Ever since I watched Dethdad on friday I cannot get the episode out of my head. Parts of it were extremely hilarious, and parts were so sad... :( At the end of the episode I just wanted to laugh, cry, and slap myself in the face... This show makes me so depressed sometimes... Anyway, I just wanted to write a fanfiction pertaining to it, since it seems no one else has yet... I guess maybe that's because the episode hasn't aired on television yet...

!!Warning!! If you haven't seen Dethdad you might not understand all of this. You could read it without having seen the episode, but I think you might understand it a bit more if you've seen it.

Another warning: Writing this made me sad, so reading it might make you sad too... Get your bottle of prozac ready...

Anyway, it's not a multi-chapter story... This is it:

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Toki stood in the main room of Mordhaus, staring ahead. Skwisgaar was standing in front of him, saying something, but Toki couldn't understand him. He couldn't bring himself to pay attention to what Skwisgaar was saying. He could only stair ahead and think about his father. He had forgiven him for all of the terrible things he had done to him as a child, but did his father even deserve his forgiveness?

Surely there was something that Toki liked about his father... He was his father after all... There must have been something about the man that Toki would miss. When someone's father dies, they are supposed to miss something about him. People are supposed to like their fathers, right? Toki could feel his eyes stinging from lack of blinking and from tears that threatened to fall from them, but he couldn't think about blinking or crying right now; he could only think of his father. There had to be something that the reverend had done right when raising his only son...

As painful as it was for him, Toki thought back to his childhood. Surely he could think of a way that his father had done something that positively affected him...

Toki had done something wrong... What it was, he couldn't even recall. The result, however, indicated that it must have been something which his father very much disapproved of. It was so difficult to communicate with his father, as often-times the man would not even speak. He would just look at Toki, with hardly any expression at all on his face, and expect Toki to understand what he wanted.

The reverend glared at Toki, who was about seven years old. Toki's worried eyes looked into the eyes of his father, trying to interpret what his father was trying to communicate to him. The two of them were standing in the cellar of the house where they lived in Norway.

On the wall of the cellar hung various gardening tools and other things, the function and purpose of some of them Toki didn't even know. He did know the purpose of one of the non-gardening tools which hung on the wall. It was a tool used to punish him on several occasions, a leather whip.

Toki frowned as his father took the whip from where it hung on the wall and then simply looked at Toki and waited. Toki knew what his father wanted him to do. He wanted him to take off his shirt and turn around so he could be properly punished. Toki looked desperately at his father, silently pleading with his eyes. He knew he couldn't simply ask his father to forgive whatever he had done to make him so angry. Speaking to him would make him even more angry, and would make the punishment even worse.

With trembling hands, Toki pulled his shirt over his head and held it in his hands as he turned around and closed his eyes tightly. He gripped the shirt as tightly as he could as he felt the whip connect with his skin. He tried as hard as he could to stay quiet and to not cry as the whip repeatedly curled around his back.

When his father felt that the punishment was fit for whatever small crime Toki had commited, he hung the whip back on the wall and walked back upstairs, leaving Toki where he stood.

Once Toki was sure his father was gone, he allowed himself to drop onto his knees. He cried, partially due to the excruciating pain tearing through his body, and partially because he didn't know why he was punished in the first place. If his father would just tell him what he was doing wrong, he would stop doing it, but there was no way for him to make the horrible punishments stop if he didn't even know why he was being punished.

For a few hours Toki sat against the wall of the cellar. His back, covered in numerous stinging whip lashes, was facing away from the wall. The cool air in the cellar eased the pain to a certain degree. By this time the lacerations on his back had formed, for the most part, into scabs, and the blood which had run down his back had dried.

He pulled his t-shirt back over his head, trying to avoid rubbing it onto his injuries. The shirt was not exactly comfortable over the wounds, but it was quite cold, and Toki knew that he shouldn't allow himself to become too cold or he would get sick, and his parents would not give him any sympathy for being sick.

Toki quietly walked up the cellar stairs. He needed to get out of the house without alerting his parents. Fortunately, his coat was hanging near the door. It wasn't a very warm coat, as it was old, tattered, and thin, but it was still better than nothing. He quickly slipped it on, wincing as he moved and caused reaction from the injuries on his back.

He quietly slipped out of the door and into the cold winter night. He wasn't sure where he was going, but he didn't want to stay in the house where his father and mother lived. He ran in the direction of the nearby town.

