What if you knew that today is your last day but nobody knows about it and you still acted like your normal self? What if there's a family waiting for you then you found out that HE is still in love with you, would you choose him over them?
She was fully aware of the complete silence that was cracked by the slow heartbeat and the heavy breathing of his. Somehow, she knew that she must embrace this solitude before it was ruined by shrieks of cheerful mornings.
And in cue, the loud voices of their children finally managed to break the tranquility of the house. She disentangled her legs from his and looked up to see his still peaceful face. She patted his chest with her hand that was already there near her head. He groaned in response and she told him to wake up before the kids barged in.
She pushed herself up and leaned in closer to his face. He snaked his arm on her waist to pull her tighter against him. She tilted her head and exposed her ivory long neck when he started trailing kisses from her collar bone up to her lips. When he finally reached his main destination, he shifted her on top of him in a straddling position and moved his hands on her backside to draw her closer to him. Her hand had a fistful of his silver grey hair while the other explored the muscles of his back.
But before she could even allow the entrance of his tongue into her mouth, their bedroom door opened which tore their lips apart. She was still straddling him and her hands landed on his shoulders while he moved his hands up to her hips. Their eight year old boy, Anthony Jackson, made the dramatic entrance with a scowl on his face that matches his father's.
"Ziva kicked me again in the shin!" he stomped his favorable feet and pouted.
The six year old daughter in question entered the room with her hands landed on her hips. "He made Abby cry by kidnapping Bert again. I was just protecting my baby sister."
Kelly Abigail, who poked her head beside her older sister's thigh, vouched for her protector. "Daddy, Zi did it for me. Sowwy…" she gave her best puppy eyes. The raven haired three years old was clutching the farting hippo that started the mess while she was sucking her other thumb. The shadows of her tears were still visible on her cheeks. When she saw her dad motioned her to come to him, she ran towards the bed while her pigtails were bouncing.
He lifted his wife's from his legs to his side and caught his favorite in his arms. He pulled away her thumb. He cupped her face and brushed off the tears that were forming again. "Don't cry baby girl, Tony will not do it again," he assured her then turned to his oldest and glared, "right Tony?"
His oldest gulped "yes, Dad."
Before his wife could speak about the matter, the last member of the family joined the group. Their five years old son followed the sound of the noise and he quickly figured out what had happened. Timothy Jasper turned and faced his older brother. "I told you Tony not to take Bert. You should've listened to me."
But Tony just blamed his younger brother for his wrong doings, "You should've told me that before I took her Bert, McSleepyHead." He started giving his younger brother nicknames starting with 'Mc' for always asking their parents to eat in McDonalds when they're dining out.
"How could I know you'll do that!" He was starting to stand up for himself.
But before her eldest give a remarking reply, she stopped him from turning the shouting match in the morning into a prank war in the afternoon then a sparing contest in the evening. "Boys, you two behave yourselves. Tony, stop with the McNicknames and Bertnapping. Tim, I appreciate standing up from you brother but don't shout and you, young lady, will not kick or threaten your brother again. We do not use physical attacks or defenses to our family, understood?" She received nods with other forms of agreement from her children. "Good, now join us in bed." After she reprimanded the negativity of their children's actions, she scooted to make some off room for their children.
On the farthest right of the bed, Tony wrapped his arm around his mother since he is the momma's boy. Ziva Ann was on the left side of Jenny. She rested her head on her mother's shoulder while her mother stroked her curly locks. Abby was playing with her hippo and sitting on top of her father's lap while her legs were stretched on top of Tim's. Their father protectively held his youngest boy closer to him to keep Tim from falling off the edge of the bed.
They cuddled for a while and the laughs of their children echoed the room.
He looked at her with smile, "We could stay like this forever Jen," he whispered.
"I wish it too Jethro," she whispered. She closed her eyes and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips to seal her wish.
But when she opened her eyes again, she was welcome with the emptiness of her bed. The warmth of her husband's body was replaced by the cold sheets of her bed. The substitute of the arms of her children that wrapped her body was the soft big comfortable pillows around her. The serenity of her bedroom was disturbed by the alarm of her clock that echoed the room instead of their children's voices and laughter.
