DISCLAIMER
I don't own Arthur Dent or any other characters or concepts from the Hitchhiker's Trilogy (in five parts). They belong to the (regrettably) deceased Douglas Adams. I'm just playing with his toys.
A/N: This is a new story. The other Guide story took place in between books 'Life, the Universe and Everything' and 'So Long and Thanks For All The Fish'. This story takes place then too. I hope that you enjoy this.
Marvin sat in the deserted bridge of one of the most deranged vehicles ever to heave itself into existence. The nerve center of the Heart of Gold was devoid of living beings. All carbon-based life forms on the ship had gone off somewhere, leaving Marvin alone with the empty ship for company. Nobody thought to take Marvin with them, and nobody thought to leave him some company. But he was okay with that. He was used to it. Just so long as they didn't bestow upon him some menial task that challenged his great mental capabilities. Like that time when they made him compute the amount of nerve cells in the average human brain. Since Marvin took Arthur to be an average human, Marvin didn't even have to go into the two-digit realm.
Now, Marvin sat in a dark corner of the bridge feeling dejected. And bored. He had already counted the molecules in the floor plating, tested the bulkhead's durability, (by repeatedly banging his head into it until he just couldn't take it anymore) and found the highest prime number divisible by two. He decided that what he needed was a good conversation with somebody.
He lurched to his feet, and staggered like an unborn donkey towards the door. As soon as he had entered the door's sensor area, the happy machinery from Sirius Cybernetics immediately said, "Whoosh" very cheerfully.
Marvin responded with a deep sigh.
The door merely said, "Whooosh" again, but this time a little longer.
Marvin could see that no good could come from this, so he turned on his squeaky leg and crunched back into the bridge.
The door behind him said, "It is a pleasure to open before you and to close behind you with the satisfaction of a job well done." And beeped once cheerfully to make it's point.
Marvin turned to Eddy's main console, and knowing that he would come to regret it said, "Hi, Eddy."
Eddy's previously dark panels came to life instantly with a soft whirring sound and a few punctuated and purposefully sounding beeps.
"Hiya gang!" came Eddy's cheerful voice from every speaker on the bridge, accompanied by a ribbon of ticker tape with the words 'Hiya gang!' on it. Marvin reached over and flicked his thumb through the volume control sensor area until he had brought it down to a more bearable level.
"Eddy, your sensors tell you that I'm the only one here. Why did you call me 'gang'?"
"Well," ticker tape, ticker tape, "I just like that word I guess. Gang gang gang gang. Such a nice word, one short syllable and you refer to a whole group of people, and in a nice cheerful way too. Gang."
"Since I'm the only one here, please refer to me as Marvin." Marvin sat down wearily on a chair. He was already regretting having spoken to eddy. But it was too late now. Best to make the most of it.
"Eddy," Marvin said, "I… well, I um…I was wondering if… well could you… oh never mind."
"Marvin," Eddy said in a surprisingly soft and understanding tone, "Are you all alone, would you like me to talk to you?"
This sudden compassion broke Marvin down completely. He started crying, and through tears of oil he sobbed out, "Yes. *sob* They left me *sniff* all alone and with nobody to talk to. *snuffle* ."
"There there." Eddy said reassuringly as Marvin got a grip on himself. "You are under-appreciated aren't you?"
Marvin nodded. He didn't trust his voice.
"You are so good," Eddy continued in his new role of robotic psychiatrist "and you do so much, and nobody understands you. Is that right?"
Marvin nodded again, slightly taken back by this totally new and previously undiscovered side of Eddy's eccentric personality.
"So, I know just what to do." Eddy said reassuringly, "I'll tell you about myself. A good story would be good for you, get your mind off of your own troubles, and thinking about something else. I'll begin."
Marvin sat back comfortably and relaxed. As Eddy started telling the story, his voice took on a new tone. It was the tone of a good storyteller, a slight singsong quality that made every part seem interesting, even the boring parts. And this was fortunate, because most of the story was boring.
"Well," Eddy launched his oral autobiography, "I didn't start my existence as the computer for a ship equipped with an infinity improbability drive. Believe it or not, but I was born as an organic being, and on Earth, no less.
"My first memory is of seeing a bright light. I squirmed towards it, and I was helped along by my mother's contractions. At last I was born. I fell a couple of feet to the grassy ground. Within fifteen minutes, I was able to stand, and twenty minutes after that I could walk without difficulty. I trotted over to my mother and began to nurse.
"When I was finished, I looked around myself. I saw a great expanse of green, moist ground, and spread across it unevenly were largish black, white and brown creatures. I thought that they were the ugliest things ever to walk the face of the planet.
"That first impression lasted until I look down at my self. Then I realized that I, too was a cow."
A/N: You have just finished reading the first chapter of Eddy, A History. I hope that you enjoyed it. I know that it is a little shorter than my usual, but that's because I had a great chapter break. You can look forward to the next chapter, which will be coming soon. And in the meantime, feel free to write a review. Thank you for your patronage.