A/N : So firstly I must apologise to anyone that has read any of my other stuff and wondered what the hell happened to me. I did in fact disappear of the face of the earth for a while but never fear because I am back. *gasps of relief* I will continue with my other story SIAB but for now I just need to do something different, something fresh.
This story is a little different than your average Bella/Edward saga but I hope you will have patience and bear with me. This is just a taster, a prologue if you will just to make sure I still have people willing to read my drivvle. Anyway I have other chapters for this written so please review and let me know if you want to know where this twisted tale is headed. Much love people. Much love.
"Push!"
"You're doing so well sweetheart, just one more."
"Come on baby, push!"
My head falls back against the sterile white pillow. Blood is rushing through my body, pounding in my ears, muffling the voices around me as I drift in and out of awareness. I'm trying to focus. I'm trying to remember that I need to push. I'm trying so hard but I can't do it. I can't do it because he's not here. He's not here and my heart is broken. It's broken and bleeding slowly inside me, filling my entire body to the brim with its tainted sorrow; sorrow for him, for me, for the tiny miracle.
Oh that's right, the tiny miracle. Push, my internal voice is telling me. Push, the voices that surround me are urging, teasing my consciousness with their feather light whispers, encouraging my body to respond.
The beeping and whirring of machinery echoes off the sanitary four walls that has become my own personal hell for the last 32 hours. The pain rips through my body bringing with it a moment of clarity that grounds me.
"Uuuuuuggggghhhh!" My breath hisses through my clenched teeth as I push with all the energy that I have left, but I know that it's not enough.
I'm not enough.
I'm not enough without him.
"Shhh sweety, that's not true you are enough. You're more than enough. You can do this," the sweetest voice whispers in my ear. It's the voice I've been waiting for. It's him, he's here.
I pry my eyes open so that I can see his face. I've missed it so badly. I just need to see it. My eyes scan the faces in the room...Renee...Alice...the nurse...Rosalie...another nurse...and then green. The most vivid shade of green that I have seen in such a long time. My heart stutters and falters for a moment whilst I drown in molten emerald. He's here.
My hand reaches out towards him, the hustle and bustle of the room falls into oblivion as I focus so intently on my saviour, my lifeline.
That's the last thing I remember before the blanket of blackness settles down on me, pressing me into nothingness.
I'm vaguely aware of noises around me, of subtle shifting and hushed whispers.
My head is throbbing and this sharp sensation courses around my body, causing me to wince internally. My brain feels fuzzy, like it's been infiltrated by a dense fog making it hard to see. Actually my mouth has a similar feeling, it's as though someone filled my mouth with mounds and mounds of cotton wool. I try to move, to muster up some energy from somewhere to pull myself out of this invisible weight that's holding me hostage, but it hurts too much.
I wonder why I can't seem to string two coherent thoughts together. I can't remember a single thing. I rack my brain trying to recall something, anything. Thoughts meander round and round inside my head and I try and grab hold of one to try and make sense of this madness that I find myself in.
Bella swan...oooh that's me, that's good. A cynical chuckle tinkers deep inside my subconscious at the excitement I feel at remembering my own name.
Pain...sweat...push...
Words float around occupying the empty space in my brain where all my knowledge and memories once were.
Huh, pain...sweat...push...the words circulate whilst I try to make sense of them.
Nope, nothing. I've got nothing.
I feel strangely weak in my semi-conscious state as a dull, burning ache coats all of my limbs. In a way it's refreshing, at least I can feel something which means I'm not dead.
Fatigue washes over me. All this thinking is clearly just too much for me and so I surrender to the pleasures of numbness.
"Wahhhhhh, wahhh, waaahhhhh."
What was that? A sound pricks at my sub-conscious but it's gone before I can get a handle on the alien noise. I try and open my eyes but it's as if they are glued shut.
My thoughts seem less muffled than the last time I remember. As a matter of fact my head is completely clear. I remember the confusion from before. I remember how impressed I was with myself for remembering my own name. Silly Bella.
My hand ghosts over my tummy, reaching out to comfort myself with a stroke of my tiny miracle. I would never have believed it in a million years if six months ago someone said to me that I'd be pregnant. It was never what I wanted for myself. It was never what we wanted for us. But things happen and you learn to accept and deal with what life throws at you.
I'm so lost in my elation for a moment that I don't realise that my hand is rubbing empty space. It hits me at the same time as everything else.
No protruding belly full of my tiny miracle.
No pain racking my body.
No molten emerald saviour.
No green.
No Edward.
No baby.
No nothing.
My whole world flips upside down as thoughts bombard me like a tidal wave reaching out with its frothy claws and scraping away my shield of protection, dragging it away in its destructive retreat.
My subconscious that, up until now has been floating above my body like a loosely attached helium balloon slams back into me as I sit upright clutching at my neck, sinking my nails into my skin as I fight for air.
I remember being giddy with happiness as we drove back from the OBY/GYN appointment after seeing our little angel kicking away on the screen.
I remember stealing a peak out of the corner of my at the beautiful boy sat next to me and revelling in the shit eating grin that was plastered all over his face and that was the exact replica of mine.
I remember the sound of the rain pelting on the roof of his brand new shiny Volvo and how it sounded like the pitter patter of a million tiny baby feet.
I remember the look of horror that washed away all traces of serenity off the face of the boy I loved.
I remember the sound of metal crunching against the bark of a nearby tree as the stupid shiny Volvo with its stupid shiny brakes swerved off the side of the road.
I remember the pain that ravaged my body as I was slammed against the windscreen.
I remember hearing his scream as the last breath escaped his flawless lips.
I remember the fire fighters cutting through the frame of the stupid Volvo and I remember the sparks flying off in every which way as the screech of metal against metal resounded in my ears.
I remember the nurses and the beeping and the pain and the beeping and the screaming and the pain and the green.
Oh god do I remember the green. It was the last thing that I remember. It was calling to me, it was telling me to push. It was telling me that I could do it, trying to convince me that I could do it alone. But it was wrong. I can't do it alone.
He was wrong.
And now I'm alone.
A/N : So my lovely people, love it? hate it? Confused much? Haha, let me know what you think and all will be revealed.