After what seemed like hours of running he saw lights from the town. He felt like he wanted to smile, but was entirely too tired from running so far on such a horribly cold night and in his fragile physical state. He stopped at the first house he saw, sitting down on the steps and leaning against the door. He didn't mean to alert the home-owners of his presence. He just felt that he needed to take a bit of a rest from running.

As he leaned against the door he closed his eyes. He might just be able to sleep right here, despite the cold... That thought, however, was gone when he felt the door behind him open, and he fell back on the floor of the house, landing lightly, though painfully, on his back. He winced at the pain that shot through him.

"What have we here?" the man who had opened the door said, "what are you doing here in the middle of the night?" the man grinned.

The man's expression and tone indicated that he might not be a very pleasant character, but Toki was too tired to think about that, "I just runnings aways from homes," he told the man as he pulled himself off of the floor, standing in front of the man whose house he now stood in.

"Well, come on in," the man offered, grabbing Toki by the wrist and pulling him further into the house so that he could close the door behind him.

"Um..." Toki hesitated, "I gots to go..."

"No you don't," the man argued, "you can stay for a little while, hm?"

Toki frowned. He wasn't sure what the intentions of this man were, but he was rather sure that they were not good intentions. The man still held onto his wrist, and was much larger than Toki, who was small for his age, and also only just a young child, "Can I please goes?" Toki asked, trying to pull away from the man.

The man was beginning to look angry, "No," he argued, "come on; you've probably been outside for a while. Aren't you cold? Hungry? Just stay for a while."

"I don'ts knows you. I don'ts wants to be heres. I just goes back homes," Toki suggested, still trying to free his wrist from the tightening grip.

"Here," the man began, "take off your coat and sit down for a minute," he said, pulling Toki's coat off of him and hanging it on a coat rack.

Toki was trembling quite a lot by this point, in fear of what this man was planning, and the man noticed this.

"Are you cold?" he asked, "I can get you a blanket..."

"Why won'ts you just lets me leave?" Toki questioned.

"I just don't want you to go just yet..." the man said. He looked at Toki and smiled, "why don't you just sit down here," he suggested, pulling a chair out, turning Toki to face away from him and pushing Toki toward the chair. He then stopped and turned Toki around to face him.

"What happened to you?" he asked.

Toki narrowed his eyes, "What happens to me? What's you talkings about?"

Toki gasped as the man spun him around again and lifted his shirt to reveal the red marks on his back. Apparently some of the lacerations had not dried over completely and he had bled through his shirt.

"This!" the man said, his voice sounding as though he was completely shocked, "who did this to you?"

Toki hesitated. He didn't want to talk to this man about that, "I can'ts tells to you that."

The man nodded. He looked as though he felt extremely guilty, "I'm sorry. You can go," the man said, releasing his hold on Toki.

"Okays..." Toki said, walking slowly over to the door of the house. He grabbed his coat on the way out, while keeping his eye on the man who owned the house.

"Good luck," the man said before Toki left the house, "I hope things get better for you, and again... I'm sorry."

Toki put his coat on as he walked outside. Out of the people in this world he had met so far, he didn't like very many of them...

Toki shook his head as he was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of Skwisgaar still trying to talk to him. He blinked and looked at Skwisgaar, but still could not concentrate on what he was saying. He still could only think of his father.

What he had remembered from his childhood was horrible, but it did make him feel that his father had done at least one thing right, though it was also incredibly wrong. If he hadn't been covered in the bleeding marks that his father had created on his back, who knows what the man he encountered would have done to him... That man had taken pitty on Toki due to his injuries, and had spared him whatever horrible fate he had planned because of it...

In the back of Toki's mind he knew that if his father hadn't hurt him in the first place, he wouldn't have run away and the threat the man had posed wouldn't have existed, but right now he needed to hold on to some notion that his father was not entirely bad.

Toki looked up at Skwisgaar, and for the first time in a while could make out what he was saying.

"...because I don't even thinks you's listenings to me. You just stairs all de times, when I tries talks to you. You don'ts needs be sads abouts your fathers dyings. He wasn'ts good mans, and even though he was your fathers, dat don'ts means you has to likes him. But whatevers, because yous not pays attention to what I's been sayings for a hours. Anyways, I talks to you laters," Skwisgaar said, and walked out of the room.

Toki sat down on the sofa. Maybe there were more good aspects about his father as well. Maybe if his father hadn't mistreated him, Toki would have never aspired to leave Norway in the first place. Maybe Toki wouldn't be here with Dethklok if not for his father's cruelty. Whether that was true or not, he didn't know, but he liked to think there was some reason why he had to live through such fear and pain. Some good must have come from it...

xxxxxx

I feel so sad. Reviews for to me please... :(