A/N: I've been fighting a serious case of 'the world sucks' blues and the writer's block that comes along with it, and then all of you come in and be the sweetest damned people. So I figured, hell, I'm just gonna sit down and write something: and here it is. It's really long for a one-shot, and I wrote it in one sitting, so it might be very disjointed, and is totally un-betaed. But it's something down on paper, and that's more than I can say has happened in a long while. So if you're interested, here's a journey I see our two ladies taking in the course of adopting a child.
Six steps, Maura had told her. Just six.
Why had she fallen for yet another one of her wife's almost lies?
It didn't matter why. Because no matter the reason, she was stuck, in the long haul, and she wouldn't have it any other way. She and Maura were going to adopt a child. Plain and simple.
Step 1: Choose an Agency
"Mauraaaaa," Jane whined, her head falling to her desk when the honey-blonde produced another stack of papers. "I swear, any more paperwork and I'll get carpal tunnel."
Maura laughed unrestrained, sitting herself down on Jane's lap and taking over filling out the form.
"If our love-life hasn't given you carpal tunnel yet," she practically purred, "I doubt a few more adoption documents will make much of a difference."
Jane grinned, pulling Maura back against her, turning her head to plant a firm kiss on her lips. Maura reciprocated full force, her neck craning to get more pressure. She dropped the pen, her hand lifting to caress the column of Jane's neck. Jane's hands squeezing her hips a little tighter.
A disgruntled noise behind them broke them apart, Jane swiveling the chair to face the intruder. Frost was backing away, hand over his eyes.
"I didn't see anything!" he exclaimed, tripping over a trash can, the loud sound of metal on metal crashing through the room. "Really. I swear. Don't kill me, Jane!"
She laughed.
"Calm your tits, Frost," she called out, giving him enough assurance to slow his retreat. "You had a reason for coming, right?"
Carefully, he spread his fingers, his eyes peeking out from behind them.
"We got a body down on Tenth. You two love-birds good to go? Or should I call Cooper and Pike?"
"No!" they shouted together, Maura hopping off Jane's lap.
"Let me get my bag. I'll be out in a minute!" the honey-blonde called over her shoulder.
Frost winced as she passed him, as if expecting a punch, but she just breezed by. Jane chuckled, standing up and smoothing her pants to rid herself of the wrinkles Maura had left.
"How're you gonna handle being an uncle if you can't even handle Maura Innocent Isles?"
She received a scowl, and Frost scoffed.
"Doc, innocent? She wouldn't think twice about signing my suspicious death off as an accident if she ever felt so inclined."
They stared at each other for a few seconds, before they both broke out in matching grins.
"Okay. She'd totally think twice," he conceded with a laugh, "but then go through with it anyway."
"Exactly. But at least you realize she's the only woman in the world you shouldn't mess with."
"And the children you two bring up? They're gonna be hell-raisers just like the both of you."
Jane rolled her eyes, slinging her blazer up over her shoulders and following Frost toward the exit. He opened the door for her, and for once, she allowed it, graciously stepping through. When she caught sight of her wife, black bag in hand, she couldn't help but run, sweeping the unsuspecting Maura into her arms. She earned a delighted laugh, the honey-blonde's arms encircling her neck, clinging on for what she knew would be a fast-paced run to the cruiser, through the mass of people on the sidewalks.
From there, they had to do a lot of deliberating. And a lot more waiting. They worked through the handful of adoption agencies in the area, and when they finally found one they both agreed on, the waiting really started. The waiting for the paperwork to be approved. The waiting for their screening to be completed. Just a whole lot of waiting overall, but at least they could say they had one step down. Five to go.
Step 2: Enroll in MAPP Training
Maura rushed in from the darkness of outside, a pile of mail in her hand. Jane frowned from her spot on the couch, one arm and leg dangling off the side.
"When did we leave for work this morning?" she groaned, rubbing her eyes.
"I believe it was around six," Maura confirmed, throwing the mail on the counter and heading for the kitchen. "It's too late for a large dinner now. A lot of food at this hour would throw off our digestive tracks: keep us up all night."
Jane gave a smug smirk, but made no move to get up from the couch.
"There are plenty of other things to keep us up all night," she murmured, her chest flushing at the thought.
"Jane!" Maura chastised, throwing a newly bought head of lettuce onto the countertop along with some other fresh vegetables. She also produced a beer, which she opened and walked over to Jane before going back to wash the food. "You do realize once we have a child in the house, we can't go around fucking like bunnies."
Jane wasn't sure if she choked on her beer from Maura's uncharacteristic swear or her uncharacteristically correct colloquial phrase. Either way, her shirt was covered in beer, and Maura continued before Jane could even respond.
"I've never fully understood that phrase. Yes, while rabbits tend to have copious amounts of sex while in heat, it is only ever for reproductive reasons. Did you know dolphins are one of the only animals not in the primate family to engage in sex solely for pleasure?"
Jane's laughs cut her off, the brunette gasping for air as she tugged at her shirt, failing to get it off as she continued her hysterical laughter.
"Is that really what goes on in your brain? Really? Or do you just like messing with people?"
Maura was no longer offended when Jane made fun of her facts. On the contrary, she smiled, happy to entertain the love of her life.
"You should know by now that's exactly what I think about."
"What about now? Anything else you'd like to get out?"
Maura's brow creased in concentration as she thought, her eyes trained down at the precise cuts she was making on the lettuce.
"The term 'vegetable' was coined not by the scientific community, but by cultural and marketing communities combined. It is simply used to differentiate taste differences like 'sweet.' When people say that fruits can be distinguished because they contain seeds, they are correct, but they are wrong to say the rest are vegetables. Technically, the rest are simply seeds."
Jane rolled her eyes and stood, throwing her shirt in the vicinity of the washing machine before striding over. Maura could feel Jane's bare skin on her back, even through her own clothing, and she temporarily lost motor functions, the knife clattering to the counter.
"Like you said," Jane murmured, "We won't get to do this too often with a kid running around. So I figure we better get as much in as possible."
Her hands traced the curve of Maura's body, feeling the skin jump at her touch. She loved winding Maura up. She loved releasing that tension more, though.
She kissed behind Maura's ear, letting her tongue wander the expanse of her neck, sucking lightly, and then just a little harder. Feeling Maura comply with her hands, relaxing against her body, she let her fingers dance across the bare flesh of her alabaster thighs, feeling a familiar dampness as she crept higher.
Maura's breath left her in a rush, and Jane's hands did the same. She let out a whimper, spinning around and taking the initiative to kiss Jane insistently, pushing them backward and into the fridge. Jane laughed into Maura's lips before fully returning it, her hands finding purchase on Maura's neck.
"I meant to prove a point," she murmured, "but I am kinda hungry."
It was Maura's turn to chuckle lightly, stealing another tender, but still firm, kiss, before stepping back.
"Fine, fine. Later, then," Maura agreed.
They didn't exchange any words for the next few minutes, content to stand side by side, cutting vegetables and having a small shoving match with their hips, laughing constantly. Of course Jane's salad was drowned in dressing, while Maura's had just enough vinaigrette for flavor.
They moved to the breakfast bar, Jane haphazardly pushing the mail out of her spot, knocking it all to the ground. She gave a groan, staring at it momentarily before actually bending over to pick it all up. She stopped, though, when she saw a letter. She stopped all movement, her eyes locked on the label at the top corner of the envelope.
Maura came up behind her, putting a hand on her back and using it to keep her balance as she craned to see what Jane was looking at. She gasped.
"Is that…?"
"From the adoption agency?" Jane finished. "Yes."
"Should we…?"
"Open it?"
Maura nodded mutely, even though Jane could not see her. The brunette still knew the confirmation she had given.
Slowly, Jane picked up the letter, turning and extending it to Maura. They turned it over together, hesitating. Each of them put their thumb under each end of the flap, slowly moving toward the middle until the envelope ripped open.
