroy the heroes.
"It's morphin' time!!! I mean let's kill him," Cloud yelled out.
"Let's bust this sucka up for not usin' one eight hundred collect," Barret said as he charged straight into battle.
After destroying the monster, Zell picked up the spoils. "Hey, a grenade!" Zell said, unbeknownst to him that the pin had been pulled. Zell dropped it as soon as Cloud informed him. The grenade exploded as soon as it hit the metal floor. Cloud and Zell fell but saved themselves by grabbing onto the twisted metal.
"Blasphemers, thou shalt not harm monsters of this land." Thus saith the Lord unto the Egyptians. Uh, I mean to the heroes. While the others were distracted with the Charlton Heston wanna be, the two hanging from the catwalk disappeared to the depths below.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!" they screamed like school girls as they said their hail-Marys and prepared themselves to die.
"Zell, I-I love you…" Cloud confessed just before they hit the ground, thinking that he was going to die. They clutched on each other and screamed some more. Bammmmmm, flat as a pancake. Or so you think.
~ Unknown ~
"Get the #%@^ off my #^&*ing flowers!!" said a faint voice from far away. Cloud came to and his eyes focused in. He could see Zell standing next to the girl who had over charged the flowers he had bought. "You're awake, now get off my flowers!! You've already ruined most of them. This is going to cost you of course!!"
~ The Reactor ~
"There's no time left we have to go. Quistis, grab Cid and I'll help the two hanging." said Selphie. She walked up to the hole in the catwalk and saw that the two had fallen.
"…whatever." said Squall, his usual talkative self. Just then the reactor blew as everyone headed back to the Sector seven.