I saw this interview with Darren Criss (Blaine) where they asked him what he wanted to happen in season four. This story is his answer.
Crazy Train: A Rachel Berry Story.
Rachel Berry was in hysterics. She was on a train bound for New York, something she had been dreaming about for as long as she could remember. Then why was she so upset? Oh that's right. Her fiancé just broke up with her... kind of. Its complicated. Rachel knew she and Finn would always be together, so she shoved all thoughts of the past out her mind for the moment and just thought of the present.
She had never been on a train before. Besides that one time in, but no one counted that time. She chose to suppress that memory. Though this was her "first" time on a train, she was fairly certain that the train should not be going this fast. Looking around her train car, she saw that there were three young muffin children and fifty- four senior citizens. She sneezed, and it almost caused her to pee her pants. She decided to run to the bathroom.
Rachel snuck through the car, trying to sneak by and not disturb anyone. She finally got to the nearest bathroom which was right outside the engine.
It was the bumpiest tinkle Rachel Berry ever took.
The train shook uncontrollably and by now, Rachel knew the train was going much too fast. She planned to ask the conductors what the problem was. She was Rachel Berry, gosh danget, and she needed to know the conductors were competent.
She walked through the door to the engine and was shocked at what she found.
She wasn't surprised so much at the fact that the two conductors were dead. Of course they're dead. Why wouldn't they be dead? She thought. Then she realized that no one was driving the train. Instead of doing the right thing, which would be going to find someone else who worked on the train, she decided to call Blaine. I'm pretty sure he took an enginering class at some point. She thought. This was her thought process.
"Hey, hey Razzle Berray!" Blaine said through the phone.
"Blaine, I need your help."
"Sure, what's wrong?" he asked, sensing the panic in her voice.
"Blaine both of the conductors are dead," Rachel cried. "and I don't know how to stop the train!"
Blaine just laughed. "good one, Rach." he was only answered with sobs from the other line. "oh my god, Rachel are you serious?"
"Yes! Please! I need your help!" she sobbed.
"What is it?" Rachel heard Kurt ask.
"It's a phone," Blaine laughed. Suddenly the line went dead. Rachel stared at her phone in disbelief. The phone began to ring again.
"Blaine, I'm really glad that you're taking this as a joke..." Rachel cried.
"No, I'm sorry. I just said something surprising and funny so NATURALLY Kurt and I had to start making out."
"BLAINE. I DON'T CARE. JUST HELP ME! PLEASE I'M SO SCARED." Rachel sobbed.
"Okay. So... I took an enginering class. Now do the conductors know what's going on?"
Oh my God. Why did she call Blaine? Why? She decided she needed a man. Men knew how to drive trains. She needed man advice. She dialed the number in her phone while still keeping Blaine on the line.
"Hello?" Beiste answered.
"Coach, I really need your help because I'm on a train and Blaine just made out with Kurt and-"
Beast cut the rambling Rachel off. "Whoa whoa. What's the problem?"
"BOTH THE CONDUCTORS ARE DEAD AND I CAN'T STOP THE TRAIN!"
"WHAT?!" Beiste yelled, startling her lunch dates, Sue and Will.
"Rachel, it's Mercedes." obviously Mercedes had taken the phone from Blaine in the attempt to find out what the problem was.
"Oh hey Mercedes, it's Beiste."
"OHHHH heeeeey guuurl"
"I NEED HELP!" Rachel yelled.
"Okay. Sugar, Rory, Sam, Quinn, and Joe are here. The other half of the New Directions are at Blimpies." Mercedes said. "I think Puck might know something. I'll call him."
"Thank you!" cried Rachel.
"Wait, we're at Blimpies too!" Beiste said, excited. She looked behind her table, and sure enough, there were half of the New Directions eating sandwiches.
"OH MY GOD SMALL WORLD!" Beiste said, waving.
"HEY GUYS!" Artie called.
Beiste, Sue, and Will all got up and walked towards the teenagers.
Suddenly, Pucks phone rang. "Hello?"
Pucks face went from a very happy expression to one of horror. "Rachel I don't know how to drive a train!" he said sadly.
Rachel just started crying even harder.
"Who is it?" Tina asked Puck.
"Everyone grab your sandwiches. We have to take this outside." The mohawked man said.
Everyone got up and followed Puck outside, confused. He put the phone on speaker. They all heard a crying Rachel and Quinn trying to calm her.
"EVERYONE IS HERE." Puck yelled. "DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT TRAINS?!"
It was silent.
Out of nowhere, Everyone heard Kurts beautiful voice.
All aboard! Hahaha
Crazy, but that's how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe. it's not too late
To learn how to love, and forget how to hate
And then Blaine started to sing.
Mental wounds not healing
Life's a bitter shame
And everyone but Rachel joined.
I'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train
I'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train
I've listened to preachers,
I've listened to fools
I've watched all the dropouts
Who make their own rules
One person conditioned to rule and control
The media sells it and you live the role
Mental wounds still screaming
Driving me insane
I'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train
I'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train
I know that things are going wrong for me
You gotta listen to my words, yeah, yeah
Heirs of a cold war,
that's what we've become
Inheriting troubles,
I'm mentally numb
Crazy, I just cannot bear
I'm living with something that just isn't fair
Mental wounds not healing
Who and what's to blame
I'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train
I'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train
"Yes. Yes that song was the most beautiful thing I've heard all day," Rachel said through the phone. "BUT CAN WE PLEASE FOCUS ON THE PROBLEM AT HAND?!"
"Sassy," said Tina taking a bite of her sandwich.
Suddenly the door to the front of the train burst open. In walked Sebastian. ... Sebastian?!
"Me gusta!" Sebastian yelled. "I just heard someone singing Crazy Train,"
"... Sebastian?" Everyone on the other line said in unison.
"... Sebastian?" Rachel said. "It's nice to see you and all, but I'm in a little bit of a crisis. I don't know if you know this, but the train is out of control and the two conductors are dead."
"I know, Rachel," Sebastian said.
"RACHEL?!" Blaine yelled on the phone.
"Yes?"
"How ya doin'?"
Rachel hung up the phone.
"Why are you on this train?" she asked the Warbler.
"There's something in New York. Something I can't let them get."
"What is it?" she asked, Forgetting that no one was driving the train.
"I shouldn't have said anything. Just- Rachel, I have to tell you something..."
"What is it?" she asked skeptically.
"Rachel there's a bomb on the train."
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