['sterben für dich' = 'to die/dying for you']
First fanfic I ever completed/published, written for the kink meme. Thought it was a good point to get started on here as well.
Admittedly, it ended up a tad bit longer than intended, but it was a lot of fun. Plus I can now make my first story a multi-chapter one!
Disclaimer: Be glad I don't own Hetalia, 'cause otherwise it would be historically accurate and nerdy enough to make you want to put on horn-rims and bow ties.
Opinions mentioned in this are obviously not mine, and solely serve the purpose of making this realistic. :) Translations and a bunch o' historical notes at the bottom.
Hope you like!
1. Of Blindness
Nervous feet shuffled across the ground as the boy made his way over to the massive wooden desk placed at the far end of the room. The walls looked shabby, the carpet on the floor had been crumpled by numerous boots having stomped over it throughout the day, but still it was all too apparent the room had been the office of a fairly wealthy man sometime back. The shelves on the right, laden with expensive looking books bound in leather, were only one of the indicators of the past.
Now, however, signs of the former occupiers of the dwelling had diminished, as the people, whoever they might have been, had betaken themselves to flight.
Ludwig's steps created a soft pattern of tapping as he went, slowly toward the other person occupying the abode. The white-haired man sat at the desk, watching him with a tinge of derision clouding his red eyes.
"Bruder" Ludwig said, his voice a hushed tone, almost a whisper. He climbed the stool at the opposite side of the table, so as to face the other. For a while that seemed to stretch out into forever, Prussia did not care to give a response. Instead, he flattened the numerous maps strewn out across the tabletop, picked up a quill, about to add a note somewhere on one of them, until laying it down again. Finally, he turned to look at Ludwig.
"Hallo, kleines Kaiserreich."
For some odd reason, Ludwig felt pride, if not a bit of fear bubbling up in his guts at the untimely nickname. His brother deemed him something he wasn't, yet, but he knew that he, Ludwig, would try. Try to make the elder proud, try to become more than he was now, a personification without a meaning, an empty shell. Simply Ludwig instead of Germany, even though the realization of being a nation had long since taken a hold of him.
Which brought him to the purpose of why he had come to see his brother in first place.
Ludwig wasn't an antsy boy by any means, yet he could not help the odd sentiment of nervousness creeping up on him when talking to authority, even if they were only human. That, or the man, the nation, that had grown to be his guardian over the few decades his memory reached into the past. His brother, as he liked to believe. Somehow, his fingers found their way to the edge of the table, gripping it anxiously, while Ludwig braced himself to ask his brother the question he had long since wanted to ask and-
Prussia stood up, rounded the table and took position right next to where Ludwig sat, pulling one map closer to them by the hem of it.
"See this?"
Ludwig nodded at his brother's pointing at one of the small dots signifying a city. Spichern.
"Ja, it was where we won a month ago." And where I was left behind while you fought, was what he wanted to add, but the discipline he had been so deliberately inculcated thwarted the remark.
Instead, he muttered, "Weißenburg was next. Then Wörth. And now we are here." Ludwig's index finger found the word 'Metz', written in neat print a mere inch away from the French border, a thick stroke in black ink, barely putting across its significance.
Prussia gave an approving nod, brushing silvery strands of hair out of his vision. Ludwig knew some greatly despised his brother's looks, the way etiquette seemingly went uncared for when it came to him – Prussia didn't spare it even a mere thought, though, never did, simply went on with his sluggish appearance of messy hair and no beard, not even the tiniest moustache. His attitude all but made up for it.
Ludwig envied him that confidence.
"I see you really care for what we are doing here. Our purpose. Your purpose." Prussia began to walk around the room, made his way over to the shelf and took out one of the books to weigh it in his grasp.
He took in the title with attentive red eyes, opened the book and turned one or two of the pages, asking, "Say, Kleiner, do you know French?"
Ludwig shook his head vehemently. "All I know is what you taught me. And there wasn't any French among that." The hint of irony coating his words had slipped out unintentionally, and Ludwig bit down sharply on his bottom lip, inwardly cursing himself. He knew that if there was one thing Prussia couldn't stand, it was critique, or quips, however subtle, directed at him.
