AN: I don't own any of it. This just came out while I was sitting there doing nothing. Going up unedited, as with most of my stuff.
Raindrops
The droplet of rain was unexpected and surprisingly cold. It trickled along the top of his nose and then hung precariously on its tip until he shook his head, sending the water silently to the floor.
There was barely a cloud in the sky and yet the one that he could see was suspended miles above his head, raining down on only him. He glanced at her face but turned away quickly because he could hardly bare to look, because she didn't look right, because everything was different now.
He worried some loose skin around the edge of his thumb with his fingernail, staring down at his hands.
'It shouldn't rain here,' She said quietly, not to him, more to herself.
He nodded. 'It doesn't feel…' But he couldn't finish what he was saying.
'It's supposed to stay sunny,' she moved away from him, towards the rail that guarded the balcony.
They were at her new apartment. Silence filled the gap between them and when he managed to look up again he could see that she had tears in her eyes. He wasn't really sure what to say, wasn't sure if there was anything he could say. He cracked his knuckles, it was a habit he had developed recently, and the sound was loud over their quietness.
'I shouldn't have let you in,' she said simply, and he felt a pain pierce his chest.
'I'm glad you did,' His voice was quiet and unconvincing. He wasn't even sure himself now, didn't even remember why he had gone to her new home. It had taken him long enough to find it, something should have stopped him, the distance should have screamed to him that she just did not want to be found.
'I've stood alone with you so many times,' she sounded distant. 'So many times…'
He swallowed hard, it hurt his throat, burned it, almost. 'I'm sorry…'
She held up her hand, shaking her head as she brushed past him and moved back inside the sliding doors. He stood there for a moment, unable to move, unsure whether he should follow her or not.
He couldn't stay on the balcony.
When he stepped through the door he found she had walked to the kitchen and was staring out of the front window. His hair was wet and dripped onto the hardwood floor, making it slick.
'I told you…'
'I know,' he interrupted. He really didn't want to hear it again.
So why was he there?
'Then why?' She looked back at him, over her slender shoulder. 'Why are you here?'
'I needed to…' He sighed. 'I wanted to see you,'
'We've been through this,' she said, as she wrapped her arms around her own body.
'Not this,' He insisted. 'Other stuff, yes, but not this, not the reason I'm here,'
'I don't want to see you,'
That hurt, felt like a knife plunging into his chest. The pain was sharp and deep and hard…
'So why did you let me in?' He asked, logically.
She turned to face him, leaning her back against the work surface. 'I don't know,'
'You weren't easy to find,'
She rolled her eyes. 'That was deliberate,'
'Figured,'
She shrugged her shoulders at his comment and then looked down at the floor, as if it were infinitely more interesting than he had ever been. Perhaps it was. His heart sank just a little more.
'I always thought this would be the other way around,' she said, finally, breaking another cool bout of silence.
'I never thought it would happen…' Then he stopped, sighed, surrendered. 'Me too,'
Her soft brown eyes met with his and she forced a sad smile, the one that broke his heart every time. He felt the lump rise into his throat and he battled hard with it, managed to push it back down. He wanted her to move towards him, to close the crack that had developed between them.
She didn't.
'I thought you'd give up,' She murmured. 'I thought it would be you, not me, giving up,'
'I never wanted to hurt you,'
'You never did,' She choked, it was only then that he realised there was a trail of tears along her cheeks. He fought the urge to walk to her, to pull her close, to hold her tight… to try to make everything alright.
'Then why?' It came out hoarse, almost croaked.
'Too much,' She shook her head, 'Too much,'
He felt a gush of wind come in from outside and wrap itself tightly around his legs. For the last month the pain was the only thing there to remind him that he was actually still alive, still there.
'I'm sorry,' He repeated.
Her hand lifted and she quickly moved her fingertips under both eyes, brushing tears away. When the silence eventually became too much, when the pain in his chest was so hot that he could barely stand anymore, he turned to his right and walked to the door.
The handle was cold and he forced one last look over his shoulder before he opened the door. She was still there, not looking at him, looking at her feet. She was still quirky beautiful but there was a lot missing now, a lot he should have noticed before.
The little things.
He let the door slam shut behind him.
At the thud of the door closing she slid down the cabinet door until she was on the floor, arms hugging her knees into her chest, sobbing into her own lap. How pathetic it had all become, how stupid, how lifeless… how pathetic.
How dare he?
How dare he just show up the way he did, knock on her door and bring her new world crashing down. She had only just started to adjust, only just begun to get used to living somewhere that wasn't Las Vegas. Only just stopped missing her friends, quite so much.