Jane swallowed audibly, letting out a shaky breath as Maura removed the letter.
"Wait," the brunette stopped her, taking the piece of paper and setting it on the counter. She turned to face Maura, gripping her forearms, securing the two of them together.
"No matter what it says, I still love you."
Maura gave her a small smile.
"I'd be silly to think otherwise," but, after a beat, she added, "I'll still love you."
"And if it's no, there's lot of other agencies out there to apply to. We'll just be back to step one."
The honey-blonde nodded, cupping Jane's face with her hands, running the pads of her thumbs across Jane's cheeks.
"You're my wife."
"You're my wife," Jane repeated.
"And we can do anything. Kid or no."
Jane nodded, turning her head to kiss Maura's palm, her eyes closing as she stayed there. Maura replaced her hand with her lips, pouring her love into the kiss she gave her detective.
"Now let's just get this over with, hmm?" she whispered.
Jane sighed, pulling back.
"You read it."
Maura read it in silence, her face unreadable until the very last word. Jane bit her lip, rocking nervously on the balls of her feet.
"Well?" she prompted, immediately chewing at her lip again.
"We've been accepted," Maura said slowly, her voice numb with shock.
Jane let out an excited yell, lifting Maura up in her arms and swinging her around. Maura hugged her tightly, the letter dropping to the ground as her fingers weaved through Jane's hair, her legs wrapping around Jane's hips.
Their lips met automatically, their breaths syncing in heated excitement. Maura pulled back only when she started to feel dizzy, but her grip did not waver around Jane. She just buried her face in Jane's neck, breathing in her comforting scent. The brunette took the hint, making her way to the couch and sitting down, keeping Maura rooted in her lap.
"What now?" she asked quietly, her fingers dragging lazily through Maura's hair.
"We take MAPP training classes."
"Training classes?" Jane scoffed. "You know everything there is to know!"
Maura pulled back far enough to give Jane a warning glare. Jane just grinned back at her.
"It's not just about that, Jane. I might know the facts, but the point is to learn how to handle it. I've got to work on my instincts. You've got to work on your knowledge."
"Harsh!" Jane teased, but her grin gave her away. "You calling me dumb?"
"Hardly!" Maura exclaimed, giving Jane a playful shove. "I'm saying that it's just about the experience. Learning things with each other. Learning how to handle it together, and work together, and just be there with each other to understand exactly what to expect."
Jane pretended to scowl.
"Which means we have to do it, huh?"
"Yes. We do. It's only ten weeks, babe. Can you handle one class a week for ten weeks?"
"Can't we just take ten classes in ten days and be done with it?"
"I'm afraid it's not that simple," Maura murmured, her attention suddenly faltering as she caught sight of Jane in her bra.
Her index finger traced the curve of Jane's jaw, dragging it down her neck and across her shoulder. She then traced it back, then down the valley of Jane's breasts, watching, mesmerized, as goosebumps trailed in its wake. She stopped when she hit the fabric of Jane's bra, her eyes instantly snapping back up to meet Jane's. Her wife's were significantly darker, pleading with her, burning with wanton desire.
"Where were we?" Jane tried, a heat rising in her cheeks.
"I believe we were about to fit ten to twelve years' worth of loud sex into one night," Maura hummed.
Jane swallowed.
"Right. That."
She wasted no time heaving herself off the couch, lugging Maura away with her and to the privacy of their bedroom.
The classes weren't as bad as Jane expected. Each one taught her something new about herself, as well as what it took to be a parent. They went through all the expected behaviors of an adopted child, and also both she and Maura began to learn what their strengths and weaknesses would be when it came to parenting, and therefore they saw exactly when they would need to be there for the other.
Step 3: Begin the Homestudy
"Did you make that list, Jane? Of references for the social worker?"
"Uhh…I got names. Is that all we need?"
"No! Quick! Write down their addresses and phone numbers."
Jane scowled as Maura rushed by, dusting every surface she could reach as she ran.
"Do you know Korsak's address?"
"No. Find it!"
"What about Marisa?"
"She lived in your apartment building Jane!"
Jane chuckled, writing down the woman's address and phone number, followed by Korsak's and Chang's and Frost's.
"Yeah. That time I was just screwing with you."
She had meant to be light, but as her eyes scanned over the list again, she found herself frowning.
"Hey Maur?"
"What is it? The social worker is going to be here in a couple minutes."
"Is…is it okay that we don't really have…friends?"
"Of course we have friends, Jane. What do you call Frost?"
"A friend. Who I…work with."
Finally, Maura stopped her fussing, concern flashing over her face. She made her way over, sitting down next to Jane.
"It's just a reference list, Jane. It's not like we spend our life with work. We just…spend it with the people we work with. And with each other. It doesn't mean we can't provide…"
"Yeah…okay."
"And you have our health statements ready?"
Jane chuckled.
"Yes. And the income statements. And the 'autobiographical statements'" she imitated in Maura's tone.
Maura whacked her lightly, standing and returning to her cleaning.
"Whyyyy," Jane whined, throwing herself down on the couch. "Why did you make this extra stressful on us?!"
"I simply made it more efficient. I had him come by for the home visit to ensure our house and neighborhood are up to standards, and then let him stay to perform the first interview. It just made sense."
"Yeah," Jane mumbled sarcastically into the cushion. "Makes sense to people with nerves of steel."
"Which you have," Maura murmured lovingly, plopping down playfully on top of Jane's back.
Jane gave a groan, but did not lift her head.
"Jane?"
"Hmmm?"
"Jaaaane,"
"Hmmmmm?"
Maura swept Jane's hair to the side, leaning down to kiss the back of her neck. She placed feather-light kisses on every inch of skin she could find, going faster and faster until Jane was giggling beneath her. Maneuvering gracefully, Jane rolled over so Maura was straddling her stomach, leaning up to capture Maura's lips more fully.
"Do I have your attention?" Maura whispered into her lips, nipping at them playfully.
Jane grinned, kissing her more fully, her fingers threading in her honey-blonde locks.
"Depends on what kind of attention you wanted," she said coyly.
"Jane," Maura chastised, putting her hand flat to Jane's chest and pushing her fully back onto the couch.
"What?"
A light rapping on their window made them both jump, and they looked up to see the social worker looking back at them sheepishly from the giant picture windows.
Maura blushed a shade of crimson, dismounting Jane and getting to her feet before rushing to the door.
"Y-you're early," she stuttered out as she swung the door open.
He gave her a smirk.
"It's fine. I need to know you're real life, and it's…well, it's good to know you two are in a good place."
"Oh," Maura said, her brow creasing. "I guess that makes sense."
He nodded, stepping past her and into the house.
"Should we get started for real?"
"Please," Jane exclaimed.
The man took his time, going through their entire house, from the smoke detectors to the cleaning supplies to the safe Jane kept her firearms in. And, when he seemed satisfied, they all made their way back to the living room.
"Did you want somethin' Pete?" Jane asked, jumping over the back of the couch and to the kitchen. "Water? Tea? Coffee? Beer?"
"Water's fine," he said with a smile.
"Err…can I have a beer?"
He laughed, relaxing a little further in one of the chairs opposite the couch.
"Yes. You can. It's your house."
She grinned, getting the drinks and returning, sitting herself down right next to Maura on the couch.
"So, we can start off pretty general, I'd say," he began, getting out his notes. "What is your previous experience with children?"
"We both watch T.J. when we can. Oh, he's my nephew," Jane started. "And I always used to watch the neighbors' kids when I was younger."
"Besides that, the only other times we see kids is on the job. And Jane…you should see her comforting those kids."
He nodded, writing some things down.
"And the relationship with other family members? Is everything good? Okay? Don't speak?"