But Prussia laughed. It was an unsettling bark of a laugh, that much was true, and still, Ludwig's mouth broadened into a relieved smile of sorts.
"And I wouldn't want you to, Luddie. Shame on me for knowing it." Almost derogatorily, he threw the book back onto its shelf. For a second, something other than anger flashed through his eyes, and hadn't Ludwig been sure of the sheer impossibility of it, he could have sworn it was regret.
Prussia huffed, as if to get rid of unwanted thoughts and emotions, and returned to his chair at the desk.
"And tomorrow…where will we be tomorrow? Where are the Frogs now?"
His gaze found Ludwig's, and the younger automatically found his attention directed at the maps in front of him again. Some were messily penciled whereas others had been all too carefully constructed, showing the smallest of details. It was on one of the latter that Ludwig eventually made out the dot labeled 'Sedan', a little further northward. He pointed at a spot directly beneath it.
"Hier."
"Exactly." Prussia grinned smugly as he leaned back, folding his hands behind his head.
"And tomorrow, Kaiserreich, we are going to win."
Ludwig's sudden burst of excitement at his brother's statement mingled with the still remaining question of 'What do you mean by we?'
"We've got it all planned out" Prussia proceeded, misreading his brother's troubled expression, "So fear not," – a sneer- "everything will go just as planned. The French are but a weak pile of cowards."
And with that, he buttoned up his blue – Prussian blue – coat and got up once more, ruffling Ludwig's hair and advancing towards the door that hung askew in its angles. Ludwig's eyes widened as he realized he had probably missed his chance once again, and tomorrow would be yet another day of fearsome waiting and distant twinges indicating his soldiers' deaths, another battle that, to him, meant doing nothing–
"Preußen, wait!"
The elder stopped dead in his tracks upon hearing himself called by his nation name, something that Ludwig had not done in a long while – it was always Gilbert, or Bruder, but never Preußen.
"Ludwig?"
"I wanted to ask you something."
The blond took a deep breath, and another. "I- I want to come with you tomorrow. I want to fight. I mean, I have – I have – you've trained me enough, I know how to-"
Then, Prussia chuckled, and this time, it did not inflate to that uncanny laugh from earlier, but actually stayed what it was.
"I thought I made that clear already. I said," here, he left a meaningful gap in between his words, possibly to tantalize Ludwig simply for the fun of seeing his agog expression, "we will win tomorrow."
And with that, Prussia sent him another of those smug grins of his, mixed with a hidden sentiment of fondness tugging at his features, before opening the door and finally stepping across the threshold, leaving Ludwig alone, with a frantically beating heart and anticipation already washing over him in waves.
Ludwig would have preferred the rest of the day to pass in a blur, but he was soon to realize things did not work in his favor. The moment he emerged from the battered house, he was greeted with the sight of men in muddy blue military uniforms marching through the streets of the small village, some in better moods than others, whose postures had taken on a certain hint of a bored or irritated slouch. Some soldiers, he knew, were tired of besieging the city of Metz, the single cottages they had occupied no longer providing them with the alternation in daily routine they craved– others thought it a matter of time, and only that. The French would give in, sooner or later.
He wondered whether they knew their victory wasn't stable yet, what with the hostile troops approaching the area. He was aware of how there was merely a slim chance of their enemies winning left, and he truly would have liked to share that optimism his brother always seemed to draw out of nowhere, but the anxious nagging of fear wouldn't leave.
This was his future being decided here, and he wanted to – no, he would take part in settling the outcome of it all.
Walking alongside the dusty pavement, Ludwig attracted the gazes of one passerby or another, by the way he looked like a mere kid, not quite an adolescent yet, dressed in fine clothes and acting as though he belonged here, something most men within the military did not seem able to place.
He had learned to shrug it off over the weeks, but it still unsettled him more than he liked to admit. And if there was one wish that was forming more and more clearly at the back of his mind, it was that he could not wait to grow up, to become strong, to finally fit in, in this world Prussia felt so at home in.
Right now, however, he had to deal with all the situations his outward appearance got him into, which also meant accepting the way the woman that had spotted him from the other side of the street walked over and pulled him in for a hug, like the little boy he wasn't.
