Slash is here, I admit. I hate the stuff, nothing more then kissing. That
is it, I am extremely sorry about the
kisses, it's just that the story wouldn't be too funny without them, and
besides, the point is to write the story
to the best of it's capability. Just really weird thoughts and a lot of
odd behavior. SORRY!
Chapter 1
Ron and Hermione snickered.
"This is going to be sooo fun!" Hermione said wickedly, which was unusual because she normally disapproved of such behavior like this. Ron grinned.
"This is the best muggle holiday so far! Besides X-mas of course." He said and waved the blue bottle in front of her. Hermione grinned and grabbed it.
"Okay, I'll pour it into Harry's drink, and when he drinks it. . . .WHAM! He'll be the most attractive student in hogwarts!"
"This charm potion you made Mione' is the GREATEST!! Harry will have everyone from Ginny to Cho chasing him for a date."
"April fools is always a great day in my books." She said calmly.
"S'not much of a prank though. He'll have girls chasing him." Ron said calmly. The brunette grinned.
"Let's see how fun it is when you have sixty girls running after you screaming 'Harry! Can I have a lock of your hair?!' He'll be bald by sundown." She said calmly and walked off, Ron in close pursuit.
~~~
"Why are you guys grinning like that? It's creepy." Harry said as he ate his toast. Hermione shrugged.
"I have arithmancy and we're doing a special project today!" She lied quickly. Ron nodded.
"I'm glad cause Ginny got real good marks on her O.W.L s last year." Harry raised an eyebrow.
"That was six months ago Ron. I'm glad that Ginny got good marks, but aren't you overdoing it a little?" he asked. Hermione waved the blue bottle over Harry's cup as he was distracted by talking to Ron. She poured the whole bottle in and then summoned it back over to her hand. She just grabbed it when Harry turned to her, she whisked it out of sight.
"So we have potions first huh? Damn." He said sighing and reaching for his goblet. He raised it swiftly, and it was almost at his lips when . . . . . .
FLASH!!
Harry dropped the goblet as Colin took his picture. Yet again. Hermione panicked and whipped out her wand.
"Agorious Floatuis!!" She yelled out. The goblet stopped in midair. It righted itself and landed on the table with a thunk. She and Ron sighed in relief. Harry smiled.
"Thanks Hermione." He said and brought the goblet to his lips once more when he was interrupted.
"Great game yesterday Harry. You bein' team captain and all, the team's never been this good!" Seamus said with a large grin. Harry smiled.
"Thanks." The two proceeded to talk, Hermione and Ron groaned in frustration. A good 30 minuets later Seamus left having to work on some essay. Harry picked up the goblet ONCE more and brought it to his lips. It was there, he leaned the cup upwards . . .
Ron and Hermione watched eagerly. HE SWALLOWED THE CUP IN ONE GULP! Hermione had to bite her fist to keep from bursting out into laughter. Ron grinned crazily. Harry saw this change in emotions.
"Something up?" He asked. They shook their heads.
~~~
Malfoy was walking past Harry and they reached the door to the potions classroom at the same time. Malfoy was about to push his way in, when suddenly he felt odd.
"After you Potter." He said smiling. Ron, Harry, and Hermione gaped.
"A-are you sure Malfoy?" Ron demanded.
"Of course Weasley. Potions is starting, don't you think we should go in?" He said grinning. The trio walked in very confused and sat down as Malfoy sat behind Harry. That done class started. Harry began to notice the many looks he was getting.
"I don't get it. Harry just seems so . . . . . .so . . . . .CHARMING today!" Lavender whispered to Parvati.
"I know, I just can't stop looking at him!" She said in a fit of giggles. Harry began to get nervous. What was going on?! Draco kept smiling at him with a look the boy-who-lived couldn't recognize. Pansy kept gazing at him her large and eerie eyes, Snape would bustle by, he hadn't taken his usual 10 points from Gryffindor because Harry was doing something like breathing to loudly or smiling. In fact Snape would get rather nervous and his gaze would flit over Harry and then snap away, like he was a nervous girl that like him. But that was impossible wasn't it? Harry by now, had learned that impossible was a word never to use in the magical world. Ron was laughing silently with Hermione. A few minuets later Ron tapped Hermione's arm urgently.
"You know that charm repellent you gave me?" He said quickly.
"Yeah."
"IT'S NOT WORKING!" He hissed. She drew back.
"WHAT?! You're a guy! It should have the least affect on . . . . . . .you? On no! Mine's not working either." She said in a shrill quiet voice. "What do we do? What DID we do? What went wrong?"
"I don't know! I don't even like potions! You're the genius, you figure out what we did!" He hissed in a panicky voice. She gulped.