As she smacked the sinful bellows of her clock, she was pulled back to reality that she cannot have the luxury of having a family especially that her time is now ending. She pulled away the covers and shivered when the cold breeze of air from the open windows hit her. She swung her feet onto the hardwood floor. Small creaks were heard as she found her way to her tiled bathroom floor. She slid from the straps of her nightgown and it flawlessly dropped on the floor. She took a cold shower though she didn't like it but her body seemed to ignore it and focused on the physical and emotional internal pain that she constantly fights with in the mornings.
As she finished, she wrapped herself with a crimson red towel that used to mimic the color of her hair. But now, the dull red hair dripping with water won over the glory of the fierceness of her long red curly locks that he used to love.
Now, in front of the mirror, she stared at the reflection of the stranger who was also staring back at her. This stranger was thin. The light in her emerald eyes were no longer there. It was now a green mold that was dying like its owner. The bags under her eyes were fully stacked. The tip of the sword was nothing compared to the sharpness of her cheekbones. The luscious red lips that he loved exploring drained its color and left it dry. Her collarbones were deep as if a dam can now be formed. The glowing ivory silk skin turned into a sickening white surface of a dead body.
She doesn't know this woman in front of her. She was a lot of things but she never thought that this woman existed inside her.
She knew the Director Shepard that was powerful, a force to be reckoned with to the extent that other high ranking officials draw straws just to put themselves away from her wrath. This Director is so manipulative to the point that she controls the majority of her life for the past three years.
She knew Jennifer Shepard, the woman that was so gorgeous and seductive to the point that she can easily manipulate the men around her just to get what she wants.
She knew Red, the probie that had a stare that could make the suspects squirm in interrogation and had very impressive sharp shooting skills.
She knew Shepard, the partner that always had her partner's back whatever situation they got into and had always trust her partner with her life.
She knew Jennifer, the daughter that was loyal to her father to the point that she can kill whoever murdered her father just to seek justice.
She knew Jenny, the friend that will do everything just to get her friend out of the war zone of her home and provide her the protection she needed by entrusting her to her partner.
And lastly, she was starting to forget Jen, the lover. She was the one she treasures the most but the Jen she knew was left in Paris with the Jethro she knew. Jen completely disappeared for six years because of Agent Shepard, the full grown agent that was so ambitious to the point that she made her deepest regret and left the man she loved just to get to the top. She loved it when sometimes Jen and Jethro come out together during her reign as the Director.
Jen was caring especially when her lover got wounded, flirty most of the time especially when teasing her lover to do something, fun and carefree when she's exploring the Parisian sidewalks under the sun, funny and such a tease whenever she wants to be, sexy and smoking hot in and out of the bedroom and most importantly, the Jen she knew was madly in love but sucks at the way to express it.
Those were the Jennifer Shepards that she knew and not this dying woman in front of her but for the sake of those women, she fought this incurable disease everyday and act like it was not affecting her. She knew that she can die any day now since her life's expiration date was due this week. She pushed all her strength to live. She knew that she will not die in the field like what she suspected when she first started in NCIS but she would die fighting this incurable disease and she would not let it won over her life so she put on heavy make up for her smoky eyes to hide the bags under there and added colors to her cheeks and lips for more convincing deception. She misled the suspicions of her weight loss by wearing cream loose slacks to hide her now skinny long legs. Her ribs were not visible through the crimson Oxford and a crisp cream blazer that matched her slacks.
She left her townhouse that she can no longer call home and slipped in her car. The Director mask was back and the woman in the mirror was left in the hollow hallways of her Georgetown house.
Her fuck me red heels clicked as she walked her way to her office. She didn't looked at her silver haired ex-lover over the railing and swiftly shut the outer door of her office. Her ever loyal secretary stood up to greet her while she used some of her remaining energy to smile back. She grabbed the files to sign and entered her silent sanctuary.
Her phone rang as soon as she sat down on her chair. "Shepard," she answered.
"Shalom Jenny," a familiar voice replied.
"Shalom Ziva, what could I do for you?" she offered, knowing that her friend needed her.