Now, when she was finally finding her feet, now that there was new paint on the walls, a colour that she liked, now that she was starting to feel as though she might be able to forget him- forget everything- now he showed up.
He always did it. His timing was never the most perfect thing, she accepted that, but she had told him in no uncertain terms that she never wanted to see him again. She had told him herself that it was all simply too much.
When he had arrived she should have looked through the peephole and pretended that she was not in, pretended there was no one there. She almost did it, she remained silent when she saw his eyes but when he spoke, so softly…
He was thinner and paler, he looked as if he hadn't set foot outside in a month and his eyes didn't have that same sparkle she had become so used to. She was stronger than this woman, this woman that pined over a man so ridiculously.
She left him.
How could she be so sad?
Somehow she pushed herself up, steadying herself on the edge of the sink. Nausea swept through her and she clutched her stomach, hoping she wouldn't be sick because she couldn't remember the last time that she had eaten. When the dizziness past she walked to the balcony and looked out over the ocean, gulls dived and people walked by but no one seemed to notice the grey clouds gathering.
The raindrops.
She stood there for what seemed like an eternity, not knowing where she had come from or where she was heading.
All she knew was how to be alone.
The coffee was steaming out of the foam cup and he looked down at the liquid before deciding that it probably wasn't a good idea to drink it. His doctor had told him that his blood pressure was too high lately.
His doctor had been telling him a lot of things lately.
He dug some money out from his pocket and left it on the table with the bill, left extra as a tip, because it was a habit, even in a place like this. The sky has clouded over a lot since he had left her apartment and now he was walking down the street, killing time before he needed to get back to the airport.
Killing time in general.
The beach to his left was full of people doing sports, full of children enjoying themselves and couples forgetting that there was anyone else on the earth. He had never really been like that, never really been very open. All of the feelings he had had for most of his life had remained with him, quiet and private, the way he believed it should be.
Or the way he used to believe it should be.
He heard footsteps getting louder behind him, moving faster, some jogger, so he moved aside to let them pass.
But the jogger didn't pass.
'I thought you were gone,' She said, breathlessly, and he turned to be met by gentle, brown eyes.
'Sorry,' He was saying that a lot recently.
'No,' She paused, looked into his eyes. Her hand lifted and touched his cheek but she quickly flinched back away. The touch was enough, it was warm and soft, his heart began to beat again. 'I've always loved your eyes,'
He said nothing.
'So blue…'
Grissom wanted to smile but he felt heavy.
'It was just too much,' she said, gently, looking at him as if she was seeing him for the first time. He didn't pull his eyes away, it was a place he never thought he would ever be again and so he relished it… relished in her beauty, in her gaze. 'Too soon,'
'I'm…'
She shook her head. 'You're not sorry,'
'I'm sorry that I lost you,'
'But you're not sorry that you did it,'
'No,' He said.
'And you shouldn't be,' She said. 'I should be sorry, I should have explained properly… the way I reacted, it was all wrong,'
'I should have known,' He swallowed.
She shook her head.
'I should have waited,' He reached out and took her hand. 'Until… well, just waited,'
'Until I was healed?'
He nodded.
'It's going to take a long time for me to heal,' She said. 'To heal properly, all the way through…'
'I'd wait,'
She nodded. 'I know you would. That's what worried me so much, you would wait and what if I was never ready, what if I never heal? What if it never changes?'
'This running away won't help, honey,'
He saw her wince and regretted using the term that was so fondly hers.
Sara smiled sadly. 'It was helping,'
But he shook his head. 'No, you think it was but it wasn't,'
She stayed silent, didn't respond.
'I love you,'
'You need to stop,' A tear escaped and rolled down her face.
'I really don't,' he squeezed her hand. 'I need to love you,'
'I can't…'
'You don't have to,' Grissom said, softly. 'You don't have to do anything at all.'
'You're different,' She looked at him quizzically, tears in her eyes, cheeks red, hair damp from the rain he had finally noticed was falling.
'You changed me,'
'I didn't mean to…'
He smiled. 'I'm glad you did, I'm glad I had the chance to let you change me,'
'Are you going home?' She asked, quietly.
He had asked her to marry him and she had said no and that had changed the whole realm of their relationship. Within a week it had been over, she handed in her notice and gone. Leaving him feel completely broken.
'Yes,' he nodded.
He saw her throat move as she swallowed, the sadness if her eyes, the tears mixed with raindrops. Everything about her was different but it was the same.
'But not without you,'