~~~
By the time Harry walked out of potions half the school was thinking
'Harry Potter is so cute!' Even the guy populations was thinking such thoughts. Most people didn't know what to do, guys were staying as far away from Harry as possible trying to convince themselves that they weren't gay. Girls were walking so close to him that he smelled their breathes. Ron and Hermione were in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom trying to figure out what went wrong. Ron snapped his fingers.
"I found it! Turns out the loving rose which was supposed to be a bud was too strong. I accidentally added the full bloom rose which means the strength was intensified." Hermione blanched.
"I can't cure it then!"
"WHAT?!"
"To cure it I would have to adjust the whole antidote. That would take a month at least! The potion should last only an hour but due to our change. . ." She trailed off to do the math. Five seconds later she paled even further. He stiffened.
"How bad?!"
"Two days. . ." She replied meekly. Ron gulped.
"Two whole days of wanting to kiss my best friend whose a GUY?! HELL NO!! CHANGE IT NOW HERMIONE!!" She sighed.
"I wish I could Ron." She sighed once more. "This is some hole we've dug ourselves into."
"Someone give me a shovel, I think it's going to get a lot deeper." He said sourly.
~~~
Harry was walking down the hallway when something burst out of a hallway in front of him and claimed his lips. The raven haired youth stumbled trying to move back and fell down onto the flagstones. He sputtered and looked up at the assailant. He paled.
"W-what the?! *sputter* You're in Slytherin! Why the hell-?!"
"Eep! Sorry!" She squealed and ran off. Harry stared after her. The HELL was going on?!
~~~
Entering the common room Harry was so tired that he trudged straight up to his room. He opened the door and sighed not even bothering to look up.
"You guys wouldn't believe what just happened. Some nut case came out of no where and kissed me on the- MFFGGGG!!!" He was cut off as yet another pair of lips were pressed against him. Harry pushed the person off him and yelled.
"What the HELL IS GOING ON?!" He demanded. Then looked up at his attacker, blanched, then fainted.
~~~
"Nice going Nev."
"SORRY!!"
"What the hell is going on?! Since when have I started falling in love with HARRY POTTER?!"
"SHHH!! You'll wake him up. I don't think he wants to know that his roommates suddenly started to like him all at once. And I heard someone talking from Ravenclaw. We ain't the only ones who like Harry. Turns out practically the WHOLE school has a crush on Harry Potter."
"The somewhat twisted Casanova of hogwarts eh?" Dean joked. Seamus sighed.
"Laugh all you want, something is going on and I don't think I want to know. Obviously magic is behind this." Harry groaned. His eyes fluttered before opening fully. He sat up blearily and rubbed his eyes.
Looking around he moaned.
"What the hell happened?" He mumbled, then memories flashed. Particularly of Neville kissing him. He gulped and tumbled off the bed spitting and wiping his tongue on his sleeve.
"Merciful cod in Yemen NEVILLE! What the hell did you do that for?!" Harry demanded. Neville blanched.
"I-I was. . . .well!" Dean shook his head.
"Something's up Harry. For some reason, this entire school likes you. I even heard Filch talking to his cat about buying something that sounded like flowers. Snape is busy trying to decide how to propose, and the Slytherins are all drooling over you and your, as Pansy put it, 'Magnificent bod.' Care to explain?" Harry groaned and sat up.
"How the hell would I know?! One minute I'm walking down the hallway, then a Slytherin jumps out and kisses me. The next thing I walk into my dorm and I have Neville in my mouth. How the hell am I supposed to know what the devils going on?!" He demanded. Seamus smirked.
"You were kissed by a Slytherin? Ouch. That can't be good for your health." Ron suddenly walked in red and shamefaced. He took one look around, saw Harry, and turned around ready to walk out again.
"You too?" Harry asked grumbling. Ron blushed.
"What?! Me?! NO! I don't like you or anything!" Dean sighed.
"I didn't say you liked me Ron." Harry said groaning. "But quite clearly, it's on your mind." Ron grimaced.
"I DON'T! I SWEAR!!" Dean sighed.
"Don't worry, Harry has everyone from Filch to McGonagall at his pinky." Ron gulped.
"You're serious?" The question came out as a breathy squeak. Dean nodded.
"Sadly we are." Ron shook his head.
"I don't like Harry ANYMORE then a friend so LAY off!" He yelled and slammed the door.
~~~
"Didn't sleep to well?" Hermione asked Ron as the redhead sat down at the table. Ron grumbled out
"If your thoughts all night were; 'I want to screw the guy in the bed next to me' how would you feel? I wish this holiday had never existed." She sighed.
"Well, only one day left." She said sighing. Harry sat down next to them. All their longing doubled. Harry watched them warily with a shifty eyed glance. He sighed.
"Let me guess Mione' you like me too." He said tiredly. Hermione blushed furiously.
