Disclaimer: not mine, no copyright intended
A/N: As some of you know, I've been struggling to write Abby/Connor for a while. I've had this fic half done for ages, and its been through several different endings (which you'll probably work out as you read) before I finally settled for this one. I hope you enjoy, and please feed the very tired muse with comments and love.
"Connor, I'll need those results on my desk first thing tomorrow. If we're going to get support from the University on this, I'll need something to present to them at our meeting." Philip said to Connor.
"Almost done." Connor said. "You'll have them before I leave tonight."
"I knew I could rely on you, Connor." Philip said, walking out of Connor's lab. Connor sighed and glanced at his watch. It was almost 8pm. Abby had left over two hours ago because she said she wasn't going to sit around and wait for him to finish up. He'd barely seen her these last couple of weeks; if he wasn't working late on his research, she was out on an anomaly call. Connor rarely went out with the team now; they could handle the equipment perfectly fine without him, and he was determined to figure out what was going on with the anomalies.
Abby had seemed quiet, almost subdued, and she looked very tired. He wanted to tell her to take some time off and rest; after all, they'd only really been back just over a month and they'd both been thrown straight back into the thick of it. They'd both seen a doctor of course, but Connor couldn't help worrying that something might be wrong with her. When he tried to mention it, her phone went off and she was summoned to go out to an anomaly. However, this morning, she had said that they needed to talk, and he'd promised her that he'd be home for dinner.
Connor stared at the electronics in front of him. Two days ago he had felt like he was close to a breakthrough, but since then nothing. He tried to focus; the sooner he got this done, the sooner he could get home and talk to Abby. He felt slightly sick at that thought. The last time she'd said they needed to talk, she asked him to move out so that her brother could move in. He should have been home ages ago, and Abby would be thinking he was avoiding her. He called her on his mobile. "Abby, look I'm really sorry, I know we said … yes, I'm working late again. I'll make it up to you, I promise... perhaps we could.." she had hung up on him. He didn't blame her. He really had been neglecting her recently. One more hour, he told himself, and then I'm going home.
-o-
Abby threw her phone across the table in anger. She'd been putting off this discussion for too long already, and now that she'd plucked up the courage to tell him he was cancelling on her. She'd made his favourite dinner, but the chilli was now overcooked and sticking to the bottom of the saucepan, and the candle she'd lit was almost burnt right down. She tried not to cry, but she couldn't help herself. She'd been feeling pretty emotional recently anyway, and this was just the final straw. The large envelope in the middle of the table seemed to be taunting her, so she picked it up to go and hide it away again.
She hadn't told Connor that the doctor had called her back in after their initial examination. Her blood tests indicated something that he wanted to check further, and she feared that she had caught something in the Cretaceous. She'd figured there was little point in worrying Connor until she knew for certain, so she went for her appointment alone.
The doctor said just two words but they would change her life, and Connor's, forever. "You're pregnant."
Abby had been shocked at first – it was the last thing she'd expected when she walked into the doctor's office, although she'd always known it was a possibility. It was impossible to know how far along she was because her body had stopped functioning properly a few months into their time in the distant past, but the doctor had examined her pelvis and said he believed she was in the early stages. He'd sent her straight to the hospital for a scan 'to make sure everything's OK and to try and determine how many weeks into the pregnancy you are'. That scared her – she was significantly underweight and struggling to get back to a normal diet, what if the baby wasn't developing as it should because of that? It would devastate Connor to find out he was going to be a father, then that he wasn't, so she took the decision to go to the hospital alone too.
The scan photo was in the envelope she now held in her hand. Thankfully, everything seemed OK, and they guessed that she was about 11 weeks along – that was almost two weeks ago now and she still hadn't found the right time to tell Connor. She was going to have to, and soon. Her stomach had already begun to form a slight curve and Jess had guessed having found Abby throwing up in the ladies bathroom at the ARC. Becker had guessed too when she'd felt faint at an anomaly and he made her sit down. She'd told him it was because she still wasn't eating properly, but he just gave her a look.. She knew she could rely on them not saying anything to Connor, but if they'd guessed, how long before others did too. Connor would likely be the last one to work it out, he was still very slow on the uptake over things like this.
