This fic takes place after the Charmed episode 'Charmageddon.' Basically, when Giles killed Ben, Ben died completely, but Glory got sent back to Hell. What happens from there is a SURPRISE!
Generic Hell Dimension. Population: 3
Dear Die-already, it's just another ridiculously dull day in a place I used to love as an aspiring Hell Bitch. Now it's like, HELLO, boring! There is no conflict here because I'm well...the only powerful being in this pathetic realm! Why does everyone run away from me? I just want some friends, you know bloody their faces up a bit, I mean this IS Hell so you'd think they wouldn't mind-
Glory's musings were soon interrupted by a scabby minion tapping her on the back of her shoulder. "I hate to interrupt your thoughtfulness, but"
The Hell God yelped, but only after she broke said minion's finger just by well...looking at it. "Why do people always say that?" Glory whined between sobs. "If you hate to interrupt then DON'T INTERRUPT DAMMIT" With that, a powerful shockwave screeched out of Glory's mouth and onto the minion, sending him flying back into what she wished was a concrete wall, but there was NO concrete walls in hell- just endless fields of complete nothingness. However, the eternal, black void was dyed a somewhat pretty yet violent red due to Glory's infinite power. As well as her throne and diary equipped with a diamond-laden fountain pen that she stole when she lived in Sunnydale.
Glory cleared her throat while standing up from her throne to bask her feet in her own power. "Well, it will take him at least another thousand years to hike back here. I suppose then I could just toss him back again for mild amusement." She sighed, putting both hands on her hips while blowing a loose strand of hair between her eyes. "All this power, but no innocent little humans to destroy! Oh how I miss that empty look in a man's eyes right before I twist his head clean off. Or maybe it was right after..." She made a kind of detatching sound with her tongue and laughed. "Ah...memories."
Another minion approached, this time from in front, and with a lowered hand. "For fear of receiving the same, deserving fate of Harticus, I humbly ask that you allow me to help"
Glory opened her mouth just a wee bit like she was going to send the female minion back a thousand years like Harticus, but soon shut her jaw tight with a giggle. She observed the fear in the minion's eyes and that made her somewhat happier. "Oh I'm sorry, just wanted to get a lil' buzz offa terrifying you like that. Continue."
Shaken, the minion known as Agatha forced herself to proceed. "Well, your terrorness, me and the others were wondering how you would like to take a vacation out of this mediocre dump and into the fag-infested city of San Francisco"
Reacting instead of thinking like she always does, Glory suddenly backhanded Agatha forcefully, but then brought her back via telekinesis before she was shoved backwards in time. The effect still rendered Agatha unconscious, though.
"But I LIKE gay men!" Glory screamed. "Who else could have designed these fabulous shoes? Here, have a taste." Glory brought her left heel upward through Agatha's chin. Forgetting just how strong she is, the ditz blurted out a 'Doh' as Agatha's head popped off and went shooting upward faster than a rocket. Her body finally slumped down next to Glory's feet.
"I g-guess I could go to San Franlispco after all" Glory said after a split-second of mourning over Agatha. She rubbed what two brain cells she had left and kneeled over the dead minion's corpse, searching for ...something. "A-ha" Glory declared when she found a note in Agatha's pocket.
Inside the note was an incantation and a locket. Glory read the note, discovering the locket was to be worn while she read the spell, so she could retain some of her infinite power when she was sent to San Francisco. That way, she wouldn't be so stripped of powers like she was in Sunnydale. "This SO doesn't do justice to my complexion" Glory groaned as she stared at the wretched wal-mart looking thing for about two minutes before putting it on. "But I AM desperate for a change." Glory uncrumpled the incantation and began to read out loud, not knowing what she was getting herself into.
"Hear my pretty, watch my sigh - when Utopia ends
Glorificus says 'Hi'"
"Oh my Gawd" Glory commented, wondering who was responsible for writing that dreck. "That piece of shit actually rhymes. How gay." She looked down at the locket and noticed it was glowing.
Suddenly, Glory found herself standing in a San Francisco park. It wasn't long before she saw two men jogging together. "Speaking of gay..." Without giving it a second thought, Glory waved her hand and sent the men flying so hard into a tree that their bodies splattered like bugs on a windshield. The God looked at the beautiful chaos she just created, which triggered her blue eyes to sparkle back to their former glory. She smiled, looking down at her perfect feet and then back up at the bloody blobs. "By the way guys, I still love the shoes."