"We're still in touch with both our mothers and my two brothers."
"Are they around often?"
"Often enough," Maura agreed. "But we know, or we learned, that for the first month or so we need to keep family contact to a minimum. To let the child adjust to us as parents."
And the list of questions just kept coming. But by the end, they were both in high spirits as they waved the social worker goodbye.
"What's left on the list? Until we can…I dunno, get a kid?"
Maura smiled, extending her arms to hug Jane to her.
"They need to fill out the actual home study report, finish background checks, and call us for any follow-up interviews they need."
"So…?"
"Three to five months."
"But there's not much else for us to do?"
Maura shook her head against Jane's chest, letting her eyes close.
"Nope. Step three is done, babe."
Step 4: Matching
They got the call about a week later to confirm their successful homestudy, and three months later, they got the more important call. A sweet, gentle, mild-tempered little boy, whose parents had not left him, was how the caseworker described him. And that was important. That was the first thing they established during the homestudy. No living relatives, because it was obvious both Jane and Maura would hunt them down and beat them senseless. That wasn't, strictly speaking, encouraged. His name was Tyler, and his parents had not neglected him. They had not abandoned him. His father had died in Afghanistan, saving a native family. His mother had passed a few months after, not from stress or depression. From a heart defect.
Maura paced nervously, biting at her nails. Dresses littered the floor around their closet, casualties of the honey-blonde's picky taste. She collapsed on the bed, letting out a defeated sigh.
"What do I wear, Jane?" she murmured.
Jane stuck her head in from the bathroom, toothbrush hanging from her mouth. Her eyes went wide at the sight she saw. She removed the toothbrush.
"Jesus, Maur! Looks like a bomb went off in there! This isn't your dissertation interview, it's an eight year old kid! I doubt he'll care what you wear!"
"I just want to make a good impression," Maura mumbled, running a hand through her hair nervously, sweeping it from her face.
Jane sighed, wiping toothpaste from the corners of her mouth and making her way over, sitting on the edge of the bed next to Maura. She reached out and carefully took Maura's hand in her own, guiding it to her lap and squeezing gently.
"He's gonna love you, sweetie. Anyone who doesn't love you from the moment they see you is not in their right mind."
The corners of Maura's lips turned down in the slightest frown, and she leaned over, her head falling to rest on Jane's shoulder.
"How can I be a good parent if I'm scared of him?"
Jane laughed lightly, letting her hand stroke up and down Maura's arm.
"You were scared of me when we first met."
"Terrified."
"Well?" Jane prompted, nudging her until Maura let out a giggle. "How about now? Still scared of me?"
"Only when appropriate," Maura murmured, kissing Jane's cheek until the brunette turned her head and got a real kiss.
"Then it's okay to be scared. Just know in your heart that it'll pass."
"You think it will?"
"I think when that kid needs a mother, you'll be there, fears be damned."
Maura let out a shaky breath that turned into a nervous laugh.
"Look at us. We haven't even met him yet."
Jane gave her another light kiss before standing and rubbing her hands together.
"Now. Clothing dilemma," Jane said in her mock professional voice. "Go with something bright, but something you can move in. Okay? No short dress. Either a long one or pants. Deal?"
"Deal," Maura confirmed.
Jane thought she had gotten through to her wife, but as they neared the steps of the foster home, she felt a familiar rapid breathing by her ear. She sighed, slowing them to a stop, turning to face Maura, taking both her hands.
"It's okay. Deep breaths. You're gonna do just fine. Just fine."
Maura tried to listen, but she could only continue her short gasps, her body starting to shut down. Just must have sensed it because she doubled her efforts, cupping Maura's face.
"This was your crazy idea to get a kid. I'm doing this for you because I love you no matter what. But if you're not ready, you need to tell me. Otherwise no one is gonna be happy—"
"I'm ready," Maura said.
Her words were quiet, but they were steady. Jane peered deep in her eyes, searching the hazel. The honey-blonde's breaths evened out; she felt safe, under Jane's worried gaze and her firm grip.
A few more seconds, and Jane was convinced. She reached out for Maura's hand, holding it tightly.
"Then let's go meet Tyler Wolf."
When they had arrived, he was playing on the floor, tinkering around with some discarded Legos. Slowly, both of them made their way over. Jane crouched down in front of him, Maura standing near her, hand on her shoulder.
"Hi," she said, her voice free of its usual gruffness.
"Hey."
He looked around the floor, barely interested in them. Jane felt Maura take a step closer to her. It was Maura's involuntary reaction when she went off deep in thought. The closer to Jane she was, the safer she felt in her own mind. And Jane knew exactly what was going on up there. She was thinking of all the studies out there that showed children in the foster care system eventually build up barriers to keep from attaching.
Like not making eye contact. Acting uninterested.
"I'm Jane. This is my wife, Maura."
He continued building, the sandy hair of his bangs getting in his way until he swiped at it.
"What'd you do?" he asked quietly, his fingers running up the sides of the structure he had built. "My daddy was a soldier. Momma was a teacher."
"I'm a detective," Jane said.
"Really?" his sky blue eyes shot to hers.
She smiled reassuringly and nodded her head.
"Yeah."
His eyes stayed locked with hers for a couple of seconds. Beside her, Maura's hand tightened its grip on her shoulder. His little brow creased, a small scowl appeared. But it was not in any negative emotion. It was in concentration. He lifted his hand, reaching for her arm. His tiny fingers squeezed her bicep, his eyes inspecting his work. She couldn't help the laugh that escaped.
"Think I'm not strong enough, buddy?"
He thought for a moment, then shook his head, giving her a small smile.
"Just making sure."
She gave another laugh, and the sound made his eyes shine just a little brighter. She reached to her belt and pulled off her badge, handing it to him. He traced the gold, clutching it in his hands.
"Can I…keep it? 'Til you leave?"
"Yeah. Yeah, you can."
He stared down at it for a couple more seconds, before sitting up straighter to gain access to his own belt. He clipped it on with surprising dexterity before looking back up at the pair.
"What about you?" he addressed Maura.
"I….I'm…" a million things were running through her head. A million answers. A million facts about child development. Nothing came out though. The only thought that she could actually grasp as all the others flew by, was that they were really here. They were adopting a child.
Luckily for her, Jane was there to save her.
"She helps me out. Catches bad guys with me."
"But you're not a cop?" even though she hadn't answered, he still spoke to her.
This time, she managed to shake her head, her knees bending to bring her down to his level.
"Do you like building things?"
He nodded, looking down at the tower he had built.
"Did you know this building was constructed in 1956?"
"That's old."
Jane laughed again, and this time, Maura joined in.
"Yeah, it is."
A few hours, many, many Lego towers, and lots of facts later, they had to leave. Saturday bodies were the worst. They said their goodbyes, and he followed them out into the hall.
"We'll be back, okay? We…we wanna take you home," Maura said. "If that's alright with you."
He looked at them sadly.
"'course I'd like that. But you don't gotta promise me nothin'," he mumbled. "It's fine. Other people've come 'round. They don't ever come back. Even when they said they would."
Jane saw the tell-tale flush of Maura's anger, and she rushed in, crouching down once again to put her hands on his shoulders.
"We're telling the truth. Come three months from now, you'll come home with us. Promise."
He gave her another sad smile, reaching for her badge. She stopped him.
"Keep it. Keep it 'til we come back."
Hope flashed in his eyes.
"You mean it?"
"Yeah. That way you'll know we'll be back. No matter what."
She stood up, her arm automatically wrapping around Maura.
"We'll see you later," Jane said. "How does a week sound?"
He grinned.
"Great."
Step 5: Visitation
Their work had gotten hectic after that. Really, really crazy, but they hadn't stopped coming. Even if it wasn't usually together, they still came whenever they promised. As an almost unwritten rule, they never asked him about himself. Never asked him about his family. They knew that if he wanted to tell them, he would.
