Words I Couldn't Say
Pairing: Fem-Shep/Kaidan
Rating: T
Warnings: Slight Swearing?
A/N: Adamina Shepard is a Vanguard/Paragade/Colony Kid/Ruthless. Kaidan belongs to Bioware. I'm just using him and his emotions. Also I'm changing the events of Horizon just a tiny, little bit. Writer's prerogative I must say.
Summary: Kaidan reflects on the words he didn't say before the Normandy was attacked and Shepard was lost.
Setting: ME2 story. As soon as I finish the Kaidan romance on ME3 I will start writing it. :P

'Shepard…Adamina…I love you…'

Six words, seemingly easy enough to say, but they just wouldn't come out of his mouth. He'd practiced saying them for weeks after they'd defeated Saren. He told himself, 'Today she'll know.' But as each "today" passed and turned into yesterday, he started to lose his grip.

"Staff Commander Alenko?"

Kaidan was pulled out of his thoughts by Councilor Anderson. He gave the Councilor a small smile, "Yes, sir?"

"I have something to tell you about Horizon."

"Sir?"

"We've gotten reports that Cerberus has been watching the colony. I need you there in case they attack."

Kaidan saluted, "Understood, sir."

"Kaidan, there's something else."

"Councilor?"

"Shepard is rumored to be alive."

"Alive, sir, but I thought…" Kaidan furrowed his brow. She couldn't be alive. He was there. Joker told him…

I ran to Shepard as fast as I could, "Shepard!"

"Distress beacon is ready for launch." She turned around her helmet on so I couldn't see her beautiful violet eyes.

"Will the Alliance get here in time?" I asked, nearly falling into her as the ship rocked with an explosion.

"The Alliance won't abandon us. Get everyone onto the escape shuttles." She said to me, throwing me the fire extinguisher to put out the fire nearest to me.

"Joker's still in the cockpit. He won't abandon ship." I turned and looked at her, "I'm not leaving either."

"Kaidan, go." She looked back towards me, "Now."

"Shepard…Adamina…"

"Kaidan." Her voice was softer, pleading.

I sighed before nodding, "Yes, ma'am."

"Alenko?"

"I'm just shocked that she may be alive, sir."

"I think we all are, son." Anderson sighed, "I'll let you know if we hear anything else."

"Thank you, sir." Kaidan nodded then left the room.

-Horizon-

Kaidan watched helplessly as the Collectors abducted everyone around him, but they'd left him alone other than moving him to a different location entirely.

'If they're leaving me here to kill me, then maybe it's my time. Maybe I'll see her again wherever we go after we die.' Kaidan thought to himself. Death seemed like the best option after watching so many people under his care disappear.

Kaidan felt himself slowly gaining the movement of his body again. He fell to his knees unable to hold himself up any longer.

The thrusters on the Collector ship started up. It was gone in moments. Kaidan pushed himself up off the ground and started running towards the main AA Guns. He stopped short when he heard yelling.

"They got Lilith. You could have at least tried to do something!"

Kaidan recognized the man. Delan, stupid little troll, wasn't happy for anything the Alliance implemented.

"I'm sorry. I tried to get all of your people back."

Kaidan's heart stopped. 'No, no, no, no. It can't be.'

"Shepard, you tried. That should count for something."

And that confirmed it. Kaidan watched Delan turn around and stare at the woman of his dreams and nightmares, "Shepard? Yeah, I know you. You're supposed to be some big Alliance hero, or something."

Kaidan took a deep breath and walked out of the shadows. His eyes were locked on hers, "Commander Shepard, savior of the Citadel. You're in the presence of a hero, Delan, and a ghost."

"Kaidan…" He heard his name roll of her tongue.

Delan muttered something, but Kaidan didn't care to catch it. He crossed the small distance between them. They stared at a moment before she launched herself into his arms. Kaidan wrapped his arms tight around her, getting lost in the scent of her hair.

"Kaidan, gods, I missed you."

"Shepard, I thought you were dead. We all did." Kaidan pressed his lips to her neck.

Shepard pressed her forehead against his before pulling back, "I was dead, Kaidan. Cerberus rebuilt me."

Kaidan took a step back, "Cerberus? You're with them now."

"Not willingly. Honestly I'm only working with them to save our colonies. Human lives are at stake, Kaidan, and I have a lot of hero time to make up for being dead." She tried to joke, but Kaidan just shook his head.

"You could have come back to the Alliance."

"I want to. Gods, I want to, but right now that's not feasible."

"And why not?" Kaidan crossed his arms and furrowed his brow.

Shepard stepped forward and tried to smooth his brow, "Don't do that. You'll give yourself wrinkles."

"Shepard…" Kaidan groaned unable to resist how good it felt to have her touching him again.

"Kai, the Alliance will just form a committee and argue about what we should do. Right now I'm actually doing something about the disappearances. I'm hitting the Collectors head first."

"What do you mean 'head first'?"

"We're going through the Omega 4 Relay. We have to. It's the only way—"

"That's suicide!" Kaidan cried out.

"I know. Sounds so fun doesn't it?" Adamina smirked.

"And here I thought you weren't the woman I lo-respected."

"I'm still me, Kaidan. I'm still that girl who you swept off her feet." Shepard took his hands in hers, "Come with me."

"I can't."

Shepard nodded, "I understand."

"I have to go, Shepard."

"Be careful, Kaidan."

"You, too." Kaidan turned and started to walk away.

"Joker, send the shuttle. I'm sick of this place." He heard the heartbreak in her voice.

'Damn it, Alenko, she's right there.' He heard his inner voice scold him. Kaidan stopped and looked at her, "Shepard?"

"Yeah, Kaidan?" Adamina lifted her head, hope in her violet irises.

Kaidan strode back over to the woman and pulled her close. He pressed their lips together. She responded eagerly to the kiss. Moments later they'd stopped to catch their breath, his forehead against hers, "I love you, Adamina."

A grin broke over the Commander's face, "I've been waiting for you to say that, Kaidan. I love you, too."

After the Collectors were defeated no one knew for certain what would happen, but whatever it was; Alenko and Shepard would be side by side for the entire thing.

~End