"God, I couldn't sleep at all last night. Did you know that two 5th graders tried to get a lock of my hair?! They crept into my room, peeled back my hangings and had a pair of big ass SHEARS!!" he groaned and plopped down head first onto the table.
~~~
Harry walked ahead of Hermione and Ron who talked in fast paced whispers.
"Think we should tell him?" Ron asked quickly.
"No! He'd kill us if he knew!" She hissed back.
"I think he's going to kill us anyway. I think he's going to kill this whole frickin school." Ron grimaced. Harry, was thinking deeply in his own thoughts when someone came up to him and hugged him full around the waist.
"Potter, I feel strangely attracted to you." Malfoy said grinning. Harry didn't reply. It seemed he had gone into shock.
"Hands of Draco! He's MINE!" Pansy screamed. Draco hissed at her.
"Get lost slut."
"The hell I will you little-" Pansy never finished. Because at that moment, someone yelled
"OH HARRY!! I have lipstick that needs testing!" Parvati screamed giggling madly. Harry blanched. Lavender came out.
"You little brat! He's MINE!!" She shrieked. Parvati and Lavender continued to brawl it out in a cat fight, nails and all. Harry was stunned, still not quite out of his shock. Malfoy snuggled closer. (A/N: Don't stare at me like that. I'm INSANE!!! BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!) Pansy walked over and grabbed Harry's arm. She pulled. Malfoy scowled and whipped out his wand.
"Expelliarmus!!" Pansy went flying. Malfoy grinned and snuggled closer. Harry had gone into complete shock and was totally out of it. Ron knew that much when he waved his hand in front of Harry's eyes. The redhead snapped his fingers twice, and shrugged.
"He's gone." Hermione sighed.
"We've lost him." She agreed.
"Funny, I thought hitting the bottom of the whole would make a bigger sound." Ron said calmly. There was suddenly a flurry of activity. Snape came down the hall, a VERY sour look on his face. He glared around, missing nothing.
"Mr. Malfoy, what are you doing?" He asked surprised. Malfoy ignored him and continued to grip Harry's leg in a lethal hold. (A/N: Yes, I know that is disturbing.) Snape then turned to Parvati and Lavender who were screeching insults and pulling hair, and strangled each other with scrunchies. Then he turned to Hermione and Ron who were watching this all like one would a tennis match. Snape turned to Harry, who had gone into shock. The poor boy wasn't even blinking. Snape swallowed and turned on Malfoy.
"I won't get off!" Draco said angrily. Snape pried Draco off, and smiled grimly. Snape glomped Harry. Hermione and Ron gaped. Everything stopped and everyone looked at Snape and Harry. Harry gaped at Malfoy who sat on his rump on the stone floor, Parvati and Lavender who were fighting over him. Ron and Hermione who looked like they were about to puke, and Pansy who was stuck on a chandelier. He took one look at Snape who was cuddling him, and fainted. Hermione sighed.
"Grab a shovel Ron. The hole has gotten bigger."
~~~
Harry groaned.
"Someone . . . . . . . anyone . . . . . .KILL MEEEE!!!!" He sobbed out. Well, he wasn't really crying, but to have Snape hug you, that would scar anyone. Malfoy was in the bed beside, strapped by a large belt. For . . .obvious reasons. Harry shrunk away.
"I want my old life back!!" He wailed. Draco was unable to reply, because he was ducktaped. Ron and Hermione grimaced.
"My, my Mr. Potter. This is quite a fix." Dumbledore said calmly, blue eyes twinkling. Harry gulped.
"Oh no! You don't like me too do you?!" He whined. Dumbledore shook his head. Harry sighed.
"Thank god for one small blessing then damn him for his fifty curses." Harry mumbled. "When I find the BAKA who did this, I will peel him apart bit by bit!" Ron stared.
"What's a Baka?"
"It means idiot or bastard in Japanese." Hermione raised an eyebrow.
"Since when can you speak Japanese." Harry sighed.
"I had to learn when the Dursleys tried to ship me off to Tokyo." Ron laughed. Harry sighed.
"When I find that guy . . . . . I will not kill, I will not kill, I will not kill . . . ." Ron broke into laughter.
"Sorry! I wish me and Hermione had never given you that charm potion and started all this I- EEP!!!" Ron suddenly paled and stared at Harry who gaped.
"What?" He said softly, his voice so soft it was dangerous. Hermione gulped.
"Eep!" She repeated and backed away. Ron was copying her. Harry came forward towards them slowly, each footstep seemed to echo.
"What did you say Ron?" He asked softly, in that scary voice. Even Dumbledore looked shaken. Hermione gulped.
"uhh . . . ." Harry glared.