Blowing out the candle, Abby sighed. She may as well have a bath and go to bed; Connor would probably not be home for hours yet. Another day passing and he still had no clue he was going to be a father. "What are we going to do about your daddy, eh?" she said to her stomach, then instantly blushed. She felt slightly silly for talking to the life inside her; it wouldn't understand her would it?
By the time she crawled into bed she had hoped Connor would be home, but all she had was a text message from him "I'm sorry, need to get this finished tonight. I love you x" Wiping the silent tears from her cheeks, she pulled the duvet around her. If he loved her, he had a funny way of showing it.
-o-
Abby felt the bed dip beside her and she opened one eye. It was just after 2am. The warmth of Connor's body against hers felt nice, comforting. She felt him lean into her and his soft lips on her cheek. She wanted to roll over and wrap herself into his arms, but she needed him to know she was angry with him too.
"Did I wake you?" he whispered.
"Mm." Abby nodded. "But I wasn't really sleeping properly anyway."
"Sorry." he said, stroking her arm.
"Did you finish whatever it was you had to do?"
"Yeah, finally. Hope it's what Philip wants." Connor sighed. "No point worrying about it now, I suppose. You wanted to talk?"
"It can wait till tomorrow, Connor. I'm tired." Abby said.
"OK. After the presentation at the University tomorrow, we'll go out for dinner somewhere and we can talk as much as you want eh?" He threaded his arm around her waist and pressed himself against her. Abby froze. What if he could feel the baby? Now was not the time for him to find out, not when she was annoyed with him. She felt his hand slide down and under the waistband of the shorts she slept in.
"Connor, I said I'm tired, OK." she said. He got the message and rolled over, his back to her. She allowed further silent tears to fall down her cheeks, listening to the sound of Connor's breathing change as he drifted into a slightly uneasy sleep. Abby knew she should try to get some sleep too; she had the baby's health to consider alongside her own now, but sleep would not come for her.
-o-
"You should at least eat something, Connor." Abby pleaded, as Connor anxiously raced around the flat looking for the shirt he wanted to wear.
"I can't. My stomach's churning too much!" He said. "I'd just be sick if I tried to eat anything!"
"Connor. You'll be fine. You've worked so hard for this; no-one could be better prepared." Abby pulled him into a hug, and for a moment he squeezed her tightly. It was the most intimate they'd been in days. Abby couldn't wait for this presentation to be over with so they could finally spend some quality time together – and of course tell him he was going to be a dad.
"I'll see you later." He said, kissing her softly on the lips. "Philip's sending one of his drivers for me, he'll be here any minute."
"Good luck!" Abby called, as Connor sped out of the door, leaving an almost empty silence behind him. She couldn't help but smile; even though she didn't entirely agree with what Connor was doing, his energy and enthusiasm were infectious. She decided she should use some of her energy to make a start on sorting through the various boxes that had been shoved away in the spare room when they moved in. Everything had been in storage, and they hadn't bothered unpacking whilst they were at Jess's place.
An hour had passed before she knew it, and she was going to be late – not that anyone really bothered too much about clocking in and out at a given time at the ARC considering they often worked strange hours. The room was a mess, and she felt a bit guilty … but at least it might start off the conversation tonight .. "Why are you clearing the spare room, Abby" … "Well, we're going to need it soon, Connor ..." She laughed, maybe that was the best approach, not setting up a false situation like a candlelit dinner – it was more 'them' this way.
-o-
The morning passed relatively quietly. Abby tried to write up her report for Lester on how the new arrangements were working in the menagerie, but she was distracted by Matt and Becker having yet another heated discussion about the EMDs. The day those two agreed on something would be an occasion for celebration. Still, it kept people on their toes and it was good to question things from time to time. Abby had really warmed to Matt as a leader over the last few weeks; he seemed to respect everyone's opinion even if he didn't always agree. He'd created the sort of environment where they all felt they could say something if they weren't happy.
