They hadn't seen each other in ten years, but now, they gazed at each other. The heavy fog of years sat between them, uncomfortable and unknowing. Father time had been kind to them, not showing any sign of age but the old scars that littered their bodies. These scars did not cut as deep as the ones that lingered in their souls, heavy and unhealed. The last time they saw each other the twelve clans had disbanded and all hell had broken loose. The ground was heavy, pregnant by the death and grief around them. Their faces were grim and their hearts heavy as they said their goodbye. It had been quick and painful. They both knew they would not see each other again and if they did, it would not be the same. The debt to their people far more important than their love for one another. They stood quiet, years ago, as they did now. Not sure what to say and wondering if it was important enough to disturb the quiet around them.
"I heard you stepped down." Clarke said, finally breaking.
"Yes." Lexa replied. Her eyes lurked over Clarke, taking her all in, before finally resting in her face. "It was time. My people are safe and the next commander is trained. The years have also been too heavy on me." Lexa paused, as if testing the waters "My soul is tired and beaten down." Clarke nodded, knowing the feeling all too well. "I heard you had a child."
"Yes."
"I am sorry for her death."
"I am not" Lexa raised an eyebrow, "She would have been born into a world of pain and sorrow, such a place is not appropriate for a child. At least she is safe now, no one can harm her now." The two women stood in silence again, quietly taking each other in. It would be easy, Clarke thought, to fall into her arms again, but it would not be wise. "Why are you here, Lexa? It has been years."
Lexa shook her head, "I don't know", she admitted.
"I can't give you what you want. I am- I am not the same." Clarke confessed. For her hands were permanently stained with the blood of many, even the one of her own child. Her sweet, sweet child who had been poisoned from inside her womb. Clarke cried after the childbirth, but it was better at her own hand, than someone else's. It had been easy, Clarke thought, to rid herself of that liability. To rid herself of something they could use against her, just like they did with her mother. The ice crew had been vicious, sending her pieces of her mother, trying to make her surrender. Clarke did not break and defeated the treacherous queen, torturing her the same way they did her mother. Blood must have blood, she had laughed as she whispered it in Nia's ear. She thought of Lexa and Costia as she cut off her head. A head for a head.
"Nobody is." Lexa replied, looking away, she swallowed loudly. Clarke looked at the old commander's profile. "I am not who I was before either, Clarke. I spent so much time trying to do what is best for my people. It is strange to finally have time to myself, to finally get to choose." There was a pregnant pause. "I apologize for bothering you and your peace, I will leave. "She turned away. Clarke grabbed her arm, stopping her.
"No, stay. If you'd like, we can find you a home here. Unless you are returning to Polis again." Lexa shook her head.
"I am not. Polis, my city, has outgrown me. The new commander has made great decisions with it and it is now flourishing. I can't keep with all the changes." The two women stood side by side, facing straight ahead. They were silent for a few minutes. "I accept your offer." Lexa quietly replied, Clarke nodded. The birds in the forest chirped and sang, Lexa couldn't remember the last time she had heard such a thing. The struggle for peace had been a long road and now they had reached the end. Clarke knew that this peace was short-lived and she needed to stay on her toes, waiting for that strike. She knew that it would be stupid for her to get with Lexa, who they could use against her. They tried with Oliver, the man who had gotten her pregnant, but did not know that there was no love between them, but only that raw sentiment of lust. How funny, she thought, that it is now I that struggles with the idea of love. Lexa stood quietly next to her, waiting. But still, she thought, it would be easier to fight the end of peace with someone at her side. Someone to guide her and carry her demons with her, someone she could trust.
Cautiously, blue met green. Their hands inched closer, time stood still as they touched. Finally, Lexa merged her fingers with Clarke's, they relaxed. Finally, they thought, we can begin what should have started long ago. Finally, we can be whole again. No longer incomplete but a mosaic of broken parts. The wind blew, blowing fresh air through the torn holes in their souls. The ground who once reeked of death now smelled like hope and new