"But seriously, vwho leavwes a skateboard on the stairs on accident? They havwe been targeting me! I'm a vwictim for being a cool and sensitivwe guy…"
You roll your eyes as you run your fingers gently over his bruises. You would be snarking the place up like a Lalonde, but he really looked bad. You nearly had a heart attack when you first saw him, but you've learned the worse thing he has bruised is his ego… And maybe his arm, it looks black and blue. Poor big baby.
You snort when he finally stops talking and pouts like the biggest baby in the world, "Well, I have warned you about the stairs, bro, I told you, dog."
"Oh my frigging god, I'm breaking up vwith you."
"But I'm pregnant."
He groans at your obvious response, then flops comfortably on your bed, stiffening a bit and adjusting because of his arm.
Very slowly, you get up and go to curl up with him, "Hey, hey… I'm sorry, babe, don't be like that…"
He huffs, being a shit, so you play with his shitty greasy hair, waiting for him to crack, which he does, and the second he turns to you, you kiss him until he just relaxes with you comfortably.
You're going to have to deal with assholes later, but for now you're good...