She'd just settled down to have her sandwich with Jess when there was a commotion in the main hub. Burton and Connor were back, and judging by the looks on their faces their meeting had not gone well. Burton slammed the door to his office and Connor stood outside, not knowing what he should do.
"Connor?" Abby said. She recognised the look on his face. He was hurting but trying desperately not to let it show. His eyes always betrayed him though, especially to someone who knew him like Abby did.
"I'll tell you about it later, Abby. I'm going to have to work twice as hard to put this right." Connor sighed, and knocked on Burton's door before disappearing inside.
Abby's heart sank and she blinked back a tear. She felt Jess's hand on hers and she was grateful that someone seemed to care. Connor certainly didn't seem to care about her these days – what sort of life was she going to be bringing their baby into? It would be like her own childhood all over again – a father who showed his face occasionally, showering gifts on his family out of guilt for not spending time with them. She would've swapped all the wonderful things he'd given her over the years for just a day of his undivided attention and love. Abby could see Connor turning into her father before her very eyes, and she wouldn't wish that on anyone – least of all her own child.
"I need to get some fresh air." Abby said, standing up.
"Are you OK?" Jess said, concerned. "He still doesn't know does he?"
Abby shook her head. "Maybe its best he doesn't." she said quietly, and left. It was time for a reality check whilst there were still options to be had.
-o-
Abby wasn't sure quite how she'd ended up at the cemetery; or how long she'd been there for when she came out of the fog she'd been surrounded in since she'd walked out of the ARC. Somehow she'd found her way to the bench next to Professor Cutter's headstone. He'd been the closest thing she'd had to a father figure in recent years, and he would probably have been the first one she'd have turned to for advice.
The idea of being a mother scared the hell out of her, but she was starting to get used to the idea. She wouldn't make the same mistakes her own mother had made, and with Connor at her side she'd cope with anything. Trouble was, she wasn't sure she could rely on Connor any more. She'd never believed in religion, or even considered herself to be spiritual, but she looked to the sky – waiting for a sign – from Cutter maybe? Did she risk bringing yet another broken life into this world or did she …
Her thoughts were interrupted by her mobile ringing. She recognised the tone immediately, it was Matt. She sighed, wiped the tears staining her cheeks and pulled herself together. It was probably an anomaly and she was needed.
"Hey Matt." she answered. There was a pause and it was a moment too long. Abby knew something was wrong. "Matt?"
The usual confidence in Matt's voice wasn't there. It was almost as if the words were choking him. "Abby, there's been an accident."
She didn't really hear much after that. She'd wanted a sign to tell her what to do, but she hadn't expected it to come like this. Jess tracked her location using the black box, and minutes later she and Matt were guiding a shell-shocked Abby to Matt's car.
-o-
By the time they'd reached the hospital, Abby's head had stopped spinning. Lester was waiting for them in the foyer and he led them to a private side room. "What happened?" Abby finally said, her voice barely a whisper.
"We're not entirely sure at the moment. It seems whatever Connor was working on in that lab of his exploded, taking half the ARC with it." Lester said, trying to remain stone faced and professional as usual.
"Can I see him?" Abby said. "How bad is he...?" she couldn't say it.
"The doctors are with him at the moment. He took the main force of the explosion and we saw him fly backwards at least 10 feet." Lester sat down and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "If it wasn't for Captain Becker acting so quickly in getting him out..."
Abby closed her eyes. She'd always feared Connor would go too far with an experiment one day, and all her nightmares were coming true. "Where's Becker? Is he OK?" she said, suddenly realising he wasn't there.
"He's fine." Matt said. "A few cuts and bruises won't keep soldier boy down for long. There's a pretty nurse looking after him."
Abby managed to raise a watery smile – even Matt had picked up on the nickname that Danny had given Becker when he'd first joined the team. Becker would not be amused.
