Song Fic: All in by: Life house
Disclaimer: I own no rights to the song or vampire diaries. Just for fun. Promo and trailer spoilers included.
Set up: Mid season 2: Stefan has been "fake dating" Katherine in Mystic falls to try to figure out what she's up too. Meanwhile Elena is being guarded by Alaric and Damon. This is set 1 week after Damon and Elena get back from their road trip with Alaric.
All In for life
All night staring at the ceiling
counting for minutes I've been feeling this way
So far away and so alone
Dear Diary,
I feel like I am going out of my head these days. Damon's been avoiding me for a week now. Even though I know he comes here and guards Alaric's house at night. I should be relieved. I can't continue to allow myself to be drawn in my him. But in some ways I wonder if its too late. That night that we shared. It opened something up inside of me and now here I am and I can't get him off my mind. I can't stop wishing for more of that more of him.. Damon. Just saying his name now does something to me. Something it shouldn't do. It's not right. I can't be this person.
Elena sighed and put down her pen. She closed her eyes and relived the night that had etched itself into her subconscious permanently. Damon had been colder more sarcastic and downright grumpy for almost a month right right after Katherine showed up. He claimed to be pissed at Elena for saying he was unstable around Katherine and maybe he was right to be upset but it was true.
Stefan was stable around her he didn't love her Damon still did. Elena knew he had seen her again after the porch incident and whatever happened hurt him. Deeply. But he shut down and she found herself starting to feel desperate to get through to him. Even after he started returning to his normal self. The road trip sparked him up quite a bit. But still Elena had to get through to him she had to push. She knew she was the only person who could.
Flashback
"Damon?" Elena asked as casually as she could making sure he had a full drink in his hand.
"Yes?" He drawled rolling his eyes.
"What happened with Katherine?" Elena asked bluntly.
He averted his eyes and smirked at her. "I told you I thought she was you. Jealous much?"
"I'm not talking about the porch Damon." Elena said sternly. "Something else happened."
"I don't want to talk about it." He muttered.
"Well I do." Elena said. "And I think you need to. You can't just keep it all inside please just talk to me."
"I can think of more interesting things to do in a motel room." He replied his smirk not met with his usual eye thing that drove her crazy.
She glared at him and crossed her arms. Silently letting him know she wasn't backing down.
"Dammit Elena what part of I don't want to talk about it don't you get?" He asked standing up and walking over to the large window.
"Damon.. please?" Elena said carefully walking up behind him. She saw his muscles tense up and sensed he was growing angry. She carefully touched his shoulder.
"You want to know what happened!" He said loudly whipping around to face her. "She told me she never loved me. I spent 145 years searching for a women that didn't give a damn."
"Damon.. I'm so.." Elena started but he pushed her backwards away from him and turned back to the window. She stood there open mouthed at the revelation. She was stunned to be honest. She didn't understand how Katherine couldn't have loved Damon. When it took every ounce of her strength sometimes to stop that exact thing from happening to her.
"I don't want your pity Elena" He said after a long moment. His voice roughened in a way that made Elena shudder slightly. "Your just another one in a long line of people that favor Stefan over me. She was supposed to be the one person that cared that gave a damn. I have no one."
"That's bull and you know it." Elena said firmly. "You have me."
"No." He shook his head. "Stefan has you."
"Damon." Elena said softly.
"It's true." He said sadly. "Your not mine Elena. But despite that even if she had come here for me. I still would have chose you. I would never let her hurt you. You mean more to me then anyone ever has and your his.. and that hurts.. so you can't say things like I have you. Because I don't."
Elena bit her lip as tears started to form in her eyes she shut them tightly and he was gone when she opened them.
"But I wish you did." She whispered into the air. She gasped realizing what she just said and wondered why she had said that. Though deep down inside herself she knew. She threw herself into the bed and cried until she drifted off into a shaky sleep.
Elena dreamed restlessly her dreams switching from her normal nightmares of Katherine and John and bloody fingers to uneasy dreams of Damon. She felt strong arms pull her close and felt a sudden warmth and comfort.