Glory spotted another couple, and just before she was about to send those people soaring towards the Tree of Death, two manly hands grabbed her from behind and teleported her down into...
...Hell. Charmed-style. Glory twirled around in a blur, then immediately tried to telekinetically castrate whoever was spoiling her fun. She couldn't, however, because her locket was gone.
"Looking for this?" the demon smiled, dangling the locket right in front of the Hell God's face.
"GIVE THAT BACK!" Glory screamed as she hopped up and tried to grab the locket.
The demon grasped onto the locket and held it up over Glory, just out of arm's reach. "I will...after you properly know how to use it."
"Or I could just properly kick your ass." Glory blinked. "What's with the cheesy tongue-in-ass-cheek humor? Is it just a California thing" she asked. She took a swing at the mysterious demon.
"You're in our world now... Glorificus" the demon explained as he effortlessly dodged her Buffy-style punch. "Please, call me Zankou."
"I answer to no man" Glory shouted. She threw about six more punches before she finally realized that she was powerless until she got her locket back. She gave Zankou a once over. "But since you are hot, I'll consider."
Zankou smiled. "You want to get right to the killing. I admire that in a woman."
Glory's jaw dropped, offended. "Exsqueeze me? Woman, woman...WOMAN? Back home, women come out of my ass whenever I fart. Which isn't very often, cause Hellooo. God here."
Zankou continued, ignoring Glory's spew. "But in our world, you can't just kill out in the open without dire consequences." He stepped closer to her. "Besides, those men you killed weren't even gay."
"Consequences?" Glory mocked. "I'm a God...I'm above it all." She smirked. "And now that my dorky twin brother is offed, my power shall reign free once you be a good little lower life-form and give me my friggin locket back!"
Zankou swallowed. "As I said, you'll get it back once you know how to use it properly."
"See, Piper. We can be the Charmed Ones and still have a life" Paige said proudly as they approached the path to the park.
"Just not at once?" Piper quipped, thinking of all the demon attacks that interrupted all the things they tried to do. "Yeah, I know that no demon or stupid magical creature or whatever has attacked us since Utopia ended, which is beyond ironic, but we still have to be careful."
Phoebe and Leo approached the duo from behind, with the witch holding Wyatt's hand while Leo pushed Chris in a carriage.
"Careful smearful" Phoebe said. "I don't know about anyone else, but to moi? Park time equals cruisin' time! I haven't had any man action since Leslie and that was like...months ago."
"Slut" Piper deadpanned as Phoebe went off man-hunting." She sighed. "I wanted her to spend time with the boys but...whatever." She turned around. "Frisbee anyone?"
"I'm afraid you all will have to take a rain check" a familiar voice called from the near distance. Piper, Paige and Leo spun around to find Daryl about to put up some police tape.
"Oh god" Piper threw her hands up in frustration. "We can't even have a normal day in the park as a family without something happening."
Paige rolled her eyes. "If I hear that word again, I think I'll blow YOU up."
Leo slipped through the two sisters and asked "What happened here?"
Daryl sighed. "Two men...in their early twenties. Murdered." He looked around him to make sure nobody else was listening. "They were thrown into a tree by some weird magical force. Looks like some advanced form of telekinesis. It's pretty ugly."
Piper crossed her arms. "Okay, well, I'll just blow up whoever did it so we can get back to our actual lives."
Paige put an hand on Piper's shoulder. "Honey, I think this is part of our lives too."
Piper subtlety nodded. Paige was right, even if she didn't want to admit it. "Okay, but we need more to go on other than the power of telekinesis. I mean, how many demons have that?"
"Well my telekinesis can beat up their telekinesis" Glory snarked, suddenly appearing right next to Daryl.
"What the-" Daryl gasped out, right before his head was twisted off by two lightning-fast hands.
Glory smiled, looking down at the dead detective. "I'm baaaack" she purred.
Piper's eyes widened in fear, trying to register what just happened. "Oh god...Daryl"
"Piper, blow her up" Paige ordered.
Piper tried to both blow Glory up and freeze her, but the God remained unaffected. Piper stood in front of Glory, paralyzed in fear.
"Been a few years since I've had me some witch" Glory said, licking her lips as she slowly approached the sisters. She gazed at Piper with soulless eyes. "But I think I'll just kill you and eat your sons instead."
Piper glanced behind her to make sure that Leo orbed away the boys safely. Sure enough, he did. She faced Glory again. "Paige, orb us away" Piper shrilled.