Lester took a deep breath, taking charge of the situation. "Look, there's no point in everyone waiting around here. Captain Becker will be released shortly and I'll be insisting he goes straight home. Matt, I'd like you to oversee the clean up at the ARC – I can't face Burton right now." Matt nodded, and turned to leave. "Jess, I'd like you to make sure Becker does go home. Knowing him, he'll be wanting to help with the clean up when he should be resting." Jess smiled. She would have no problem with that task. "And I'll stay with Abby until we have news on Connor's condition."
Abby stared in disbelief at Lester. "Thank you." she said.
-o-
They sat in silence for some hours, Lester pacing the room occasionally and stepping outside to make a few phonecalls. Matt had called him to say that they were all calling it a day as it had become too dark, and Jess had let him know that Becker was tucked up safely in bed. He didn't dare ask how she knew, or indeed whose bed he was in. Sometimes, he thought, its best not to know. He went to the vending machine and got two coffees and sat next to Abby again "Are you allowed coffee... in your condition?" he said, holding out one of the cups for her.
"You know?"
"I received the initial medical reports on both you and Connor. It's none of my business, but I must admit I've been concerned about the pair of you and how well you're coping with life back in the modern world. I fear today's incident was a direct result of young Connor being over tired and over worked, and I hold Burton completely responsible for that. Things will be changing, Abby. You have my word on that." Lester shifted uneasily. Admitting he actually cared about his staff didn't come naturally to him.
"I was thinking about... I almost thought about getting rid of the baby today." Abby said. She couldn't believe she had just admitted that, especially to Lester of all people.
"Whatever fears you have about how good a mother you'll be, or what sort of father Connor will be... they're not unique. Every new parent worries if they're going to get it right. A child is the greatest gift a couple can give to each other. I might complain about mine on a regular basis, but I couldn't imagine my life without them." He placed his arm around Abby's shoulder. "Give Connor a chance to be a father to his child. He might be an idiot at times, but he's one of the good ones."
Abby found herself sobbing hard and uncontrollably, her face buried in Lester's chest. If he minded, he didn't say.
-o-
The light in Connor's room was dim and although Abby was trying to concentrate purely on Connor, she couldn't shut out the beeps from the heart monitor, or the electric pump that was assisting his breathing. She had no idea what time it was and Lester had left about an hour ago after the doctor had assured him that there was nothing else they could do for the time being. He was stable, and the next 24 hours would be critical. He'd been in surgery for several hours, having shards of metal removed from his stomach and chest. They'd also dealt with some severe burns to his chest, and given him a blood transfusion. Incredibly, aside from a couple of cracked ribs, there were no other injuries of note. His body was in shock though, and that could be dangerous in itself.
"Does he know I'm here?" Abby asked the nurse who had brought her in.
"Many patients say they were aware of their loved ones talking to them, helping them through the dark times." The nurse smiled. "Its a blessing he's unconscious at the moment. If he was awake, he'd be in considerable pain and we'd have to heavily sedate him."
After the nurse had gone, Abby pulled the chair closer to the bed and squeezed Connor's hand. She hoped for something to indicate he knew she was there – just a twitch of the face would have been enough. But there was nothing; his hand felt cold and lifeless in hers. She tried to ignore the layers of bandages on his stomach and the wires attached to his torso and focussed her gaze on his face – but she couldn't get comfort there either. The tube in his mouth helping him breathe hid his lips; she wanted to touch them and feel their warmth on hers. She couldn't even see his big, brown eyes that she couldn't say 'no' to because they were closed. It was almost as if he wasn't there.
Her only hope was that the nurse had been right, and he would know she was there even if he couldn't respond. If she didn't say it now, she might never get to say it. Life could be snatched away in the blink of an eye, and this had been the jolt back to reality that she had needed. "Connor, if you're listening... there's something I need to tell you." She took a deep breath and placed Connor's hand on the curve of her stomach. "It's still only tiny, but... that's our baby in there." She tried to fight back tears; she had to say this. "Our baby, Connor. You're going to be a daddy. So, you have to hurry up and get well again, OK?"