She half woke and mumbled. "Damon?"
"Please." He whispered. "Just let me hold you. Just once."
She turned and looked into his blue eyes. His defenses were down completley. The normal Damon wall was nowhere to be found. He stared at her with a desperation and love.. was it love? She wondered feeling strangly hopeful about that. No it was a need to feel loved after being crushed so badly she finally told herself as she nodded and pulled his arm around her tighter.
She turned and nestled her back into him so he was spooning her and savoured the feeling of safeness and love that seemed to overcome her in his arms. She feel asleep soundly and had no nightmares for the first time in weeks.
~end flashback
All night staring at the ceiling
counting for minutes I've been feeling this way
So far away and so alone
Elena tossed her diary aside and started pacing back and forth. It has been 5 weeks since she has even seen Stefan. He was staying away as to not alert Katherine to their plans. He would fill everyone in on whatever he found out as soon as he had something. Elena was beginning to wonder if that was ever going to happen.
"Why don't I think of him more?" She asked herself out loud. "It's always Damon. I can never stop thinking about Damon."
Elena groaned and stared in the mirror hating that she was turning into Katherine.
"I just need to see Stefan." Elena said out loud. "It's an out of sight out of mind thing. Everything will go back to normal when I see him again."
But she knew that was a lie. It had been a week now that Damon had avoided her. Either out of embarrassment for letting his defenses down with her or because it hurt to much. She wasn't sure which. But she missed him. Desperately. They had had so much fun on the road trip up to the point Elena had to prod him at what happened with Katherine. She didn't even miss Stefan after five weeks but her heart felt broken after one week without Damon, She realized. A sense of guilt crept in and she bit her nails nervously.
"I can't do this anymore." Elena said quickly putting some clothes on and sticking a vervain dart in her back pocket just in case. She slipped out the window and started running towards the boarding house. Knowing she just needed to see him. She needed to know. Once she saw Stefan she would finally know. If she still loved him she would need to figure out who she loved more and be honest with him. She had to be fair to him. But if she didn't then... her heart could be free. She would break his heart and the idea of that killed her. But it wasn't right to string him along if she no longer loved him the way she had before.
"This is the absolute worst time to be doing this." Elena told herself but shook her head and kept running. With Katherine on the loose and the threat of werewolves in Mystic Falls time could be running out for all of them. She didn't want to waste whatever time she had left with the wrong guy and she wouldn't let it end in a triangle like it did with her. She had to know and she had to choose. Tonight.
But you know it's alright
I came to my senses
Letting go of my defenses
There's no way I'm giving up this time
Yeah, you know I'm right here
I'm not losing you this time
Damon sat in the bar attempting to drown her from his thoughts with booze and feeding prospects. Not one women at the bar could keep his attention though. He considered draining someone just to shut it off for a while. But he knew he couldn't. He couldn't do that to her.
Who is she turning me into? Damon thought to himself feeling a bit sickened at the brooding mess he had become. Showing up every night right after bar close to check on her to guard the house. He knew better. The more he was around her the more it hurt. Damon was sick of hurting. He was sick of losing and he was growing really sick of feeling.
"Damon." Alaric greeted sarcastically. "I'm shocked to see you here on a week night."
"What are you doing here?" Damon grumbled.
"You've been here every day all day drinking. What is going on Damon? You seemed to be doing better on the road trip what happened?"
Damon winced as Elena's words hit him. That night both sickened him and amazed him. She was able to get through every layer he had built up. Every single wall he put up she could easily just tear down with her warm brown eyes and her soft words. She would never understand how bad she was starting to tear into him. How bad he wanted her. But she understood it enough to let him have one night. He pretended she was his and held her in his arms. He didn't even care that he didn't steal a kiss. Just holding her and feeling her soft body curled into his was what he found himself craving. He swore it would be enough. After the threats in the town were neutralized he would leave her to her happiness and have one memory to take with him. Leaving her with no regrets to have to have to suffer through.