A month or so later, Jane took him out to her favorite diner, hoisting him up onto the swiveling bar stool.
"You gonna teach me more?" he asked excitedly, grabbing the counter and spinning himself around, giggling.
"C'mon, buddy! Maura's the smart one. You know that."
"That doesn't mean you don't know things too!" he protested.
Jane made a face at him.
"Is that your way of sucking up to me, hmm?"
"Maaayybe," he admitted, grinning like a fool.
"Fine. Fine. Now eat your hamburger. And don't tell Maura. She wouldn't be too happy."
"Why? What're you gonna teach me?"
"All the guns your daddy used."
"Really?" he asked excitedly, his hand automatically reaching for Jane's badge.
Since she had given it to him, she herself had gotten a new one, and he always insisted on wearing it out with her.
"Yes," she affirmed, pulling out her personal phone and pulling up the regulation guns.
A few months later, and more specifically the last night before they were allowed to take him home, Maura had come by after she had finished an autopsy.
It had been late, but she had promised him she would come, so after a little begging on her part with the foster mother, she had been allowed up and to his room
Knocking tentatively, she put a foot carefully inside the room.
"Tyler?" she asked quietly. "You awake?"
He grumbled sleepily.
"What're you doin' here, Maura?" he murmured, his voice scratchy with the sleep he had yet to shake off.
"I promised you I'd come," she said simply, walking over and placing herself on the edge of the bed.
He smiled into the darkness, scrambling to sit up.
"How was your day?" she asked.
"Good enough, I guess," he said, playing with the edges of the blanket. "We got to go out to the park. It was fun, but I fell of the slide. Hurt my knee."
"Can I look at it?" Maura asked him quietly. "I'm like a doctor."
He nodded, pulling down the blankets. Carefully, she removed the bandage, flicking on the table light to get a better look. It was definitely scraped up, but someone had taken very good care of it. The smell of alcohol and peroxide came from the surrounding skin, the cuts already scabbed and without infection.
She leaned a little closer.
"What?" he asked, his brow furrowing.
She pressed her lips to the wound, letting them linger there for a few seconds before pulling back, grinning at him.
"I've been told that makes it feel better."
He giggled, scooting over a little.
"Would you read me a story? Not a long one."
Maura smirked at him.
"Only if you pick it out."
Excitedly he hopped out of bed, clambering over to the small selection of books on the nightstand. Maura caught sight of Jane's badge, resting directly next to the pile, and she couldn't help but smile. Tyler would be their son. Tomorrow, they would get to take him home. He wouldn't be theirs for another nine months after that, but it would feel like he was.
He bounded back, the first Harry Potter clutched in his hands.
"I know I said somethin' short…but you'd only have to read a chapter. Momma used to read it to me. We…we never got done. I tried reading it by myself but there's still some stuff I don't know."
Maura fought the urge to cry with the sentiment, knowing he was okay, sharing the book with her. Allowing her to continue where his mother had left off. Almost like the adoption.
"Did you want me to start from the beginning? I'm sure it's been a long time…"
"Would you?" he asked hopefully, hopping back into bed and under the covers.
"Sure," she chuckled, but she stopped laughing when he looked at her expectantly.
Her eyes darted from his to where he had laid the book and back. He wanted her to lie next to him. Slowly, she shifted until her back was at the headboard, swinging her legs up. She took the book from the mattress and started to settle down when he startled her. He maneuvered his way under her arm, his head resting on her shoulder, eyes glued to the page.
She hoped he couldn't feel the pounding of her heart, because it was racing. It was speeding ahead like a first-timer on the Autobahn. This was so new. So…wonderful. She adjusted her grip on the book, making sure both of them could see the first page before she took a deep breath and just read.
One chapter turned into two, into three, until footsteps padded toward them. Maura thought it was the foster mother there to yell at them, but a teenage girl appeared, her worried turquoise eyes looked shocked, startled even.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I just…I saw your light on, Ty. I was worried something was wrong."
Maura didn't hear the words right away. She was stunned into silence as the girl took another tentative step into the room, and more importantly, into the light. She looked older, fourteen or fifteen, but what was so frightening was how much she looked like Tyler, and Maura could only come to one conclusion. These light haired, light eyed, round faced children were undoubtedly siblings.
Finally, her brain caught up with what her ears had heard, and she smiled.
"No need to apologize," Maura said quickly. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have kept him up this late."
She immediately knew this girl was who had treated Tyler's knee. She cared about him, more than she would ever admit.
Maura's admittance seemed to be enough for the teenager, for she turned, but Tyler's voice stopped her.
"Sis, wait!"
Immediately she stopped and looked back, her eyes focused only on the little boy.
"Maura, this is my sister Maddie. Maddie, this is Maura. She's gonna be takin' me home tomorrow."
Maura saw the hurt flash through Maddie's eyes, but the blonde girl immediately covered it up with a smile, though her eyes were still in pain. It was a smile for the courtesy of her brother, hiding her fear from him. But Maura saw. She saw that she was the thing making every single nightmare this girl ever had come true. She was taking her brother away, leaving her here to rot for the rest of her childhood.
"That's great, little man. Now get some sleep," Maddie whispered, and Maura heard the same stubbornness Jane always donned when she was petrified. "You've got a big day tomorrow."
She left quickly, not looking back. Maura sat up, ready to leave, when Tyler's small hands tugged her back.
"Please stay," he asked quietly. "Just one more chapter."
Maura felt torn. She wanted to talk to Jane about Maddie, but when she looked back into his pleading eyes, any thought of leaving, left her. She relaxed back against the headboard and continued reading. Both of them had fallen asleep, and Jane had arrived the next day to find her wife and her future son cuddled together in the small twin bed. Gently she roused Maura, managing to lift her up and off the bed without waking Tyler.
"You're lucky I pulled an all-nighter at the precinct!" Jane said, her tone hushed, "Otherwise I'd have been worried sick."
"I'm sorry! I just…" she faltered. "Can I…ask something of you?"
Jane's eyes narrowed.
"I don't like that tone. That tone is what always ends in me elbow-deep in some serious shit."
"Please, Jane. Something happened." At the panicked look on Jane's face, she redirected. "Nothing…happened, but…I…I learned something new."
"That's like saying I, Jane Rizzoli, took a breath today, Maur."
Maura sighed.
"Tyler has a sister. I guess…I guess he just never told us since we never asked. And the adoption service didn't because in our application, we said we wanted someone younger than ten."
"You can't be asking what I think you're asking," Jane hissed. "We barely have the knowledge to tackle one. Now you want me to handle two? I…I don't know, Maur. I just…"
She took a deep breath to slow her rambling.
"I'm scared," she admitted.
"Me too," Maura murmured. "But Jane, I could not live with myself knowing I split them up. She loves him, Jane. She loves him too much to tell him to tell us 'no,' and she loves him too much to ruin his chances at leaving. Which also means that when he leaves, she'll become even more emotionally unstable than most teenagers stuck in the foster care system, and I can't do that. I can't—"
Jane cut her off with a kiss. A strong, fervent, persistent kiss, cupping her face and pulling them together.
"I love you," she whispered into Maura's lips. "I love you so much. I love your heart. I love your selflessness, and your compassion, and your knowledge."
She kissed her again, letting their hitching breaths meld together, feeling the heat of Maura's blush beneath her fingers.
"I will talk to the case worker. Right now, okay?"
Maura nodded, resting her forehead to Jane's.
"I can't thank you enough, you know?" she asked quietly, brushing Jane's cheek with her knuckles.
"Sure you can," Jane murmured. "Love me for the rest of time."
Step 6: Becoming a Family
The first week went smoothly, but that was when both children were in their polite phase. Then Maddie started acting like a rude teenager and Tyler started showing his messy habits. And as a few months passed, both were very keen on testing authority.
