How To Torture The X-Men

(Featuring Decaydance bands and me... YAY ME!)

I own me... and some characters that you have never heard of. Other than that I'm just a broke Decaydace/X-Men fan from the hellhole called Indiana.

(After Apocalypse was defeated, the X-Men returned to a normal (well normal for them) life. One particular day they were all sitting around for breakfast... AND THIS IS WHERE I COME IN TO RUIN THEIR LIVES!!! evil laugh

Me (Voice): Ello mates.

Alex: Did you guys hear that?

Kurt: I only heard it if you heard it.

Me: How are all of you mutiez doing today?

Wolverine: WHO ARE YOU!?

Me: Shut up James.

Wolverine: Who's James

Me: You... I know all about your past.

Wolverine: YEAH RIGHT!

Me: James Patricia Howlett, was born in Canada. Then one day, an evil man named Mr. Mann.

Kitty: His name is mann?

Me: SHUT UP SLUT!

Kitty: I'M NOT A SLUT!

Me: BACK ONTO TOPIC! After you were kidnapped by the evil man you were forced to teach.

Wolverine: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wait... what do you mean by that?

Me: You were a substitute teacher... With minimum wage.

Wolverine: AHHHHH!!!!!!!! THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Wanna know the worst part is?

Wolverine: (Shakes head no)

Me: You taught at the hell hole of a school called Craig Middle School. IN INDIANA!!!!!
Wolverine: INDIANA IS THE MOST BORING STATE IN THE WORLD!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Me: (Evil Laugh)

Kitty: Wait what does that have to do with him getting his metal skeleton?

Me: I'LL TELL YOU SLUT IF YOU SHUT UP!!!

Kitty: I AM NOT A SLUT!!!!

Me: Sure... Okay... While you were teaching, another evil man known as Mr. Knoderererererererer fired you because you because you were a suck ass teacher. And you got all depressed... You drank a lot of beer, then you became so drunk you thought you had a metal skeleton.

Wolverine: But I do have a metal skeleton.

Me: No you don't... You just imagined it. And you're not even a mutant. You are just a dumb ass Canadian substitute teacher.

Rogue: HOW IN HELL ARE WE GONNA BELIEVE YOU!!!! WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE!

Me: SHUT UP! THE ONLY REASON YOU ARE SAYING THAT WOLVIE WILL FUCK YOU NOW THAT YOU TOOK THE CURE!

Rogue:...

Me: And to prove me right... Behind door number one is Warren's daddy!

Mr. Worthington: (Comes from a door that magically appears next to the regular door) Hey... what am I doing here?

Me: I summoned you.

Bobby: You can't do that!

Me: SHUT UP BOOBERT! I AM THE GODDAMN AUTHOR!

Wolverine: WE ARENT IN A BOOK!

Me: Of course not... You are in fanfiction.

Wolverine: What the hell!

Me: SHUT UP WOLVIE BEFORE I PAIR YOU UP WITH MR. KNODERERERERERERER.

Wolverine: I don't even remember the damn man!

Me: (Smirks) Well... He's short, like you. And he has the gay voice. AND HE IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING!! I MEAN WHO ACTUALLY GIVES A DAMN ABOUT THE DUMB HIGHFIVE. I'D LIKE TO TAKE ONE OF THOSE HIGH FIVE POSTERS AND STICK IT UP HIS FATASS!!!!

(Every X-men person stares at her)

Me: Whoops sorry... Had a moment there. Now let's bring out person from door number two!

Mr. Knodererererer: (Comes out from a door that magically appears) What the heck? (Sees Wolverine) JAMES!!!! (Goes and hugs him)

Wolverine: (In shock) ... Ugh...

Bobby: Wow he is a short ugly guy.

Mr. Knoderererer: (Stares at Bobby) That is not very respectful young man.

Bobby: Respectful my ass.

Storm: Bobby, respect your elders.

Me: Shut up Stormie.

Storm: (Crying) HOW DARE YOU TELL ME TO SHUT UP!!!

Kitty:... Storm are you okay?

Me: Yes little slut Stormie is fine.

Storm: HOW DO YOU KNOW!!!?

Me: Because I know your best kept secret and your biggest mistake.

Storm:... You do not!!!

Me: SHUT BEFORE I TELL EVERYONE!

Storm: (Crying) sorry, sorry, sorry.

Me: HAHAHAHA! I control you all!!!! FEAR ME!!!!!

Kitty: Pshhhh... You don't scare me.

Me: (Smirks) Maybe I don't... But I know someone who does.

Kitty: And who is that?

Me: I'll give you a hint.
(All of the sudden Dance Dance starts playing)

Kitty: (Falls over from shock) HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT!?

Me: (Laughing) I know all! And to help you guys guess the next person.. Here is Vana White!

(Vana White appears with the Wheel of Fortune equipment)

Bobby: YAY I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!

Me: Vana... You know what I'm thinking right?

Vana: Of Course. (She goes over to the board thingy and makes a three word phrase)

Me: The little slut, I mean Kitty isn't allowed to say who it is.

Kitty: I CAN JUST YELL IT OUT RIGHT NOW IT'S F... (All of the sudden she falls asleep)

Me: Oh yeah! I love to be in control.

Vana: (Smiling) Okay who would like to guess the first letter.

