It was hard. It was very hard. Especially for Santana Lopez.
She wasn't like this. She never had feelings for someone. Any feelings, especially romantic ones. That is, mostly, why she was surprised by her reaction. She didn't think it would be this hard for her. She didn't think it would matter this much. Sure, she had feelings for her, but she wasn't ready for a rejection. No one ever rejected her and she surely wasn't used to it to let it all go at this point.
Santana Lopez was not the kind of girl who took denial well. After all, she was sitting in the janitor's closet, curled up in one corner, she silently cried. The bell has already rung and the hallway was empty, except on the times when some occasional student went to the toilet or something. But other than that, she was all alone. Like always. Refusing to talk, listen or think about anything that was bothering her right now, in this moment.
The tears had stopped soon but she was still sobbing like there was no end.
Trying to stand up was particularly hard this day, this moment. After two tries, she quickly gave up and decided to stay in there until the class ends. It's not like anyone could find her. She took that last thought right back when she saw the door opening slightly. A sigh was released from her mouth; she was trying hard to calm down faster than it was possible. A few seconds later, the door revealed one girl who, she thought, never would come in.
"What are you doing here?" Escaped Santana's lips, loud enough so that girl could hear her as she was walking up to her. The words spoken were not showing any signs of emotion. No hurt, anger or even annoyance. The girl who just entered the room was now sitting beside Santana and it didn't look like she was going to answer, so the ex-cheerleader spoke up, again with no emotion "Leave me alone, midget." The insult was pronounced lower, without any real motifs but to annoy the short girl that was not moving from her spot, even after the statement. They weren't moving for a couple of minutes when they both realized that the position they were in was making them rather uncomfortable. Rachel Berry was sitting only a meter away from Santana. The room was filled with silence until the shorter girl chose to stand up and go. She didn't really know why exactly she was there but she wasn't sure if she wanted to stay. That is, until Santana caught her by her hand, mumbling silently for her to stay and letting a single tear slide down her cheek. The diva did as she was told, this time sitting closer to Santana.
Within five minutes, Santana was crying again, but this time had Rachel to comfort her. She wasn't sure if the other girl knew why she was crying, or even why she is in janitor's closet, but stayed silent in a, now very comfortable, embrace of the shorter girl. Rachel rubbed Santana's back, which, surprisingly enough, calmed the Latina down.
Pulling out of the hug, Santana noticed that she wasn't the only one crying in the room. She rapidly decided to ignore it and continue staring into Rachel's eyes, which, she noticed, were beautiful. Without thinking too much, she pressed her lips to diva's and was surprised when the girl actually returned the kiss and, she had to admit, she knew what she was doing with those lips. For someone with hideous outfits, she sure is the best kisser I know, Santana thought during the kiss that was lasting longer than she intended it to be. It was supposed to be a distraction. From Brittany, that is. She never thought she would like it.
"I- " Santana started, only to find out that she didn't have a reason for kissing Rachel Berry. She didn't have an excuse, so she decided to stay quiet.
After the kiss, Rachel was confused more than ever. She didn't want to look at Santana, who was sitting still beside her, so she played with the ring on her finger. The silence in the room was slowly getting uncomfortable for both of them, so Rachel decided to break it.
"I'll just… go." Rachel stated as the bell rang, announcing the end of the class. But Santana didn't let her. As before, she held Rachel's hand to stop her. Only this time, it was because she wanted, no, needed to talk to her.
"She doesn't want me." Santana slowly whispered, with a sigh. It was clear to Rachel that she was talking about Brittany but being an outcast didn't really help in this situation. She didn't know anything about Santana and Brittany's relationship.
After a longer pause, still with a clueless expression, she answered "Everyone wants you. You know she loves you, it is pretty apparent that she really does. You have to- " With another kiss, Santana successfully silenced the shorter girl, this time lasting longer. She mumbled something about Rachel having to shorten her sentences but none of the girls were actually interested in talking now. They both enjoyed the kiss and didn't even bother stopping when the bell rang again, signaling the start of a new class. Biology, Rachel thought, I don't even need it.
Determined to continue the action, Santana was disappointed when it was Rachel who broke the kiss this time. "You don't want to do this with me now. I am not entirely sure if I am ready for a relationship. I will only break your heart." She said, making small pauses between the sentences. Not knowing what Rachel would say or do, she was somewhat scared of it.
"I might be able to take that risk." It was a short answer, which was very untypical for the diva. She figured, if Santana was changing for her, she could at least try and do the same.
The rest of the day, they spent in the closet, mainly hugging, with a few words exchanged and a couple of kisses. The presence of Rachel didn't annoy Santana anymore. She felt good with her. Rachel made her feel better. She made her feel like she was wanted and, for the first time in many years, Santana was safe in the arms of her lover. And she knew she had a lot of things to make up for. A lot of things she, immediately after the first kiss, regretted doing and planned to apologize for it every day, until she is sure Rachel really forgave her.
It wasn't as hard as she thought to forget about Brittany, but well… she could always blame it on the love.