They had been planning on going to a movie that day, but Maddie downright refused. That left them two options: don't go at all or leave her alone. Bringing in other family still wasn't an option. They needed time to establish their own relationship with the children before more people came into play.
"Maura, I don't know."
"We need her to know we trust her, Jane—"
"Well, I don't!"
Maura took a moment to let it sink in.
"Yes. I don't entirely either, but it's not fair to her if we don't give her a chance. One chance. Then, based on the results, we can have evidence on whether or not we can trust her."
"But…but what if she gets herself in trouble. Danger? I just…I don't know. What if she runs away? What if she dies just because we leave her alone—"
"It's three hours. Three hours, and we laid down the rules, and we'll be back. As a fifteen year old, she needs to know that we're willing to give her freedom. That's one of the main things teenagers crave."
"What?"
"Independence and identity."
Jane chewed at her lip, still not sold.
"A lot can happen in three hours," she muttered.
"We'll never know until we try."
Frowning, Jane gave Maura a once-over.
"You're not giving in, huh?"
"No. I want to trust her. I really do."
"What happens if you're wrong?"
"Then I'm wrong and we give consequences."
Jane took a final deep breath, looking into Maura's eyes for any doubt.
"Okay," she breathed, then turning to yell up the stairs: "Tyler! C'mon, buddy, we're gonna be late for the movie!"
He bounded down the stairs, shoes tied, windbreaker on, just as Maura had asked him.
"We gonna see vampires and werewolves and ghosts," he sang, sprinting down the hall and crashing into Jane's legs in what she could call a hug.
"Thanks for taking me," he mumbled, and Jane ruffled his hair.
"Of course. And Maura's got another surprise for afterwards."
"You do?" he asked.
Maura nodded as she buttoned her jacket.
"Awesome!"
He ran outside.
"Lima, Oscar, Victor, Echo!"
Maura chuckled.
"He won't stop spelling things."
"Yeah, well, it's more to connect with his father. Military alphabet and all."
"It was sweet of you to teach him."
"Yeah, yeah. Real sweet. Now can we go? Please?"
"Right. Bye Maddie!" she called.
She got half of a groan in response.
"Be good, be safe, I love you," Jane called out, all in one sentence.
She closed and locked the door behind them, looking forward to a good day out.
The movie was good, but Jane found herself more entertained by the quiet conversation Maura and Tyler upheld, discussing the inaccuracies of the different monsters from different time periods all in a hotel.
Afterwards, Tyler couldn't stop asking about the surprise they had in store for him, so they went straight there. When they pulled into the storage facility, he looked at them both rather confused, and that confusion deepened the crease in his forehead when they got out and stood in front of a unit.
"What's this?"
"It's some of your parents' old belongings," Maura explained, cringing slightly as Jane heaved the door up. "We were going to bring both of you here to pick out some things to take back."
"Right now?"
Maura nodded.
"Right now."
Jane dusted her hands off, bending down to look him in the eyes.
"You can take as much as you want, okay? And not picking it doesn't mean it's gone forever. We'll just keep it here and if you want we can come back later for more. But I have one condition."
He immediately nodded his head.
"We need help with picking things Maddie liked too, okay?"
"Okay!" he exclaimed. "I know all the stuff she liked. She always looked at Daddy's flag and their wedding photo. Oh, and they got her this…this….mirror thing to hang in her room. She didn't know where they put any of it, but it's gotta be here, right?"
Jane grinned at him.
"Yeah. Probably is."
She ran her fingers through his hair, and he smiled back.
"Thanks, Jane."
"Not a problem, buddy. You ever need anything, you can let us know. You know that, right? We're here to help."
He nodded, taking a couple steps forward and wrapping his arms around her.
"I know. Lima Oscar Victor Echo."
"Love you too," Jane murmured.
"I'm sorry if my sister isn't very nice. She's not very nice to anyone."
Jane chuckled.
"She's a teenager."
"Don't ever let me be like that," he said seriously as he pulled back. "Please?"
"Ty, if that's what you want, then that's what I'll do. Promise."
He turned to look at Maura, his expression expectant. It took her a moment, but she smiled.
"I promise too."
Satisfied, he spun back to run into the storage unit.
Maura approached Jane, quietly taking her hand, her other hand gripping Jane's upper arm.
"It's hard," she said quietly.
Jane just nodded, her eyes not leaving the excited little boy.
"I want him to know we're not about replacing them…"
"But you want his love," Jane whispered.
"This is important, though," Maura reasoned. "He needs them as well as us."
She moved to stand in front of Jane, wrapping the brunette's arms around her as she went. Jane kissed the top of her head, her lips lingering against her skull. Only a little bit longer.
The drive home was far more entertaining, Tyler nearly bouncing off the walls in excitement as he talked about the few things he had picked out. One was a signed baseball glove Jane was happy to display. The other was a small photo of the four of them at his fourth birthday.
When they asked him why he didn't want more, he shrugged and answered as if it was the simplest question in the world.
"Because if I took all their stuff then I wouldn't get to enjoy your stuff."
Jane pulled the car into their spot on the street and went to unlock the door before helping Maura unload, but she stopped. She signaled them to wait and walked through the threshold of their house, instantly aware of the bad feeling she felt in her gut. But what was worse was a familiar sound, moans and creaking, coming from upstairs.
"No."
Jane laughed. Dark and angry and disbelieving, the laugh rumbled up because any other reaction and she would've had to arrest herself. She stormed up the stairs, hearing the surprised, frantic ruckus she expected.
"No, no, no, no, no," she glowered, eerily calm but just as low as she slammed open the door.
She drew her gun, halting the boy, one leg in his pants, the other out the window.
"Oh, no," she said sternly, "Back in here."
A jerk of her wrist holding the gun and he was scrambling backwards.
"Jane," Maddie groaned. "Just—"
"Say one more word. I dare you."
Maddie's eyes fell to her lap, her hands shifting her covers a little further up her body. For once she did not feel safe arguing.
"You," Jane indicated the boy, "get to go out the front door," she said, looking at him expectantly.
He stared back for a moment, unsure whether to be the testosterone-filled man he was expected to be or the scared little boy he wanted to be.
"C-can I put my pants on?" he asked quietly.
"You seemed very keen on getting out without them on before. My being here shouldn't stop that," her voice was still even.
He didn't argue, nearly running past her. She caught his arm, yanking him back to face her. Her eyes bore into his, flashing with a rage more powerful than hate.
"I see you back here, I will not hesitate to shoot you for intruding."
She watched him swallow nervously, letting the words sink in.
"Feel free to spread the word."
He nodded vigorously, and she released him. His footsteps echoed down the stairwell, the front door slamming shut, leaving the house in a deafening silence. Jane's eyes focused back on Maddie, who was trying not to shrink away, but her shoulders hunched, despite her set jaw and balled fists.
Jane tried to gather her thoughts, put them in a way that would get through to this girl, but she couldn't. All she could think was that if she didn't get control of the burning anger she felt, she was going to ruin Maura's chances at raising these children.
But before she could speak, Maura stepped in front of her.
"Madelyn Wolf you get your ass over here right now."
It's her professional voice. Her cold, scary professional voice that Jane has only heard her use once. But this one sounds worse, because there's the slightest waver in it. It's like a suit of armor that has the smallest nick in it, but that nick means the armor's seen battle and death and horror beyond imagination. It's shielding, but it's also a message. She's done giving. She's done.
Maddie must have heard it, because even with the embarrassed flush she had in her cheeks and ears and neck, she stood, taking the sheet with her as best she could.
"I trusted you."
The void of emotion failed. Her voice almost cracked, but then it was back.
"Good thing I won't make that mistake again."
Her body stayed rigid beside Jane, her back straight.
"Get dressed."
