I have never really loved anyone other than Prim. I mean, of course I love my mother but the way she acted after my father died is unforgivable. I was left to provide for our family, or what was left of it after my father was killed in a mining accident. I had never felt so alone. I had Gale, but there were things we never talked about. Subjects left untouched between us. There was always one boy who always somehow crept into my thoughts while I was in the woods by myself waiting for Gale to show up, Peeta.
We had history, even though we had never said a single word to each other. He saved me. When he took a blow to the head from his mother just to give me bread, I knew I would end up owing him for the rest of my life. I had meant to say thank you long ago, but the opportunity never presented itself. I was too shy and closed off to even put myself out there and I think he wanted nothing to do with me after I was very wrong.
When Effie called his name after I volunteered for my sister, my heart reacted a strange way. I had never felt that way before ever. It felt as if my heart had skipped a beat. Now in the arena, I let my head get the best of me and did not let myself think with only my heart. So when he was confessing his love for me and kissing me I was constantly thinking "Is this real?" and I was not noticing how my heart was practically dancing in my chest with every touch between us. So when the Games were over, and he realized that I acted lovesick for our survival, the look in his eyes was not anger. I only saw the hurt I had caused him and the faint sound of his heart breaking. I had no idea how to repair our relationship that had been so damaged by my actions. I didn't even know how I felt about this boy who I owed my life to. I walked by the bakery his family owned every single day. His family still worked there even though we had all the money we could ever want and a beautiful mansion in the Victor's Village. Peeta loved the bakery, mainly because he was wonderful at painting and showed this through his cakes. His cakes were something I had been mesmerized by for years. Sometimes I felt the woods and his cakes were the parts of District 12 I found most beautiful.
One day I just decided to walk into the bakery and see if he was there. Well I actually knew for a fact he was there, but he could not know that. I changed into clean clothes, since I had hunted earlier. I just felt so jittery know that I knew I would be face to face with Peeta for the first time since the Games. I braided my hair and put on this new balm my mother gave me for my chapped lips. It had become a part of my routine now. I headed towards the bakery, leaving a note behind for Prim and my mother. I reached the bakery in less than 20 minutes, no time for me to redirect my steps back home like a coward. It was now or never.
I marched inside and immediately saw Peeta. "Hey Peeta," I said softly so I wouldn't startle him while he was working, "I just came by to see you."
He looked up from his intricate flower cake, and I couldn't help but feel the urge to just hug him. "Oh hey Katniss. I'm just finishing up this cake for a birthday in the District. It's good to see you." He smiled at me but the smile did not quite meet his eyes.
I bit my lip, unsure of what to say. Without thinking I just blurted out what had bothered me this whole time. "Peeta I miss you," I walked towards him "I miss you and I feel horrible for everything. I never should have led you on but being completely honest I am not sure how I feel about you. The feelings I have confuse even me, but I do know that I care about you a lot."
I could not believe I had just said all of that, and to make matters worse he wasn't meeting my eyes now. I knew what was going to happen. He was going to explain to me all the feelings he had about me and confess his love for me all over again. He was then going to tell me nicely that he did not accept my apology because how I felt was not enough for him. How I felt did not show him I loved him enough for forgiveness. He suddenly looked at me as if he knew exactly what I was thinking. He covered the distance left between us in two small steps and took my hand. As soon as he touched me a small spark shot from my hand all the way up my arm filling me with warmth.
He whispered "Okay," as he touched my cheek and tucked a curl that came out of my braid behind my ear.
I just felt so relieved and happy that what happened next was by instinct. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him. I ran my fingers along the back of his neck up to where his hair began and just felt loved by him again. His arms circled around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I had no intentions of breaking out of this kiss for a long time. I wanted him to kiss me like this forever. I moved my arms down from his neck onto his shoulders, and then moved lower to feel his arms. His arms were like nothing I ever felt. They were able to make me feel safe and protected but so strong. I moved my hands onto his chest, feeling his strong muscles through his thin shirt. This could quite possibly be the most content I had felt in a very long time.