Late Change
A Haikyuu! oneshot
by mew-tsubaki
Note: The Haikyuu! characters belong to Furudate Haruichi-sensei, not to me. For the prompt "college." :') Read, review, and enjoy! *Done for ennotana week on tumblr.*
- ^-^3
"I can hear your impatience, Narita."
"What? No, you can't."
"Tell that to the foot you have tapping away a mile a minute." Even without looking, Ennoshita knew his friend glanced down at his feet right then and made a conscious effort to stop. It made Ennoshita grin.
Narita scoffed, an implied "Wipe that smirk off your face," as Ennoshita zipped up his backpack and joined him at the door to his classroom. He turned on his heel, and Ennoshita fell into step with him once both were properly in the beige corridor that had at least forty twins throughout the rest of the main arts building.
"I thought Kinoshita was with you a moment ago," Ennoshita piped up.
"He was, and he'll still join us for dinner, but he wasn't dancing around for fun, Ennoshita. When a man's gotta pee—"
Ennoshita held up a hand to stop him. "Okay, understood. But I wasn't taking that long. Class just ended! All I did—"
"—was meticulously put everything back in its right place. You're terminally allergic to throwing things in your bag so you can leave at a moment's notice." Narita glanced at him with raised eyebrows. "If there were a fire, you'd be dead because you'd be the last one out, Ennoshita."
"Would not!" Although he couldn't put much heart into his rebuttal, so his face warmed with embarrassment. This time, he could hear Narita grinning. "Oh, shut up."
Two short flights of stairs later, the teasing was gone and they were outside, traipsing across the campus green that was more concrete and brick than grass. The sound of footfall behind them was a good indicator Kinoshita had caught up with them. And Ennoshita was grateful for the aural cue; seminar must've run later than he thought, because there was no sign of the sun in the sky, and the university's dim outdoor lighting clearly had been flickering to life for maybe the last thirty minutes or so. Times like these were a reminder he really ought to check the watch he wore but never used. Which reminded him…
"Cafeteria tonight or takeout?" he thought aloud.
Kinoshita wedged his way between the other two with a grunt. "Cafeteria! Usually never worth it, but we don't have many more chances to enjoy the only thing they do right. And I'm going to eat all the ginger somen I can until I never want to see another bowl for the rest of my life," he announced with a chirp. He was in a great mood, thinking about dinner and reaching up at the same time to rub his palm back and forth over Narita's fuzzy scalp. Although "fuzzy" wasn't really the right word.
"You realize I'm not going to eat with you two if you keep doing that all night."
Narita gently tugged Kinoshita's hand away, eliciting a whine from the blond…until he kissed the back of his boyfriend's pale hand and held on to it as the three of them climbed the stone steps up to the dining hall. He winked at Ennoshita for good measure.
Honestly, Ennoshita didn't hold it against them. They'd kept their relationship so quiet in high school, it were as though they hadn't been anything but friends. But college? Moving to the big city and getting away from family and everything familiar? Taking this time to be themselves and see how ready the real world was for them—and how ready they were for the real world? This move to Sendai had been the best thing for them.
Well…maybe for the two of them.
"Ennoshita?"
He stopped short a foot behind them. They were almost to the queue, but both Kinoshita and Narita stared at him. "Sorry?"
"You spaced out for a sec," Kinoshita explained. "Did something happen in class?"
"What? No. We're more than half through the semester anyway, so the class is used to the professor and he's used to us. If anything, he wants the year to be over as much as we do. Whoever thought public relations needed its own seminar wasn't thinking," he finished with a grimace. He scrunched his nose up, too, but that had more to do with another student walking by with Kinoshita's treasured somen and a pungent side of over-spiced tofu.
"Then, if not class, is something else on your mind?" Narita asked.
They joined the line, which moved twice before Ennoshita got his thoughts in order. "I've been thinking…"
"Always a good thing to do."
He glared at Narita for the quip and at Kinoshita for snickering. "I've been thinking," he repeated, "about how our time in Sendai has been pretty good."
"You say that as if university's not the only thing ending." The tiniest of pouts sprouted on Kinoshita's lips, having said that.
