It's so cold in your final hour:
It's so cold here. So, so very cold. It's always been this way though. My earliest memories are of the cold, the vacancy. But cold is not a thing in and of itself; it is the absence of heat- of warmth.
That's how it's always been hasn't it? She told me that it was warmer before I was born. He told me things became the way they are after you made your only mistake– me.
You hadn't expected her to get pregnant, really, you hadn't. So when that girl who kept coming around told you what had happened you didn't know what to do. You kept her, for fear of a scandal and then mom–
She disappeared. Well, not my mom, but their mom.
And that's just the problem, isn't it Father? I was an accident. Mom was living comfortably somewhere under a fake name and the girl you'd been running around with became our new mother.
She disappeared too.
And then, they tell me, things changed. All the color seemed to disappear. Everything went grey. All the colors faded and all the happiness was gone. I was alone in a big grey blur.
You gave me glasses and things got sharper. The blurred edges left my world as I aged. Everything was refined, especially your expectations. I knew what I was worth and what I could do.
Which was nothing and almost anything at the same time. You gave me orders and, when I was done, I could do as I pleased.
You were never home to tell me not to.
Any material good I could ever want was at my finger tips but when it came to warmth I was at a loss. It's always so cold here. Just cold, clear cut edges so sharp that they could pierce your heart. I needed light to my darkness for I was a shadow with no sun. I needed warmth for I was ice with no one to melt me.
You wouldn't give me any. You would never draw me close and melt my ice heart. You would never spare a thought for me!
Look where you are now Father! Left alone in your final hour with no one but your greatest regret to comfort you! Well I hope you're happy knowing I would do anything to spare you from your mortality. I would give my life for yours if I knew it would help you.
I'm sorry I was born, really I am. I just want you to be happy. He told me I ruined everything for you and I believe him. That doesn't mean your adverseness doesn't sting like a slap across my face. But I'm willing to put aside my pride and tell you all I've never said. I know I don't deserve your love after all I've done and so I will ask no longer.
Don't leave me alone again.