He smiles at her when he gets back from his little stint in Juvie. He glares at Sam like he wants to rip his heart out, but he looks at her and smiles.
And it breaks her heart.
But, she isn't in love with him, okay?
She has the perfect Barbie doll boyfriend, she's finally regaining her spot on top on the social food chain, and everything was going perfect.
Because that's what she wanted, right? To slip back into her picture perfect life and have everyone forget about the last year.
She should just forget all about the secretly sweet bad-boy with the Mohawk. (Because it hurts, it hurts so much.) So, yeah, she remembered how he was there for her when the world was crashing down around her. Just, maybe, she remembered him catering to her insane midnight craving when she was pregnant (with his kid). And she remembered how she lived, stealing his food and his clothes and his bed, in his house because no matter how hard he tried to hide it, Noah Puckerman was a gentleman.
He was a closet nice guy, regardless of what people thought. He was a different person with her. Instead of the playboy, arrogant jerk that everyone knew, she saw him as the sweet guy he could be.
Sure, he was still an idiot who stole ATM machines, but...
But even if she tried to deny it, by dating a plastic Ken doll newbie who was a fresh start, but she's still linked to him (by Beth, their baby girl). And, okay, maybe she wants to be linked to him. Because they have that spark that isn't going to happen everyday.
She can avoid him all she wanted, and she does, but he was the only guy who would stick with her when she was a total mess. He had even gotten a icy blue slushy to the face for her.
If that isn't commitment, well, she's not sure what is. (Somehow she's not sure Sam would take slushy for her.)
And, babe, he said I love you
(Even though he didn't have to.)
Too bad she didn't say it back.
It's the Monday after Puck gets back from Juvie when she finds the first piece of sheet music in her locker, a song with a message hidden inside.
There's no signature on it, but she knows it came from Puck. Who else would know her well enough to stick perfectly chosen love songs in her locker? Trying, not to draw attention with her little grin, she starts reading the song. It's Separate Ways (Worlds Apart), by Journey. Typical.
Someday, love will find you / Break those chains that bind you / One night will remind you / How we touched and went our separate ways...
If he ever hurts you / True love won't desert you / You know I still love you / Though we touched and went our separate ways...
She tries not to notice how I still love you is underlined.
She feels bad about fooling around with Finn, she really does. But she sort of loved (liked) him once, so maybe she can again. And when they kissed, she felt... well, she doesn't want to say fireworks because that's not true. Sparklers maybe, she felt sparklers that little kids use on the Fourth of July.
(Plus, they're totally the next home-coming queen and king. She still cares about appearances, even if Mercedes tells her, she's too good for that.
But that was nothing compared to felt with Puck. When she so much as touched him, atomic bombs exploded inside of her. So, even though her heart isn't really in it, she meets Finn in the auditorium, kisses him, and she feels...nothing. She pushes him away and says she needs to sort out her feelings about him and Sam (and Puck. Well, mostly Puck...).
She walks out, her head spinning, but feeling good she didn't let it go any further.
And she gets Mono. Great. God is personally punishing her for cheating - again. Only she's cheating on her new boyfriend with her old boyfriend, while she's pining after a the father of her child, who she won't let herself have.
When did it all get so complicated?
After that she vows never to cheat again. Because it hurts her more than it's worth. Like having to give up her baby. (They say she's doesn't care about her little girl. They don't know shit.)
The only good thing about her day is Glee, of course, and the folded up little papers of sheet music. She keeps them safe inside a little red binder hidden in her bag. So far, Puck's left her the lyrics to Beautiful by Akon, Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy, and ... along with her Journey song.
She's still sketchy on her possible feelings for Finn, and completely ignoring her feelings for Puck, when Sam breaks up with her. Sure, she's a little pissed that Sam dumped her for Santana, but right now she could care less.
She does, although, care very much about the note in her her locker saying:
I love you, Quinn, but I can't wait forever for you to love me.
That and the fact that Puck started pursuing Lauren Zizes.
She's sitting all alone on a swing in the town park, swishing back and forth. The swing has chipped red and white paint, the seat have splinters, and the hinges creak. Sure, it's a total child safety hazard, but it makes her feel a little bit better. Or maybe it makes her feel even worse. Her senses are kind of frazzled by all the alcohol in her system. After Rachel's house party, that wasn't a total train-wreck after all, all of Glee club ended up drinking a lot the entire week. So, it was Alcohol Awareness Week... What better time to get wasted?
It's only two days after the party, and it's a baby's six-month birthday. That might not seem relevant but it happens to be her baby's six-month birthday. And she wasn't there. Her Beth was in a different home with a different mother, when she should have been the one cooing over how big her baby's getting and adjusting her cutesy little birthday hat, while Puck snaps pictures with the camera.
But seems like none of that's working out, Puck or Beth, and that hurts.