"No, no, that's not it, honest. I—" Ennoshita paused and caught his drab reflection in the metal dinner tray in his hands. "I thought I might dive into the dating pool." He wasn't certain they'd heard him in the crowded, noisy hall, given their lack of reaction. Then he looked up to find Kinoshita gaping and Narita tossing his head back with a groan.
"Thank gods," Narita moaned.
"And you, Ennoshita Chikara, planner of every last move and cautious strategist, want to 'dive' right in, not simply toe the waters?" Kinoshita asked.
"You don't have to sound so skeptical," Ennoshita griped, swatting the blond in the shoulder with the tray. "And you guys are to blame, making all your changes."
"Uh, newsflash: Being openly gay, openly together, is a change but an old one. It's been four freaking years, almost. So if you're referring to Kazu growing his hair out and me cutting my hair shorter last year—" Kinoshita cut himself off with a sigh and ran his hand through said coif. His style overall hadn't changed much; it was just that his fringe was shorter and all but the sides were neater, tidier, a pixie cut that was somewhat feminine but worked on Kinoshita.
On the other hand, Narita's style, which Kinoshita ran his fingers over again to relax, reminded Ennoshita so much of their former volleyball captain that he liked to tease Narita by calling him "Daichi-san."
"Are you really ready to date again?" Narita asked, getting them back on topic.
"I am."
"But—seriously this time? Not just try to meet a few guys to confirm for yourself that you are, in fact, just as gay as Hisashi and me?"
Ennoshita reddened under the scrutiny of a few eavesdropping onlookers but begrudgingly nodded. "Yes," he spat. "But I'm not going to…'shop' on campus again, either. That was a mistake."
Narita risked a smile. "Yeah, having you wait for me at my systems admin class only to find out you were waiting for my professor was super awkward."
"He wasn't even a full ten years older than us! And he was good-looking. But I meant for the other obvious reason, Narita."
That shut him up. Of course, he still exchanged a look with his boyfriend. Kinoshita whistled, only filling the awkward silence with more awkwardness.
They shuffled through the wait, got their dinner, and found a small table that seated four by a window. Even with his best friends being a couple, Ennoshita liked how they usually sat across from each other, putting one of them always beside him. He liked that they never treated him as a third wheel, consciously or not.
"I've given it some thought, y'know," he elaborated. His friends relaxed since he wasn't dropping the subject but was continuing their conversation. "This is like—it'll be like my graduation present to myself."
The couple exchanged another skeptical look. "Okay…," Narita began. "So how will you go about it, if uni's not an option? I don't think the workplace is an option, either, especially once you land your first job."
Kinoshita snapped his fingers. "Online dating!"
Ennoshita pulled a face. "I want to meet people in real life, Kinoshita."
"Pssh. Of course you will! But you could use a dating service to establish a connection and try out some hookups."
"Hooku—?! No!"
"Nope, it's settled. We'll write the perfect profile for you tonight, and you'll have your first date by this weekend at the latest."
- ^-^3
It was cramped—most dorm rooms were, especially the singles—but it was nearby, and when Kinoshita got an idea, he ran with it. And ran immediately.
Kinoshita took over Ennoshita's tiny bed, messing up the covers and not leaving any room for Narita, so the latter sat on the floor by the blond's legs. Ennoshita stood by the door rather helplessly.
"Do we have to do this tonight?" he whined. "I've got a response paper—"
"—that can be written tomorrow," Kinoshita finished. "You're all work and no play, Ennoshita."
"Not true. We all played volleyball back in year one."
"Yes, until we each finally settled on our majors and realized volleyball was good exercise but not part of our bigger pictures." He snapped his fingers and pointed to Narita. "Computer."
Narita nodded and grabbed Ennoshita's bag before he could protest. He took out Ennoshita's laptop and passed it to Kinoshita, who booted it up.
"Why use my computer?"
"So you can have a bookmark to go right to when you're perusing on your own."
"Well—you—" Ennoshita crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Good luck figuring out my password," he huffed.
Kinoshita stared at him and typed something in without even a peek at the keyboard. The computer trilled as it successfully took him to the desktop, and he and Narita shared a high-five.