"Can I ask for a favor?" she continued after she heard an affirmative response. "Could you help me find something about Commander Jessica Sullivan's ex-lover, his name is Colonel Justin Levin. He's been below the radar for a year and we haven't got anything about him yet."
A weak smile formed on her face when Ziva made another wrong idiom again. "It's under the radar, Ziva. I'll email it to you when I got something."
"Toda, Jenny for always helping me."
"It's not a big deal. Shalom, Ziva."
"Shalom, my friend."
She sighed when she turned off her phone. Ziva is the only one that she considers her girl best friend anymore and yet she can't tell her friend that she's dying. She just thought that she didn't want to worry her friend just because of her health. Maybe she did the right choice not to tell Ziva.
She had been doing paperwork for the whole morning and gathered some energy while she was seating and reading reports. She forgot that it was already lunchtime until Cynthia came in and gave her a paper bag. She gave her secretary a confused look as to what is in the bag. Cynthia told her that it was 1300 and she forgot to eat again. She thanked Cynthia for being so caring about her health even though it was not part of the young woman's job.
After her delayed lunch, she decided to see Ducky about the Sullivan case.
"Jennifer! It's a surprise to see you down here." Ducky greeted her when he heard his doors opened. "What can I do for you, my dear?" he rotated to see his friend. He saw the exhaustion in her stance. "Do you want to sit down for a moment?" he offered.
"I'm fine, Ducky" she smiled sweetly for his chivalry and waved off her hand. "The Sullivan case," she bluntly pointed her reason for her visit.
"As of right now, all I could tell is that the Commander was in a healthy shape and cause of death is still unknown. That is all I could say as of now, Director." His voice sounded sincere. "Perhaps Abigail has found something." He offered his thought.
She nodded and gave the man an appreciative smile. "Thank you, Ducky"
The blasting shockwaves of the heavy metal music welcomed her into the Goth's lair. She called her forensic scientist for the second time and yet the younger woman did not hear her so she pulled off the plug and gained the Goth's attention.
"Who –" she wanted to ask who pulled off her music but she quickly stopped the question when she found the Director in her lab near the stereo. "Director," she quickly recovered, "what can I do for you?"
"Updates for the Sullivan case," she demanded.
"Okay but I haven't told Gibbs yet 'cause he's in the woods, finding the Commander's ex-lover and I don't know if I should skip the chain of command because Gibbs will be furious if –" she was pacing back and forth in her lab and speaking so fast, as usual, so the Director cut her off. "Abby!" the Goth stopped. "Oh, right!" she clicked and typed a few keys and the monitor showed a bar graph of chemicals. "Drumroll, please!" she asked but she only received a cock of a perfectly manicured brow of her boss. "Ooops! Okay, I found out that the Commander was given small amounts of arsenic every day to slowly kill her."
She nodded and praised her bubbly scientist, "Good work, Abs!" She smiled though it cannot be seen since she walked away.
She turned around, "Thank -" she saw that the Director was no longer there.
In mid afternoon, she rounded the corner of MCRT area but only McGee was there, talking to the phone.
"No, you don't understand –" he wiped his face with a hand. "NCIS." He groaned. "It's Naval – yes, that's the one." His face lit up for a moment. "No, not Colonel Levin's house. I need to get a warrant for his warehouse in Maryland. No, don't put me … on hold." Then he dropped his sorry little face on his hands.
"Having problems, Agent McGee?" he didn't notice that the Director was watching the whole scenario unfold.
"Um – Director. I – uh" even after three years, he still wasn't comfortable with the Director.
She smiled softly. "Here," she handed a warrant to search Colonel Levin's warehouse. Her agent accepted it with his jaw dropping.
"How – How did you?" he closed his mouth again and looked at her. "Thank you, Director. I've been trying to get this since this noon." He sounded relieved.
"It's not like I'm Wonderwoman, McGee. You can close your mouth now." She smirked as the young agent was kind of growing on her.
He bumped with her along the corner of the corridor. He gasped and quickly let go of the evidence box. He tried to balance her when he saw her slight fell backwards. "Jenny," he acknowledged and his hands were still on her upper arms. "You okay?" he felt that he hurt her or something and he needed the urge to ask.