It was at an octave so low she had to force it out, the words scratchy.
"Then go to the car."
Her eyes locked with Maddie's, and for the first time, the teenager considered that she had misjudged the identity of the alpha male. After a few seconds of glaring, her eyes dimmed in defeat.
"W-where are we going?" she asked quietly.
"My gynecologist. We're getting you daily contraceptive because I am done. I am done looking out for you. If you want to make bad decisions, go on ahead. See if I care."
The last words had a bite to them, daring Maddie herself to care; it was the hardest slap of all. And Jane saw it. The flicker of hurt across the teenager's face at the realization that she had lost respect. That she had respect to lose, and then that she had squandered it. More importantly, Maura, even in her anger and rage, still had the couth to put Maddie's health first.
Maura's hand gripped Jane's arm as she turned, giving a small tug. Jane knew to follow, her stone façade never breaking until they were safely downstairs. Maura collapsed into her wife, her body shaking as she held her tears back.
"I don't…I don't know if that was right."
"Sweetie, sweetie it was right, it was good, you did good," Jane murmured, all the sentences running together.
Maura sniffled, breathing in deeply and letting it out slowly.
"But adopted teens that show signs of high sexual activity are usually just looking for a sensation of love and affection. T-that was not loving or affection—"
"No, no, no, honey, you did! You did because that girl has not seen someone care about what she did since her mother, okay? You did it right. Just right."
"You…you think?" Maura asked quietly.
"Yes," Jane whispered. "Now. Back straight." Maura complied. "Shoulders back…." She did. "Tits out…."
Maura laughed, glad she had Jane to lighten the mood. The brunette did so further, embracing Maura and lifting her up, kissing her playfully. Maura couldn't help but giggle, their kiss growing steadily deeper.
When Maddie didn't make her usual disgusted noise as she passed them, they knew they had at least scratched the surface.
"Be good," Jane murmured, giving the honey-blonde a final kiss.
"Always."
"Did you need me to call whats-her-face? Give her a heads up you're coming?"
"That would be great."
"And you're sure you don't need an appointment, sweetie?"
"Positive. I called her the second I knew we were taking Maddie home. She said she'd be ready any time, any place. Call me if she's not in the office, okay?"
Jane nodded, kissing her forehead.
"Hey Maddie!" she called out the door.
"Yeah?" the teenager called back tentatively.
"Be good. Be safe. I love you."
She said it like it was any other time. Because she didn't want the girl thinking this was about love. It wasn't. Respect and trust, definitely, but not love.
What she got was no response. Same as usual.
She gave Maura a reassuring smile, tapping her ass as she turned for the door.
"Love you too, sweetie."
"And I love you, Jane. Make sure you make something for Tyler before six."
Jane nodded and gave a dismissive wave, shutting the front door after her wife.
In the weeks that followed, though, instead of Maddie's wrath being dispersed between the both of them, it was directed mostly at Jane, and the stress of handling it was getting to her. She was drowning in self-doubt and the hate Maddie showered her in. She was sinking further and further down, and she couldn't seem to find her limbs. The only thing still keeping her conscious was Maura. Always Maura. But she wasn't sure if Maura could salvage this.
The only moments that made it alright were when she saw Maddie and Maura having civil conversations, even if it was just small talk. Insignificant jokes masking real feelings. But at least it was nice, and that was what kept her going.
The next week held another visit from the caseworker, and Maddie just seemed dead-set on breaking Jane down before he came. The only times she was even remotely polite was around Tyler. Still, Jane didn't realize everything had to get worse before they could really build their relationship up.
The day had started normally enough. Jane had gotten up early and made breakfast, gone back to sleep as soon as Maura came downstairs. Maura had made sure both kids got ready on time and drove them to school. Got back in time to find Jane in the shower. Joined her of course.
They had gone to work, stayed until the kids needed picked up, and then brought them home. Jane had stayed a little later to work with Frost on interpreting evidence, but she had gotten home in time to help make dinner.
"Kids. Wash up and sit down. Food's almost ready."
Tyler did so immediately, but Maddie stayed curled up on the couch, her eyes locked on the television set.
"Maddie," Jane called more sternly, craning her neck to see into the living room.
The blonde girl waited just a few seconds longer before standing, and Jane caught something. The girl swayed slightly, her hand reaching to steady herself on the end table. Frowning, Jane looked away before Maddie could catch her stare. What Maddie had just displayed, dizziness after standing, was a symptom of anemia, she remembered Maura telling her, but it also could just have been from being immobile for a long period of time.
It wasn't something distinguishable without testing, but she wasn't exactly sure how she could bring it up with the girl. Maura she could certainly tell, but that was not dinner conversation, she was sure of that. So for the time being, she just continued helping Maura carry things to the table.
Tyler sat, his knees in front of his chest, until Maura gave him a stern look. He looked down sheepishly, his knees falling to hide under the table once more. The smile he had given her, though. Bright, beaming. Loving.
"Hey, can we go sledding tomorrow, Mom?"
Jane saw the name had only been an accident from Tyler's mouth at the shock that flashed in his blue eyes, but Maddie didn't seem to notice. Or at least she didn't care. Because she didn't speak a word the rest of the meal. She just sat, rigid, eating slowly and never looking up.
"Maddie?" Jane said carefully, knowing just how delicate everything was.
But she couldn't seem to keep the words in because in front of her was Maddie's unfinished steak. Uneated protein. Uneaten iron. To get more oxygen in her blood.
The teenager didn't answer.
"Could you eat a little more steak? Please?"
Maddie rolled her eyes, instead just shoveling in another bite of mashed potatoes.
"C'mon, Maddie. Just one more bite—"
"Don't tell me what to do when you're not my mother!" she shouted, slamming her hand down on the table. "You're not her, you're not my father! You can't replace them! You can't expect me to go around pretending I have to listen to you! You're all tough and strong and badass, but you don't scare me! And you most certainly don't own me—"
"Damn it, Maddie, this is my house and my rules, and while you're here I expect you to follow them!"
The words had come out as a shriek before Jane could stop them.
"Yeah, well maybe I don't wanna live here," the teen had glowered, standing up in a rage, knocking her chair over. "I'll be out in three years."
A few hours later, after playing a game with Tyler and sending him to bed, Jane and Maura stood back in the kitchen, cleaning up. Neither wanted to speak. They knew their situation; they were trying their best to map the uncharted waters they were stuck in. But it was like they were using just a match to light their way in infinite darkness.
Jane finished off her beer, dropping it carelessly into the trash. She walked a little closer to Maura, but caught sight of Maddie's chair, still lying on the dining room floor.
"What do we do?" she asked in a whisper. "Is there anything…to do?"
"I don't know," Maura admitted, scrubbing a little harder at the dish in her hand.
"Is it…unreasonable to…want to be her parent? Should…should we just be a placeholder for her until she's eighteen and can do whatever the fuck she wants?"
Maddie crept carefully back down the stairs, truthfully still hungry, but the voices she heard drifting from the kitchen made her stop. She moved just the slightest bit closer, enough so that she could peek around the corner and watch the two women.
"Children who have an adult figure to go to for help, as a pillar of strength after they've reached adulthood themselves are much more likely to be successful—"
"Maura," Jane cut her off sharply.
The honey-blonde sighed.
"I already told you, Jane. I don't know. I know what I want. But my mind is telling me it might not even be possible. I just…I want to keep trying—"
"I can't," Jane whimpered, her head in her hands as she collapsed against the kitchen counter. "I'm so sorry, babe. I just…I can't do it."
Maura was across the room in seconds, wiping her soapy hands on her designer dress as she went. Her now-dry hands instantly wrapped Jane in a secure hug, holding her tightly until the brunette relaxed against her. She didn't need to be hugged back. That wasn't the point.
"Give it some time," she whispered into Jane's hair. "Just a little time."