Ennoshita gawked. "Wha…? How?!"
"In some way, you're really easy to figure out, Ennoshita. But we also have known you for seven years. You use the same password for everything. And even if I didn't know that, I'm pretty sure Kazu here could hack you, easy peasy."
Narita looked up from the video on his phone. "I what now? I don't hack, Hisashi."
"You do computer stuff."
"I code."
"And make me computer games."
"And make you computer games. But I don't have a hacking skillset."
"False modesty is a sin, baby boy," Kinoshita quipped while he clicked around. "Aha!"
"What 'aha'?" Ennoshita groaned. He leaned against his door and slid down it to join Narita on the floor. He wasn't going to stand for this nonsense…well, not literally, at least.
"I found a good site. Pretty user-friendly." He showed Narita when his boyfriend leaned back for a glimpse. "So we'll just sign you up real quick…username and email…gender and preference…age…" He nudged Narita again, and they snickered over something on the screen.
Hell. This was a mistake, too. "Guys…," Ennoshita warned.
"You're registered, just registered! Chill," Kinoshita instructed. "And accept the confirmation email they sent."
He hesitated, but Kinoshita tore his attention away long enough to stare him down. Sometimes Ennoshita wished his captain tone worked on his friends…but, as it never had, he knew it never would. So he found the email on his phone and hit "accept."
"Thank you!"
"You're just setting things up, though, right? You'll let me write my own profile?"
"Maybe~"
"Kinoshita!"
"Make sure to include 'worrywart' somewhere in that description," Narita chimed in despite supposedly being ensconced in his show on his phone.
"Kazu, we want to help him get laid eventually. We're not writing dick-repellant."
Ennoshita took the pillow Kinoshita offered and screamed into it.
A minute later, Kinoshita stopped typing and sat up straight. "All right—"
"Kill me now," Ennoshita mumbled into his pillow.
"Post it now? Never post before editing, my friend. I thought a filmmaker such as yourself would care more about editing." He cleared his throat, and then he began to read aloud. "'Looking for a fun, outgoing guy, because I can be a stick-in-the-mud more than I care to be. Needs to enjoy the process of getting to know each other. Needs to like my awesome best friends and be poor in videogames but a gracious loser."
"Sounds about right," Narita said.
"It's…not completely awful," Ennoshita grumbled.
"Oh!" Kinoshita gasped. "And the most important part: 'Must be a take-charge top.'"
At that, Ennoshita chucked his pillow at Kinoshita's head. "Are you fucking kidding me?! Don't put that in my profile!" He stood to grab his laptop. "And I never told you guys about—!"
"All a top has to do is spend five minutes with you to know, Ennoshita," Narita pointed out.
"And a fellow bottom can smell you from a mile away," Kinoshita added innocently.
"That's it. Both of you, go home. Now."
"Once I hit 'post'—"
Ennoshita didn't care that he had to lunge over Narita; numerable flying falls had trained his muscle memory well. He just managed to get his laptop from Kinoshita before this became the worst disaster he'd ever experienced. Then he hugged it to his chest like a baby. "Out. Now." He even pointed to the door.
"Fine, fine. But only if you promise to rewrite and publish it tonight," Kinoshita insisted with a finger wag. But Narita ushered him along before their friend decided to throw anything else.
"I hate you guys…"
Kinoshita cackled, and Narita beamed as he pulled the door shut behind him. "We love you, too," Narita stated. "'Night!"
Thankfully, the door locked behind them. At last, it was just Ennoshita and his four off-white walls.
"What was I thinking, going along with this at all?" he scolded himself. He opened his computer and stared at the screen without reading anything on it.
He knew why. He wasn't interested in doing something subtle or slightly different, like changing his hair. He didn't want to repeat his mistakes from the days when he came out to his friends. He…
He wanted what Kinoshita and Narita had, frankly. Sending them home was hardly a punishment—not when "home" meant the cozy apartment they shared in the next neighborhood over.
