If only I had more time,

I'd think of where you wanted to go.

-If Only by the Atari's

Remembrance is lingering marks on your face. Red, a handprint, painting your pale cheek. A show of emotion and a show of anger which causes the viewer to question. But it's a dark, cold night in a cold, dark room and the only viewer is you, in your bathroom mirror, bathed in diffused lighting. You don't question but regret.

You don't want to be hurting but its hard enough either way. You've brought it upon yourself, of course, you rationalize your thoughts with the intense desire to reach out for your blade but instead break your eye contact with your reflection.

Sean was pissed. Hazel was pissed. Dammit, even Spinner Mason was pissed. Because, according to all of them, you'd made a mistake. You'd "pulled a Craig," you'd been dishonest. You'd cheated.

Nothing's ever innocent anymore, nope. Marco's not a virgin anymore to inspire you in white-wedding-bliss ideals of happy endings. And it wasn't like you'd really wanted a happy ending, really, just ... just answers.

You won't really, openly admit it to yourself but you found answers. You found that a happiness you found in your former life could be recreated. But it was just as easily at your new school (you still call it new though you've been there for four years) to loose everything as it was at your old school.

What people don't know won't hurt them. So they don't know Ellie Nash was once the picture of primadonna, prep perfectness. Captain of the junior cheerleading squad, dating the grade eight football captain, one of the most popular girls in school. But then Gordon (your aforementioned boyfriend) wasn't as nice as he appeared, and as you confided in your friends they treated it like normal.

Reminiscing on the past is stupid, pointless, will only cause you more pain - so you don't retell it anymore. Not a soul at Degrassi knows Ellie Nash was once in the middle of the abusive relationship. What people don't know won't hurt them.

The handprint on your cheek is Hazel's hand. Because you've just commited a felony in the Degrassi Community School's book, and you know it. You don't feel good, or reassured, or clean. You feel as dirty and dishonest as your actions but as visible as the handprint on your cheek is the memory of his kisses.

You don't know where that boy learned to kiss like that. But then you do, Ashley Kerwin, your best friend - because before you came, Degrassi people were far from what they are now. Manny Santos dressed like a nun, JT Yorke had the social skills of a rock, Terri and Spinner were on the verge of dating, and Ashley abused white eyeshadow.

But you don't want to think about Ashley when you were kissing Jimmy, and the thing was, you didn't. The only thing you thought about were the trivial things, the way his hair was soft and his breath was minty and the way he held you. And you both talked about breaking it off between the two of you and letting all the pieces fall back to normal and pretend nothing ever happened.

The best of plans never amounted to anything and you were caught red-handed, oops!, and now you've got a handprint on your face and a load of shit to walk into tomorrow at school.

The red fades ... he doesn't.

Author's note: claps for random ship! Those are my favorites for Degrassi... well, for others too, but I write them for Degrassi. So whaddya think of Miss Nash and Mister Brooks? Too random to make sense? Well PLEH random couples spin the world into dizzy circles of insanity. Ask Tyler and Liz! Mkay, on subject, it began as... something else... and then ... became this. It's midnight, I'm not elegant. So, errr, I love you? This was very short and very odd and very random and GASP, Ellie has pretext! Hehe. I'm NOT a Jim/El shipper but rather a Spin/El shipper... so, there. And I Plan On Writing Non-Marco Degrassi Slash. Prepare yourselves. Nighty night.

Review, please!