But it wasn't enough. He reminded himself staring into the contents of his cup. It will never be enough.
"You gotta fight for her Damon." Alaric said suddenly and Damon looked up quickly he had forgotten Ric was even there.
"What?" Damon asked his eyes narrowing.
"You're not fooling anyone. Your in love with her so fight for her." Alaric said shrugging.
"She's my brother's girlfriend."
"Never stopped you before." Alaric muttered.
"She's with Stefan. She loves Stefan. What am I supposed to do. Force her feelings? Destroy her with secrets and guilt?" Damon muttered swallowing back the rest of his drink and kicking himself for opening up yet again. First Elena and now Alaric? Damon shuddered at how human he was becoming but felt an odd peace with it as much as it completely disturbed him.
"You can either fight for her and at least know how she feels or just let her go without a fight and regret it forever. We both already know how that feels." Alaric pointed out.
"I've had enough 'truths' from the women in my life for the rest of eternity Ric. Who needs it? Let's just take care of the wolves and the ex bitch problem so I can get the hell out of here." Damon grunted as he got up to leave. Annoyed once again at how these emotions were making him so weak and vulnerable. He was sick of it. He was ready for it to end. It was time for him to quit playing games.
"Damon where are you going?" Ric said looking slightly worried.
"The usual, find a girl to compel and have a little drink, take a little walk, stake my ex girlfriend in the heart." Damon said casually and blurred out of the bar in seconds.
"Shit." Ric muttered hurrying to follow him.
Elena stepped up to the large boarding house nervously. She hoped Katherine wasn't here. But she had a strange feeling. She felt goosebumps form on her neck as she slowly opened the door. The house was dark but she could hear noises coming from upstairs. Focusing on keeping her breath steady she quietly walked up the stairs.
"Oh Stefan." She heard a voice that sounded just like her own moan.
Elena froze feeling her heart stop on her chest.
"Katherine.." Came the hushed reply from Stefan his voice full of a passion. Elena was certain she had never heard from him.
She felt her herself go completely numb. She felt her legs begin to carry her down the stairs and out the door. She felt her hands tear the necklace off her neck and whirl it to the ground. She felt her legs move down the wooded path.
"Damon.." She heard her voice call out as she ran into the woods towards the bridge that led to Alaric house. Hoping he would be there. She needed him to be there.
And I'm all in, nothing left to hide
I'm falling harder than a landslide
I spend a week away from you last night
And now I'm calling, calling out your name
Even if I lose the game, I'm all in
I'm all in tonight, yeah I'm all in, I'm all in for life
Damon pulled up to the boarding house bound and determined to kill Katherine or die trying. He had fed on two girls outside the bar before he left. He heard Alaric's car in the distance and frowned. He was going to have to act fast. Ric would try to stop him. This was after all reckless and possibly suicidal. Yet anther person that seemed to care. Though Damon couldn't understand why. He was torn between enjoying it and being sort of grateful for the bonds he was forming to wanting to push them away and pretend they didn't exist. Bonds only hurt you in the end. Trust led to betrayal every time.
Except with Elena, a voice inside him whispered. Elena. She was the constant exception to every single rule he had set for himself over the years.
"Yes.. Stefan Yes." He heard Elena? No.. Katherine. He realized sharply. He felt a sudden rage at what was happening up there and his fangs extended roughly.
"I love you Katherine." Stefan's voice rang loud and clear. Damon pulled out a stake and considered killing both of them as he headed to the house. Something silver stopped him. He bent down and picked up Elena's necklace. He realized what had happened and felt torn.
Kill them or go find her? He thought to himself. He stuck her necklace in his pocket and started in the direction of her footsteps. He found himself running calling her name.
There's no taking back what we've got
Too strong, we've had each other's back for too long
There's no breaking up this time
And you know it's okay, I came to my senses
Letting go of my defenses
There's no way I'm giving up this time
He found her near the bridge to town sitting on the grass her head down. Tears spilling down her face. He approached her slowly and kneeled down on front of her.