With that in mind, Ennoshita focused on what Kinoshita had written—and cringed:
looking for a fun outgoing guy ;) cuz i can be a stick-in-the-mud more than i care to be; absolutely no playing around—straights need not apply (i am not an experiment!); needs to enjoy the process of getting to know each other; make me SWOON on our first date; needs to like my AWESOME best friends & be poor in videogames but a gracious loser :P i need a take-charge top cuz i am an inexperienced bottom who is ready & willing to learn; no ONS; looking for commitment ❤
He couldn't decide what was worse. The writing style that wasn't him at all. The lack of capitalization (proper, at least). The poor use of punctuation where it occurred. The use of emojis…! It took him a minute to decipher "ONS," but, considering commitment was mentioned right after, Ennoshita determined it could only be "one-night stands."
At least Kinoshita's heart was in the right place. And he hadn't included Narita's "worrywart" suggestion.
Ennoshita held the delete key down…but then he undid that. He didn't have to scrap this, not completely. This was a starting point. He could reduce it to a barebones structure and rewrite and add as needed.
He stared, typed, reread, and edited until he was aware he had to blink. Then he reread it again. And again. And one more time, because his friends didn't exaggerate when calling him cautious.
Then he published it before he got cold feet, and he tamped down any hope that he'd have much luck with this plan in the end.
- ^-^3
Unfortunately, that hope simply wouldn't disappear.
The next morning, Ennoshita stayed logged in to the site from his phone. He only sneaked a peek a few times throughout the day, and only in class since he didn't have any with either Kinoshita or Narita.
But of course they found out anyway, because it was too tempting not to check while he waited to meet them for lunch.
"A boring Thursday, brightened up by—what's this?" Kinoshita hopped to Ennoshita's side, but he saw the screen since the latter was too slow to lock his phone. "Holy crap! You're actually using it!"
Suddenly waiting for them outside the minor science building seemed like a bad idea. "I just—thought I'd give it a shot. Since you went to the trouble of setting it up," Ennoshita bumbled. Despite the sentiment, he pointedly aimed his gaze at the sleek metal siding of the building over Narita's shoulder.
His friends grinned. "Any bites yet?" Narita asked.
"No. …maybe it's the off-season. Who's looking for love in the middle of November anyway?" Involuntarily, he shivered.
Kinoshita tugged on the hem of Ennoshita's gray cardigan, though, and gestured to his hoodie and the ancient pullover Narita wore. "Ennoshita, it's been a mild November so far. There's no such thing as an off-season for love, either—this isn't job-hunting! And it hasn't been even twenty-four hours since your profile went live." He clamped down on his friend's shoulders. "Relax. And let love happen."
"Awfully poetic of you to say," Narita poked with a reminding nod towards the dining hall that they needed to eat quickly before afternoon classes.
"Well, it's the truth!" Kinoshita stated as they scurried to get ahead of the lunch crowd. "I never imagined I'd fall in love with my best friend—no offense," he aimed at Ennoshita.
"None taken," he responded. That was automatic these days, much as it'd always been, since Kinoshita and Narita had gone to school together before meeting him in high school.
"But c'mon, Kazu—I know you figured your feelings out sooner than I did, but you didn't plan on falling for me. It's a lot more fun to let things happen~"
Ennoshita grunted as a light drizzle urged them indoors sooner. "Then doesn't that spell disaster for me? Because I am planning—l"
"Nope! And no jinxing yourself, dammit," Kinoshita grumped. Right inside the dining hall, he ducked under Narita's left arm to warm up. "You're helping Fate along, is all."
"Sure, sure…"
"Go grab us a table, you doubter," Kinoshita ordered.
"I'll grab you a sandwich," Narita promised. And then they headed for the food.
Ennoshita huffed and found an open table in a back corner of the hall, dreary and not near anything except other tables. There was an outlet in the wall behind him, though, so he took out his laptop and set to work on the response paper he'd put off, since it was due by the end of today.
He got half through his work when he caught sight of his friends wending their way to him. Saving and preparing to shut down, Ennoshita paused when his laptop made a blip sound.
It was a notification. He had a new email.
He opened his inbox quickly—then he reddened and shoved his computer in his bag. Oh, no. Oh, gods. He hoped the others wouldn't notice—but could he keep the excitement off his face?
