A/N: I have been watching seasons 5 and 6 and this idea has been haunting me so much I had to write an epilogue for you guys to see if you'd be interested in exploring this what-if scenario with me. It is much based on Peyton's quote from 5.08:

"I was reminded today in a roundabout way that the most perfect act of love is sacrifice. That's what Keith did for Karen. Burying his feelings for her for all those years so he could be a good friend. I love you, Lucas. And I think I have since the first moment we locked eyes. And it is gonna suck! But if what you want is for me to let go, then I'm gonna do it. Be happy, Luke. I want that with all my heart."

What if Peyton had gathered up all her strength to be to Lucas what Keith was to Karen? Lucas and Lindsey had gotten married and Peyton turned her passion for Lucas into a silent love instead of appearing bitter and grudgeful. It seemed almost out of character to me, when it came to my mind. But I think early season 4 and late season 6 show such an amazing will power and spirit of sacrifice that I've come to the conclusion it's really a whole new world just couple of original turns to different from the series.

I told my best friend not to get married to his wife, my good friend Lindsey and it was not because one of either of the two would have been a bad person. I know, sounds pretty weird, right? It was seven years ago and to this day only myself and him know about it. As you already know, he did not take my advice and so I had to bury my thoughts. All these years it has been bothering me and so I thought I'd write my secret down.

Let's rewind to the beginning. At the end of our drama filled high school years I was married to my wonderful husband Nathan and we got an amazing baby boy Jamie. My best friend Lucas was in love, too. He and his girlfriend Peyton had been through other boyfriends and girlfriends, car crashes, heart attacks, psycho stalkers, a school shooting and lots of painful love. You can read more about all that in Lucas's best seller book "An Unkindness of Ravens", but the point is, after all they'd been through my friends Lucas and Peyton were happy and in love and I think all of us, including the ex-sweethearts were more or less waiting for the wedding invitations.

The invitation never came, at least not the one we expected after high school. Lucas proposed to Peyton, but she turned him down, or asked for some more time. He thinks the first she thinks the latter. But the end result is not up for interpretation. Two hearts broke and the very special couple broke up. Both tried to move on.

Peyton noticed it was not possible for her and quit her L.A. job to come back home to Tree Hill. She met Lucas's editor turned girlfriend and it was not pretty how the girls fought in jealousy of my best friend's love. I was on Lindsey's side. Especially when I realized that Peyton had actually come back for Lucas and the two had kissed right before Lucas made his decision and proposed to Lindsey.

So if I was on Lindsey's side, why did I tell Lucas not to marry her? Part of why Lindsey was so insecure about Peyton was that Lucas's writer's block ended suddenly, when Peyton came to town. I reassured the new girlfriend that the old one's appearance was just a coincidence until Lucas gave me the new book to read. It was a beautiful and heartbreaking story about yearning and want. It was screaming Peyton. And so I confronted Lucas about what I had read and told him I thought he was still in love with Peyton. He shot me down and insisted that he loved Lindsey. He did listen to my advice to not show the story to Lindsey, but he went on to marry her and the topic was closed.

The Comet, that is the book Lucas wrote but never published because of my advice, brought me and Peyton closer again. I still believe the novel was about Peyton and even though I had been mad at Peyton for trying to get back with Lucas, his words made me sympathize my long-time friend. I imagined me and Nathan in the same situation and I found it really hard to imagine finding the grace in me to let Nathan be happy with someone else without at least giving it a good fight first. I know it's different, because we're married and they never were. But they promised each other forever, too. No matter how the break up was also her fault, it must be shattering to realize your forever starting a forever with someone else. I'm rambling, sorry.