"I have been kissed by a Slytherin, by Neville as well, then had Malfoy almost try to rape me, and Snape glomping ON to me. Now I had better get an explanation, or I am going to kill." Ron stammered.
"Uh, um, well . . ." He was backed into the door. Hermione squeaked and dove under the bed, Harry ignored her.
"Ron." He said calmly. Ron ulped. Harry slammed his hand on the door frame and shocked the story out of the redhead.
"Wegaveyouapotionssothatyouwouldbeirresistableandhaveeveryonechasingyou! ItwasjustajokeforthismuggleholidaycalledAprilfoolsday!!" He gasped. "Butsomethingwentwrongandnowtheguysandeveroneelselikesyoutoo!!"
(We gave you a potion so that you be irresistible and have everyone chasing you! It was just a joke for the this muggle holiday called April fools day!! But something went wrong and now the guys and everyone else likes you too!!) Harry fumed.
"You know what I said about not killing?" He asked mildly, if you couldn't see his face, you would have thought he was smiling. Ron gulped again.
"Yes." He squeaked. Harry smiled evilly.
"Forget it. It's a good thing we're in the hospital ward." Ron gulped, then ran under Harry's arm and shrieked.
"HE'S GONNA KILL MEE!!!" Anyone passing by the doorway outside, would have heard a lot of spell casting and a few earthquakes, very mild though. Five minutes later, Ron was in a bed covered in bruises. Hermione was locked up in a cupboard.
"You ever try that again. And I will murder you!" Harry yelled and walked out the door. He came back ten minutes later.
"Someone, PLEASE get HER OFF!!" He yelled pointing down at Pansy, who was in a death grip on Harry's leg. Ron snickered. Harry shot him a death glare. Draco got free of the strap that held, him. No one noticed, all attention was on Harry. Draco smiled unnoticed. Ron however saw him as the blonde creeped up to Harry. He tried to shout a warning, but he was gagged with ducktape, so it was relay hard to talk. Hermione couldn't see, because she was still in the cupboard. Draco crawled up, and pounced on Harry, he slowly reached for the ducktape that Harry has discarded after finishing with his former best friends! (A/N: That last line about Draco pouncing on Harry and Reaching for the ducktape was a line stolen, of borrowed from author Kat_Child_17. Or as I like to call her KATSUP!!) Within seconds, Harry was lying flat on his back his arms ducktaped. Pansy was once more lying dazed from a disarming spell. Draco purred like a kitten, asleep next to Harry, who was bound and gagged. Harry, couldn't help but think
'Damn guy is WAY to kinky.' Dumbledore had vanished somewhere. Harry had a sneaking suspicion, that his supposed brave professor had creeped away in fear. Well, maybe not fear. DAMN OUTRIGHT COWARDICE!! Harry sighed. IN other words, he was alone, with a kitten like Malfoy, a duck taped friend, a girl stuck in a cupboard, and another girl lying half dead. Oh crap. Harry wriggled a bit, trying to loosen the bonds, he would have called for help, however, screaming would bring another crazed fangirl or fanboy whatever in and they'd probably be a worse help. Worse off, it might even be SNAPE who came in. That was something harry never wanted to experience again. FOR THREE LIFE TIMES!! Wait! No, make that FOUR LIFETIMES!! Screw that make it forever! He sighed. Nothing left to it. He opened his mouth, took a giant breath and was about to release a flurry of screams when something contacted his mouth. Draco was doing a kiss with him, tongue and all. Harry revolted and rolled away, he got up and ran out the open door screaming. Draco ran after him.
~~~
"This is your new school Magarete." The girl's parents said smiling.
"I'm sure it's very nice." The girl replied. Suddenly a boy with black messy hair and wrapped in ducktape ran past screaming
"SOMEONE SAVE MEE!!" A boy ran after him with blonde hair and yelled out
"Potter! Come on, it's just a kiss!" The family sweatdropped. They walked over to the room both boys had run out of. A girl lay dazed on the ground, a red-haired teen was tied to the wall, and a cry came the cupboard
"Can someone get me out?" The boy ran past the doorway again screaming
"SOMEONE CALL THE FBI!! THIS HAS TO BE ILLEGAL!" Draco ran after him. The girl walked up to Ron and peeled off the ducktape, very slowly. He gasped.
"Save . . . . . . . . HARRY! Malfoy. . . . . .will . . . . . . kiss. . . . .to death. I . . . . . .go now." He fainted. The girl stared. Her mother, opened the cabinet and Hermione tumbled out onto the bed.
"This school, is cursed." She said calmly. Then fainted. The two boys ran through the hallway again. Harry yelled
"*Monchi* Draco!!!"
"What?!" Draco yelled running after him. They turned around and ran past the doorway again.