Narita slid into the chair beside him and passed a wrapped sandwich. "Sorry. All they had ready was cucumber and tuna. …you seem fine with that today…" He narrowed his eyes.
"What? No, no, it's fine. Better this than nothing," Ennoshita decided, inhaling the bored, uninspired meal.
Kinoshita snickered. "You got a match already, didn't you?"
"No," he fibbed.
He must've been convincing enough, because the blond's face fell. "…oh. Uh. I mean, you will. Definitely before the weekend's out."
"Which means your weird expression is from your homework," Narita assumed. He shook his head. "Only Ennoshita gets excited by schoolwork…"
He pulled a face at the exaggeration, but he couldn't hold it long, and it was a bit rough staying involved in the usual lunchtime conversation. Even paying attention in class was oddly difficult for him. He just—
He wanted to see what match had been made.
Ennoshita got a tiny reprieve from his upper management professor, so he used his spare hour to finish his assignment and email it. He used the excuse to skip eating with Kinoshita and Narita that night, but he wanted to read up on his match.
Logging on to the site, he was greeted with a "1" dotting the matches button. He clicked on it, and a message popped up:
You have 1 (ONE) new match! User _guns&bunsforDAYS_ has been matched to you based on our algorithms. Why don't you set a time and place to meet? (Click here for advice on meeting your matches and some good safety precautions to take!)
Ah, right. He had only skimmed the site overview, but he opened up the "ABOUT" and "RULES" pages. This site was different since the first match was a test run which would be used to better future searches. As the initial match, Ennoshita and the other person could only view each other's username, icon, and age; reading profiles in detail would come later. The point was to prepare users for real-life interaction.
"Better this than nothing," Ennoshita repeated to himself as he clicked on guns&bunsforDAYS' link.
The other user was twenty-one like him—a good start, because twice Ennoshita had felt bored with guys only a year or two younger. And the icon made him smile, since it made sense of part of the username; the image chosen was of a tanned, flexed arm, showing off very nice biceps and triceps. He wondered if that was a picture guns&bunsforDAYS had taken of himself.
Ennoshita snapped out of his daze and decided reading through the meeting advice couldn't hurt. It barely took him five minutes, and he took some to heart. He sent guns&bunsforDAYS a "meeting greeting" (man, this site could be cutesy):
Outside N.T. Uni's library, tomorrow at 5PM?
He went about the rest of his evening, picking up Kinoshita's candy wrappers off his floor and locating that highlighter set Narita wanted back. He microwaved one of the konbini bento from his mini fridge, shrugged into his pajamas, and lay back on his bed, debating the merits of switching up his tastes in interior decorating when he wasn't going to be in the room for too many more months. But Ennoshita had to wonder if the gray sheets, olive blankets, and sepia pillowcases were just as boring as the university-issued off-white rug that matched the walls.
If so, did that make him boring, too?
His laptop blipped again:
_guns&bunsforDAYS_ has CONFIRMED your meeting greeting! Have fun and be safe! (Click here for advice on meeting your matches and some good safety precautions to take!) (Click here to report a user violation or site abuse.)
Holy hell. He had a date.
And he hoped he could prove to both his date and himself that he wasn't as boring as he feared.
- ^-^3
Ennoshita overslept the next morning, but that was for the best. Fridays were Narita and Kinoshita's busy days, so he usually only saw them in the morning, if at all.
As the hours passed and five o'clock drew nearer, Ennoshita caught himself walking between classes with a bounce in his step. Shit. He really was excited. Happy. There were different levels, kinds, intensities of happiness. This was different from graduating high school towards the top of their class, from figuring himself out, from coming out to his supportive best friends.
This was…like the happiness he felt in that Wakutani Minami match all those years ago, finally stepping onto the court and properly holding his own. This was like getting the captaincy in his third year, even though the others had been crowing for so long that he was their only logical choice.
Before his last class, Ennoshita texted Kinoshita and Narita that he'd be at the library if they needed him. It wasn't a lie, just not the whole truth. He knew they rarely set foot there because the computer science and the agricultural departments had their own libraries which proved more useful. But this way, someone knew where Ennoshita was…or was supposed to be, if this online dating scenario turned cinematically dramatic.