He remained lifeless, as if it was just Connor's empty shell laid out on the bed. Had he heard her words? As Abby pulled herself up onto the bed next to him to rest her head on his shoulder, she could only hope that he was still there inside.
-o-
The team fell into a routine very easily. Matt realised early on that there was no point trying to make Abby do something she didn't want to, so came up with an arrangement that all felt happy with. She had initially refused to leave Connor's side, but relented when the doctor said she had to consider her health too. During the day, she sat with him, taking the occasional stroll around the hospital grounds to get some fresh air. She helped the nurses give Connor his daily bed bath, and helped to change the dressings on his wounds. In the evening, Matt or Becker would come and spend a few hours with him so that Abby could have a break. Jess insisted that Abby shouldn't go home alone and made her come to her flat instead. There was always a hot dinner waiting, and a full tank of hot water so that Abby could have a long soak in the bath. Most nights, Abby would go back to the hospital to spend the night curled up next to Connor, but sometimes she would fall asleep on Jess's sofa.
They said he was making progress, but Abby wished she could see evidence of that other than in a bunch of figures on a clipboard. He'd been unconscious for the best part of two weeks now, and she was fast approaching the 4 months mark. Almost half her pregnancy gone already. It was beginning to feel like Connor would miss it all.
She settled herself down for the night in her usual spot, but she felt uncomfortable. She shifted and then she felt a slightly odd sensation in her stomach, almost like popcorn kernels popping in a pan. A feint smile flickered across Abby's face; baby was making itself known for the first time. Her hand rested softly on her stomach and she just sat and wallowed in this wonderful moment. How could she have even considered ending this? The love she suddenly felt was overwhelming, and her cheeks suddenly felt damp – she was crying.
"I hope you're not going to keep mummy awake all night!" she said softly, and then she heard a loud sigh. Connor's body jerked and his eyelids flew open. "Connor!" Abby shouted, grabbing his hand to reassure him and pressing the alarm button at the side of his bed to alert a nurse. "It's OK, I'm here!" She recognised the look in his eyes – he was scared. "I'm here." she said again, stroking his forehead.
A medical team arrived moments later, and Abby stood back to allow them to do their job. She watched them remove the tube from his throat, and the doctor shone a light into his eyes and did a few other tests. She saw Connor turn his head; his eyes searching the room frantically for her, so she moved closer. He seemed to relax once he could see her. "I'm just going to give you something for the pain, Connor." the doctor said. "It'll take a few minutes to start working."
It wasn't long before Abby could see Connor's body becoming less tense. The nurses and the doctor continued to fuss around him a little more, then they moved away. A nurse promised to find something to ease Connor's sore throat before the room emptied. "Don't expect too much from him just yet. Let him rest." the doctor warned.
Abby flung her arms around Connor, squeezing him as tight as she dared without hurting him. She pressed her lips against his softly; finally she could feel his warmth and he was responding. It wasn't much, but he was there.
He was trying to speak, but his throat was dry and incredibly sore from having the breathing tube in it. Abby told him not to try but he ignored her. "Baby?" he finally managed to croak.
"Yes." Abby said through her tears. It hit her; maybe it was just coincidence but what were the chances of her feeling the baby for the first time and moments later Connor waking up? Father and baby were already connecting. She saw a huge, single tear welling in the corner of Connor's eye and she wiped it away with her thumb, then rested her hand on his cheek. He touched her hand with his, curling his fingers into hers and squeezing.
"Love you." He said, his voice barely audible.
"I love you too. Now, you hurry up and get yourself well. This little one in here is already giving me grief, and I have a feeling we'll both be needed to keep it in line!" Abby said.
A smiled ghosted across Connor's face before he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. Abby thought he looked peaceful; beautiful almost, if you could say a man was beautiful.
"Goodnight, Connor." she whispered, snuggling into him like she'd done every night here; except tonight was different. His arm threaded around her waist and his hand rested on her stomach; on their baby. Things were still far from perfect, but they could tackle all their problems once Connor was well again. Right now, they were together; all three of them, and that was all that mattered.