Cover by ethempat.
Lost and Found
She hated it. It was a small, white flame, constantly heating her chest in the damp concrete labyrinth, pushing against the dim grey and the smell of blood and death that perverted the air around her.
He couldn't keep her inside all the time. He didn't want to, either, but that didn't make him any less oppressing. Maybe if he hadn't scarred her, forcing her to wrap bandages around her arms and legs, maybe if he hadn't broken something inside her, causing her to burn with a constant fever, maybe if he hadn't killed her over and over and over, harvesting her blood, using it to hurt other people, she didn't want them to be hurt, she didn't want anyone to be hurt, but it happened anyways-
She hated that small fire that caused her to break free, constantly looking for opportunities in their short walks to run away, despite knowing he'll just find her and then kill the person with her…
She hated it: the pain, the hope, her life.
When it first started, she used to fight back, and that just caused more pain. So she stopped struggling, instead hoping that someone could find her, save her from her torment, she didn't want the pain, even though she knew what she did-
But, unlike the flame, that hope diminished with time. She wouldn't be found. No one wants to find her, the monster, the tool...
But still…
Couldn't someone, just…
Save her?
Please…
He came to her in her dreams, at first. For the first time in her jumbled memory, instead of just grey and terror and tears, she dreamed of a blank white landscape.
She knew it was a dream, too, which was strange. Usually, it was just that room, panic rising as he raised his hand to rip her apart, and at the last moment, she would jerk up into her bed, covered in sweat and heaving, but not screaming.
There was no point in screaming.
But that time, it was different. It wasn't inherently pleasant, that place-it was an endless pale void, where she couldn't feel anything or touch anything, just the queasy sensation of eternally falling but not being able to tell if she was actually moving.
He came to her then, as a faint green glow.
"Who are you?" His voice was strange, because it was a not-voice; it had sound, but she couldn't hear it, just understand it.
"Eri." She had learned to answer quickly, in the other world. Besides, it was just a dream (her first not-nightmare, she'd forgotten what they were like).
"Hi."
There was silence, then, as the faint green glow pulsed and she fell-not-fell.
"I don't know what I'm doing," the voice-not-voice said, finally.
Eri didn't answer. She couldn't relate to that feeling, because she always knew what she was doing, she just didn't know what she could do.
"I'm looking for something," the glow continued, "but I don't know what, or why, or how…" The not-voice trailed off, frustrated.
"Are-are you looking for me?" she asked, because she had to ask, that little flame made her ask and she instantly hated it because it was a dream and she didn't want that hope when she couldn't have it, not in reality.
"Maybe," the glow answered, with an odd certainty. She suddenly felt a floor beneath her, hard but not uncomfortable, and pleasantly cool. She wasn't expecting it, and stumbled; the sensation was disorienting, the floor was still white and invisible, and she started falling forward-
The light caught her, and she gasped. His hands were warm and gentle-nobody had held her like that before, except for her grandfather, who was probably dead, dead like her father-
She noticed, then, that the light wasn't just a light-there was a faint, glowing outline of a boy concealed in the haze. "Are you okay?" he asked, and she nodded dumbly, staring at the thin, fragile lines that were his being.
Standing up still felt weird, so she sat down, and the boy sat next to her. "So, Eri, what are you doing here?"
Was this what normal dreams were like? Did people talk to imaginary boys? For some reason, she didn't think so, but it was so much better than being torn apart.
"I don't know. I'm just dreaming."
The boy hmmed for a minute, as if thinking about something, then aahed. "So, this your dreamscape, without any dreams." He looked around. "Sorry. I think I broke it, when I came here…"
He sounded guilty, and Eri hated herself because why did she always have to make people sad why couldn't she make someone smile what made her life like this-
(She knew the answer to that question, unfortunately.)
"Don't be upset," she blurted out, because there was no way that she would let the boy be sad. He looked at her, surprised. "My dreams aren't nice, anyways." She had to look away from him then, a little shy to admit it, but…"You're the nicest dream I've ever had."
"I'm not-" The boy cut himself off as she turned back him. Then he smiled.
Eri's breath caught in her throat.
(Did people breath in dreams?)
"I'm glad you hold me to such high standards." He reached over, and she had to suppress a flinch, but she was glad she did because he was just ruffling her hair and it was so gentle and warm and nice.
