Asuka Kazama Reads Her Fan Emails

Kazama family dojo in Osaka, Japan…

After a good training session with the few students remaining in the dojo, Asuka closed the doors. After eating only hot soba for dinner, Asuka got a phonecall on her cell. She was all alone. Her father was in another city visiting a sick friend, so she had the place to herself. Answering the phone, it was a magazine company covering the King of Iron Fist Tournament. They informed her that many fans from around the world were excited about her joining the tournament once more and that she should answer their email questions. Asuka responsed and said "sure". Once she ended the call, Asuka wasted no time turning on her computer and accessing the link that was sent as an email going directly to the email questions.

Asuka: "Whoa! Had no idea I had this many emails! Can't answer all of them but I'll do my best! So here we go!"

Email #1

Question: "Why did you decide to rejoin the King of Iron Fist Tournament?"

Asuka: "To stop those crazy Mishimas from messin' up the entire planet! I'm sick of it! Aren't you?"

Email #2

Question: "How old are you really?"

Asuka: "I'll be 18 pretty soon. And then I can drive!"

Email #3

Question: "Are you taking driving lessons now?"

Asuka: "Nope."

Email #4

Question: "What car would you like to have?"

Asuka: "I dunno, eh. Maybe Suzuki's."

Email #5

Question: "Why do you hate Jin Kazama?"

Asuka: "Cuz he's a bitch! That's why! He better be in this tournament! Otherwise I'll track him down and give him the ass whoopin' he really deserves!"

Email #6

Question: "Were you really raped by Feng Wei in the last tournament?"

Asuka: "Were did you hear that?! Feng assaulted me after I went to get my dojo sign back! He didn't rape me!"

Email #7

Question: "Did you get the dojo sign back?"

Asuka: "I did but. It was broken once I found it at Feng's temple."

Email #8

Question: "If you don't win the tournament, who would you like to see win it?"

Asuka: "Either Leo or Lars. I don't know Lars that well, but I heard he was really strong. Leo because she's been through a lot of shit lately. I should call her and cheer her up."

Email #9

Question: "Ling Xiaoyu wants to know if you have seen your cousin Jin over the past year?"

Asuka: "Last time I've seen him in person was at the Arena last year in Tokyo. Don't know where he is now. I hope he drops dead. The bitch!"

Email #10

Question: "Sup Asuka it's Hwoarang! Say I need a place to crash in case I go broke in Japan once the tournament starts. Can I stay at your place in Osaka?"

Asuka: "Nope. Sorry."

Email #11

Question: "What's it like protecting the innocent against the bad guys?"

Asuka: "There's no other feeling like it. It's a rush I can't describe other than it makes me feel alive! So many people need help in this world! As a martial artist, I can't just sit idly by and not try to do my part by making the world a safer place today than it was yesterday!"

Email #12

Question: "Lili Rochefort just joined the tournament because she found out you were going too. She was once your partner in the last tournament. What was that like?"

Asuka: "Pure nightmare! She followed me everywhere I went during our time as partners. Even when I went back home, she starts following my every move here too, picking fights with me when she gets bored or offended if I don't agree with her opinions. Such a spoiled bitch! I was so happy when her father finally called her personally and told her to go back to Monaco for her home schooling. I don't even care if she's at the tournament, but I'm gonna avoid her like the plague she is!"

Email #13

Question: Random "Question here. WCW or WWE?"

Asuka: "WCW! NWO 4 Life!"

Email #14

Question: "Hate you burst your bubble Asuka. I just found out Feng Wei will be in the tournament. Will you need extra lubricant in your fight against him?"

Asuka: "Fuck off troll!"

Email #15

Question: "How did you boobs get so big?"

Asuka: "I dunno. I just have them."

Email #16

Question: "Iron Man is going to be a woman. Think you can be like a superhero?"

Asuka: "Fuck yeah! I'm already a superhero here in Osaka! I don't need gadgets! Ironman who?"

Email #17

Question: "Do you consider yourself an alpha girl?"

Asuka: "Fuck yeah!"

Email #18

Question: "What other sports are you into?"

Asuka: "I like bike riding, football, dodgeball, basketball, softball, swimming, eh anything else? Oh yeah, tennis but I'm bad at ping pong."

Email #19

Question: "Who was your toughest opponent in the tournament?"

Asuka: "Hate to admit but Heihachi is pretty damn strong."

Email #20

Question: "Will you marry me Asuka? I'm your biggest fan! I can't take my eyes off you!"

