The screech was otherworldly.
It was nice seeing something so foreign and cheerful feel pain.
Who knew that stealing immortality was so easy?
He laughed hysterically, "Kukukukuku", it sounded, as it reverberated off the walls.
It was funny. He once thought he would win by stealing the body of Sasuke Uchiha. Instead, he had defiled a Zetsu and stolen his power and body ripe with Hashirama cells. Even better, was that the righteous could not condemn him for such an action - after all, he had not only done it in the name of justice but had done so at a low cost and high reward. The construct was never alive - it was already dead. By superimposing his will upon it, he had won.
Orochimaru had won. Seeing the four Zetsu become the three reincarnated Hokage and his new vessel was intriguing. However, his estimation had been incorrect, and he stood adjacent to another blob.
Although he was no stranger to horrific experiments, he gagged when he saw the "genetic material for his former teammate. 'What a degenerate, he thought.'
"Kukukuku…"
As the scream lessened, White Zetsu eventually peeled away until the flakes resembled a mane of white.
Jiraiya came back into this world screaming, shaking his fist. "O-Orochimaru?! Have you tried to use me against Naruto, you bastard?"
"Contrary to what Nagato told you in the Pure Land, it was not I who instigated this conflict." Orochimaru paused, sighing. "But, disciples aside, I have revived you to help fight Uchiha Madara."
"Huh, so where's our Tsunade?"
"Tsuna is incapacitated thanks to Uchiha Madara. If your former love rival had not intervened much in the same state you are now, she would be dead."
"You mean to tell me that masked son of a-"
Orochimaru waved him off, throwing a stone at his head. "I can't get any blunter than this."
"Hey! I was asking you a question!"
Smirking, Orochimaru shook his head as an ophidian grin erupted beyond rows of jagged teeth. "You never were one for subtleties, dead last. But alas, "Madara" as you know him was actually his disciple, Uchiha Obito. My disciple, Yakushi Kabuto formed an alliance in hopes of stealing Sasuke and completing the fruit of my interests. Later, he used the Impure World Reincarnation I had used and perfected it to revive him, which ironically was released by one of his summons, Uchiha Itachi."
'A damn shame I couldn't get those eyes.' Orochimaru chuckles to himself.
Jiraiya snorted "So, if he released it, then how am I here, smartass?"
Orochimaru threw another rock at him. "I sacrificed one of those mindless blobs to reincarnate another one."
Anticipating the coming question, Orochimaru replied preemptively. "I kept your genetic material in a private stash for Edo Tensei which I commissioned from a rather famed escort. I can't believe Kabuto couldn't find another way to synthesize your DNA. You shed your hair more often than one of the Inuzuka's dogs."
"By Hagoromo's light!" Jiraiya muttered, "You filthy degenerate."
"Hush. We're approaching Tsunade."
The toad sage and the snake sage walked over to Katsuyu, who held a limp elderly hag in her coils. He was sulking nonetheless.
He stabbed himself in the wrist and gave his recipient some of Hashirama's cells, which likely would not be rejected due to the Senju's bloodline.
She struggled to open her eyes at the predatory gaze before her.
Tsunade glared. "What do you want, snake?", she said as he smiled. She glared at Jiraya. "Don't think you can bribe me with false promises, you serpentine-"
"Tsunade, relax, it's me!" Jiraiya said, going into one of his insufferable poses.
"...wait. Why are you here?"
As his grin grew ever wider, she felt a chill run down her spine. "The list of things that interest me has expanded."
Tsunade had a sweat drop on her forehead slither down her cheek.
"Why?", she asked again.
He flashed her a snaky grin. "People change, Tsunade. Or they die before they do."
He remembered when Tsunade tried to save Jiraya but and he tried to leave him. The stubborness to never leave, even in a time as desperate as war...
Orochimaru could understand why now, even if he'd never do it himself. Outside this particular instance, anyways.
An explosion rattled in the distance as the distant hiss of a blast echoed through the war-torn battlefield, the air crackling as if a thunderstorm were approaching.
For once in this conversation, the snake frowned "If I were to wager a guess…. Then that would be the Sage of the Six Paths."
His eyes hollowed and flickered against the pale moonlight, much like the Akatsuki ring he wore. "I wonder whether the current will become a maelstrom and cleanse away the impurity which has cursed the land."
"Or whether the soft rain will develop into a hurricane which surpasses even the greatest thunderstorm."
"I sent Sasuke's team to the front lines." He frowned. "I hope they're not dead yet. As of now they will still prove valuable."
Jiraya froze. "Y-you sent them to the front lines? Are you crazy? They're your comrades, your friends!"
"I don't have any friends" Orochimaru paused again. "Plus, if they die then they can't plead against me for my supposed 'crimes against humanity.'"
"Then what are we?!", they said in unison.
"Cannon fodder." Orochimaru smiled, "Or maybe tonight's entertainment."
"Though I suppose if I'd be honest with you, you're both pains."