"I'm fine." She waved off her hand and pulled away from him to prove to him that she was really fine. "What are you doing with those?" her graze fell onto the box full of letters.
"Boss told me to read the lovebirds' letters to each other" he said as a matter of factly. "And it's my fourth time to read it again." He added sarcastically. "I really think that Probie should be doing this." Well, he didn't mean to add that last one out loud.
She leaned closer and teased, "Maybe Jethro thought you needed examples at making love letters," she crinkled her nose and chuckled quietly. She was really feeling better today by talking with Jethro's agents.
"I'm certainly not love letters kind of guy," he scowled.
"Well, it's not that bad, sometimes women like receiving those and even Jethro's really good at writing romantic letters." She saw his face beamed. "Don't tell him, I said that," she warned him with her eyes.
"Yes, Ma'am. I wonder what's with women and letters," he mused. Then, he saw the abrupt change in her mood.
She remembered the certain letter that completely broke her heart and of course his heart too. She looked at Tony again and saw the matching look of his face. She remembered Jeanne. She gasped. "Oh Tony, I'm so sorry" her voice was a little hoarse and shaky.
His face looked like his pain was bottled up inside him and then it burst out in the open air. He remembered Jeanne, the woman who changed him into a man. He was caught up with the memories of Jeanne but he was shocked when he heard Jenny apologize to him. He knew what she was apologizing for but he wasn't angry that it took her a year before finally apologizing to him about making him fall in love with her enemy's daughter.
He sighed deeply and he was slightly surprised when he confessed, "I really loved Jeanne, Jenny." His glassy eyes were looking at hers when he said it.
Her eyes fell down to the floor. She was completely embarrassed at what she did just to get revenge. "I know." The awkward silence echoed through the orange walls of NCIS. For once, Very Special Anthony DiNozzo couldn't think of a sentence, joke, witty comeback or even a word to break the awkwardness.
He decided to walk away but he heard her call his name. He rotated and saw the Jenny that he thought of as a mother, not as his friend or Director.
She spoke when she raised her gaze to meet his. She sounded sincere with the words that came out of her mouth, "Sometimes it's worth breaking the rule. I know that he's your role model and believe me, he broke that rule too. Just promise me that it's worth the risk."
His stiff stance softened. He knew what rule this is all about. He nodded. "I promise. I'll take good care of your friend, Jenny." He felt a twinge in his heart when he saw her smile. "I just need time…" he added and walked away.
It was 1900. She felt tired after today's conversation with Tony. She had been so guilty at what she did to the young agent.
She closed her eyes for a moment and felt his presence. "What is it, Agent Gibbs?" she asked softly without opening her eyes. She was so tired to fight with him now.
"Commander Sullivan committed suicide. She added small amounts of arsenic to her coffee every day." He stated as he walked his way in front of her desk.
"But that is not why you're here." She bluntly voice out her suspicions.
"I have to tell the Colonel." Gibbs didn't know how to break it to Colonel softly after the he confessed that he can't kill the Commander because he was still in love with her after all these years.
"I just wished that I told her what I felt before she died. I asked her to diner the day before she died. I thought she stood me up the following night. I didn't know that she died that morning." He abruptly stopped to say the next. There was a tinge of regret in his eyes when he looked straight to Gibbs' eyes. "I should've followed her when she left me seven years ago." The Colonel hid his face with a hand. Gibbs wouldn't know that the man in front of him was crying until he saw the drops of tears on the table.
He figured that he can't do that kind of talk right now and he hoped Jenny picked up the hint. He should've followed her too when she left him nine years ago.
"Where is he?" her voice was still calm and her eyes were still resting. Her head fell back onto the headrest.
"Interrogation. He said he'd stayed there until we got her killer." His voice faltered at the end.
She released a loud sigh and fluttered her eyes open. "Come on," she stood up and grabbed her purse, coat and briefcase. "Hold this for me, will you?" he picked up the shockingly heavy briefcase without hesitation. She turned off her computer and followed Gibbs walk outside.