"Time isn't gonna change anything, Maur!" the words burst from her lips more angrily than she had intended, and she was instantly comforting the honey-blonde while being comforted simultaneously. Apologizing until the words died out.
There was a span of silence, when all they did was hold each other. Their rocking caused the occasional creak of the floorboards, but they didn't speak. They just…clung, like letting go was the only thing that they couldn't do.
"Time isn't gonna make that girl my daughter."
"Don't say that," Maura chastised, kissing the side of her head. "You don't know that."
"I do!" Jane breathed. "I know it, but that doesn't mean I want it, Maur. I want more than anything to call Maddie my daughter, but I just can't."
"Of course you can. We can adopt her, and—"
"It's not about that. I…we don't have the privilege of calling her our daughter until she sees us as her mothers. It's just as simple as that. Until she can look at us and see us as the good guys who'll always be there for her, we don't have the right to call her our daughter."
Maura didn't answer. She knew it was true.
"And it's…it's not fair," Jane's voice was shrill, at least an octave higher than Maddie had ever heard it. "I love that girl. I love her so damn much, and I just wanna protect her. But any discipline I give her, she's gonna take as an affront to her pride or her mother or something, but that doesn't mean I can just stop! I gotta do what's best for her, and if it makes me the bad guy, then hell, I'm gonna be the bad guy! That's not what hurts….It's that, if I really was her mother, I could tell her things that would keep her safe, and even if she didn't like it, she'd forgive it, for the simple reason that I was her mother."
"Jane…" Maura's pleading voice came. "You didn't do anything wrong. It's just a hard concept to grasp," she whispered. "She's just conflicted. We tell her we're not here to replace her parents. Every day we tell her. We don't ask to be called 'mother.' Just Jane and Maura. But it's still hard to accept…orders from almost strangers."
"I just wish she'd see," Jane whimpered, tears brimming over. "I love her. I'm just…just worried. She's been getting dizzy after standing up and I…I just…I'm worried…"
"You wanted to make sure her iron intake was high enough," Maura finished.
The words hung around them for a long moment before Jane broke down. Her weight collapsed into Maura, her shoulders shaking with the sobs she stopped holding back.
Maddie watched the tough, strong, badass Jane Rizzoli crying openly, and she felt weak. She had expected to feel proud, like she had just broken a wild stallion, but she felt as if she had just broken an angel. She felt like she had broken a perfect being, and there she was, crying at her expense. It hurt. It hurt to know that she had done something so…mean or offensive or hurtful, that Jane had been reduced to tears.
She was at a loss as to how to make it better.
Jane sniffled, finding her feet and standing up a little straighter. Maura smiled weakly up at her, brushing away the tears from the brunette's flushed, stained cheeks.
"I wanna be able to go to her soccer games and cheer and brag that she's my daughter. She is the smartest, sweetest girl, and…I just…I want that privilege. I want…I want her to want to come back home on college breaks, or after she's married. I want to see what kind of wonderful person she becomes…"
Maura heard the hesitation in Jane's voice.
"But…?"
"But it's not up to me," Jane said after a moment. "It's up to her."
"We'll wait?" Maura asked hopefully.
"I want to," the brunette whispered. "Even if she never comes around. There's nothing we can do. I still love her."
"I love her too, Jane."
She hugged Jane tighter, letting out a shaking breath as she relaxed. They were so absorbed in each other that they didn't hear the steps creak as Maddie retreated back upstairs.
The next morning, the kids came downstairs to find Maura in the kitchen, finishing plating their breakfast. When she turned, Maddie did not miss the more pronounced dark circles under the honey-blonde's eyes. Still, Maura smiled a wide smile at them as she slid the plates across the counter.
"Morning," she said brightly.
"Morning," Tyler answered.
Maddie just started eating.
"Why isn't Jane up?" the teenager asked with a mouthful of pancake.
"She…she had a rough night," Maura hedged, fighting to stop her fidgeting. "She has them occasionally. It knocks her sleeping cycle off unless she takes a full day to rest, so…"
The honey-blonde trailed off, trying to figure out exactly what to say. She couldn't, so she simply moved on.
"She'll be picking you up from school today, alright?"
"Yeah, okay."
Maura swore she saw a look of regret on Maddie's face, but said nothing. She just walked around the breakfast bar and wedged her way between their chairs. She gave Tyler a one-armed hug, pressing a kiss to the top of his head, while her other hand simply rubbed small circles on Maddie's back.
"Give me a few minutes to get dressed and we'll get going," she said quietly, retreating without another word.
Maddie shoved the final few bites of pancake in her mouth, snatching Tyler's plate. He managed to snatch the bacon from it before she was out of reach.
"What're you doin'?" he asked, leaning on his elbows to get a better look across the kitchen.
"Cleaning up," she muttered. "Why's it any of your business?"
He frowned slightly, his head tilting as she washed the plates in the sink.
"'Cause you never do any work. Something wrong?"
"No, nothing's wrong!" she snapped. "I just…thought it'd be a good idea is all—"
She stopped talking when Maura's footsteps echoed closer from upstairs.
"Go!" Maddie hissed, waving him toward the door.
He complied, walking out the front door and to the car. She threw the plates back into the cupboard and snagged her backpack, skidding down the hall and out the front door. Maura walked into the kitchen, only to find it empty. Slightly confused, she stuck her head out the front door. Maddie and Tyler were already in the car waiting.
She got into the car with them, starting it and pulling from the spot.
"Now, Jane doesn't know which entrance to go to, so you need to call her, Maddie, and tell her."
"Okay."
"And if anything goes wrong, you have my office number."
Maddie shifted nervously in her seat, looking down at her hands.
"Okay."
Maura frowned at the repeated, apathetic response, but she did not push. She simply reached out, put her hand on Maddie's knee, if only for a moment, before returning it to the wheel.
She slowed the car to a stop and unlocked the doors.
"Have a good day," Maura said. "Love you both."
"Bye," Maddie mumbled, getting out of the car and rushing away.
Tyler stuck his head into the front seats from the back, kissing Maura's cheek hurriedly.
"Loveyoubye," he rushed out, jumping from the car before Maura could even answer.
She sighed, unable to keep the smile from her face from the time she left the school to the time she pulled into work.
Jane awoke in her normal post-Hoyt nightmare groggy state. Sitting up, she grumbled as the sheets stuck to her still damp skin. She stretched, glancing over at the clock, a wave of energy crashing over her when she saw the time.
A sticky-note attached to the side, though, made her relax: Don't panic, Jane. I called you off. –M
She let out a sigh, standing and heading for the bathroom. She stripped her shirt and pants off, scanning herself in the mirror for damages. Normally she woke with cuts and bruises all over, from the flailing and scratching, but the only marks seemed to be light finger-print bruises on her upper arms: where Maura had held on tightly.
She smiled to herself, and it seemed silly. She was smiling at marks her wife put on her. But they showed what the honey-blonde had given up. Jane never understood why Maura always insisted on her resting the day after a nightmare when Maura was usually the one who had a sleepless night, but there was no reasoning with determined Maura Isles.
So, Jane turned on the water, stripped the rest of the way, and got to work washing the after-effects of her body's fight or flight mode.
She hated days off. She never knew what to do. Most of the time she cleaned, but Maua had already done a bang-up job of that, so she paced. She looked for anything to do until the kids needed picked up, and then she found it. She had gone in her truck to get some tools, when she stumbled across Maddie and Tyler's old things that they had retrieved and promptly forgot about.
She grabbed the small frame and glove Tyler had chosen and brought them up to his room, and then she got to work lugging in Mr. Wolf's memorial flag, wedding portrait, and Maddie's mirror.
The easiest part was Maddie's mirror. There was only one place in her room it could go, seeing as there was only minimal wall space, and an even smaller number of studs behind said wall space, so, she had it mounted rather quickly.
