Criticality
Chapter One
"Tell it to me straight, doctor – how serious is it?" Mr. Burns grabbed hold of Hibbert's stethoscope. "He will live... right?"
Dr. Hibbert looked to the ground, shutting his eyes gravely. "Mr. Smithers is suffering from acute radiation sickness. I'm afraid that given the dose of radiation he's received, there's a greater than fifty percent chance he won't make it, even with the best treatments."
Burns' eyes widened briefly in terror before he narrowed them once again into a threatening scowl. "You will remain here and attend to him in my infirmary. Your other duties at the hospital are hereby cancelled."
"Mr. Burns, you can't just order –"
"Oh, can't I?" He smirked. "It would be a shame if I cut the power to the hospital, now wouldn't it?"
"Nice try, but we won't succumb to bullying. The hospital is fully equipped with backup-generators."
"If you do not do as I say, I will cut the power to the hospital indefinitely!"
Hibbert sighed and then spoke into his phone. "Sheila, I'll need you to cover my four o'clock shift," They left the hall and entered the room where Smithers lay in a hospital bed, pale and shivering and clutching at his abdomen, hooked up to an IV administering electrolytes, fluid, and antibiotics. Dr. Hibbert attended to the multiple monitors giving off an incessant stream of beeps and whirs.
Mr. Burns leaned over Smithers and dabbed at his forehead with a moist sponge. Smithers looked into his eyes and faintly smiled before leaning over the opposite side and vomiting into a bucket. Mr. Burns kept the sponge to Smithers' forehead and squeezed it slightly, releasing some of the cool water onto his forehead. "You're a real hero, Smithers." He dabbed the sponge along Smithers' cheek. "Every bit as heroic as your father was."
After retching a bit more into the bucket, which Dr. Hibbert helped lower to the floor, Smithers said in a strained voice, "I'm glad it's me and not you." He moaned in a spasm of pain. "You wouldn't be able to survive this."
"He's right, you know," said Dr. Hibbert, turning to Mr. Burns. "If that radiation had hit you, you would be dead by now."
Mr. Burns took Smithers' hand and interlocked their fingers. "I swear you will live through this. Dr. Hibbert said you would live. You're going to be fine – just fine, Waylon, I swear." He dipped the sponge into cool water and dripped it over Smithers' forehead. "You'll be just fine."
"The inspectors are scheduled to arrive soon! Smithers, I'm shaking. Hold me."
"With pleasure, sir." Smithers compressed him in a hug for a few seconds before Burns shook him away.
"Let's make sure those knuckleheads in 7-G aren't making a show of their incompetent boobery."
"Good idea, sir."
"Where the devil is that triad of twits?" he said, pacing his office after a search of the sector had turned up no sign of Homer, Lenny, or Carl. They caught a glimpse of the three on one of the security monitors and headed for the uranium processing sector.
"No one will suspect we're down here," said Homer, giggling.
"I don't know, Homer, this seems kind of dangerous to me," said Carl.
Lenny waved his hands and said, "Yeah, I want no part of it."
"Come on, be cool..."
Lenny turned to Carl and said, "Well, can't argue with that logic."
"Think fast!" Homer said, hurling a frisbee.
Lenny caught it and tossed it back to him.
He tossed it to Carl, and it hit Lenny in his eye.
"Ow! My eye! I'm not supposed to get frisbees in it!" Carl picked it up and tossed it back to Homer.
Mr. Burns and Smithers advanced on them and came right beside Homer just as he was tossing it. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" yelled Smithers, and Homer fell off-balance, the makeshift frisbee flying off-kilter toward a stack of precariously perched tungsten carbide bricks. As Burns stood there berating them for their tomfoolery while they slinked back toward the door, Smithers noticed the topmost of the neutron reflecting bricks falling and about to collide with the highly-enriched uranium below and gasped. "Get out, now!" he shouted, pushing Mr. Burns forcefully out to the doorway. He pushed the lead-lined door shut, shielding Mr. Burns just as a bright blue flash appeared behind him.
Mr. Burns rubbed his thumb in circles around Smithers' index finger as the younger man drifted into a restless sleep. "Yes, old friend, you'll be just fine."