This time, when class ended, Ennoshita shoved his notebook and pens in his backpack and hustled to the library. Once it was in sight, he slowed until he felt his pulse was under control. He chose to wait by the library's etched sign, and he leaned against the side casually, keeping his eyes peeled.
Ennoshita was there early—not by much, just seventeen minutes, not that he was counting—but that did nothing to relax his nerves. Sure, his pulse was normal, but he was jittery; his fingers would drum along his thigh when he scanned faces and wondered when guns&bunsforDAYS would arrive. Ultimately, he crammed his hands in the pockets of his corduroys, hoping he looked a lot more chill than he felt.
Ten minutes passed. Then another five. He glanced at his watch; it read "5:09." Ennoshita frowned, and the nerves left his restless shoulders. Maybe his match was running late…? Traffic was always a problem in big cities…
He gave it another three minutes before parking his butt on one end of the wooden bench outside the library. He checked the site and his email, but, as there were no new messages, he settled for playing Tetris on his phone to keep him from completely souring on this online dating clusterfu—
"Hey, are you—? Ha! I thought so! Ennoshita, how ya been?"
Ennoshita froze and turned to his left, finally acknowledging the bench's other occupant. His eyes widened in recognition. "Tanaka?"
"Yeah!" Tanaka beamed at him, his eyes bright. He, like Ennoshita, looked very much the same…no, that was oversimplifying. His clothes were stylish with a touch of that punk attitude he'd had throughout high school, tight black jeans and a dark gray leather jacket over a loose, mint-colored shirt—something Ennoshita imagined Saeko to have selected. Tanaka still donned a buzz cut, but someone had etched a chain design behind his ear and along his nape, likely connecting to his other ear.
Oh, boy. Now Ennoshita felt underdressed in his burgundy pants and rose-printed button-up. He just hoped his match didn't mistake Tanaka for him simply because Tanaka looked ready for a date.
"…n't know you went here. Funny, though!"
"I'm sorry?"
Tanaka still grinned as if Ennoshita hadn't zoned out. "Nah, I'm just thinking it's great we crossed paths again, after all this time. Kinda lost touch with you, Kinoshita, and Narita after graduation. It's a shame."
"Ah, yeah… We all moved to Sendai for university." He put his phone back in his pocket; chatting with an old friend and teammate was a nicer way to kill time.
"It is nice out here," Tanaka remarked, throwing an arm behind the bench, getting comfortable. "And it's not such a hike from home."
"You stayed?"
"Yeah. You helped me get my grades up, but uni was never in my plans, despite my family's wishes." He still smiled, so Ennoshita knew not to pity him. "'Sides, I went to a local mechanics' school, and now I work at the shop where my sis' bike is serviced."
Ennoshita found himself smiling, too. "You, surrounded by motorcycles… It's a fitting image."
Tanaka sat up and scooted closer. "I know, right? Like, I didn't really have a calling, but this just kinda worked out! Plus, I'm on the Karasuno Neighborhood Association's volleyball team."
"Sounds as if you've got everything going for you."
Surprisingly, he reddened, and the color flooded even the etched chain in his hair. "Uh…yeah."
Ennoshita softly chuckled when Tanaka ducked his eyes; the guy was still amusing when it came to receiving compliments. "So are you over this way to pick up parts for the shop or to meet a friend?"
"I'm…sort of meeting…someone."
"Sort of? How do you 'sort of' meet someone?"
Tanaka chewed his lower lip and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "Promise you won't laugh?"
"I'll do my best."
Tanaka opened his mouth, but a shadow fell over them, cast by a very tall man who'd stopped in front of Ennoshita. Both of them stared up at him.
He was tall, extremely so, and had dark hair, olive skin, carved cheekbones, and bright eyes that were blue or green (Ennoshita couldn't decide, not with his heart lodged in his throat and cutting off air to his goddamn brain). His smile was distracting, too, and Ennoshita thought he couldn't understand him at first because all the blood had pooled in his cheeks and his lower half. Then he realized the foreigner was asking something in very broken Japanese.