Asuka: "Eh, I don't know you!"

Email #21

Question: "You have any crushes in the tournament?"

Asuka: "None of your business creep!"

Email #22

Question: "Can we see you boobs Asuka?"

Asuka: "What a bunch of weenies! Ok, maybe if the fans ask two more times then I'll flash."

Email #23

Question: "Tell us who is the most beta male in Tekken?"

Asuka: "Forest Law. Guy's a doofus."

Email #24

Question: "What stories have you heard about your aunt Jun Kazama and what would you tell her now if she were alive once again?"

Asuka: "I never met her in person, but daddy would always leave every year to Yakushima and visit auntie Jun. By the time she was 18 Jun had already started working with the WWWC as an intern and then became a full time employee at 20. So she was always busy with work, always on the move, never having enough time to come to Osaka. Then I found out she died suddenly. I was sad because I heard now kind she was but also how awesome she was at fighting. If auntie were still alive today, then I would definitely visit her and tell her how much I love her. Only negative is that her son is Jin! What an asshole!"

Email #25

Question: "During the last tournament what was the most annoying thing Lili did to you?

Asuka: "The one thing she would always make me do was drink tea! I fuckin' hate tea! Every afternoon if we weren't going anywhere that day, we would have tea time and I never wanted to drink it! I would get her butler to give me water or a lemonade along with the tea because I would never finish the tea! So gross!"

Email #26

Question: "PLEASE SHOW US YOUR BOOBS!"

Asuka: "Hmmm…maybe."

Email #27

Question: "Can you tell us your measurements?"

Asuka: "Last time I checked it was 90cm chest, 66cm waist, and 85cm on my hips.

Email #28

Question: "Have you heard of Kazumi Mishima?"

Asuka: "Yeah just recently. She is Heihachi's wife? I mean how did she come back into the living? Shit is creepy I'd say! I hope's she not as evil as the other Mishimas!"

Email #29

Question: "Have you seen footage of the new fighters in the tournament?"

Asuka: "Nope. Should I be worried?"

Email #30

Question: "How easy is it to break a bone in a fight?"

Asuka: "It's all about where you target your attack. You'd be surprise how easy it can be to crack a few bones on your opponent."

Email #31

Question: "Which high school do you attend? Have you been to Mishima Polytechnic? Are you in the same grade as Xiaoyu?"

Asuka: "I go to Tennoji High. I have been to Mishima Polytech before on a special all girls meeting for athletes. It's also the same place where I got into a fight with Lili. Anyway Xiaoyu is a grade ahead of me. She graduated not too long ago. Now she's going to university. Forget where though."

Email #32

Question: "How tough is it being a gang mediator?"

Asuka: "It can be tough, since Osaka is a big city and all. Can't be at three or four places at once. Not everybody is safe from the ruffians so I do the best I can to be there on time and lend a helping hand against the bullies."

Email #33

Question: "Are you bisexual or a lesbo?"

Asuka: "I'm a do-sexual! I do anything I want!"

Email #34

Question: "Lili has a crush on you. Do you feel the same way about her?"

Asuka: "Nope. I could care less."

Email #35

Question: "For the third time Asuka Kazama! Show us your Boobs!"

Asuka: *Sighs* "Okay, I did promise!" (Takes off her tanktop, no bra, flashing her D cups in front of her webcam for a picture). "There now! You happy? Still can't get them! Nananana nana!" (Grinning.)

Email #36

Question: "Who do you think has the biggest cock in Tekken? No homo."

Asuka: "Err…let's see. I heard Kazuya was big. I guess every Mishima is abnormally big. The Kings are big, that Australian guy is big, and I know Bruce Irvin is big. And that's a gay question to be asking anyway, homo!"

Email #37

Question: "Have you met Alisa yet?"

Asuka: "No not in person. I've seen her fight thought. A tough opponent for sure."

Email #38

Question: "Admit it. Feng Wei sodomized you after you interrupted his training didn't you?"

Asuka: "You're wrong asshole! It never happened like that!"

Email #39

Question: "Shows us your boobs again Asuka!"

Asuka: "Too bad so sad. Maybe next time!"

Email #40

Question: "Did you know Lili was making an album?"

Asuka: "A music album? Hope it fails honestly."

Email #41

Question: "How many boards can you break at once with a single punch?"

Asuka: "Over 10 ten easy. Might try 20!"

Doorbell rings…

Asuka: "I wonder who that is? I guess I can come back and read this stuff later."

To be continued?