The problem she then faced was where to put the flag and picture. It had to be somewhere that was easy to see, but also somewhere Maura would approve. And Jane wasn't sure if she could interpret the mind of the doctor yet. It wouldn't hurt to try, though.
Just past the main entrance, in the hallway, there was a wooden server with some of Maura's strange décor items, above it a few photos of them. Carefully, Jane rearranged the things atop the server, placing the flag in its case in the middle. Then, after more painfully rational thinking, she removed Maura's least favorite photo from its spot on the wall (though it was one of her own favorite) and replaced it with the Wolf's wedding photo. Not in the center, but off to the side.
Her phone buzzed, and she checked it quickly, wiping her brow with her sleeve.
Maura: Leave now to pick them up. School traffic gets hectic.
Jane rolled her eyes, but did not hesitate to grab her keys from the bowl and start off.
She was about to panic when she arrived, unsure exactly where to go, when her phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Hey, umm…Jane?" Maddie tried awkwardly.
"Yeah?"
"South entrance. I've got Tyler already."
"Thanks," Jane smiled without meaning to.
"Y-yeah."
She hung up and headed to the correct entrance, pulling to a stop as the kids rushed to get in.
"How was school?" she asked them, driving away before the guy behind her could beep.
"It was fun!" Tyler exclaimed. "Today at recess, all the kids climbed on top of the monkey bars and sat."
"Why's that fun?" Maddie glowered, sinking down into the seat. "Isn't recess about exercise?"
"I dunno why it was so fun," he admitted, though his spirit was hardly dampened. "I guess it just felt different. We all talked. No one was mean to anyone else. Felt safe."
"I'm glad buddy," Jane laughed. "What about you, Mad? Anything new and exciting?"
"No."
"How about old and boring?"
"Everything."
"Wonderful," Jane muttered, suddenly feeling tired all over again.
She rubbed her eye, glancing sideways and catching Maddie's scowl. Or was it a scowl? Her brow was furrowed, but could there have been…concern?
They pulled in front of their house and the kids were out, almost as soon as she killed the engine. She shuffled toward the house, hearing Tyler's excited shouts before she even made it to the door. She caught sight of him, jumping up and down in front of the server. Maddie was standing beside him, silent. Still. Staring.
"Thanks, Ma!" he said loudly, not even bothering to correct himself.
He just ran over, nearly knocking her over as he crashed into her, his arms hugging her tightly.
"Do you wanna play a game with me?" he asked, peering up at her.
Jane looked down sadly at him.
"Not right now, buddy. I've got a headache. But we can play something when Maura gets back. Promise."
"Swear?"
"On my badge."
He grinned.
"Okay."
He dashed off, up to his room without argument. Jane sighed, rubbing her temples. She dragged herself past Maddie and to the master bathroom, knocking back a couple aspirin and going to sit on the edge of her bed. She put her head in her hands, waiting for the throbbing in her head to subside.
A light knocking jarred her, and she looked up, startled. Maddie stood in the doorway, shifting her weight as she stared intently at the floor.
"Jane?"
"Yeah, Mad?"
"I…" the teenager took a deep breath, forcing herself to look up. "I'm sorry," she breathed out.
Jane's brow furrowed, and, after a few beats of heavy silence, she patted the mattress beside her. Carefully, Maddie walked over, placing herself tentatively beside Jane, as if ready to bolt at any moment.
"Why are you sorry?" Jane asked.
Her voice was low, weighed down, extra rasp. It was her weary voice.
"I…I should've followed your rules," Madie said quietly, her eyes still trained on her lap. "I just…I wanted to-to push you. And then I just…I took it too far, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you or make you miss work or—"
"Jesus, Maddie, is that what this is about? Me missing work?"
"No! That just…it made it all worse. But it's not why I'm sorry, I just…"
"It's not about you, sweetie," Jane exclaimed, automatically reaching for the girl's hands, clasping them in her own.
Maddie's turquoise eyes shot to hers, confusion and sorrow swimming in them.
"Don't get me wrong, what you did isn't…right. But that's not…why…I…Something happened, Maddie. A long time ago, but it still…it's still with me. And it'll always be with me."
She paused, to see if the teenager understood.
"And it was bad and scary…A lot like losing your parents."
For the first time, she saw Maddie's walls breaking down, revealing her fear.
"But I have people, to help me deal with it. Maura. Maura's always helped me when I'm scared. When I have nightmares. I…I want you to know. You have people to help you too. You don't ever have to be alone with your fears or…problems, or anything. There is nothing you can throw at us that we won't be able to handle."
She dropped Maddie's hands, lifting up her left hand, palm facing the blonde girl. Maddie blinked, staring at the scar on Jane's palm for a long time. Then she slowly pressed her own palm against it, holding their hands together.
"I miss them," she whispered, her voice shrill, on the verge of tears.
"I know, sweet girl," Jane murmured, wrapping her arms around Maddie. "You'll never forget them."
Their moment was broken with Jane's work phone ringing, and she gave Maddie an apologetic look before answering.
"Rizzoli…Yeah? Okay. I'll be right there."
She hung up, and Maddie looked at her curiously.
"Got a body in my grid," she explained. "Go get your brother out to the car. Tell him to bring something to do."
The teen nodded, standing.
"Maddie?"
"Yeah, Jane?"
"I love you. You know that, right? I'm not just…I'm not just saying it because it's what families do."
The smallest smile appeared on Maddie's face, and she gave a minute nod.
"You too," she said softly. "I…I love you too."
She hurried away, but Jane caught her blush, expelling a sharp breath. Blood was pounding in her ears, her nerves running wild. That had quite possibly been the most terrifying moment of her life.
Shaking it off, though, she stood, putting on her brave face and heading for the car.
"Okay, guys, I'm gonna introduce you to some people. They're good people and I'm asking that you listen to them. Angela is my mother, and Korsak is my old partner. They'll be there for anything you need—"
Her phone rang and she answered it angrily.
"What, Ma?!" she yelled into it. "Yes. I'm bringing them in. Do not smother them, you hear? I'm only doing this because I'm desperate."
She frowned, and Maddie laughed. Jane's eyes widened as she took in the sound.
"Hang on, Ma. I gotta go. I think the world might be ending…"
She snapped the phone shut.
"Did you just laugh?!" she asked, over-exaggeratedly.
It only made Maddie laugh harder.
"Did she just laugh buddy?" she exclaimed, looking into the back seat.
"I think she did," Tyler giggled, poking his sister in the side.
Jane slammed on the brakes as they pulled in front of the station, throwing on the emergency lights and putting it in park before scrambling out. She ushered the kids up the stairs and through the doors weaving her way through the crowd of people and to the café. In all the chaos, Maddie ran up, finding her hand and clinging to her.
It felt better than Jane wanted to admit, but she kept her face calm.
Korsak and Angela were sitting at a table in the back, and Angela immediately stood, her mouth opening to spew a string of praise, but at Jane's warning glare, she simply smiled.
"Great. Okay. Maddie, Tyler. Korsak, Angela."
The group surveyed each other politely, everyone surprisingly calm. Tyler's eyes landed on Korsak's gun and he grinned.
"Glock model 27," he exclaimed. "40 caliber Smith and Wesson!"
"What have you been teaching him?!" Maura's horrified gasp sounded from behind them.
Jane chuckled.
"Important things, Maur," she teased.
Maura scowled, but her expression lightened after a moment.
"You ready to go?" she asked her wife.
"Yeah," Jane said with a nod.
She crouched down to her kids level, putting a hand on each of their shoulders.
"Be good, be safe. I love you."
"Love you too," the kids said together, waving after her as she ran off, dragging Maura with her.
"Did she just…?" Maura whispered, her shock evident.
"Oh yes she did," Jane laughed a low, disbelieving laugh.