Glory seemed to have already anticipated this move, because she telekinetically threw Paige and Piper's orb clouds before they could escape.
Paige and Piper flew into a tree with an incredible force, but they luckily didn't receive the same fate as the joggers. The witches tried their best to get up on two feet again, fighting as hard as they could to stay conscious.
Piper could feel all the bruises developing on her back and boy, did they sting. "Ruuun" Piper yelled to Paige as she grabbed her hand.
Paige looked behind her and shouted "Tree branch" while scurrying with her sister. With a thud, Glory was knocked on the head with the branch just seconds before she could grab hold of the women.
The branch only slowed down Glory for a second though, and she soon caught up to them in a super speed blur.
Out of the corner of her eye, Paige noticed a conveniently placed antique piano sitting in a shop window. She looked at Glory again, and tried to orb the piano but it wouldn't budge. "We're screwed" Paige whispered.
"Not with that outfit, hon" Glory said, raising her hand to throw them again.
Suddenly, Phoebe appeared beside her sisters and kicked Glory in the face. Although the attack barely harmed Glory, it distracted her long enough for Phoebe to whisper into Paige's ear. "Try orbing the piano again, but aim it at us instead. Then hurry up and orb us away."
Paige raised a brow at Phoebe. "Are you nuts?"
"Just do it" Phoebe commanded. She and Piper held Paige's hands to give her an extra boost of power.
"Piano!" Paige orbed the piano above the sisters' heads, just as she was told. Then at that same instant, Glory rushed at them, attempting to take them all out with a single body slam. But the sisters had already orbed away and the piano had fallen on Glory instead, followed by a crashing GONG sound that echoed the streets of San Francisco.
Glory kicked the piano off of her and it went soaring. She stood up and looked down at her tattered red dress. "FUCKIN' A" she shouted, killing a pedestrian with her super scream.
Glory turned a street corner and began sulking in an alley. She looked down at her dress again for the umpteenth time before exploding in tears.
Zankou materialized in front of her. He stroked his chin. "A God, crying? Interesting."
"Shut up" Glory said. "How can you find me, anyway?"
Zankou smiled, circling around Glory as he cupped his hands together. "I sensed you were vulnerable. It's this...thing I have. I also foresaw your arrival."
"Will you be foreseeing my foot in your ass" Glory shouted. "Oh I forgot, your head's in the way."
"Pot, kettle" Zankou said. "Must I remind you that you still need me? You know the deal. Kill the Charmed Ones and you shall receive your reward." He leaned in closer to her. "But next time, think of a better plan otherthan attacking them out in public like that."
Glory thought about all the trouble she ran into with Buffy. "Well, I'm not a planner. Unlike humans, demons and everyone else who isn't me really, Gods like to kill first, ask questions never."
Zankou nodded. He placed the back of his hand near Glory's face, like he could feel her power. "Therein lies your strength." He smiled and handed her a piece of paper. "Now go to the manor and confront the sisters again. They won't be expecting another attack this soon."
Glory nodded, looking down at the address. She put the note between the crack of her boobs. "Whatever." She began to storm off. "I just want my reward" she said from a distance.
Back at the Manor, Leo was about to heal Piper's back while Paige and Phoebe thumbed through the Book of Shadows to look for the bizarre blonde.
"Daryl died Leo. Somebody we've known for seven friggin years. And he was just begining to trust us again too. She was just so strong...and fast" Piper ranted to Leo as she slumped in the attic chair for that tingly whitelighter touch. "I don't know how we even made it."
"A piano fell on her" Paige said bluntly. "Well, thanks to me." She turned her head. "And if it weren't for that premonition Phoebe had earlier, we'd be dead now."
"Flattery will get you everywhere my dear, dear sister" Phoebe said while playfully punching Paigeon the arm.
Piper listened to the exchange between her two siblings. She rolled her eyes. "Right, throw it up in my face that she was immune to all my powers."
Leo put a comforting hand on his wife's shoulder. "Honey, I don't think they meant"
Piper got up, her back fully healed. "I know, I know. I'm just pissy." She turned around to face Leo. "And scared. This goes way beyond the normal life thing." Piper started to get teary-eyed. "I don't know how this bitch knew about them, but she talked about eating our boys, Leo."
"She's not going to lay a finger on them" Leo said in the most reassuring voice possible. "I already told you, they're safe at the magic school." He tried to give her a hug but she backed away.