"IT MEANS DIE IN AGONY!!" Harry screamed back. The girl looked at her parents.
"Can I transfer?"
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry potter, and yes I know this was very disturbing.
Chapter 1
Ron and Hermione snickered.
"This is going to be sooo fun!" Hermione said wickedly, which was unusual because she normally disapproved of such behavior like this. Ron grinned.
"This is the best muggle holiday so far! Besides X-mas of course." He said and waved the blue bottle in front of her. Hermione grinned and grabbed it.
"Okay, I'll pour it into Harry's drink, and when he drinks it. . . .WHAM! He'll be the most attractive student in hogwarts!"
"This charm potion you made Mione' is the GREATEST!! Harry will have everyone from Ginny to Cho chasing him for a date."
"April fools is always a great day in my books." She said calmly.
"S'not much of a prank though. He'll have girls chasing him." Ron said calmly. The brunette grinned.
"Let's see how fun it is when you have sixty girls running after you screaming 'Harry! Can I have a lock of your hair?!' He'll be bald by sundown." She said calmly and walked off, Ron in close pursuit.
~~~
"Why are you guys grinning like that? It's creepy." Harry said as he ate his toast. Hermione shrugged.
"I have arithmancy and we're doing a special project today!" She lied quickly. Ron nodded.
"I'm glad cause Ginny got real good marks on her O.W.L s last year." Harry raised an eyebrow.
"That was six months ago Ron. I'm glad that Ginny got good marks, but aren't you overdoing it a little?" he asked. Hermione waved the blue bottle over Harry's cup as he was distracted by talking to Ron. She poured the whole bottle in and then summoned it back over to her hand. She just grabbed it when Harry turned to her, she whisked it out of sight.
"So we have potions first huh? Damn." He said sighing and reaching for his goblet. He raised it swiftly, and it was almost at his lips when . . . . . .
FLASH!!
Harry dropped the goblet as Colin took his picture. Yet again. Hermione panicked and whipped out her wand.
"Agorious Floatuis!!" She yelled out. The goblet stopped in midair. It righted itself and landed on the table with a thunk. She and Ron sighed in relief. Harry smiled.
"Thanks Hermione." He said and brought the goblet to his lips once more when he was interrupted.
"Great game yesterday Harry. You bein' team captain and all, the team's never been this good!" Seamus said with a large grin. Harry smiled.
"Thanks." The two proceeded to talk, Hermione and Ron groaned in frustration. A good 30 minuets later Seamus left having to work on some essay. Harry picked up the goblet ONCE more and brought it to his lips. It was there, he leaned the cup upwards . . .
Ron and Hermione watched eagerly. HE SWALLOWED THE CUP IN ONE GULP! Hermione had to bite her fist to keep from bursting out into laughter. Ron grinned crazily. Harry saw this change in emotions.
"Something up?" He asked. They shook their heads.
~~~
Malfoy was walking past Harry and they reached the door to the potions classroom at the same time. Malfoy was about to push his way in, when suddenly he felt odd.
"After you Potter." He said smiling. Ron, Harry, and Hermione gaped.
"A-are you sure Malfoy?" Ron demanded.
"Of course Weasley. Potions is starting, don't you think we should go in?" He said grinning. The trio walked in very confused and sat down as Malfoy sat behind Harry. That done class started. Harry began to notice the many looks he was getting.
"I don't get it. Harry just seems so . . . . . .so . . . . .CHARMING today!" Lavender whispered to Parvati.
"I know, I just can't stop looking at him!" She said in a fit of giggles. Harry began to get nervous. What was going on?! Draco kept smiling at him with a look the boy-who-lived couldn't recognize. Pansy kept gazing at him her large and eerie eyes, Snape would bustle by, he hadn't taken his usual 10 points from Gryffindor because Harry was doing something like breathing to loudly or smiling. In fact Snape would get rather nervous and his gaze would flit over Harry and then snap away, like he was a nervous girl that like him. But that was impossible wasn't it? Harry by now, had learned that impossible was a word never to use in the magical world. Ron was laughing silently with Hermione. A few minuets later Ron tapped Hermione's arm urgently.
"You know that charm repellent you gave me?" He said quickly.
"Yeah."
"IT'S NOT WORKING!" He hissed. She drew back.
"WHAT?! You're a guy! It should have the least affect on . . . . . . .you? On no! Mine's not working either." She said in a shrill quiet voice. "What do we do? What DID we do? What went wrong?"
"I don't know! I don't even like potions! You're the genius, you figure out what we did!" He hissed in a panicky voice. She gulped.
~~~
By the time Harry walked out of potions half the school was thinking
'Harry Potter is so cute!' Even the guy populations was thinking such thoughts. Most people didn't know what to do, guys were staying as far away from Harry as possible trying to convince themselves that they weren't gay. Girls were walking so close to him that he smelled their breathes. Ron and Hermione were in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom trying to figure out what went wrong. Ron snapped his fingers.
