Ok, before I get things started, I would like to state that this is an experimental work. I will explain myself in a very long Author's Note at the end. I am not bashing any pairing, and I am not bashing any particular character. I would also like to state that Full Metal Alchemist is the sole property of Hiromu Arakawa and Square Enix. I do not own it in any way, shape or form.

And now, without further adieu…

Zanzibar!!!
(Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap)

An interpretive dance of an almost lemon.

Slightly based on a review of "Drunk Enough To Say I Love You?" that I read in Variety, and an article on Something Awful by Zach "Geist Editor" Parsons.

Ed: Beer. Floating Beer. Floating in an endless point of endlessness.

BET!!!

The Floating. The floating floating. He remembered when he was a child that the world was a big balloon. Then it went away. Then it came back. Then it went away again. Who would win the bet? Why is bet?

Ed: Grammar is meaningless for my art. Al…You are aluminum. I am ashamed.
Roy: Bet you did not win, but didwin.
Ed: Fool! I am the parakeetdog.
Roy: Winning is what I do.

The fool of the soul is wild,
My mouth tastes like bile,
I am yet a child,
Floating in the rain.

Kisskissfallinlove.

Off.

Shirt.

Autograph.

Vic Mignogna.

Travis Willingham.

Stupid elitist fangirl.

Only watches Japanese words.

So Unknowing of the fate of the seven rams.

OCHIONE! She is OCHIONE!

Can't you see him cry? Can't you see the tears?

Pants

Shants

Rope

Pinned down on the desk

Abs. Sweat. Abs. Dangle. Lt. Dangle.

(Downstairs, Fury, Havoc, and Hawkeye have a discussion. Extras are to fall around the back, discussing the process of a zombie Benedict Arnold. )

Havoc: (Sighs) I wonder what they're doing up there?
Hawkeye: (Turns her head of zapatatic oppression skyward) Whatever it is, I'll have my pistol ready.
Fury: When two souls collide, do eagles soar?

(Havoc and Hawkeye stare at Fury for two beats, transfixed by his capitalism.)

Hawkeye: What the hell are you talking about?

(Bang bang! All dead.)

White dough is spread. There's no stopping it now. Ochione looks with glee.

Knife slices lemon flesh. OOF! ED'S COLON! THE BLOOD!!! THE PANIC!!! THE VOMIT!!! THE PANIC!!! THE VOMIT!!! GOD LOVES HIS CHILDREN!!! GOD LOVES HIS CHILDREN, YEAH!!!

TA THUMP TA THUMP TA THUMP

There is blood. There is lots of blood. Location of the artery is in the sciatic nerve. Subcutaneous, subcutaneous calling. He was arriving. The organ plays, in the thundering rattling of Ed's head.

Was he sure he was eight and ten?

SKITTLES. CAPITALISM. POLITIK. HENRY KISSINGER.

Floorboards.

Cracking. Unstable.

Riza among the dead. Smoking the Bones. Dust falls on head.

And the seven trumpets blowing. Sweet Rock and Roll. Roy's gone out inside your showroom.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Crash!!!!

Embarassment. Humiliation. Happy shipper. Unhappy Colonel and Major. More abs.

Fuhrer: WHAT DA HELL IS GOIN ON IN ME HOUSE????!!!! I AM TOM DYRON, DA DRAGON!!!!!!
Jeff: I'm gonna kill you now with my 9mm silencer.
Furhur: Oh scheisse! I got to get going, keep creepy man going!!!
Ed: My shame is that of Nefertiti.

(Roy enters from stage left. He pulls out a knife, ready to kill that which provides freedom.)

Roy: (In parentheses) (Screams out) MASCARAAAAAAA! (Stabs Al out).

As Al fell, his blood seal broken, a small cry erupted from his metal frame. There was a great clatter of metal plates as the now lifeless suit of armor slammed to the floor of the mess hall. He was dead.

Roy, shaken, said, "No! Dear God who doesn't really exist in Hiromu world, what have I done!"