The little boy he wasn't compared to a human, but alas, the woman was not.
"There you are, Ludwig!"
Bavaria had the deepest blue eyes he had ever seen, and definitely the toothiest grin. And the biggest soft spot for treating him like her son.
Said quirk had him seated in a large kitchen only just half an hour later. Bavaria had made the house it belonged to her home of sorts the moment it had fallen into German hands, and was now busily preparing his dinner, as she always seemed to feel the need to do, every single day since they had arrived here. Ludwig wouldn't lie, sometimes he would have preferred to spend the evenings with Prussia, time filled with endless discussions on battle tactics, but mostly, Bavaria's unofficial arrangement felt like a temporary relief to him.
The large plate of potatoes and sauerkraut set down in front of him five minutes later only steadied that particular opinion. Bavaria smiled at him, and Ludwig suddenly noticed the way some of her dark blond hair had come loose from its braids, how her chipper mood appeared to be more forced than normally.
She sat down next to him, but instead of her usual behavior, namely fussing over him while he ate, she merely leaned back and let out an exasperated groan.
"What did he tell you this time?"
'He' referred to Prussia – it always did.
"…he told me about tomorrow" Ludwig answered through a mouthful of mashed potatoes, which muffled his words to a level of ridiculousness.
Bavaria laughed, the sound of it seeming partly faked, "What else?"
Ludwig swallowed before answering, "That we are going to win?"
Another groan. "I expected as much. Ludwig…?" "Mhhh…" "Did he also tell you to come with him?"
He reckoned a simple, pointed look was enough to answer the question.
With a sudden expression of uneasiness and irritation wrenching her features, Bavaria yanked on her braids and slumped down onto the rough table, elbows first. Ludwig briefly wondered whether she now had arms full of splinters or not.
"Ludwig, I don't like it. I don't like- Look at you! You're a boy! There are men dying out there, my men are dying out there, and they did never…they don't want to…"
She seemed at a loss for words, sunken down as she was. Sympathy for her was still a difficult thing to conjure up, especially now that Ludwig had been confirmed in his suspicions of this not truly being about him, but herself, her Bavarians.
Still…
"Es tut mir Leid. But I need to…I want to do this." He strained to give his voice a layer of absolute sureness, avoiding all advances of Bavaria's distress acquiring a grip on him as well.
The woman nodded as well as possible with her head still lying on the table top, one hand fisting slightly –
"You're a lot like him, you know that."
It wasn't a question, and neither were there hints of anger or admiration weaved into her statement. Ludwig smiled nonetheless. Even though it had never been a compliment in first place - he still wanted to regard it as such. "I guess so."
The answer received was a long, tired sigh, followed by a mask of fatigue, and eventually a defeated smile.
Bavaria finally straightened up again, flattened her skirts with a practiced hand and collected Ludwig's plate with the other. The dishes were carelessly thrown into the sink – anything here was borrowed, as most put it, so chores such as cleaning went uncared for.
For a moment, he watched her profile, sharp against the evening light streaming in through the window behind her. Her plump lips had settled in a sharp line, eyelids closed halfway, creating an overall expression of resignation on her freckled face.
"Go to bed, Ludwig. Tomorrow will be a long day." She did not look at him, her sudden acceptance not seeming entirely honest.
Ludwig was sure he would not be able to sleep, anyway, but when Bavaria opened the door to the hallway the gesture practically screamed for him to leave and try, an unmistakable beacon for her wanting him out of sight, for a while. What happened instead, however, was someone else entering the house, the sound of long, confident strides reverberating in the hallway. The man's presence immediately brought a smile to Ludwig's face and a frown to Bavaria's.
"Would you stop barging into my house like some-"
Prussia's eyes glistened with amusement as he shrugged off his coat and threw it over the kitchen bench, sending Ludwig a wink before turning to face his sister.
"Your house? Tell this the poor schmuck it belonged to before you decided to set up your little…care station here." The last part of the sentence was added after Prussia had thrown a sententious look over to the oven and sink. "By the way, still got some of that?" He gestured to one of the pots.