"Elena?" He said softly peering into her soft brown eyes.
She looked up at him the pain lifted slightly as she gazed back at him.
"How could he?" She whispered.
"He's an idiot." Damon replied.
Elena glanced at him her lip quivering.
"Your somuch better." Damon said staring at her intensely and cupping the sides of her face.
"I fought so hard and it hurt you know. It hurt me too. To keep fighting them. But I respected him and our relationship. That's why I went there I had to see him. It was hurting so much and I had to know if I even still loved him. I couldn't be stuck in limbo anymore. But he didn't fight at all did he? He had no respect for me or what we had. He jumped right into bed with her without even a thoughtfor me." Elena cried out.
Damon nodded and stroked her hair.
"What was the point?' She said standing up and pacing. "The point of fighting so hard. Hurting you and me. So I wouldn't hurt him. What a fool I am." Elena scoffed her tears turning to anger.
"Fight what Elena?" Damon whispered taking her arm and pulling her close to him.
"You." Elena said a new batch of tears forming in her eyes.
Damon stared at her feeling more raw and vulnerable then he ever had. He knew at that moment that he would never be able to leave her.
"Damon I'm falling in love with you."
Damon felt his entire body freeze. He stared at her as if expecting her to immediately regret or take the words and run. He wanted this. He longed for this. He loved her like he had never loved Katherine or any women before. There would be no women after her he knew this. But he expected to lose her. He never expected her to love him. He didn't deserve her love.
"Damon please say something." Elena said her voice breaking.
And I'm all in, nothing left to hide
I'm falling harder than a landslide
I spend a week away from you last night
And now I'm calling, calling out your name
Even if I lose the game, I'm all in
I'm all in tonight, yeah I'm all in, I'm all in for life
"Your hurting right now...you just found Stefan with her. Your vulnerable. You don't know what your saying." He said his eyes searching her face for some hidden truth.
"Yes I am hurt. But the hurt of Stefan's betrayal doesn't compare to how much it hurts trying deny my feelings for you all the time. This week without you has been torture. I couldn't take it anymore Damon. I needed to face him. I needed to be honest with him. I loved him and always will in some way. I wanted to be fair to him." Elena said softly.
"But it didn't matter what I walked into Damon. Because I know that I would have realized what Stefan and I had has faded. We were both clinging to what we had and what we used to be. But that's gone. Those days are over now. I've grown up to much to be that starry eyed teen now. Even if he begged me not to leave. It wouldn't have mattered whatever happened tonight. I still would have chose you." She said repeating the words he had used regarding Katherine.
"Why?" He asked stepping closer to her. His eyes surging with a love that Elena suddenly wanted to wrap herself up in.
"Because I'm in love with you." She said putting her arms around her neck.
He stared at her before softly pushing her hair out of her face. Knowing he was going to break the damn of emotions he had carefully sealed away for eternity. Knowing that he was going to hold on to her fiercely and wouldn't ever let her go. That if he ever lost her the world would know no fury like his. Knowing deep inside she was probably better off if he just walked away right now. But he was to selfish and he loved her to much to do that.
I want it, I want it, I want it
I want it, I want it, I want it, yeah
I want it, I want it, I want it, yeah
"I love you." He said fiercely claiming her mouth with his own. She kissed him back passionetly the world and all it's troubles dispearing into the night among them.
And I'm all in, calling out your name
Even if I lose the game, I'm all in, I'm all in for life
And I'm all in, nothing left to hide
I'm falling harder than a landslide
I spend a week away from you last night
And now I'm calling, calling out your name
Even if I lose the game, I'm all in
I'm all in tonight, yeah I'm all in, I'm all in for life
Yeah I'm all in, I'm all in for life
AN: I keep hearing this song on the radio at work and just had to make it into a delena fic. I'm having a bit of writers block with my other two stories at the moment. Hopefully this will break the . I hope you liked it! The promos are driving me crazy I can't wait until next week!