Jenny told Gibbs to stay in the bullpen and watch her belongings. He said that he'll just finish the report then wait for her to get back. She left him in the bullpen and headed straight to the interrogation room.
"Colonel," she greeted but the man didn't even look up at her. "I've read the letters… and her diary." The diary was the main evidence that the Commander did poison herself and wanted to die because she cannot live anymore to see the man she loved every day, knowing that he hated her for leaving. The Commander didn't know that she was really wrong. She didn't know that he still felt the same.
Jenny inhaled deeply and tried to voice out her opinion as to what the Commander felt since she had been in the same situation. "She thought that she was doing for the best. Sometimes we thought that we knew what's best for us and when we got it, we'll know how wrong we are." She watched the Colonel ran a hand into his hair but he was still mourning. "I think she wanted you to be happy, Colonel and she thought you'll be happy if she finally let you move on."
The Colonel slammed his fist onto the table. "How could I be happy now that she's gone? She's my only happiness. I should've followed her when she left." He sighed heavily. "You wouldn't understand, Director."
She fought the urge to breakdown because she understand completely the situation. "Don't blame yourself." She continued when he opened his mouth." She wouldn't like it if you'll blame yourself. Trust me, I understand. I know what she felt. I know that she knew that it was her deepest mistake to leave the man she loved."
He snorted, "Is that from experience?" he sarcastically asked but she let it go, thinking that he was just sorrowful about the Commander's death. "She left me seven years ago, Director. We've been working for the past four years and she didn't even said anything!" He slammed both of his hands on the table and stood up. He quickly turned around to hide the shadows of the tears falling on his cheeks.
"Maybe she was scared to lose you again that's why it's better to have you as a friend than not to have you at all." She convinced him or more likely herself. She's been convincing herself with that excuse for the past three years just to stop herself from launching herself to Jethro and tell him that she made a mistake for leaving him.
"Bull! You're not her! You don't know anything about us or her."
When she saw that the explanation wasn't good enough, she continued. "I left the man I love nine years ago and I still regret leaving him with a 'Dear John' every second of the day. And it didn't help that I see him every day and pretend that I didn't love him anymore because every time that I see him, looking at me, I just want to hold him and tell him that I'm not going anywhere. And when I'm alone, I just want to be his arms again." She almost whispered the last part. She sighed. "But life isn't fair, isn't it? My time is gone, I can't hope that he'll be mine again." He saw her sincerity and honesty when a tear fell on her cheek. She quickly brushed it away and stared at the wall on her left to avoid the Colonel's gaze.
"Why are you doing this? Why are you explaining me her actions? It's not your job anymore…"
"You should know and I just hope that somebody will explain to him my actions when I'm gone." When she walked towards the door, Gibbs swiftly ran outside the observation room and into the bullpen so she will not know that he had been listening for the whole time but he didn't know that the conversation hadn't ended yet.
"You're leaving him again." It was a statement and not a question. His gaze met hers when he asked, "How could you do that again?" there was pain in his soft voice. He was sympathizing for the man who will also suffer from the same situation.
"I'm dying. There's nothing he could do now to stop me leaving permanently." She gave a sad look before she disappeared through the metal door.
Just as he told her, she found him typing on his desk. She bid him goodnight and took her things. She didn't look at him in the eyes because if she did, she might've cry in front of him and that's the last thing she wanted him to see.
When she got into her house, she headed straight to her room and change from her work clothes into his NIS shirt that she stole before she left him in Paris. The soft lullaby of her cries filled the silence of her house until she fell asleep.
"Mommy, where are you going?" Tony jumped out of the bed carefully so he will not wake his siblings and Dad since they all fell asleep on their parent's bed again.
"I'll be back soon. I just need to –" she broke off. She didn't actually know why she's leaving. "I just have some unfinished business to do."
"After that you won't leave again?" he wished. Ever since he was a kid, she figured out that he had abandonment issues.
She quickly assured him. "Yup, kiddo. "
"You'll be here forever?" he hoped.
"Forever," she grinned. "Now, please take care of you siblings while I'm gone and watch your Dad for me will you?"