"Nein, it was my soldiers' food. You're not getting any."
Prussia merely shrugged. "Too bad" he said, putting an emphasis on the careless ring to it, before slumping down next to Ludwig and putting an arm around his shoulders. Ludwig looked from Prussia to Bavaria and back, noticed his brother's triumphant smirk as well as his sister's annoyed pout.
"I just talked to General von Moltke-" – Bavaria rolled her eyes – "and he is looking forward to you coming with us tomorrow. 'Can't wait too long to show the youth what really matters.'", Prussia added in a strikingly exact imitation of the General's voice. He grinned at Ludwig, patted his head and maybe, just maybe, put on a bit too much of a show on how they were the best of brothers, or rather, on just how well he was doing with his upbringing. Ludwig could not deny how he was getting more and more confused by his brother's antics, the unexpected shows of affection to an extent he was not used to in the least.
Bavaria, however, seemed very well able to make sense of it, if the look of hatred she threw Prussia was anything to go by.
"Do you have any idea how you're influencing him?"
"Oh, as if you're not." Prussia got up from where he sat and took a step toward Bavaria, tension building up between them in a way that was almost tangible.
"At least I wasn't the one to start this madness!"
Ludwig realized this wasn't about him any longer, not directly. Attentively, he watched the two glare daggers at each other, Bavaria placing her hands on her hips and Prussia's snarl deepening, eyebrows knitting together.
"Oh, but I wasn't the one to willingly offer becoming Francis' little whore even when-"
"Take that back."
And with that, she spurted forwards, resulting in her and Prussia toppling to the ground, where she pinned his wrists to the tiles, furious expression never leaving her face.
"But there is no denying it, nicht wahr? Your queer of a king knew from the very beginning that there was no future for your little…alliance, and yet…" Prussia licked his lips, trademark smirk dominating his mimic even now. For the fragment of a second, Bavaria looked flabbergasted, before finally regaining composure and hissing, "Gottverdammter Saupreiß, du elendes-"
"Oh Bayern," Prussia interrupted her in a provoking purr, "I love it when you're feisty. Just wait, you'll be a wonderful part of the Reich."
This was obviously the point where he had originally planned to push her off, but instead, she got to her feet even before he could, and, in one swift, practiced movement, kicked him in the crotch.
Prussia let out a pained shriek that quickly diminished into a garbled hiss, thanks to year-long practice of self-control. Ludwig could not remember to have ever seen a look quite as full of animosity on his face before, and shrank back into the cushions of his chair, quite intensely imagining his brother's pain.
"That's it. I'm leaving." Bavaria straightened up, head held high as proudly as possible, given the tears of anger leaking at the corners of her eyes. "Oh wait, this is my house. You're leaving!" Ludwig stared at her with wide, shocked eyes. Then, he glanced at Prussia, who was still lying on the ground, but now slowly attempted to get up by using the table for support.
"Come on, Ludwig. You heard her." Prussia donned his coat again, struggling to keep up his façade of bored casualness, even though Ludwig did not miss the way the corners of his mouth still twitched, due to the merely gradually fading pain he must be experiencing.
Ludwig simply nodded, carefully sliding off the chair.
"Oh, you don't have to." Bavaria's much too sweet smile hit him unprepared, and it took him a long moment to finally avert his eyes. Her face fell. "Alright then."
He did not know whether that truly meant she accepted his decision, but before he could ponder on the subject further, Prussia had all but hauled him through the door, slamming it shut behind them.
"I knew I could rely on you, Kleiner."
The hint of a satisfied smile wouldn't leave Prussia's face as they made their way back to their dwelling. Ludwig eyed him suspiciously, because how could they now be certain of the result of the upcoming battle, without the Bavarian troops for support? How could his brother's mood be so carefree?
His worries were confirmed when somewhere in the distance, gunfire went off. Yet another response to a French attempt at gaining ground , and he had no way of knowing which side would win – but he knew that there was no sense in asking for Prussia's thoughts on the topic; he would always claim that it had to be their own soldiers, period.
Ludwig did decide to state something else, though, a matter that had outright refused to leave him alone ever since they had left Bavaria's house.
"Gilbert?"
