Disclaimer: I do not own JAG

CHAPTER1

JAG HQ

1415

Harm saw Mac walking into the bullpen and made his way to her before she got to her office door.

"Hey, Mac." Harm said showing his flyboy smile

Mac felt sick to her stomach all of a sudden at the reality of what she had to do, and could feel her heart pounding against her chest and pulse running through her ears.

"Mac, you ok?" Harm asked concerned as Macs face turned pale, he reached his hand out to touch her arm but she pulled away from his touch.

"Mac?" Harm asked now very concerned "What's wrong, what'd I do?" Harm asked oblivious to the reason why she would be mad at him his voice losing some volume though not a lot.

Mac looked at the ground and didn't answer. Harm tried to touch her again and she pulled away this time leaving a bigger space between them. "Mac" Harm said again, by now people in the bullpen had noticed something was up and looked at the exchange between the two officers.

Mac felt like running the other way out to her car and diving home to cry her eyes out, but she knew that she had to do this if she wanted to protect Harm and everyone else and the best way to do that and make it look convincing was right there and now. So with that thought she pushed back all her feelings and looked up directly into Harms eyes.

"Harm, there is something that I have to tell you,"

"Do you want to go somewhere more private?" Harm asked

"No." Mac said with a harsh tone

"Ok, what is it?" Harm said with caution noticing the unfriendly manner in which she was speaking

"I want to call off the wedding."Mac said in a low tone though loud enough for all ear to hear

Everyone around them gasped and stopped what they were doing immediately

Harm just looked at Mac for a minute before speaking in utter surprise at what had just come out of Mac's mouth

"I'm sorry…did you just say-"

"Yes Harm you heard me correct I, I want to call off the wedding, that's all." Mac began to walk past Harm, pleading in her head that he would not stop her but knew already that, that would probably not happen. As if on cue to Mac's thoughts Harm held up his arm to block her path.

"Mac, what are you say…this is a joke right?" Harms face was in shock and horror at what was happening

"No, Harm this is not a joke," Mac said coldly as she could practically feel her heart being ripped apart though she kept up her act "I do not want to marry you."

"What are you saying Mac?" Harm pleaded with her his expression now looking really scared and hurt with a little anger mixed in there but very faint

"Exactly what I said Harm, I don't want to marry you. Now can you please move out of my way."

"No I cannot move, what brought this on Mac, did I say or do something we can work this out you don't have to postpone-"

Harm was cut off by Mac's next words, "You didn't do anything Harm, and there is nothing we can work out, we are way past trying to fix anything now, and the wedding isn't postponed…it's off for good."

"You couldn't stop talking about the wedding plans this morning, what happened since then?" Harm asked angrily

Mac swallowed at his tone looking down she spoke, "Reality, Harm. I realized that I don't love you. I never loved you, and all these year I spent believing that I did but it was never real." Mac pulled off her engagement ring slowly as everyone watched knowing her next move, though hoping she did not actually go through with it.

"I'm sorry, it's just how it is Harm," Mac said holding the ring out to Harm for him to take it.

Harm looked from Mac's right hand which held the ring then back to her eyes, his faced had lost all signs of anger and only hurt was there. Mac knew it then that he would never want her back for this, as what was left of her heart shattered at his expression. 'I'm so sorry for this Harm' Mac thought she just wanted this to be all over so she could leave, but Harm wouldn't take the ring.

"Take it," Mac urged shaking her hand at him for him to take it, yet he still just stood there "take the damn ring!!" Mac raised her voice which was rather loud compared to the now quiet area, a single tear slipping down her cheek.

"Sarah…I…I love you why are you doing this, this is what you wanted this is what I wanted." Harm said again desperately begging with Mac.

"But I don't love you-" Mac said another tear falling down her face

"Then why are you crying if you don't love me, why are you doing this?" Harm tried to move closer to Mac but she just shied away from him.

"I do not love you." Mac said wiping her cheek and cursing herself silently for almost ruining her act by letting a tear slip.