The bottom line is that Lucas and Lindsey got married. Peyton let them go. She turned to her music and became an even better friend than she might ever have been before and I have been looking at it all for the past seven years and it still confuses me. I should probably stop thinking about it all and not worry about Lucas, Lindsay and Peyton. Especially so, since I wanted this. I wanted Peyton to back off and Lucas and Lindsay to be happy together. I was Lindsey's matron of honor and before I read the Comet I was really pissed at Peyton for not leaving Lucas and Lindsay be. Even after reading it I of course did not and still do not approve of any cheating, but it just made me see another level to the mess. And just when I saw it Peyton completely backed off and things changed to what I had wanted it to be. But how could it not make me curious that such a confused and jealous war zone turns into a rather harmonious living as a result of a marriage that was entered with the groom still having feelings for his ex?

Over the years I have tried to reason to myself that maybe he really was over Peyton. But the thing is, I know my best friend and the fact that he listened to my advice and didn't show the book to Lindsey speaks volumes. A stubborn man like Lucas would not take an advice like that unless he saw a reason and truth behind them. I also still often see that soft but passionately loving look of his when he looks at Peyton. You know the one that seems like he's looking at an angel, but when you look to the direction he's looking you only see Peyton. There have been a couple of times when I have gotten the possibility to talk with him about his current relationship with Peyton. Every time I feel like there's a shadow of that Lucas's special Peyton look in his facial features and then he says calmly "I'm with Lindsey now. We're friends just like she is friends with Nathan."

I know many ways they are not. Their history is so different already. Yes, Peyton is an ex-girlfriend of both of them. I'm not just saying it as Nathan's wife when I say that he was never in love with her. Lucas on the other hand was in love with her for years before they even spoke to each other. When they did talk to each other there was this unbelievable pull the two dark and artistic blondes had for each other. It hurt people and wonderful friendships with its strength. Okay, in all honesty Peyton and Nathan's relationship hurt people, too, but it wasn't because of a force pulling the two towards each other. More like the two pushing each other away. Tim once mentioned to me it was all just for the make-up sex. Eew, stupid me for mentioning it. The mental image of the two of them together is not exactly one I seek to cherish.

More currently it's almost other way around. Now Lucas and Peyton are cordial, but try to keep some sort of artificial distance. I already mentioned the soft looks, well they are definitely two sided. There's also plenty of acts of kindness. But it all keeps a certain distance as if they'd do hard work to make sure that they aren't cheating Lindsay. Nathan and Peyton on the other hand don't have any restrictions. They kid around, fight playfully and enjoy faking heated arguments. It may look like flirting sometimes, but the feelings involved aren't anything but brotherly.

I actually just today looked at her playing fun outdoor games with my husband and our kids Jamie and Lydia just this afternoon and it hit me that if I didn't have the history, the longing looks and the secret caring and tears telling me loud and clear she's in love with my best friend, I would most likely be jealous of Peyton and Nathan. Maybe it is just a "just-in-case" defense mechanism for me to be so intrigued about the Lucas/Lindsay/Peyton story. My family is happy the way it is and it is all I ever wanted. If I started listening less to my confusion and suspicion about Lucas and Peyton's feelings, I would have more time to give in to doubting many of the outsiders' thoughts about my friend having too close relationship with my husband and kids. I have no reason to listen to the others, but plenty to listen to myself.

Have I now confused you as I'm confused myself? Hehe, that's pretty funny question, since "you" is just this paper, the only one I can trust to not mess things up if they knew more than they currently do. Gosh, how therapeutic it would be if a paper could get confused like us human beings...

A/N: The actual story is not going to be just Haley's ramblings, most likely not even narrated from the first person. But let me know if I should continue this scenario of what if Peyton had really followed through with loving Lucas the way she got inspiration from Keith's love for Karen. If you want me to give it a try I have couple of other what-if scenarios that this story gives me chances to explore, too, but the main point will be sort of making Peyton Keith and Lucas Karen.

ps. My deepest apologies to everyone who's read Would You Be My Brother that I haven't updated in ages. I have the next chapter almost ready now, but I have been stuck with it for a month. Hopefully I get the final bits to fit and get to post it for you very soon.