Almalexia strode with purpose through hallways. If she had been wearing shoes, they would have been clapping loudly against the stone flooring. And if she had been wearing an appropriate amount of clothing, it would have raged around her at the intense movement.
As it was, she was almost silent until she flung the doors of Sotha Sil's study open with a crash.
He didn't even look up and just kept working on whatever it was he was working on.
"Sotha Sil," she said.
He made a vague noise to show her he was listening.
"Have you seen Nerevar or Vivec?"
He shook his head slightly. "No,"
"They still aren't back from their latest, probably ridiculous 'adventure'." she complained, waving a hand in dismissal.
"Well," Sotha Sil said, "they are often gone for quite a while on those escapades,"
Almalexia's frown deepened, "For six weeks?"
Sotha Sil finally looked up, "It's been six weeks? My, how time flies…"
She rolled her eyes.
"I'm just a little concerned," she continued. "Nerevar didn't even tell me where he was going this time."
"Probably because we always follow them and check up on them." her friend reminded her, back to work on his project. "I doubt they got into that much trouble."
"Yes, well, these are dangerous times, and they aren't, how shall we say…the brightest torchbug in the cave." Almalexia pointed out.
When Sotha Sil failed to say anything, she grew irritated and scowled at his back. "What are you working on that is more important than me?"
He finally turned around, looking delighted she asked.
Her scowl returned when she realized he'd probably wanted someone to ask him.
Sotha Sil held up a tiny metal…thing and explained; "It's a little mudcrab model. Look, it's little legs all move!"
Almalexia crossed her arms, unimpressed.
With a longsuffering sigh, her friend made a large, deliberately slow show of putting his work aside and turning back to her with his undivided attention.
"What, exactly, would you like me to do about Vivec and Nerevar being gone, Ayem?"
She shrugged, "Maybe…. cast a scrying spell on them?"
Sotha Sil frowned. "They hate it when we spy on them,"
"Well, then next time they can tell us where they are going," she countered.
After another moment of looking put out, he sighed and closed his eyes, waving his hands around in what she thought looked like a completely unnecessary process to cast the spell.
She waited impatiently was the spell worked, until Sotha Sil finally hummed.
"They aren't that far from the city, actually. Perhaps they are on their way back."
Almalexia huffed, "Well, then they are about to get an earful."
"They aren't moving though," Sotha Sil added, dispersing the magic with a flick of his wrist. She stared at him.
He must have realized how that sounded because he quickly followed it up with; "Oh, not that they're dead. You know scrying spells don't work on the dead. They just appear to be stopped."
"I'm going to meet them." she stated. "And you are coming with me."
Sotha Sil looked disappointed, "But…my mudcrab model,"
"Oh, your stupid models can wait, come on Seht."
He sighed and followed her from the room, muttered something under his breath she didn't catch.
"Hmm…" Sotha Sil said, looking down into the shallow ditch a foot away. "This is…unfortunate."
They had found Vivec and Nerevar, both passed out in said shallow ditch, looking mostly fine, if not dirty.
Almalexia had her face buried in a hand and groaned. "I don't know why I married into this mess."
"Never a dull moment," Seht replied, smirking.
She glared at him.
With an angry grunt, she threw a rock that hit her husband in the face.
"Ow," he complained, speech slurred and confused. "Wha…?"
Almalexia threw another rock.
This time Nerevar looked up, squinted at the cloudy sky as if it was painful before sitting up and promptly falling back down.
"Oh, for the love of…" Almalexia said, heaving a sigh.
Nerevar tried to sit up again and this time remained mostly upright. "Uh….what? Where…?"
"You better have a good explanation for why you are in a ditch," Almalexia snapped, crossing her arms.
"Oh, hi Almalexia," Nerevar said, as if he just noticed her. "And Sil. Wait, where are we?"
Sotha Sil rolled his eyes, "Outside Mournhold. Why are you in a ditch, and where have you been for six weeks?"