For a moment, Ed was silent. His eyes paused upon the metal corpse, taking in every symbol, every frame, and the now prominent knife hole. He felt a sob rise in his throat, but by a great force of willpower, he managed to kill it. He turned to face his Colonel, the man who had disgraced him and his brother.

Ed said, "What do you think you did? You've broken my colon and killed my brother. You asshole! You are like a pig in a cage, on antibiotics. What am I supposed to do now?"

Roy took a face of quiet calmness. His face was serene. Calm blue ocean. One could see the calm blue ocean, on the bright day. If you turned to face the dawn, you could see the denial. Ochione had him.

He said, "Should we try again?"

Ed then punched him, quite hard. The metal met skin with a loud intensity. You could hear the zygomatic bones breaking if you were close enough to hear it. But you couldn't hear it. Ochione probably made sure of that.

Roy tumbled to the ground. There was a look of shock that had contorted his face and created the chorus to shrivel. His pleading eyes looked into the golden orbs of hatred.

Ed then said, "My brother is dead! And Winry is stuck in Zanzibar! Why do you think I came to you in the first place?" Ed turned and stormed out of the office of Central.

Roy lay on the floor, his mouth slightly open. After a few minutes, he headed down the stairs, to the mess hall where Riza and the others were. His newly found look of confusion turned to one of horror as he saw the many bones. Not a soul was alive in the room, not even Riza, who had been crushed by Roy's desk. Among the bones, however, he saw a small fragment of what looked like a porcelain face.

He picked it up. It was only a fragment: he guessed it was the left eye, and nothing more. He flipped it over to reveal a message:

"Hey Winry! Just wanted to check on you. Is everything all right? You haven't answered any of our letters in quite a while, so maybe this mask will give you a reason to write back.

Love,

Ed."

Roy noticed that the message was scrawled over with lipstick. The lipstick revealed one word: Ochione.

Roy pocketed the fragment, and ran out of the military base.

The Bet's work was done,
and Roy did have his fun,
But I'm sure the one who got the most jollies
was you,
you stupid Frou Frou!
you have, you have, you have,
Don't deny it,
You supplied it,
To the masses,
In the rain.

Welcome to Zanzibar!

Will you go far?

Where is my car?

Is it like Iraq?

Will he get Winry back?

S
H
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D
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N
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L
D
H
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R
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Kicking screaming Gucci little piggy?

Ed: (To Winry) You don't remember, you don't remember, why don't you remember my name? Off with her head, off with her head, man, why don't she remember my name?

Winry: What? Ed, have you lost your mind?

(Ed Cuts off head. Winry and head Winry falls to the ground.)

Ed: I guess she does.

(Ed Falls dead).

Elitist girl, get your mind out of the gutter and your hand out of your pants.

Exeunt Omnes! Omnes!

A/N- OK, explanation time. Basically, one of my sister's friends lost a bet to one of her friends, a crazy woman who would write lemons about anything (I'm not kidding. One had involved my sister's friend and her social studies teacher. That's what I call dirty thoughts). So, the punishment was that my sister's friend had to write a lemon, involving the aforementioned pair. It was either that, or a Snape/Hermoine rape fic, which would use his "sexy nose", to be titled "Detention Gone Wild". I wish I were kidding.

So, I was kind of mad, and I wrote this as a "Fuck You" to people like her, an experiment to see what I could do with Microsoft Word (some things did not show up on FFnet, however), a parody of overly pretentious writing, and a way to play around with different writing styles and situations, hence the script parts, the fragment sentences, and the god-awful poetry.

Surprisingly, when I showed it to people, they liked it. I wasn't sure if they were trying to be nice, or not, but they seemed to genuinely like it. I showed it to many people. In fact, the only person who I never got to show it to was the very person I was writing this for. Go figure. Maybe here, she'll be able to see it, I don't know.

Well, there you have it. You read it, you cannot unread it, so, if you feel like it, please feel free to leave a review. And in the event that you enjoyed it, stick around for the next chapter. This is a trilogy, after all.