"Stop saying that I know you do Sara-" Harm was cut off

"NO I DO NOT, the only reason that I'm crying is because at one point…no, for the past almost nine years I have made myself believe that I did love you, but I do not. How could I love you." Mac said incredulously, with a not humorous laugh as she continued speaking coldly "Harm you are the last person in the world I could marry. You're completely wrong for me. I'm just mad that it took me this long to realize how much I don't love you. It could have saved me a lot of heart ache."

There was a brief moment of silence where Harm attempted to speak though nothing came come out, so Mac continued, "We had some good times when we were friends but I doubt we could go back to that, not after all of this and I understand that, actually I think it's for that best."

"Mac, I want to be with you. I need to be with you," Harm said, now with unshed tears in his eyes and he voice was so low that only Mac could hear him. "don't do this."

"It's already done-"Mac said trying to hold in her real emotions

"NO, I'm not going to let you go Mac." Harm spoke with as much strength he could muster, his eyes burning directly into Mac's.

"You don't have a choice, I'm sorry Harm…I just couldn't marry someone like you…I can't marry someone who I don't love. Just take the ring." Mac spoke softly now, re-extended her arm with the ring. Seeing through his eyes that he had believed her at that moment.

Harm felt like he'd been hit by something, and then someone proceeded to cut out his heart after he was already down. Now there was a hole in his chest. Harm looking completely lost and deeply pained reached his hand to Mac's and as he took the ring, their hands touched sending a burning sensation up both their arms stronger than they ever felt before. Mac quickly pulled her arm back eyes still connected with Harm's.

The reality of what she had just done hitting her like a ton of bricks she felt the sudden need to get out of sight of any and everyone especially Harm. She could feel the tears coming back to her eyes and the sobs building in her throat, as she tried to get to her office to retrieve her things but once again Harm stopped her this time grabbing her arm as if he couldn't let gone.

"Mac, I-"

"I do not love you Harm…and I never will." Mac cut him off sounding final.

Harms could feel his chest throbbing, "Mac…"

"That would be Colonel Mackenzie, Commander…I think it'd be easier if we addressed each other by our ranks, at least until tomorrow being as my resignation forms should be signed off by then." The entire room gasped again.

Through the entire fiasco the whole office was in complete shock, half the women had tears in their eyes at the scene, Sturgis had been debating the entire time whether to stop them, though most of all they were all angry with the last person they thought they could ever direct their anger at, Mac.

"You're leaving JAG?" Harm asked again in a low devastated, fuming voice.

"Yes I am, now release me Commander." Mac said and needing to get out of there fast she added "That's an order."

Harm stared into her cold eyes and then reluctantly released Mac who proceeded into her office grabbing her bag and nearly sprinted past Harm and made her way through the crowd of people in the bullpen.

The Admiral had just walked into the office passing Mac on her way to the elevator in a rush. Mac didn't even stop to recognize the Admirals presence.

"What the hell is going on here?" the Admiral asked noticing every one's eyes on the one thing he followed their stares to see them land on a distraught looking Commander.

As Harm watched her leave all was still quiet in the bullpen all eyes on him waiting for his reaction. Harm then without looking at anyone walked to his office closing the door behind him, not paying attention to the Admirals question and then shutting the blinds. He then proceeded to sit in his chair behind his desk opening up his top draw as he did this pulling out a picture of Mac. He looked at the picture for a moment before saying, "But I will always love you," then leaning over his desk Harm did something he hadn't done since he was a little boy. He cried. The pain he felt entirely too much to handle.

Now ya gotta review if you want to know what happens next.

Why did Mac break up with Harm when she obviously dreaded to do so? Will Harm really be that accepting of Mac leaving…will he completely break down without his fiancé and very best friend? Where will Mac go, and again why did she leave???

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-OK and before, for all the people who took WAY TOO SERIOUSLY how I said I wouldn't post until i got enough reviews...I was not actually serious, I thought the 'LOL' would have told you that. BUT, just the same it's alright with me if you do not want to read the story I can not force you to, all I ask is that you keep the negative less positive opinions to yourself.

What I will say though is -PLEASE REVIEW it'll make me write faster for the next chapter. THANKS!!!! ^_^