THIRTY FIVE IS ENOUGH
Once upon a time, Ron loved Hermione and Hermione loved Ron. They got married. They had sex. They had a child...
It was named Robert.
He had red hair and the cutest dimples. That was the last of anything resembling Ron in a child that Hermione had, that they saw.
After a year, Hermione got bored of Ron and moved onto other men. Of course, she kept the marriage going just for the sake of Robert.
Affairs were exciting to Hermione, so she had them.
Soon, Hermione was popping out babies like trees have leaves!
When she had her second child, and Ron first saw it... he looked at it in confusion. "Um, Hermione? Why is our child... Chinese?" Hermione looked too and smiled at Ron... "Oh Ron... don't say that about our child! He's just a baby..." She rolled her eyes at him.
He shrugged. They named him Greg.
Six more children came after that: one was Russian, another German (Ron decided not to ask)... the point is they were all of different ethnicities. And they were all named Greg. Ron began to wonder if maybe Hermione's "business trips" weren't that at all.
Ron soon began to tire of Hermione as well and when she went on her "business trips" he traveled as well... just around the neighborhood.
When Hermione got back from a particular business trip, once again pregnant, Mrs. Jones from the down the street came over to show off her new child. It had red hair. Hermione found this odd as Mr. and Mrs. Jones both had black hair. She began to suspect Ron... but shrugged it off.
Hermione popped out a few more kids, all named Greg. Even the girls, because Hermione soon found that she didn't view her children as human beings... they were just symbols of former loves. Plus it was easier when she needed to address them.
But then came the child that Ron REALLY began to suspect something.
Greg #26... was black.
Hermione saw this and immediately tried to cover it up...
"Oh Ron, it's your child! I swear! He's just... um... alblacko! Yes... that's it..."
Ron shook his head at the fact that Hermione would lie to him... and make up a word in the process. Honestly... alblacko?
Ron didn't ask.
But Hermione didn't feel any guilt as more and more red headed kids popped up on the street.
One time, Hermione went on a business trip to hold a meeting about time turners.
She came back with a child... AND was pregnant to top it off. Ron had many mental breakdowns pondering the possibilities.
They were now up to Greg # 33 with the pregnancy.
One day they went to the beach. Ron stood off to the side, watching all 32 of his children playing in the sand and water. All of them a different ethnicity. He watched as Hermione sat in a beach chair, her stomach bulging with their 33rd child. Or... rather, HER 33rd child. He only had Robert and those of which seemed to be appearing on the street; 12 to be exact.
He suddenly turned to see something out on the water. As it approached him, he saw that it was Greg #32....
He was walking on water.
Ron didn't ask.
When Hermione had her 33rd child... Ron sighed and glared at Hermione in disgust. Obviously she had gotten tired of human males altogether... no matter what ethnicity.
Their child was a dinosaur, named Greg.
That officially made it a count of 33.
Ron once again wondered what had gone on at that time turner convention.
Hermione seemed to take a break from having kids for awhile. Two years to be exact. Over that time-frame, they learned that their dinosaur child, renamed the "Gregataur", could talk and read. Not to mention it had a fondness for purple shorts... also acting as a diaper since it was difficult for the Gregataur to use the toilet.
Then Hermione went on her last business trip... to Hogwarts where they were considering her to be their new History of Magic teacher after Professor Binns ran off to "find himself" in the Bahamas.
Even though he's a ghost.
When she returned, she announced she was pregnant... again! Ron didn't reply.
But nine months later, when the child was born... Ron didn't have to guess...
The child was a centaur.
"I think... hmm... I'll name him Greg!" Hermione cooed to the centaur, which was being held in her arms. Not an easy thing to do.
"Surprise, surprise," Ron muttered.
When he got home, he took out his quill and pulled up a flap of wallpaper in the corner of the living room wall... another tally marked, making it a total of 34 kids.
A year later Hermione had a baby girl with RED hair... named Greg.
A few years later, Ron had to heave a big sigh.
ALL of them were in the backyard, having a "family" meal.
Greg # 18 decided to be a rapper, so he was going around, finding it hilarious to greet all of his siblings with, "Hey G!"
The original Robert and Greg #35... the only two who had Ron and Hermione both as parents, were passing a ball back and forth.
Ron turned to see the "alblacko", the "Gregataur", and the Centaur sitting in a corner, whispering to each other and looking longingly upon the other children. Being labeled as the "ablacko", "Gregataur", and/or Centaur, made the other children think of them as "different". Even though all of them were "different".
Hermione had given them all a talking to, telling them that no matter what race, religion, or animal you happen to be... a person is a person. And they all have feelings. That obviously hadn't worked because the other children often seperated themselves from the alblacko, Gregataur, and Centaur.
Ron was brought back to the present as Hermione came and sat next to him, smiling.
"It's nice to see the family all together," she grinned.
Ron rolled his eyes, very tired.
Suddenly, Greg #22 sprouted wings and began to fly.
Hermione jumped up to yell at him, "I told you to hide those! Your father is going to have a heart attack! Get back down here!"
Greg #22 just laughed and began flying in loops above them all.
Everyone gathered to watch.
