Military Command Carwash

Disclaimer: Like always, I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. At all. Never. Come on people, why would I ever say I did? That would be like saying I'm a genius, which would be a total lie. Bunny, shut up. grin Already know what you're thinking.

Also, I know that a carwash created in 24 hours isn't that plausible, but I don't give a flying shit, so there.

I'm not sure how many cars there really are around this time period (somewhere before WW2 if the movie gives any indication), but since they live surrounded by a desert, the cars they do have must be very dirty. Oh, and men with their shirts off doesn't count as nudity, does it? It shouldn't, so there. Hmm, wet men with their shirts off…

Now that I have got you in the mood, enjoy this little bit that was inspired by a phone call and a picture on need to take a break," the Flame Alchemist, Roy Mustang, said after making one more paper airplane that didn't make it too far through the heated air.

"Bull, Roy," Havoc grinned as he walked in to the room, shuffling through hundreds of paper airplanes. "You have to stop and read them sometime."

Roy just looked tired, "Not really. They all say the same thing."

"And what would that be?"

"Eastern Command needs to pick up the slack from the aftermath of the war." At Havoc's confused look, he continued, "Money. They're asking for money to pay for after-war costs. Money we don't have."

"Then why not go do a fundraiser or something," Havoc shrugged before placing a few more papers that were probably going to become airplanes anyway. "Selling something or a carwash comes to mind." He gazed out the window to the sunny weather and sweltering heat. "Yeah, a carwash would be perfect."

"And who would help with said carwash?" But Mustang already liked the idea, his eyes told no lies.

Havoc shrugged again, "Maybe we could do it. All get together and—"

Before Havoc could finish his sentence, the door was kicked open and in walked—you guessed it—the Fullmetal Alchemist.

"Ah, what perfect timing!" Mustang cheered, "Ed, we need some hands in helping with a carwash—"

"I just came to tell you your lead sucked and we got nothing—again," Ed growled, anger shining fiercely in his eyes. "Maybe you should check your leads before sending me to areas."

Mustang faked a frown, "Well then, I have a new assignment for you. Help with the carwash!"

"No!"

"That was a command, Fullmetal," Mustang got serious. Edward, seeing no way out, flumped down onto the sofa in Roy's office and gave him a hard look.

"When is this carwash?"

"Tomorrow," Mustang answered easily in a tone that warned anyone away from contradicting him. But with the hot, humid days as they were, no one would have dared.

The next morning, Roy had scrounged up Hawkeye, Havoc, Armstrong, Falman, and of course, Edward for the scheduled carwash. Everyone else was either busy or not even in the area.

Standing outside Eastern Command in their normal uniforms, they had signs and everything was set up and ready to go. Actually, Havoc was soaked, and Armstrong had ripped his shirt off already. And it had only been the first hour.

"Come on, no fooling around!" Mustang barked at Havoc as he started to play with the hose. The only reason he said that was he had been sprayed from behind.

Havoc—not listening—swung the hose around again, this time the spray slammed into Edward, who was standing near the road with a sign in his hand. Both sign and boy got soaked to the bone.

"Havoc!" Edward swung around, chasing after the mischievous man wielding the hose. "Get back here!"

"Never!" Jean Havoc yelled, laughing manically before scampering off to get away from the angry alchemist's wrath. As they ran around the Command's front, Roy gave a sigh before turning to the few cars they had to focus on.

When Ed finally calmed down, he took off his signature red jacket and black sleeveless shirt, uncomfortable with a wet shirt on his metal arm. The boy's abdomen was very muscular and white.

"Put your shirt back on, Edward, you might blind someone with all that white," Havoc commented with a grin. Ed retorted fiercely, "Let's see what you've got! I bet you're whiter than me."

Havoc promptly tore off his jacket and shirt after hearing the implication of anti-manliness if he had not. A/N: Frankly, Havoc is probably whiter than Ed, since he's inside most of the time, but then that would mean Roy is white too, but that's not going to play very well in this story…evil laugh

"What are you two doing? We have cars to clean," Roy scolded.

Ed rolled his eyes, "Two? Only two cars, Mustang, that's not a lot of cars." But Havoc was already spraying Roy with the hose, so the Flame Alchemist had not heard.

"HAVOC!" he bellowed, giving chase to the impish man.

"Are you as white as us, Roy?" he asked as he ran from Flame's clutches, making Roy pause. A slow smirk laced his face and he whipped off his shirt quickly, showing a tanned muscular body. "What the hell? Roy, how did you get tan with all that office…oh." Havoc started laughing at the thought of Roy really working.

Suddenly there were a few more cars, most of which with lady drivers, who had seen the whole scene enfold. Three shirtless men can do that sometimes.

"Get over here and help us, you three!" Hawkeye's voice snapped them all to attention. Not even Ed would disobey that voice.

Falman just shook his head as they walked back over to the group, watching the line of cars grow steadily. "And I am not taking my shirt off."

"I wouldn't want to see that," Havoc smiled, "You would blind us all."

A/N I know that was really short, but I don't care. It was fun to write and I might make it longer by adding more details…someday. Since I didn't have our Kodak spokes-person (Hughes), I had to make Havoc the one to get them all shirtless, and start with the hose. Hoped you liked this really short carwash…