"This to…main? Or…to music art home?" He passed a map of the campus to Ennoshita and held up his phone. The foreigner's wallpaper was of himself sitting at a baby grand piano.
"Oh." Ennoshita's senses returned to him, and he pointed out where the secondary arts building was located, down the hill.
"Thank you!" the foreigner thrummed, flashing that smile again and shaking Ennoshita's hand before remembering to bow. He jogged to his destination after.
Ennoshita let out a grumpy sigh.
"You seem disappointed," Tanaka observed.
"Yeah, I—" He stopped. "…never mind. You were saying that you were meeting someone here?"
"Hey, Ennoshita…"
He was quiet for so long that Ennoshita met his eyes. "What?"
"Are you take69?"
All color drained from his face, and Ennoshita was on his feet as if he'd been stunned. Well, he had, in one sense of the word.
Tanaka's smile was smaller and nervous this time. "Oh, man, you are, huh? I'm, uh, guns&bunsforDAYS." He scratched his cheek and remained hunched over, looking smaller himself.
But if that was meant to seem vulnerable and relatable, Ennoshita wasn't going along with it. "This was a bad idea, a very bad idea." He took a few steps.
"No, Ennoshita, wait!" Tanaka stood, too.
Ennoshita chance a peek at him…but he didn't have to stare into his eyes to catch the hurt discernable in his overall expression. So he looked away. "I'm sorry. This was a bad idea, and I—I can't do this."
He dashed away, not caring if his friends happened to spot him this one time and relieved that Tanaka hadn't chased after him.
- ^-^3
The rest of Friday and for Saturday morning, Ennoshita holed up in his dorm room. He got ahead in his coursework, and his room was so clean, it sparkled.
And he debated deleting his account on the dating site.
Ennoshita waffled whenever he stared at his profile, though. A lot of questions churned in his mind, but mostly he felt panicky when faced with the possibility of seeing another familiar face.
…then again, Tanaka's expression flashed in his mind's eye, and that didn't make Ennoshita feel so great, either.
He wondered why it bothered him. Not that he was accustomed to or enjoyed causing negative emotions in others, but…why did it have to be Tanaka? And why had it turned out this way?
The hurt in Tanaka's eyes, that odd frown on his face—they wouldn't leave Ennoshita alone, though.
Ah. That was it. Someone he'd known well, whom he'd seen through ups and downs—seeing Tanaka uncharacteristically…miserable just didn't sit right with Ennoshita. And he was at least partially to blame.
Ennoshita groaned where he sat on his bed for the sixth time that day with his laptop open in front of him. His hand sprinted through his hair, messing it up, and he grimaced at the screen.
A new notification blipped in his email, but he refreshed the dating site's page. It was from the site:
_guns&bunsforDAYS_ liked meeting _take69_! If you also liked meeting them, you may use the site to continue communication. You will be able to view their profile, and they will be able to view yours, too.
Did you like meeting _guns&bunsforDAYS_?
YES NO
His stomach flipped and flopped…although that could've been from inhaling a bag of sweet barbeque chips in one sitting. But Ennoshita was ready for change. He wanted to believe it was hope surging through him instead, at the prospect of having the chance to fix things with his old friend. He just needed to clear the air, is all.
He clicked "YES" and felt a bit better for it. He was still taken aback, though, when he got a direct message from Tanaka half an hour later:
OH GOOD I THOUGHT YOU HATED ME. Ennoshita can we PLS redo yesterday? Somehow? I'm still glad I met you. It's been too long.
Ennoshita mulled it over. He didn't want to "redo" yesterday. But…he did think it was nice seeing Tanaka again. So he wrote back:
*Maybe* we could meet for coffee or grab a bite sometime. Just catch up.
There. No expectations. Friendly.
Not even a minute later, Tanaka message him his current email and phone number.
That hopeful excitement from two days ago? It returned with a vengeance, no matter how hard Ennoshita tried to tamp it down.
- ^-^3
"You came!"
Ennoshita's chest felt funny (he would attribute it to heartburn, had he eaten anything), hearing and seeing Tanaka so happy to meet him outside that boba tea shop Kinoshita kept raving about but which Ennoshita had yet to try himself. "Of course I did. We agreed to meet here, Tanaka. I'd let you know if I had to change our plans."