"You mean the school that's safe but not really?" Piper questioned. "Yeah, that's a good idea."
Leo shrugged. "It's all we have. I'm sorry Piper, but I know we'll get through this."
"Found her" Phoebe called out. Piper and Leo walked next to the Book of Shadows.
"Yeah, there's our tramp all right" Piper said.
Phoebe read on. "Well, her name is Glorificus. Glory for short. It says that she's not from our reality...that she lives in a Hell Dimension."
Paige nodded. "Explains why she attacked in broad day-light. Newbie to the whole exposure thing."
"Not if you go by that dress" Piper quipped. Her family members let out a chuckle at that.
Phoebe went on, lining a finger under the text so she wouldn't lose her place. "Whenever Glorificus travels from her own dimension to another, she's drained from most of her powers...so she must feed herself by sucking on the mind of innocents."
Piper thought of Wyatt and Chris and began to stare off into space.
Phoebe read on. "Oh God, she's a God"
Relieved, Piper snapped back to reality. "God? Well, we've did Gods before, right? Hell, we've been Gods. We can do this." She put her hands on her hips, confident again.
Paige shook her head. "I don't know guys. She didn't seem very uh, drained."
"She might have found a way to keep some of her power while traveling dimensions" Leo commented. "It's not unheard of. Did you guys notice any special charms on her? Maybe on her neck, or-or wrist."
The sisters shook their head. "Does it say how to kill her?" Piper asked. "And what does she evenwant, anyway."
Phoebe looked down at the Book again. "Uh...oh, here! As a God, Glory can't TRULY be vanquished."
"Oh, great" Piper said.
"But she CAN be banished back to her dimension, if she's weakened enough" Phoebe said.
"And to do that we need to take away whatever is giving her power" Paige added.
The four fell suddenly silent, and soon started to stare at each other.
"So uhhh...how do we find her" Piper asked.
"Knock, knock" Glory said after she kicked down the door. "Hey, why scry when you can fly" With that, she telekinetically threw the entire family to opposite ends of the attic.
Leo orbed behind Glory and whacked her in the back with a chair, but the chair simply broke in half as the God stood up straight. She turned around and punched Leo as hard as she could, exploding him into a gazillion little blue orbs.
"Leo!" Piper called out. Paige and Phoebe hurried up and ran next to their sister. To buy them more time, she blew up the mirror that stood on the wall opposite of Glory, then froze the broken mirror into place.
"What the..." Glory said as she stared at all the glass frozen around her. If she used her super speed to escape, it would make the pain that much worse. She was trapped.
"Glass shards!" Paige called out. She watched with delight as the pieces of broken mirror delved deep inside Glory's skin.
"My turn" Phoebe said while running up to Glory. She punched the God in the face- first with a right fist, then with a left, and then finished off the combo with a knee to the stomach.
Having about enough, Glory grabbed Phoebe's wrist and promptly broke her arm. "Maybe if you ate a hamburger now and then, you could actually kick some ass." She grabbed a hold of Phoebe's ears, and was about to rip the witch's head off.
Piper and Paige shrieked at the snapping sound. "Bookcase!" Paigedesperately called out, orbing the said object against Glory's back. The move bought just enough time for Phoebe to run back to her sisters.
"Oh God...Oh God" Phoebesaid, cradling her arm against her chest. She looked back at Glory, who had already fully recovered from all those shards.
"Oh yes" Glory said. She smiled and licked her lips. "Last words, witch-runts?"
Paige gulped. "Just two...Power source!"the witchsuddenly called out with all her might.
Piper and Phoebe stared at Glory's red dress. They noticed her stomach shone in a blue, Whitelightery after-glow. Apparently, Glory had eaten the locket in an attempt to keep it hidden.
The locket orbed out of Glory's stomach and into Paige's hand. She quickly hid it behind her back.
A big grin developed on Phoebe's face. "Good thinkin, sis."
Glory looked up at the sisters and began to throw a temper tantrum. "GIVE IT BACK!" she cried out, wailing her arms and stomping her feet.
Piper stepped up, strapping her bitch on. "Make us." She flicked her hands and exploded Glory, having enough power to whack the Hell Bitch all the way to the other end of the attic. Glory crashed back into one of Grams' old china cabinets.
"That was satisfying" Piper said.
Glory tried to run out of the attic, but Piper promptly froze her.