"Ja?"
"I think what you did was really stupid."
Ludwig avoided his brother's gaze as they walked on, but still sensed the slight tensing of the man next to him, before an amused chuckle reached his ears. This time, it did turn into a full-blown laugh, and before he knew it, a deep blush had crept onto his face out of embarrassment.
"Was?"
"You think that just because she freaked her men won't fight tomorrow?"
"…Yes?"
"Oh Ludwig."
An explanation was likely to follow, Ludwig assumed. And so he waited. And waited. But when they had almost reached their destination, and Prussia had yet to answer, he realized that if he wanted to find out more, he probably had to ask. Sometimes his brother had such difficulties with sharing information if there was no further inquiring.
"What do you mean?"
Prussia sighed, about to say something, when just as they had arrived in front of 'their' house, a group of soldiers walked by, rifles swung over their shoulders. They greeted Prussia as one of their own, as though it was the most self-evident gesture in the world. A little taken aback, Ludwig realized that they had to be entirely unaware of his –their– true nature. Prussia grinned back and raised his hand curtly – a subtle, covert kick in the shin told Ludwig to do the same. He did his best to obey and force a smile onto his face despite his inner turmoil, but the notion of how manners were so irritating to handle when you weren't in the mood for it struck him all the same.
A few moments later, he was ushered inside through the only sparsely damaged door by his brother. Once in the house, Prussia kicked off his boots and walked over to what had once been some sort of parlor, without as much as waiting for Ludwig.
Said one hurried behind, all but yelling, "Hey, you didn't answer my question!"
His brother suddenly gripped the doorframe he was standing in, apparently not having expected Ludwig to be quite as obstinate on the matter. But his moment of trepidation went as quickly as it had come, and he relaxed once more.
"You can't always decide, Ludwig."
"What?"
"As daft as it sounds, we're just nations. Our opinions weigh nothing, with the wrong leader. Ah, and most of the time, friendships among ourselves don't, either." Prussia had crouched a bit, so as to be at eye level with Ludwig.
Extracting the sense from his brother's words took the younger some effort, still unused to the basic concept of his being as he was, but as he did, his eyes dilated. "You mean there's a difference between what we want and what our people wish for?"
"Yes, well…something like that. At times there is." Prussia scratched the back of his head, momentarily looking upset.
"I have something for you" he quickly said, almost as if to help himself to get over the burst of emotion.
Ludwig tried to guess what it could be, both what Prussia was trying to keep from him and what it was he was about to be given, as the other practically skipped over to the footlocker he had placed next to his bedstead. It was an old, wooden box he had probably kept from a time Ludwig had no memory of. Unoiled hinges creaked as it was opened.
The pile of clothes Prussia eventually fetched from it after some rummaging was unexpected, though - almost a minute passed before Ludwig understood the meaning of it all. It was a uniform. His uniform.
Face shining with excitement, he took it from Prussia, who grinned.
Ludwig brushed one hand over the rough fabric with an expression full of awe and solemnity. It was almost comical. Ever since the day Prussia had first given him a weapon to hold, he had, in a way, imagined what it would feel like to go to battle. The sheer inebriation of atmosphere, merged with an unyielding sensation of anxiousness buried deep within, adding to the experience of it all – sure, he had heard of it, and yet he could not quite believe it was about to become reality at last.
"I hope it fits. There's no way of knowing if you don't stop staring and try it on, though."
Ludwig blushed as he was ripped from his moment of contemplation, but a few minutes later he stood there, wearing a military uniform of his own for the very first time in his – going by a nation's standards – short life. Of course it fit - Prussia rarely ever made mistakes when it came to such things.
Before he knew it, pride flooded Ludwig's senses, as he ran his hands over the double row of silver buttons and over the dark blue trousers. He had to look quite dashing, he guessed, with an untypical huge, nearly childish grin plastered to his face.
For once, Prussia didn't smirk, or sneer. He simply smiled.
"I think you look older." It was obvious that he knew exactly what Ludwig wanted to hear, and the fact that it went hand in hand with the truth was quite convenient.