"I found it! Turns out the loving rose which was supposed to be a bud was too strong. I accidentally added the full bloom rose which means the strength was intensified." Hermione blanched.
"I can't cure it then!"
"WHAT?!"
"To cure it I would have to adjust the whole antidote. That would take a month at least! The potion should last only an hour but due to our change. . ." She trailed off to do the math. Five seconds later she paled even further. He stiffened.
"How bad?!"
"Two days. . ." She replied meekly. Ron gulped.
"Two whole days of wanting to kiss my best friend whose a GUY?! HELL NO!! CHANGE IT NOW HERMIONE!!" She sighed.
"I wish I could Ron." She sighed once more. "This is some hole we've dug ourselves into."
"Someone give me a shovel, I think it's going to get a lot deeper." He said sourly.
~~~
Harry was walking down the hallway when something burst out of a hallway in front of him and claimed his lips. The raven haired youth stumbled trying to move back and fell down onto the flagstones. He sputtered and looked up at the assailant. He paled.
"W-what the?! *sputter* You're in Slytherin! Why the hell-?!"
"Eep! Sorry!" She squealed and ran off. Harry stared after her. The HELL was going on?!
~~~
Entering the common room Harry was so tired that he trudged straight up to his room. He opened the door and sighed not even bothering to look up.
"You guys wouldn't believe what just happened. Some nut case came out of no where and kissed me on the- MFFGGGG!!!" He was cut off as yet another pair of lips were pressed against him. Harry pushed the person off him and yelled.
"What the HELL IS GOING ON?!" He demanded. Then looked up at his attacker, blanched, then fainted.
~~~
"Nice going Nev."
"SORRY!!"
"What the hell is going on?! Since when have I started falling in love with HARRY POTTER?!"
"SHHH!! You'll wake him up. I don't think he wants to know that his roommates suddenly started to like him all at once. And I heard someone talking from Ravenclaw. We ain't the only ones who like Harry. Turns out practically the WHOLE school has a crush on Harry Potter."
"The somewhat twisted Casanova of hogwarts eh?" Dean joked. Seamus sighed.
"Laugh all you want, something is going on and I don't think I want to know. Obviously magic is behind this." Harry groaned. His eyes fluttered before opening fully. He sat up blearily and rubbed his eyes.
Looking around he moaned.
"What the hell happened?" He mumbled, then memories flashed. Particularly of Neville kissing him. He gulped and tumbled off the bed spitting and wiping his tongue on his sleeve.
"Merciful cod in Yemen NEVILLE! What the hell did you do that for?!" Harry demanded. Neville blanched.
"I-I was. . . .well!" Dean shook his head.
"Something's up Harry. For some reason, this entire school likes you. I even heard Filch talking to his cat about buying something that sounded like flowers. Snape is busy trying to decide how to propose, and the Slytherins are all drooling over you and your, as Pansy put it, 'Magnificent bod.' Care to explain?" Harry groaned and sat up.
"How the hell would I know?! One minute I'm walking down the hallway, then a Slytherin jumps out and kisses me. The next thing I walk into my dorm and I have Neville in my mouth. How the hell am I supposed to know what the devils going on?!" He demanded. Seamus smirked.
"You were kissed by a Slytherin? Ouch. That can't be good for your health." Ron suddenly walked in red and shamefaced. He took one look around, saw Harry, and turned around ready to walk out again.
"You too?" Harry asked grumbling. Ron blushed.
"What?! Me?! NO! I don't like you or anything!" Dean sighed.
"I didn't say you liked me Ron." Harry said groaning. "But quite clearly, it's on your mind." Ron grimaced.
"I DON'T! I SWEAR!!" Dean sighed.
"Don't worry, Harry has everyone from Filch to McGonagall at his pinky." Ron gulped.
"You're serious?" The question came out as a breathy squeak. Dean nodded.
"Sadly we are." Ron shook his head.
"I don't like Harry ANYMORE then a friend so LAY off!" He yelled and slammed the door.
~~~
"Didn't sleep to well?" Hermione asked Ron as the redhead sat down at the table. Ron grumbled out
"If your thoughts all night were; 'I want to screw the guy in the bed next to me' how would you feel? I wish this holiday had never existed." She sighed.
"Well, only one day left." She said sighing. Harry sat down next to them. All their longing doubled. Harry watched them warily with a shifty eyed glance. He sighed.
"Let me guess Mione' you like me too." He said tiredly. Hermione blushed furiously.