"Hey, does anybody care that I have a broken arm here?" Phoebe said out of nowhere.
Paige and Piper shrugged. They were truthfully just enjoying Glory's pain.
"Broken arms heal" Piper said matter-of-factly. "But if you can't possibly wait..." She pointed to Leo, who was finally beginning to regather his orbs back together. A few seconds later and he was whole again. He saw Phoebe's arm and immediately walked over to heal her.
"What do we do now" Phoebe asked.
Piper walked up to the frozen God. "I kick her ass until she goes back to Hell." She was about to raise her hands and explode Glory again, but then thought a moment. "But first..." Piper decided to unfreeze Glory instead.
"What are you doing?" Leo asked.
"It's okay, Leo" Piper said. "She's not strong enough to kill us now. And something tells me she never was smart enough, either." She crossed her arms. "Just out of curiosity, Glory, why the hell did you try to kill us?"
Glory sniffed. She might as well tell the truth now. "For a pair of shoes...shoes made by the Powers That Be. They're created with a heavenly matter that is completely indestructible but more importantly, they're absolutely FABULOUS. Gorgeous, I tell you." She shook her head. "I can't believe I'm actually having a conversation with you people!"
Paige laughed, and it wasn't long before everybody in the attic save for Glory started to crack up.
"You tried to kill us for a pair of shoes?" Piper said, smiling. "That's just...pathetic, really."
"Oh screw you!" Glory said. "I have to look pretty."
"So...just who has the power to give you these shoes, anyway?" Phoebe asked. "And while they're at it, can they do something about the hair too"
While flipping Phoebe off Glory replied "Zankou."
"I don't know about this" Phoebe said as the three sisters walked through the Underworld. Leo could be seen walking behind them, in case anything went wrong.
Paige nodded. "Yeah Piper, we are helping a Hell God here. The same one you were all pissed at just minutes ago."
"Zankou lied to her, guys" Piper said. "Told her that he was the only one with the power to get those shoes and that's just false, because I checked the Book of Shadows before we came and it said the shoes were locked up here, in a simple glass case."
"Hmph. Just like a man." Paige scoffed as the three turned a corner.
A pussy-whipped Leo heard the remark, but he just took the abuse like always.
It wasn't long before they found what they came for. A pair of beautiful, sparkling shoes enclosed in a shiny glass case.
Piper stepped up, but she was pulled back by her younger sister.
"This seems too easy" Phoebe said. "How much you wanna bet that Zankou is gonna appear and try to finish us off"?
Piper shook his head. "No way he can take us on, that's what he used Glory for. Now, observe." Piper flicked her hands and exploded the glass case, freeing the shoes. She went up to the shoes and grabbed them.
"They are kinda fabulous, huh?" Paige said, staring down at the radiant glow they emitted. The three sisters smiled and hugged as Leo orbed them out of there.
Back up at the attic, the Halliwell sisters plus Leo were standing face to face with the Hell God.
"Here you are. Just like we promised" Piper said while handing Glory the shoes.
"They're...FAGTASTIC" Glory screamed out, kicking her old shoes off and putting the new ones on. "There, that's better."
Paige edged into Piper. "Are you sure they don't give her any super powers?" she whispered.
"Positive" Piper said, smiling at Glory. Her expression turned serious. "Now if you EVER threaten to harm my boys again..."
"Oh. You mean Wyatt and Chris? I already ate them." She laughed. "Now it was a sweet thing you did for me, but hey. A God's gotta eat. You'll get over it, right?" She patted Piper's stomach. "I'm sure you can pop out two more of those rugrats in no time flat."
Piper's jaw dropped. She looked at Paige, Phoebe and Leo and started to panic. Somehow, someway - she just knew that Glory was telling the truth. She felt her blood begin to boil. Soon, a hatred unlike anything she ever felt rose out from her heart and into her hands.
Piper blew up Glory again, this time with enough force that she crashed out of the attic window and went flying down into the street below.
The wind got knocked out of Glory as she plummeted into the street. She coughed out some blood as she pulled herself on both feet.
Glory looked to her right. "Not aga-" A truck crashed into her and sent her flying, inflicting enough pain to send her back to Hell.
Piper stared out of the window, in a complete daze. Her eyes were glued opened and she hadn't blinked in the longest.
Paige and Phoebe stared out of the window with Piper, not believing what just happened.
"Oh...God" Leo said, breaking into tears.
The End. (or is it?)