He nodded. "Yes, Mommy. Come back soon!" she bent her knees when he reached out. He wrapped his arms around her neck and kissed her cheek. He ran off towards the bed and continued his slumber.
She was having these dreams of her having a family with Jethro and their kids looked like the team for the past few months. It just hurts when the dream ended saying goodbye to anyone of them and then she wakes up back to her lonely reality.
She didn't know that she was crying again until she felt a thumb brushed her tear. Her body stiffened but she quickly relaxed when he snaked his arm across her stomach and intertwined his fingers with her. His calloused hand was enough to identify himself from her.
"Why are you here?" she whispered and she felt him shrugged. "Well how did you –"
"Key," he answered in a sleepy voice.
They laid there in silence until she felt him roll on his back and she turned to rest her head on his chest. He encircled his arms around her and his hand rubbed her upper arms while the other brushed her hair. She relaxed with his touch. She was convinced that he fell asleep when he stopped and besides his breaths were even and his heartbeat was slower than before. She knew that her time was running out so she confessed in a whisper, "I still love you, Jethro." Somehow she hoped he was asleep and that he didn't hear what she said because of the effects that it will do in the office if she was still alive and it's going to be a painful truth if she died because they didn't have a chance to have a relationship again.
When sleep finally came, she felt his arms tighten his grip around her. She felt him kissed her hair. "Love you too, Jen" he whispered. Finally after nine long lonely years, a smile formed on her face before she fell asleep.
He didn't know if she heard him but his gut told him to say it before he never had a chance to say it. After what he heard in the interrogation room, he figured out that he should've followed her when she left and it's not too late to start tonight. Finally after nine long lonely years, a smile formed on his face before he fell asleep.
That morning, they were still in the same position except for his hand that is now intertwined with hers. He felt her slightly warm body in his arms. He tried to wake her but she would budge. He called her name but she didn't wake up. He was getting agitated his gut told him to check her pulse then his heart stopped beating when he found out that her heart literally stopped beating.
He jumped out of bed and laid her down the floor and did CPR to revive her. His pulled off his phone and dialed Ducky and he told him to go quickly in Jen's house.
Ducky came and took her pulse while he's still doing the CPR. He gave an apologetic glance at Jethro and shook his head. He told his friend to stop because they can't do anything now.
"No, Duck. She can't die. I've already lost Shannon and Kelly. I can't lose her too." Ducky looked away when he saw a tear escaped from his friend's eye.
Jenny Sheppard watched the scene in front of her. She watched his team walked in her room after Ducky called them. Tony came in first and he saw Jenny in Gibbs' arms. His boss held Jenny tightly like a baby. He never saw his boss in so much pain until now.
She heard the car screeches before she saw her friend ran inside her room. Ziva gasped and almost fell on her knees but Tony caught her and got her out of the room. Abby's booming voice echoed the house and McGee was hot on her heels. When the Goth saw Jenny's body, she quickly turned to McGee and he hugged her tightly. She cried on his chest.
Jenny didn't know that she was crying until a calloused thumb brushed her tear away. Her breathe was taken away when she saw Jethro beside her.
"Jethro… how?" she was confused at what was happening because there was Jethro with her dead body and there was also Jethro standing beside her.
He took her by her arms. "Our kids are waiting for us, Jen." He tilted his head towards the door and disappeared.
Little Tony appeared. He ran towards her and hugged her. "Mommy, you're back! You're staying with us forever now? You're not going away again?" there was pure hopefulness in his voice.
Jenny glanced at Jethro with her dead body. Though she as far away from him, she heard him whispered. "I'll always love you, Jen." Tears fell from her eyes and her child brushed it away. She smiled at him. "I'm not going anywhere now, kiddo."
The little boy smiled like a kid received a Magnum, P.I.'s car for Christmas. "Really Mommy? You're gonna love it here! Daddy's making steak au poivre for diner!" Tony rushed towards the door where his father disappeared.
She made a quick glance again to Jethro and her friends before she disappeared through the door where her second family is waiting for her.
I just come up with this. I don't know if you think its weird but I need to get this out of my head. It should have been a tragic story of her death but little Tony popped inside my brain and convinced me to be in this story so it turned out like this.