And then there was something else, something akin to a soft remembrance eliciting the sudden glimmer in the Prussian's eyes as he took in the sight of the young blond boy, standing there proudly and ready to go to war, to stand up for his beliefs. Blue eyes shone with a newfound focus, observing an enemy somewhere far off, lining the horizon - everything about Ludwig suddenly radiated an uncommon sense of optimism, and it was so unlike his usual attitude, but rather-
"You remind me of someone" was all Prussia offered in place of an explanation, not without pride, and Ludwig knew immediately it would be left at that this time.
For some odd reason, he found himself accepting it as a compliment without further ado.
"I still can't believe it" he mumbled, more to himself than anyone else.
Prussia laughed, "You'll have to, eventually."
The cue needed to snap them out of their moment had come in the form of the sun being in the midst of withdrawing completely, resulting in the room darkening by the minute.
The thoughts of what the following day had in store for him did not fade, even as Ludwig forcefully tried to let himself be overpowered by sleep. Prussia had once again gone off to one last conference for the day, apparently immune to fatigue. Ludwig had played with the thought of asking to accompany him, but eventually, he had decided against it - sleep was probably the best option for him at the moment, as loath as he was to admit.
He glanced at his new uniform, lying next to his cot, neatly folded.
Still, or already, his mind was filled with images of himself and Prussia on a battlefield, then a victory celebration.
Without intention, the sleep he needed was kept at bay, and Ludwig tossed and turned in bed for another hour or more, until finally, finally, his thoughts faded to black and he was able to get some rest.
TBC
I know Bavaria is a dude in canon, but I know nothing about him and always thought of Bavaria as a girl, so there. :D
Translations:
Kaiserreich – empire (kleines Kaiserreich = little empire)
Es tut mir Leid. – I'm sorry.
Bayern - Bavaria
Nicht wahr? – Isn't that true?
gottverdammter Saupreiß (Bavarian) – goddamn Prussian (even though I have no idea whether it was ever used that way)
Kleiner – little one
Historical Background:
The Battle of Sedan was part of the Franco-Prussian War (1870/71), and the battle that eventually enabled the defeat of the French and the foundation of Germany (Deutsches Kaiserreich back then), meaning the union that came into existence from the large number of German duchies and the like. The war was begun by France, but had originally been provoked by Bismarck's Ems dispatch.
These scenes take place during the Siege of Metz, during which the Prussian Third Army had already started to march towards the French approaching the city to end the siege - apparently, Napoleon III's troops were on their way to Metz, but terribly exhausted.
Germany is referred to simply as 'Ludwig', because, well, he wasn't really Germany at that time. In my headcanon, he came into existence/was reincarnated/woke up again/whatever (whether or not you support the Germany-is-HRE-theory doesn't matter here) around the time the idea of a united Germany truly began to spread, sometime in the middle of the 19th century. Of course, Prussia recognized the little guy's purpose and declared himself his guardian – after all, he was the driving force behind the whole there-needs-to-be-one-strong-united-Germany thing (okay, Bismarck was, but oh well).
Also, the rivalry between Prussia and Bavaria truly did play a rather important role regarding this particular war and the events directly before it - that's why I'm making such a big point of it here.
Basically, it was that Bavaria had been forced to establish alliances with the North German Confederation after the Fraternal War (1866; Prussia vs. Austria), but Ludwig/Louis II (= king of Bavaria, duh), still tried to become Napoleon III's ally just a few years before the outbreak of the Franco-Prussian war, to prevent the idea of a unified Germany from becoming reality (because in his opinion, the Bavarians would lose their national identity when entering such a union…and he would lose his power, just as a side note). In the end, however, they were forced to go to war alongside Prussia and the other German nations due to the alliances mentioned earlier (as though that had not been predictable), and at some point, the overall excitement about kicking some French ass dispread among Bavarians as well.
Ludwig II was now forced to participate in the impending war even by his own citizens - his thoughts: 'then let's at least be best at it'.
What I'm saying is that Prussia and Bavaria practically were like the fucked-up not-quite-couple competing for their child's affection (aka supremacy among the states of the future nation of Germany), Prussia with all means of militarism and Bavaria in a more subtle, 'let me take over responsibility' kind of way. Guess who won.