"God, I couldn't sleep at all last night. Did you know that two 5th graders tried to get a lock of my hair?! They crept into my room, peeled back my hangings and had a pair of big ass SHEARS!!" he groaned and plopped down head first onto the table.
~~~
Harry walked ahead of Hermione and Ron who talked in fast paced whispers.
"Think we should tell him?" Ron asked quickly.
"No! He'd kill us if he knew!" She hissed back.
"I think he's going to kill us anyway. I think he's going to kill this whole frickin school." Ron grimaced. Harry, was thinking deeply in his own thoughts when someone came up to him and hugged him full around the waist.
"Potter, I feel strangely attracted to you." Malfoy said grinning. Harry didn't reply. It seemed he had gone into shock.
"Hands of Draco! He's MINE!" Pansy screamed. Draco hissed at her.
"Get lost slut."
"The hell I will you little-" Pansy never finished. Because at that moment, someone yelled
"OH HARRY!! I have lipstick that needs testing!" Parvati screamed giggling madly. Harry blanched. Lavender came out.
"You little brat! He's MINE!!" She shrieked. Parvati and Lavender continued to brawl it out in a cat fight, nails and all. Harry was stunned, still not quite out of his shock. Malfoy snuggled closer. (A/N: Don't stare at me like that. I'm INSANE!!! BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!) Pansy walked over and grabbed Harry's arm. She pulled. Malfoy scowled and whipped out his wand.
"Expelliarmus!!" Pansy went flying. Malfoy grinned and snuggled closer. Harry had gone into complete shock and was totally out of it. Ron knew that much when he waved his hand in front of Harry's eyes. The redhead snapped his fingers twice, and shrugged.
"He's gone." Hermione sighed.
"We've lost him." She agreed.
"Funny, I thought hitting the bottom of the whole would make a bigger sound." Ron said calmly. There was suddenly a flurry of activity. Snape came down the hall, a VERY sour look on his face. He glared around, missing nothing.
"Mr. Malfoy, what are you doing?" He asked surprised. Malfoy ignored him and continued to grip Harry's leg in a lethal hold. (A/N: Yes, I know that is disturbing.) Snape then turned to Parvati and Lavender who were screeching insults and pulling hair, and strangled each other with scrunchies. Then he turned to Hermione and Ron who were watching this all like one would a tennis match. Snape turned to Harry, who had gone into shock. The poor boy wasn't even blinking. Snape swallowed and turned on Malfoy.
"I won't get off!" Draco said angrily. Snape pried Draco off, and smiled grimly. Snape glomped Harry. Hermione and Ron gaped. Everything stopped and everyone looked at Snape and Harry. Harry gaped at Malfoy who sat on his rump on the stone floor, Parvati and Lavender who were fighting over him. Ron and Hermione who looked like they were about to puke, and Pansy who was stuck on a chandelier. He took one look at Snape who was cuddling him, and fainted. Hermione sighed.
"Grab a shovel Ron. The hole has gotten bigger."
~~~
Harry groaned.
"Someone . . . . . . . anyone . . . . . .KILL MEEEE!!!!" He sobbed out. Well, he wasn't really crying, but to have Snape hug you, that would scar anyone. Malfoy was in the bed beside, strapped by a large belt. For . . .obvious reasons. Harry shrunk away.
"I want my old life back!!" He wailed. Draco was unable to reply, because he was ducktaped. Ron and Hermione grimaced.
"My, my Mr. Potter. This is quite a fix." Dumbledore said calmly, blue eyes twinkling. Harry gulped.
"Oh no! You don't like me too do you?!" He whined. Dumbledore shook his head. Harry sighed.
"Thank god for one small blessing then damn him for his fifty curses." Harry mumbled. "When I find the BAKA who did this, I will peel him apart bit by bit!" Ron stared.
"What's a Baka?"
"It means idiot or bastard in Japanese." Hermione raised an eyebrow.
"Since when can you speak Japanese." Harry sighed.
"I had to learn when the Dursleys tried to ship me off to Tokyo." Ron laughed. Harry sighed.
"When I find that guy . . . . . I will not kill, I will not kill, I will not kill . . . ." Ron broke into laughter.
"Sorry! I wish me and Hermione had never given you that charm potion and started all this I- EEP!!!" Ron suddenly paled and stared at Harry who gaped.
"What?" He said softly, his voice so soft it was dangerous. Hermione gulped.
"Eep!" She repeated and backed away. Ron was copying her. Harry came forward towards them slowly, each footstep seemed to echo.
"What did you say Ron?" He asked softly, in that scary voice. Even Dumbledore looked shaken. Hermione gulped.
"uhh . . . ." Harry glared.
"I have been kissed by a Slytherin, by Neville as well, then had Malfoy almost try to rape me, and Snape glomping ON to me. Now I had better get an explanation, or I am going to kill." Ron stammered.
