A/N: I've been in a weird mood, and in an even weirder mood when it comes to 'Naruto' related stuff.
This is just a meaningless thing I was thinking about the other day, so I decided to write it for Naruto's B-day. It's gloomy, and I have no idea why it's become about Sasuke more than about Naruto, but I guess that, lately, when I write canon, my feelings towards Sasuke and Naruto as individual characters are very clear.
This can be seen as a random canon one-shot, or as a scene from the future of 'From Which We'll Rise' since it's fitting for the fic.
Well… I hope you guys like it?
Not betaed, and I'm sorry for the typos you might find.
Someday
Sasuke was in a peculiar mood as he silently slipped through the wide gap of the Hokage office that night and landed his feet gracefully on the floor. It was late, and yet the lights were on, expectedly, so he wasn't exactly surprised when he saw a figure sitting at the large desk but bended over the surface, clearly sleeping. Slumping his shoulders, he sighed.
Walking around the desk, his eyes ran over the mess of papers and pens, noticing empty wrappings of chocolate scattered about and a couple of ceramic bottles of sake.
In spite of himself, Sasuke refrained from twitching his nose in annoyance. Unfortunately for him, even though he felt like being recriminatory, he couldn't find the will to even think about it. As he looked down to the figure of the current Hokage apparently sleeping with his face completely buried in his arms, Sasuke could only frown a bit sadly. It was difficult not to empathise, Sasuke pondered, placing a plastic bag carefully over a few papers, staring at blond locks that were still sticking out in every direction.
Sasuke understood Naruto's feelings as if they were his own, so he couldn't criticize him with genuine honesty – he would never be that hypocritical, never towards someone who shared the same situation as his. Of course, he and Naruto were two, very different people, and both of them dealt with their issues in their own individual ways, but it still felt painful, especially when they knew that someone was to blame.
That sort of resentment Sasuke would never really let go of, even if now it seemed far too late to hold grudges or even hope that, someday, things could change.
These were things Sasuke tried not to think about, but that assaulted his mind every single day.
Biting on his lower lip, he reached out across the desk and placed his right hand at the top of Naruto's head. He allowed himself the small indulgence of running his fingers through the messy strands before closing his fist around them and giving them a firm tug.
A muffled groan emerged from the depths of Naruto's crossed arms.
"Oi, Hokage-sama," Sasuke called monotonously, offering another tug. "Do you know how late it is? How shameful of you to be drinking in your office and falling asleep like this on your own birthday."
With a start, Naruto brusquely straightened up in his chair, blue eyes very unfocused but wide as they met Sasuke's serious ones.
For a moment, Sasuke almost smirked at the trail of drool sliding down the corner of Naruto's mouth, but that would completely ruin his image of the responsible adult of the two.
"Sasuke!" Naruto said loudly, his voice a bit hoarse but his happiness instantaneous. He blinked a few times before rubbing at his eyes vigorously and wiping his mouth with his sleeve. As Naruto beamed at him, Sasuke wondered how it was possible that, even as a grown man, he could still act so childishly when around him. "Holy shit, I had no idea you were coming! You could've sent your hawk or something!"
"And what would be the fun in that?" Sasuke asked, with an elegant shrug that was falsely nonchalant. "I got you something."
Immediately, Naruto's eyes fell to the plastic bag in front of him and seemed to become even brighter than usual. Sasuke always enjoyed watching the way those eyes seemed to flare with life unexpectedly. Naruto had become so serious and withdrawn in the last few years, but somehow, no matter what Sasuke did, it was sure to bring the life back to those endless pools of infinite blue.
Naruto wasn't shy in grabbing for the bag and excitedly taking out the small grey paper box and opening it, revealing the small strawberry cake inside. From the look of happiness on Naruto's face – a face that, just for a moment, didn't show the exhaustion and obvious signs of age – one would think that it was best birthday gift in the world. It both embarrassed and annoyed Sasuke to no end.
"It looks delicious, Sasuke! Thanks!" Naruto said jovially, smiling widely at him. "Let's eat it together!"
"It's not like you don't have one four times bigger than that one waiting for you at home," Sasuke couldn't help but point out, running his hand absently over the surface of the table.
He recalled the image he had when he passed Naruto's family home, of Boruto sitting alone at their kitchen table, staring sadly and angrily at a large cake that awaited the birthday man. Neither Hinata nor Himawari could be seen, but it was clear that the boy was still waiting for his father to come home so he could wish him a happy birthday.
Naruto's smile faltered slightly at that and became a little strained. "Ah, is that so? I've been really busy with work lately…"
"I bet you have," Sasuke muttered, knowing perfectly well Naruto's excuses by now. They were getting old, but Naruto still managed to make them sound convincing, somehow, even if he literally found ways to pull unholy amounts of work out of his ass to back them up. Sasuke stopped trying to reason with him long ago, but then again, who was he to talk? He had no morals to give his best friend advice when he barely set foot inside his 'home' or visited his own daughter.
Still. He never wanted Naruto to be that kind of man, which was why he couldn't help but try and wake him up.
"But I'm really happy you're here!" Naruto said, walking around the table and extending both his arms towards him with a devious grin. "Come on, give me a hug! I haven't seen you in months!"