"Six weeks?" Nerevar repeated, looking baffled. "That's…weird. The last thing I remember…"
He turned and shook Vivec awake, "Hey, Vivec, help me out here. What the hell have we been doing?"
Unlike Nerevar, Vivec sprung up like he had just taken a shot nap, and looking way too cheerful for his own good.
"Ah! We have returned to the world below!"
"What the fuck?" Almalexia said, completely confused.
Sotha Sil just face palmed.
"Ah, it's going to be one of those stories…" he mumbled, sounding less than thrilled.
"Ayem! Seht!" Vivec exclaimed, "We have been on a most grand adventure!"
"We have?" Nerevar asked, looking confused. He glanced down at his arm. "Wait, where'd this tattoo come from?"
Vivec looked at it and shrugged.
"I do not remember getting it," Nerevar continued.
"Were you black-out drunk again?" Almalexia asked sharply.
Nerevar paused, as if considering how to answer that. "Um…"
"Not with drinks!" Vivec chimed in unhelpfully. "We had a wonderous liquid made of sugar and flowers, and we ate of the finest colored petals of root and mold!"
Sotha Sil and Almalexia exchanged a look.
"Seriously, where did this tattoo come from" Nerevar asked again. "And why did I get something so sissy looking?"
Vivec shrugged again. "I don't recall, but I do recall Grabbers, and something about pomegranates and spears and stars! Oh! Yes, stars!"
"Maybe you could say that tattoo is Azura's mark or something, since it's a moon and star." Sotha Sil commented sarcastically. He completely ignored Vivec, who was still loopily recounting their adventure.
Apparently missing the scathing tone of his voice, Nerevar brightened at Seht's suggestion. "That's a great idea! I just…wish I remember how I got it…or, actually, anything about the last…what did you say? Six weeks?"
"You are so dead, Nerevar." Almalexia hissed, crossing her arms.
"Guys, guys, guys, we went to space! Vivec cut in, jumping to his feet and pointing at the sky. "And the moon! And the sun! And also, of course there was a giant bug,"
"Oh, I'm sure you went quite high, Vivec," Sotha Sil remarked. He was all sarcasm again.
"But now we have returned!" Vivec concluded. "I should write this down before I forget."
"Write down…what?" Ayem demanded. "You and Nerevar's six week bender hyped up on shrooms and skooma?!"
"Wait, that was skooma?" Nerevar said, blinking.
Annoyed, Almalexia threw up her hands and trudged back towards the city.
"And you, Nerevar had seven more spokes!" Vivec continued.
Sotha Sil rolled his eyes and followed Almalexia back to the city at a slow pace.
Sotha Sil closed the cover of Vivec's Sermon 14.
"Well, I am now scarred for life." he said.
Author's note.
I swear I'm working on my ongoing stories. Haha. Both Steve the Dremora, and if anyone is reading cross-fandom, Shards of History. The next chapters of both of those are underway, but I wanted to upload something and this was a funny idea that took less then an hour to write.
I've always had this hilarious thought that Vivec and Nerevar's "adventures" as outlined in the crazy Sermons were those two getting drunk or high and then thinking they did all this stuff. I also wanted to write something about the dysfunctional set of these characters, but still kind of have them be friends. Lore mentions they are, but we never see it in any games.
Also, I've played through the main quest in Summerset DLC on ESO (it's awesome, by the way) and that coupled with Clockwork City has made Sotha Sil one of my new favorite Elder Scrolls characters. Somebody online once mentioned that they thought Clockwork City was just a really complicated model that he made because he liked playing with legos as a kid. I had to include his made-up hobby in this.
Also, Almalexia strikes me as a super naggy wife...
And Nerevar's "tattoo' is because sometimes he's described as having a Moon-and-Star birthmark, marking him as Azura's Champion. But it's so much funnier to me if it's a tattoo he got from a drunken night out.
I hope someone gets a laugh out of this!
Thanks for reading!
PS. Sermon 14...WTF? I'm scarred for life, too, Sotha Sil.