(Wait, how does she know how it felt if she never felt it before-)
"Ah, you're waking up," the boy said, his voice full of disappointment, but it wasn't directed at her and that made all the difference.
She followed his gaze and saw the white fading and peeling away to reveal the terrifying grey underneath. If the boy noticed her breath quickening, he didn't comment.
(She doubt he noticed, though; no one notices her, except when they need her.)
"I suppose this is goodbye," he said, standing up, and panic gripped her chest.
"Don't leave, please," she begged, because she couldn't be anything other than selfish.
The boy blinked in surprise, and then smiled again, and Eri's panic washed away like the shadows when the sun rises.
"Don't worry. I'll come again, when you're sleeping."
The grey took over, and Eri gazed blankly at the ceiling of her room, her cheeks wet.
She didn't know why she was crying, but...
She was sad.
Not scared.
Sad, like she let something go.
She cried a bit harder, then.
Her heart tried to beat its way out of her chest, as she stood in that small, grey room. He stood before her, a plague mask covering his mouth and nose, gloves off.
"Are you ready, Eri?" he asked, as if she said no, he would stop. But he never stopped, so Eri didn't respond.
She trembled and let tears fall from her eyes but she didn't scream or move. She learned not to do that.
Chisaki raised his hand, slowly, and touched her face. She flinched. He ignored it.
And then he swiped his hand to the side and her body tore itself apart as it followed and it hurt and she was dead and there was blood and she was screaming, screaming-
"Eri, Eri!"
She opened her eyes, gasping for air like a drowning man, and took in the white void and the warm green haze and it was just a nightmare it already happened she wasn't there-
Sobbing, she buried her head into the outline of the boy kneeling before her and let out her terror. She let him take it from her, as he wrapped her arms around her and pulled her in closer (was this a hug?) and she gripped onto him like he was her anchor in a stormy sea.
Slowly, the fear ebbed away as the sensation of not-pain filled her. He rubbed little circles onto her back, and it was the single most comforting thing that anyone had ever done to her, who was this person, what did she do to deserve this, she didn't want him to go away-
Her eyes finally dry, she started to lean back, only for her eyes to widen as the boy pulled in her in tighter, his muscles taut. "I saw your nightmare," he whispered into her ear, his voice gentle but full of rage. Not against her, she realized, but against Chisaki. It made her so happy she nearly started crying again.
After a long while but too short of a time, the boy finally pulled away. He left a hand on her shoulder, though, and she leaned into it desperately, taking in the feeling of someone's touch when they weren't trying to hurt her.
"W-what is he doing to you?" he asked, as if he had to know but almost didn't want to.
She opened her mouth, but the visions of the torture were too painful and too soon, she wasn't ready so quickly after another session, she didn't want to think about it-
The boy pulled her into another embrace. "I'm sorry, sorry, I shouldn't have asked, it's too painful, I understand, I'm sorry-"
Eri started crying again.
For once in her life, Eri had something to look forward to. The boy came to her every night, offering a few hours of respite in an endless storm. They quickly figured out that, with some effort, Eri could alter the room they met in.
Eri offered her mind, and the boy offered her peace.
On a particular day, they were resting on a grassy hill overlooking a meadow and under the gentle gaze of a bright blue sky.
(Eri liked this one because the boy seemed to relax and smile more.)
They boy was drawing a creature he called a butterfly onto the dirt, and she was trying to recreate it in the dreamscape, but nothing was happening. Eventually, the boy dropped his stick and leaned back. "Well, it looks like you actually need to see it in real life to imagine it here."
She curled her fingers into a fist. Why couldn't she do anything right? Why was she such a disappointment? Why-
Gentle arms encircled her, and she allowed herself to be pulled into the boy. She listened to his soft breathing and steady beat of his heart. He had grown more solid over time, the light steadily dissipating as the boy's outline grew thicker and firmer. If she looked at him out of the corner of her eyes, she could swear he was filled in with color.
Eri continued leaning into him even after he let go of her. The boy let her, fingers resting lightly on her arm, hovering over the scars like a phoenix's touch.
The silence lulled for a while, and then the boy spoke. "Eri," he called softly. She looked over. His mouth was set in a grim line, eyes hard. Eri let her gaze fall to the ground.
"Eri, what's he-"
"Not now." She curled into herself, hugging her knees and hiding her face into her calves. "Please."