Bobby: L!

(Jean and Scott come in)

Rogue: Where were you guys at?

Jean: (Blushes) Upstairs.

Me: Dumbasses... It's warmer in the basement.

Jean: Uh... Who was that?

Kurt: We aren't sure but be nice because she knows Vana White.

Scott: (Starts drooling over Vana)

Jean: (Getting angry)

Me: LET'S GET ON WITH THE DAMN GAME!!!!

Vana: There are two L's in the word. (Reveals two L's at the end of the first word)
Alex: I WANNA GUESS A Y!

Vana: (Reveals a Y at the end of the last word)

Scott: (Still drooling over Vana)

Mr. Knodererererer: I WANT TO GUESS A Z!

Vana: Oh I'm sorry. (Lightning comes and strikes Mr. Knodererererer)

Alex: Hey that wasn't very nice!

Me: Who ever said I was a nice person Allen.

Alex: My name is Alex.

Me: Not anymore...

(Lightning comes and strikes Alex and a nametag appears on his shirt the reads 'Hello, my name is Allen')

Me: (Evil Laugh)

Rogue: Are you always this insane?

Me: No... But Joe won't give me any goddamn crack!!!!

Joe Jonas: (Comes in from another door) COOKIES!

Me: NOT THAT JOE!!!!!

Joe Jonas: (Crying) You don't like me?

Me: Damnit Linda... I AM CONTROLLING THE STORY!!!

Linda: HELL NO I AM!

Me: (Kills Linda) HA BITCH!!!!

Jean: Seriously... can you leave us alone.

Me: SHUT UP!!!!!! My dumbass friend isn't online so I have nothing better to do.

Bobby: Can't you go bother the Harry Potter people or something?

Me: HARRY POTTER CAN KISS MY ASS!

Vana: You know you are paying me by the hour.

Me: Ah... Right, right. Continuing on.

Scott: Vana, if I guess a correct letter can I touch your boobies?

Vana:...

Jean:...

Me:...

Bobby: I GUESS A F!

Vana: (Reveals the first letter as a F)

Bobby: OH yeah I kick ass!!!

Me: Good job Boobert.

Joe Jonas: I GUESS U!
Me: JOE GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!

Vana: (Reveals the second letter in the second word as a U)
Me: HEY THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO COUNT!!!!

Vana: Well what do you want me to do? Change the word.

Me: I AM TAKING IT OUT OF YOU PAY!

Rogue: I don't get it... Why do you want to bug us so much?

Me: SHUT UP YOU LITTLE WORTHLESS WHORE!!!! YOU HAD TO TAKE THE GODDAMN CURE BECAUSE YOU WERE SO PATHETIC!!!

Rogue: (Starts to cry like the little pussy she is and runs off)

Me: (Evil Laugh)
Remy: (Comes in) That wasn't nice.

Me: HEY!!! I DIDN'T TELL YOU TO COME IN!

Remy: Remy is too sexy to be controlled.

Me: (Drools) True... Very true.

Remy: May I guess the word mon amie?

Me: (Blushes) Of course.

Remy: Remy guesses dat it is Fall Out Guy.

Me... WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU CAJUN! DON'T YOU KNOW YOUR BANDS!!!!!

Wolverine: (Who is sad because Mr. Knodererererer is gone) I agree with gumbo.

Allen: Me too.

Kitty: (Wakes up) Ugh... What's going on?

Me: Oh good, the little slut will be able to help.

Kitty: I AM NOT A SLUT!

Me: Sure you're not.

Vana: (All of the sudden has Regis Philbian's voice) Is that your final answer?

Kitty: IS what our final answer?

Remy: Fall Out Guy.

Kitty: Fall Out Guy? What the heck is wrong with you it's Fall Out Boy!!!!

(All of the sudden there is a strike of lightning and Fall Out Boy appears)

Bobby: HEY!!! It's Pete Wentz, Andy Hurley, Patrick Stump, and Joe Trohman.

Me:... You know them but you couldn't guess who it was?!

Bobby: I'm stupid... Wait I didn't mean to say that!!!

Me: HA!!!! I HAVE THE POWER!!!!!

Pete: Hey there Kitty.

Kitty: Hello Peter.

(Everyone stares at FOB not knowing what is going on)

Scott: Wait... You guys know each other.

Patrick: Well of course... Pete's the little slut's brother.

Kitty: Grrrrrrr... PATRICK!!!

All of the X-men People: He is your brother?

Kitty: Hey author person... Whoever you are... I'll pay you five thousand dollars to make Patrick go away.

Me: I can't do that.

Kitty: Why not?

Me: I don't control them... They are too cool to control.

Bobby: OH SO WE AREN'T COOL ENOUGH!

Me: Haven't you guys read, 'Fanfiction Guide to Controlling Annoying Characters'?

Scott: Uh no.

(A fifty pound book falls on Wolverine's head)

Wolverine: Ha, I can just heal!

Me: No you can't... You only think you can but you can't.

Wolverine: (Heals) HA SEE!!!

Me: You only think you healed.

Wolverine: Ug... Has anyone ever told you you're annoying?

Me: That's what the High School Musical people said before I killed them off.

X-Men People: WHAT!?

Me: I won't kill you guys... yet...

TO BE CONTINUED!!!