"Uh, um, well . . ." He was backed into the door. Hermione squeaked and dove under the bed, Harry ignored her.
"Ron." He said calmly. Ron ulped. Harry slammed his hand on the door frame and shocked the story out of the redhead.
"Wegaveyouapotionssothatyouwouldbeirresistableandhaveeveryonechasingyou! ItwasjustajokeforthismuggleholidaycalledAprilfoolsday!!" He gasped. "Butsomethingwentwrongandnowtheguysandeveroneelselikesyoutoo!!"
(We gave you a potion so that you be irresistible and have everyone chasing you! It was just a joke for the this muggle holiday called April fools day!! But something went wrong and now the guys and everyone else likes you too!!) Harry fumed.
"You know what I said about not killing?" He asked mildly, if you couldn't see his face, you would have thought he was smiling. Ron gulped again.
"Yes." He squeaked. Harry smiled evilly.
"Forget it. It's a good thing we're in the hospital ward." Ron gulped, then ran under Harry's arm and shrieked.
"HE'S GONNA KILL MEE!!!" Anyone passing by the doorway outside, would have heard a lot of spell casting and a few earthquakes, very mild though. Five minutes later, Ron was in a bed covered in bruises. Hermione was locked up in a cupboard.
"You ever try that again. And I will murder you!" Harry yelled and walked out the door. He came back ten minutes later.
"Someone, PLEASE get HER OFF!!" He yelled pointing down at Pansy, who was in a death grip on Harry's leg. Ron snickered. Harry shot him a death glare. Draco got free of the strap that held, him. No one noticed, all attention was on Harry. Draco smiled unnoticed. Ron however saw him as the blonde creeped up to Harry. He tried to shout a warning, but he was gagged with ducktape, so it was relay hard to talk. Hermione couldn't see, because she was still in the cupboard. Draco crawled up, and pounced on Harry, he slowly reached for the ducktape that Harry has discarded after finishing with his former best friends! (A/N: That last line about Draco pouncing on Harry and Reaching for the ducktape was a line stolen, of borrowed from author Kat_Child_17. Or as I like to call her KATSUP!!) Within seconds, Harry was lying flat on his back his arms ducktaped. Pansy was once more lying dazed from a disarming spell. Draco purred like a kitten, asleep next to Harry, who was bound and gagged. Harry, couldn't help but think
'Damn guy is WAY to kinky.' Dumbledore had vanished somewhere. Harry had a sneaking suspicion, that his supposed brave professor had creeped away in fear. Well, maybe not fear. DAMN OUTRIGHT COWARDICE!! Harry sighed. IN other words, he was alone, with a kitten like Malfoy, a duck taped friend, a girl stuck in a cupboard, and another girl lying half dead. Oh crap. Harry wriggled a bit, trying to loosen the bonds, he would have called for help, however, screaming would bring another crazed fangirl or fanboy whatever in and they'd probably be a worse help. Worse off, it might even be SNAPE who came in. That was something harry never wanted to experience again. FOR THREE LIFE TIMES!! Wait! No, make that FOUR LIFETIMES!! Screw that make it forever! He sighed. Nothing left to it. He opened his mouth, took a giant breath and was about to release a flurry of screams when something contacted his mouth. Draco was doing a kiss with him, tongue and all. Harry revolted and rolled away, he got up and ran out the open door screaming. Draco ran after him.
~~~
"This is your new school Magarete." The girl's parents said smiling.
"I'm sure it's very nice." The girl replied. Suddenly a boy with black messy hair and wrapped in ducktape ran past screaming
"SOMEONE SAVE MEE!!" A boy ran after him with blonde hair and yelled out
"Potter! Come on, it's just a kiss!" The family sweatdropped. They walked over to the room both boys had run out of. A girl lay dazed on the ground, a red-haired teen was tied to the wall, and a cry came the cupboard
"Can someone get me out?" The boy ran past the doorway again screaming
"SOMEONE CALL THE FBI!! THIS HAS TO BE ILLEGAL!" Draco ran after him. The girl walked up to Ron and peeled off the ducktape, very slowly. He gasped.
"Save . . . . . . . . HARRY! Malfoy. . . . . .will . . . . . . kiss. . . . .to death. I . . . . . .go now." He fainted. The girl stared. Her mother, opened the cabinet and Hermione tumbled out onto the bed.
"This school, is cursed." She said calmly. Then fainted. The two boys ran through the hallway again. Harry yelled
"*Monchi* Draco!!!"
"What?!" Draco yelled running after him. They turned around and ran past the doorway again.
"IT MEANS DIE IN AGONY!!" Harry screamed back. The girl looked at her parents.
"Can I transfer?"
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry potter, and yes I know this was very disturbing.