The boy squeezed her shoulder. "Okay."
Eri wanted to cry. Why was he so patient with her? Who was-
Oh.
She didn't know his name yet.
That was-
She guessed it didn't matter, really, as long as he was there. A name was a label; it wasn't the person. Still…
She tapped him gently, and he focused on her like she was the most important thing in the world.
"I-um…" She blushed. "Um, what's your name?"
The boy stared for a moment, before his mouth formed a small "o."
"I guess I forgot to tell you." He chuckled sheepishly. "My name is…"
He trailed off.
"My name...my name...Eri I don't remember my name!"
Their meetings wavered after that. Eri couldn't concentrate in her dreamscape anymore as the boy flickered and fizzled, brooding. The delicious pattern that was established-the pain in reality, and the peace in sleep-was broken.
Eri should have known not to get her hopes up.
But what hurt most wasn't the loss of the pleasant landscapes or light conversations-it was the loss of him.
Sure, he was still there, the same hand on her shoulder, but he wasn't there.
His smile wasn't the same.
His comfort wasn't the same.
Nothing was the same, because she had to ask, why couldn't she just keep her mouth shut-
He pulled her into a hug, because he knew her too well. But the hug wasn't the same, either.
And so Eri pushed him away.
The eternity stretched forever, as she stood there and he kneeled, frozen.
Then the moment shattered and the boy clenched his fists.
"Eri, I'm…"
He sighed, and looked up at her. "Sorry, it's just that-"
He ground his teeth and jumped up, causing Eri to stumble back.
"It's-" He paced back and forth. "It's just that-Eri, I don't remember ANYTHING!"
Oh. Oh, no.
"I know that I had-have a life. I'm not just-" He waved his hand around vaguely. "I'm not just in this. But I don't remember what I was before, other than that there was a before. And, and-"
He fell to his knees again, bringing him back to her eye level. "Eri," he started again, his voice stretched thin, a string on the verge of snapping. "Eri, I remember some things. Like butterflies. And-" He swallowed. "And I had a mother Eri. I remember that. But I can't remember her!"
Eri opened and closed her mouth, lost. What was she supposed to do? She had always remembered, even if the memories blended together and she would rather forget. But, to have memories you actually wanted but didn't have-
Why was she so useless?
The boy continued, not noticing her reaction for once. "Eri, what must she be thinking right now? Is she even alive?" His pupils dilated. "Eri, I don't know when I left her." HIs breath came out in harsh gasps. "It-it could have been decades, Eri! Where did I come from? How did I get here?" He looked at her, eyes shimmering. "Eri, what am I?"
The string snapped.
He started crying.
Eri could only stare as the boy broke down in front of her. What-why, no, don't cry, you should be smiling-
She wondered, briefly, if this is what the boy felt every time he saw her crying.
So she did what the boy did, every time.
She pulled him into a hug.
It was awkward, since he was a lot bigger than her. But the boy let himself be pulled in-hugged her back, even, pulling her in tight like she was his anchor and not the other way around.
He pulled back after a bit, his outlined cheeks shimmering with a wet hue. "S-sorry about t-that," he choked out, before wiping his eyes. "W-why are y-you crying?"
Eri touched her face and her fingers came back wet. "I-I don't k-know," she said helplessly, and the two let out strangled giggles.
"Eri, what are we going to do?" he asked, after the laughter died and their tears dried.
Eri looked up at the sky-not-sky, that pale endless void that she fell from and was probably still falling from, despite the white floor beneath her.
The small white flame, burning in her chest…
She reached out to the sky, grasping.
No longer.
She wouldn't fall anymore.
The sky bloomed with color, blues swirling across the canvas, shifting to rich browns and greens as it reached down.
"I'll help you find your name," she vowed, turning to the boy.
I promise, I'll never be useless again.
The boy, for a moment, looked like he wanted to say something.
Then he stopped, and then he smiled.
Above them, the sun burned to life, a white flame radiating out, touching everything, and Eri welcomed it, she wouldn't run from it anymore-
"And I'll get you away from him, Eri. We can save each other." He paused, and started chuckling.
Eri tilted her head. "What's funny?"
"Nothing, it's just that-remember when we first met?"
She remembered, of course, that faint green haze that saved her with its mere presence.