"That doesn't mean I want to hug your drunk ass," Sasuke said with a grimace, but doing nothing to stop the action as Naruto's arms hugged him by the neck. "Did you even shower today?"
"I shower every day, silly," Naruto muttered, burying his face in Sasuke's neck with a small sigh against his skin. "Ah, I missed you."
"Yeah."
In spite of himself, and in spite of trying to ignore his own feelings of longing, Sasuke ended up patting Naruto's back uncomfortably. All these years later and he still didn't know how to separate his feelings from the reality they were living, and he still didn't know how to not feel these overwhelming things whenever Naruto was close like this. No matter what, he still wanted to feel the heat of Naruto's body, his arms around him, his scent…
He missed it all every single day. But he couldn't be like Naruto, he couldn't just… embrace his feelings like Naruto did while things were the way they were. One slip and he'd be left in the pits of his own personal hell. It happened far too many times already and it was never pretty.
So he kept his wits about him and tried not to touch too much, not to indulge too much.
But Naruto was breathing softly against his neck, clearly taking in Sasuke's scent, and he didn't seem to want to let go.
Gods, he was such a difficult person.
"Seriously, you idiot; you should go home," Sasuke whispered. "Your son is waiting up for you."
Naruto leaned away slightly to look at Sasuke's face properly, blue eyes scanning his features in an evaluating way, their faces still too close for comfort. "What about you?" he asked softly. "Have you gone home, yet?"
Always smartly giving a definite end to the issue, Sasuke considered, frowning slightly. They were two of a kind, and Naruto never hesitated in reminding him.
Yes, they were the same, but also very different. Because Sasuke would turn his back on everything and everyone if only Naruto were to say 'yes' to him. Sasuke hadn't been naïve into believing happiness resided in Konoha like Naruto had. Years had passed, their lives had been turned upside down, and yet, happiness was still miles away for both of them.
But reaching out for it would be so easy, Sasuke knew, if only Naruto were to say 'yes' instead of still being afraid…
"I am where I need to be right now," Sasuke replied slowly, causing Naruto's eyes to soften, a frenzy of emotions reflected in them.
"So am I," he said, with a single nod of his head. His hands moved to be placed on Sasuke's shoulders, giving them a meaningful squeeze. "My days are lived waiting for the moment when you'll show up, Sasuke. I can't… not be here when you do."
Sasuke heaved a long sigh and, carefully, took a step back, away from his friend, Naruto's hands tensing for a second before silently letting go, resignedly.
"I could be here every day," Sasuke said, once they were no longer touching. "Not here, but with you, like you want to. All you have to do is say it. You know that."
Naruto bit on his lower lip and looked away, to the screen of his computer. "I know that," he admitted. "I don't have to say it, do I? You know exactly how I feel and what I want. But… I can't, Sasuke. Not yet."
"You say 'not yet' as though you actually believe I'm expecting something from you," Sasuke retorted, with a dry snort. "We both know I don't. I stopped expecting it when you decided Konoha was your home."
From the corner of his eyes, Naruto peeked at him almost shyly, but there was an intensity in that gaze that made something unpleasant happen to Sasuke's heart. "I won't allow you to stop hoping," he said lowly. "I didn't. I still hope, and I still dream of things. It's not over yet. You never know when I might ask you to marry me."
Sasuke almost laughed, but the weight inside his chest was too heavy and didn't allow him to, not even to mock the other man.
Instead, he just made a clacking sound with his tongue. "You must really be drunk to say such atrocious things."
"Maybe," Naruto conceded. "But I don't say half-hearted things to you, not even when I'm drunk."
They shared a silent look that lasted for a few seconds. Many things were said between them with just that one look, things Sasuke didn't want to listen to but couldn't help but absorb them with all he had because… in the end, that was the only thing that made him know that it was okay to hope, even if just a little.
If those things weren't there, surely he had lost his path long ago.
"So… will you let me share the cake with you?" Naruto asked casually. "If you came all the way here for my birthday, then we should at least celebrate it properly. I still have sake, just so you know."
For a moment, Sasuke considered all the other times he and Naruto had indulged in drinking together – most of those times had either ended up in heated arguments or heated fucking. Sasuke often found that he missed both – or better, needed both – but the feeling always exhausted him. He knew he shouldn't want such things, knew that. No matter how it turned out, he'd regret it deeply for weeks on end, but no matter how much he tried to avoid it, how much he tried to run away, no matter how many times he said 'no'…
There would always be a time when he would say 'yes'.
Because Naruto was his – his lover, his soulmate, his best friend, the single person he had devoted his life to.
And while all of this was real, it was also nothing but a fractured piece of what they once had and of what they could have today. Only they didn't.
So, it was real, but it was a lie. Everything was a lie.
But it would always be like this, and Sasuke knew it.
And today, Naruto celebrated another year of being alive, and for that, Sasuke would always be thankful. No matter how many years passed, he would always come back to see it through with him because it was all he could do.
And even if it bothered him that Naruto neglected the life he had chosen for himself, just the fact that he would always celebrate this day with Sasuke exclusively, waiting for him no matter what…
That had meaning.
So, at least on this day, Sasuke would say 'yes' and pray that, sometime in the future, Naruto would say 'yes', too.
The end