Ron just did NOT ask.
Once upon a time, Ron loved Hermione and Hermione loved Ron. They got married. They had sex. They had a child...
It was named Robert.
He had red hair and the cutest dimples. That was the last of anything resembling Ron in a child that Hermione had, that they saw.
After a year, Hermione got bored of Ron and moved onto other men. Of course, she kept the marriage going just for the sake of Robert.
Affairs were exciting to Hermione, so she had them.
Soon, Hermione was popping out babies like trees have leaves!
When she had her second child, and Ron first saw it... he looked at it in confusion. "Um, Hermione? Why is our child... Chinese?" Hermione looked too and smiled at Ron... "Oh Ron... don't say that about our child! He's just a baby..." She rolled her eyes at him.
He shrugged. They named him Greg.
Six more children came after that: one was Russian, another German (Ron decided not to ask)... the point is they were all of different ethnicities. And they were all named Greg. Ron began to wonder if maybe Hermione's "business trips" weren't that at all.
Ron soon began to tire of Hermione as well and when she went on her "business trips" he traveled as well... just around the neighborhood.
When Hermione got back from a particular business trip, once again pregnant, Mrs. Jones from the down the street came over to show off her new child. It had red hair. Hermione found this odd as Mr. and Mrs. Jones both had black hair. She began to suspect Ron... but shrugged it off.
Hermione popped out a few more kids, all named Greg. Even the girls, because Hermione soon found that she didn't view her children as human beings... they were just symbols of former loves. Plus it was easier when she needed to address them.
But then came the child that Ron REALLY began to suspect something.
Greg #26... was black.
Hermione saw this and immediately tried to cover it up...
"Oh Ron, it's your child! I swear! He's just... um... alblacko! Yes... that's it..."
Ron shook his head at the fact that Hermione would lie to him... and make up a word in the process. Honestly... alblacko?
Ron didn't ask.
But Hermione didn't feel any guilt as more and more red headed kids popped up on the street.
One time, Hermione went on a business trip to hold a meeting about time turners.
She came back with a child... AND was pregnant to top it off. Ron had many mental breakdowns pondering the possibilities.
They were now up to Greg # 33 with the pregnancy.
One day they went to the beach. Ron stood off to the side, watching all 32 of his children playing in the sand and water. All of them a different ethnicity. He watched as Hermione sat in a beach chair, her stomach bulging with their 33rd child. Or... rather, HER 33rd child. He only had Robert and those of which seemed to be appearing on the street; 12 to be exact.
He suddenly turned to see something out on the water. As it approached him, he saw that it was Greg #32....
He was walking on water.
Ron didn't ask.
When Hermione had her 33rd child... Ron sighed and glared at Hermione in disgust. Obviously she had gotten tired of human males altogether... no matter what ethnicity.
Their child was a dinosaur, named Greg.
That officially made it a count of 33.
Ron once again wondered what had gone on at that time turner convention.
Hermione seemed to take a break from having kids for awhile. Two years to be exact. Over that time-frame, they learned that their dinosaur child, renamed the "Gregataur", could talk and read. Not to mention it had a fondness for purple shorts... also acting as a diaper since it was difficult for the Gregataur to use the toilet.
Then Hermione went on her last business trip... to Hogwarts where they were considering her to be their new History of Magic teacher after Professor Binns ran off to "find himself" in the Bahamas.
Even though he's a ghost.
When she returned, she announced she was pregnant... again! Ron didn't reply.
But nine months later, when the child was born... Ron didn't have to guess...
The child was a centaur.
"I think... hmm... I'll name him Greg!" Hermione cooed to the centaur, which was being held in her arms. Not an easy thing to do.
"Surprise, surprise," Ron muttered.
When he got home, he took out his quill and pulled up a flap of wallpaper in the corner of the living room wall... another tally marked, making it a total of 34 kids.
A year later Hermione had a baby girl with RED hair... named Greg.
A few years later, Ron had to heave a big sigh.
ALL of them were in the backyard, having a "family" meal.
Greg # 18 decided to be a rapper, so he was going around, finding it hilarious to greet all of his siblings with, "Hey G!"
The original Robert and Greg #35... the only two who had Ron and Hermione both as parents, were passing a ball back and forth.
Ron turned to see the "alblacko", the "Gregataur", and the Centaur sitting in a corner, whispering to each other and looking longingly upon the other children. Being labeled as the "ablacko", "Gregataur", and/or Centaur, made the other children think of them as "different". Even though all of them were "different".
Hermione had given them all a talking to, telling them that no matter what race, religion, or animal you happen to be... a person is a person. And they all have feelings. That obviously hadn't worked because the other children often seperated themselves from the alblacko, Gregataur, and Centaur.
Ron was brought back to the present as Hermione came and sat next to him, smiling.
"It's nice to see the family all together," she grinned.
Ron rolled his eyes, very tired.
Suddenly, Greg #22 sprouted wings and began to fly.
Hermione jumped up to yell at him, "I told you to hide those! Your father is going to have a heart attack! Get back down here!"
Greg #22 just laughed and began flying in loops above them all.
Everyone gathered to watch.
Ron just did NOT ask.