"I said that I was looking for something, but I couldn't remember what it was. And you asked if it was you." He turned to her, lips twitching upwards and eyes twinkling with light.
Eri gasped, because the boy wasn't just a faint green haze; he wasn't just a mesh of lines; he was here, with skin, and color.
"And I said maybe. But now I realize, Eri, that I was looking for you. Just not you specifically." He turned away, craning his neck back to look at the sun.
"I was looking for someone to find me."
A moment of silence, stretched for eternity.
"Don't you think it's silly, that I was looking for someone to look for me?"
Eri thought about it for a moment, then started laughing. The boy joined in too, his sound spreading through the growing roots of plants and blossoming as flowers in the endless field.
"I guess I'm really, really lost," he said finally.
"I am too." It wasn't to make the boy feel better; it was a statement of fact, so he didn't dispute it.
"Well, that settles it, then. We'll find each other; you find my past, and I'll find your future."
Eri nodded, before pausing and sticking out her hand. "Pinkie promise?"
The boy's finger wrapped around hers, solid, warm, and whole. "Pinkie promise."
He came to her in life, next.
He was back to that faint green glow, but when Eri opened her eyes to the solid grey walls of her room, he was there, flickering in the corner.
"Hi," he said in his strange voice-not-voice, as if what was happening was the most normal thing in the world.
Eri rubbed her eyes, and when that didn't work, pinched herself.
"This feels weird," she muttered, rubbing her arm. "I thought I woke up…"
"You did."
"...but you're here."
The outline shrugged, and Eri couldn't help but feel a bit upset that the filled person she saw last was gone. "I'm just as confused as you are. You were waking up, and I blinked, and suddenly I was out here."
Before Eri could respond, the door creaked open. A beaked head stuck itself inside, a lackey of Chisaki.
"Yo, Eri, he wants you."
Eri's blood froze and cracked into infinitesimal fractals, piercing the walls of her veins and icing her insides.
She had forgotten, in the blissful afterglow of her new resolution-
(Which she had to figure out, really, now that the boy was out here it was probably easier for him to get her out of Chisaki's grasp that it is for her to find his memories.)
-and in the shock of the boy appearing in the real world, what day it was.
It was that day.
The day she would go into that small grey room, and Chisaki would rip her apart, then form her again, and repeat it all a few days later.
She…
She wasn't ready.
She was never ready, but she especially wasn't ready then.
"Come on," the lackey said gruffly, pulling her out of the bed by her arm.
She jerked back into reality, thoughts wheeling down an endless spiral of nononononononononononono…
She looked over at the boy-
(Some small part of her noted that the lackey hadn't noticed him, which meant that only she could see him.)
-her breath coming out shallow and quick, eyes wide.
She didn't speak, because she couldn't. She just silently willed the shocked-still phantom to stay there, please don't follow her, she didn't want him to see this, not in real life, where it can't stop-
Then she was past the door, down the twists and turns of the hallway, and into that room, and all she could do was pray that the boy didn't follow.
The door opened once more, and Chisaki entered, each step taken as if it was measured to the precise centimeter.
He stood before her and slowly peeled off his gloves.
It clicked, then, what was happening, like she had a fuzzy see-through layer coating her mind before it was ripped away like she would be.
"Are you ready, Eri?"
She bit back a sob.
Chisaki slowly raised his hand and touched her face.
She flinched.
He didn't care.
In the corner of her blurred vision, she saw a flicker of green.
Then Chisaki swiped his hand to the side and her body-
When she came to, she was staring at the ceiling of her room, like always.
Every inch of her screamed and scraped, like always.
She had a few new scars, since even Chisaki wasn't perfect, like always.
She was crying, like always.
She wanted to fall asleep and never wake up again, even though Chisaki would make her wake up again, like always.
She sat up, despite her body's protests, not like always.
She looked at the corner, not like always.
And floating there, in a horrified trance, was the boy.
Eri started sobbing.
"I-I thought it was just a nightmare," the boy said after what felt like hours. He floated over to her. "I didn't realize that he was actually-" He cut himself off, voice trembling.
It was like a double blow to Eri. Not only had the boy seen what Chisaki was doing to her, he believed that she was just being abused. Not killed.
Every.
Single.
Week.