Sniffling, she pulled out her phone and finds the person she wants to see.
"Puck?"
"Quinn? What the...?" Puck sounded confused. Probably because it's two in the morning. Oops...
"Hey-y! it's so, it's so nice to hear you." She smiled into the phone.
"Quinn, god, are you drunk?" Puck asked her, patiently.
"Maybe. Don't judge, Puckerman." she said, her leather hiker boots dragging in the dirt. She's noticed that her style has gotten edgier since she quit the Cheerios. Pretty different than her original baby-doll dresses and flats look. She kind of knows the new style is the result of Puck's influence, a fact she can only admit to herself when she's buzzed.
"Never." he laughed into the phone. "Quinn, where are you? Let me take you home, please."
"Okay," she consented, twirling her curly blond hair.
"Where are you then?" he asked her.
"On a swing-set." she said, in a very matter-of-fact manner.
"In the park?" Puck asked again.
"No-oooo. On Mars." she shot back, swaying in the swing a little.
"Ha-ha. You're even sarcastic while drunk. Is there anything you can't do, Fabray?" Puck teased her.
"I can't love people the right way. I break everything I touch. I-I almost broke you." she finally said all that, and it felt like the world lifted off of her. But Puck had already hung up and was probably driving here to get her.
She just stared at the chipping red nail polish on her finger nails until the headlights of Puck's truck came up the road. He jumped out of the car and banged the door shut, then walked over to her. Hovering awkwardly for a moment, Puck finally sat down on swing next to her.
"What are you even doing here?" Puck asked her, staring out at the stars.
"Thinking." she responded simply, "About Beth,"
That catches him off guard. Beth is the ultimate don't-go-there for them, probably always will be. She inwardly winced as his brown eyes go dark and for a second she knows he still wishes they could've kept her. Most days she does, too.
He was silent for far too long, so she said, "Do you think we could've done it?"
"I... Yeah, we could've. She would've loved you, Q." Puck said quietly, as he discreetly grabbed her hand.
"You would've been a great dad. But, I-I think we did the right thing. Beth would have been juggled around while our moms watched her. We would have miss most her firsts." she said, fighting back tears, "But that doesn't make it hurt less."
The end of her words were lost to sobs, because even if she knew it was the right thing to do, everything hurt so bad. Puck just held her, the chains of their swings twisting together like her heart.
Puck kisses her. And it's like a thousand nuclear bombs exploded inside her head. But, when she looked up she saw Beth's big brown eyes.
And with tears sliding down her face, she whispered "I'm so sorry," and ran away. Puck knows he's not in picture (right now, but they both know he'll be back.) and she knows that.
But that doesn't make it hurt any less.
The next day she finds another piece of sheet music in locker. Carefully, she slipped out the paper.
If you change your mind, I'm first in line / Honey, I'm still free / Take a chance on me / If ya need me, let me know, gonna be around / If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down...
She crumples up the paper and shoves it back in her locker. She hates and loves how he can find songs that say what what they're both thinking inside.
But she also can help but wonder, as she walks to her third hour English class, if that means he's willing to give her a chance.
She was sitting in the auditorium, on the stage, because she didn't really feel like going to class. Out of instinct, she almost made a beeline to the bleachers in the gym like when she was a Cheerio. But those bleachers were filled with to many unpleasant memories, whereas just being in a place where New Directions had preformed made her smile.
She just sat, not completely sure if she should cry or laugh. (She's blaming the baby hormones for this one...)
Puck walked in, because he always know where to find her... and because he's been searching all day. "Quinn? Can we talk?"
"Sure," she smiled a little. Just seeing him made her heart soar.
"So.. we need to talk about last night." he said awkwardly, scratching his Mohawk.
"Yeah, so I should start with I'm sorry, Puck." she said apologetically. She can't seem to decide if it's a apology for drunkenly bringing up their daughter or for kissing him then running away. So, she doesn't specify.
"No, it's fine. I- We needed to talk about Beth. Get closure or some crap like that." Puck said, then paused, "And for, well, kissing you and all."
"I asked you if you loved me once." she said quietly, staring at her shoes.
"I still do, Quinn." Puck said firmly.
"I-I know. But I think I should answer that question myself..." she trailed off.
"Wait, what-"
But, he was cut off by her saying, "I love you!"
Smashing her lips against Puck's felt so good, so right. Better then kissing Finn or Sam, way better. Yep, she definitely loved him. A lot.
"I love you, too, always have." Puck smiled. "After all, you are my baby-mama."
"Don't ruin the moment, Puck." she warned, laughing.
He couldn't ruin this. It was her screwed up happily-ever-after.
But, y'know what? She wouldn't have it any other way.
Quinn/Finn and Puck/Lauren upset me. Greatly. So... I wrote a Quinn/Puck story. Problem solved.
Reviews are love.