Apologies were leaving her mouth on autopilot. "I'm sorry, I didn't meant to do it, please, I-"
Arms wrapped around her, flickering, warm, and familiar. She clung to him, letting out her fears into his chest.
"Eri," he said softly, pulling her close. "Eri, I'm going to get you out of here."
She sniffed. "You-"
"Eri." It was all he said. It was all he needed to say.
She started crying again.
The sky was a shining a false blue when she was taken out for her next walk.
The lackey that was walking her kept an iron grip on her hand, because it knew that if she ran away, it was dead.
It was okay, though, because she wasn't going to run away. Not that time.
The boy hovered next to her, close and reassuring.
The wind blew, softly. Something fluttered in front of them.
"Eri, look!" the boy suddenly said, pointing to a little splotch of color. "It's a butterfly."
Eri immediately tried to investigate, only to be harshly pulled back. "Don't you dare think about it."
Her shoulder stung, but she ignored it. Instead, she gestured towards a nearby patch of flowers, where the creature rested, eyes silently pleading.
The staring contest lasted all of two seconds before she was running over and looking.
Its petal-like wings practically dripped crimson, a sharp contrast with the white body.
"I've never seen a butterfly like this before," the boy murmured.
He quickly stopped Eri when she reached to touch. "It's delicate," he explained.
The two gazed with rapture. "You know, Eri, this butterfly reminds me of you. White," he said, running a hand through her hair, "red," pointing to her eyes, "and…"
He trailed off as the butterfly took to the air with a few gentle flaps, quickly disappearing over a building.
"Yeah," he sighed, softly.
Eri dusted off her dress before shuffling back to the lackey. Just for a moment, she saw its eyes flick over to the boy before shaking its head.
"Come on, now. Time to go."
Eri followed, thinking. The reactions of her captors towards the boy were getting stranger. At first, they didn't notice him, but gradually, as the boy's lines thickened and he slowly started filling with color, their eyes would linger where he was floating.
She and the boy were on a time limit, Eri realized. If the boy reached the state he was in right before he came to the real world…
She didn't want to think about it.
"So, I have a plan," the boy announced. "All we need to do is get you to somewhere populated, or somehow alert the pro heroes-"
He cut off.
"Pro heroes...there was something there that I...almost remember…" He frowned.
"Ah, it's gone now. Anyways-"
As the boy explained, a slow pi grtew in Eri's stomach. This was it. The final try. Because this was already going farther than any simple run away, where Chisaki can simply chase her down. If this failed, there was no way Chisaki would give her another chance, even if he didn't figure out how she got out in the first place.
And the boy...he was forming, slowly. There wouldn't be enough time for a second try, before he finally locked into reality and everyone could see him, where Chisaki could see him, she wasn't sure if Chisaki's Quirk would work on the boy, but she didn't want to take the chance-
And-and-
He was saving her, the boy.
But…
She wasn't saving him.
Why...why was she so useless?
She stood in front of Chisaki in the small grey room, trembling.
Trembling, but not crying.
Chisaki didn't notice, because he never noticed; he just removed his gloves.
"Are you ready, Eri?"
Her eyes flicked to the corner, where the boy floated. Chisaki's eyes followed, squinting, as if there was something barely out of sight.
Eri could barely see the wall through the boy. He hovered less than an inch off the ground.
They were out of time.
This was it.
Chisaki slowly put his attention back onto Eri. He raised his hand.
He touched her face.
The boy raised his hand.
And everything went wrong.
Chisaki whipped around, not tearing her apart, but the concrete, sending the walls into an avalanche were the boy was steadily lowering, lowering until he was almost standing on the ground-
Eri screamed as the chunks crashed into the corner, and suddenly the whole world flared green, and there was an outline of Chisaki standing a few feet in front of the original, who was staring dumbfounded, and the boy phased through the stone, barely moving a few feet before his feet touched the ground, that was so close, Chisaki's eyes widened and he raised his hand, but the boy was a little bit faster-
The boy reached over to the outline, thrust his arm into the phantom's head, and twisted.
Chisaki collapsed to the ground.
Grey dust drifted through the air, settling as the boy panted.
"Is he-is he-" Eri started.
"No," the boy answered. "Not dead. I'm...I'm not sure what he is, but he's not dead."
Then the boy grabbed her arm and pulled her out the gaping hole, which was unfortunately deeper into the facility.
They encountered a dozen other plague-masks as they whipped through the halls, and the boy did the same thing to them while Eri was trying to remember the way out, until they reached an intersection, where suddenly the halls were flooded with bird beaks.
Eri's breaths tore down her windpipe as she whipped around. They were so close, it can't, not now, not with the boy here-
"Eri," the boy said softly, looking at her as their doom sprinted in from all sides. "Do you trust me?"
What? Did she…
Her mind pulled back, playing through a reel of her life as if she was dying.
She…
Did he even need to ask?
"Yes," she whispered softly, a final confession.
"Then don't be scared."
And the boy disintegrated into a mass of haze and lines and melded into her.
Time slowed to a crawl; the world turned green.
"Your power," the voice-not-voice whispered inside her head, "Your Quirk. I can feel it."
Her-no, no, she couldn't! It would-
"Eri," said the soft whisper. "Trust me."
And Eri closed her eyes let go.
She offered power. The boy offered control.
The sea of bodies were overlapped by a sea of outlines, as her and the boy's Quirks merged. Slowly, then quicker, the outlines started walking backwards. Back down the hallway. Back through doors. And then back out, but as separate individuals, going about their daily business, moving from destination to origin.
Eri gaped as they outlines walked backwards through time.
"Rewind…" the boy whispered. "It can kill people, Eri, but it's a gentle Quirk. Chisaki made it violent.
"Not you."
Eri let the hot liquid roll down her cheeks.
They rewound the motions until everyone was asleep, and then the boy turned his Quirk off. The frozen bodies snapped back to their outlines, leaving Eri alone in the hallways, free to escape.
Except…
"I can't turn it off," she whispered, horrified, as her Quirk latched onto the boy's, still feeding, still reeling back time, slowly growing more powerful.
She knew, from experience, that it wouldn't stop. It would continue, sending everyone to a point before they existed.
Killing them.
And then the boy pulled, and her Quirk no longer acted on the plague-masks-
Eri screamed as Rewind started feeding on the boy.
"Eri," the voice-not-voice scratched out, "Eri, you need to get out."
"No, nonononononono stop, don't, please, you'll die." Her voice cracked and trembled, sending quakes down her legs and bringing her to the floor.
"Eri." It was all he said. It was all he needed to say.
And Eri picked herself back up and ran.
She scrabbled down the hallways, hitting corners, taking wrong turns, and it was taking too long, far, far too long-
The boy slowly went back, back in time…
Eri stumbled and her palms met grass. The unforgiving well of the night sky bared down on her as she pulled herself up, stone and asphalt digging into her palms as she tumbled out into the street, and she was still running, looking for someone, something, anything, to stop her Quirk.
She met him, in the alley.
She had collapsed, crying again, as her power inexorably killed her savior.
"I'msorrysorrysorrysorrysorry-"
"Eri, it's…"
The boy trailed off, and that was the worst thing he could have done, it would've been better if he told her he hated her, spat at her that she was a mistake, that he should've never taken the effort to try and save her, she would kill anyone she would meet, why was she so useless-
He came, then, as a tall thin man, wearing black clothes, a white scarf, and goggles.
"What's wrong?" he asked, coming out of nowhere, his voice full of experience and gentleness. "Where are your parents? Are you okay?"
All she could do was lean away weakly, mouthing "Quirk."
It was all she said. It was all she needed to say, because behind the goggles, the man's eyes glowed red, and his hair started floating.
And her Quirk turned off.
And the boy jettisoned out of her body, and the pro hero (because what else could he be, their savior?) barely managed to whirl out of the way, and the boy was there, he was alive, she didn't kill him-
She didn't even realize that she was moving forward until they were in each other's arms.
"Eri, Eri," the boy sobbed, pulling her close, "I remember. Eri, my name it's Izuku. And my mom, her name is Inko. And Eri, I was right, I left her over a decade ago, my Quirk manifested when I was four and I lost control, but I couldn't give up, because I always wanted to be a hero and heroes couldn't give up, and I couldn't be a hero if I was gone, and I was leaving my mom behind, so I couldn't stay away-"
He took a great, heaving gasp. "Eri, I remember. Your Quirk let me remember."
And Eri cried.
Not because she was scared.
Not because she was sad.
Because she was happy, because she found something.
She cried a bit harder, then.