Tanaka's cheeks reddened with a touch of color, and he laughed at himself. "Yeah, you would…" He held the door open for Ennoshita, and they entered the pastel environment.
"You sure it's okay to be here on a Monday, though?"
"Yeah, I'm good. It's, like, an hour by bus to here. Thirty minutes by train." Tanaka grinned at Ennoshita's frown. "It's not expensive, if you're worried. And my boss is willing to reimburse my travel expenses if I do pick up some stuff for him. That hadn't even occurred to me, until you mentioned it, by the way. So thanks!"
Ennoshita laughed. "Only you could take away that from what happened…!"
"I'm glad it did, though," Tanaka said nonchalantly. But when Ennoshita tried to catch his expression, he was already turned away, reading the menu. "Know what you're having yet?"
"Uh, no… Frankly, boba's never really appealed to me, but I also haven't tried it."
"How about I pick a flavor for you?"
Ennoshita shrugged. "Sure, why not?"
There weren't many people ahead of them; it was late in the day but before evening, so there was no rush hour foot traffic to deal with yet. At the counter, Tanaka flashed his smile, which made the girl working the register giggle shrilly, and he ordered blueberry for Ennoshita and green tea for himself. He almost paid for both, but Ennoshita caught his arm.
"No treating. We're just meeting to catch up. To hang out," Ennoshita reminded him. But he was also reminding himself. Even if it were accidental, the flirting with the worker was a natural thing for Tanaka. This thing with the dating site had to be a mistake on Tanaka's part. Perhaps a coworker had set him up, or maybe it had been a punishment game.
Tanaka Ryuunosuke was as straight as a ruler, and Ennoshita knew straight guys only caused heartache.
Ennoshita swallowed a lump in his throat, and he was grateful when Tanaka motioned for him to grab them window seats while he waited for their drinks. Sitting down, Ennoshita relaxed by not much more than a hair. He glanced at his phone. He had a text from Kinoshita wondering why they hadn't seen him at lunch.
"Did you need to be somewhere else today?" Tanaka asked, plopping the blueberry boba down on the table between Ennoshita and his phone.
"No. It's just Kinoshita bugging me." He sipped his tea—and perked right up.
Tanaka grinned across the table. "Good, right? I had a feeling it'd match you. Sweet tamed with a hint of tartness."
Ennoshita quirked one dark eyebrow. "You are, of course, referring only to the drink?"
But the rascal laughed. "Oh, come on, Ennoshita! It's just an observation. You're a really kindhearted guy with a tiny tough streak. I like that about you."
Oh, no. Uh-uh. Ennoshita's hackles went up. His best friends' situation was unique. He didn't want to fall for any of his friends, past or current, and he sure as hell wasn't going to flirt with them. So best to define things right now: "Tanaka…we've got to talk. Actually, I need you to listen while I talk."
Tanaka's grin slipped. But he nodded and sat up a tad straighter, more at attention.
Ennoshita squeezed his eyes shut. "I don't know if you read the details of my profile yet, but…it's true. I am a gay man looking for a relationship. But my parents don't know that. Friends and family back home don't know that. Only Narita and Kinoshita…and now you…know," he said lowly. "So, two things: one—I am trusting you not to let my secret slip back home, not even to your sister, as awesome as she is. And two—I have no intentions to date someone I know. I won't ask why you were on that site, and hanging out is fine, but dating is off the table."
With his eyes shut, he felt spared from Tanaka's expressive range of emotions. At the same time, he thought he felt warmth—no touch, just body heat—hovering above the hand clutching his phone.
He opened his eyes in time to glimpse Tanaka pulling his hand back, the tanned knuckles flexing into a fist that ultimately settled on his lap, hidden by the table. Ennoshita slowly met Tanaka's eyes.
"Understood," Tanaka replied with a tight smile. Or had it been? Because, a second later, his jaw wasn't clenched, and his smile was charming and cute as it'd always been.
Ennoshita released a slow breath. "Thank you." He busied himself with sipping his drink then.
"I'm glad you three still have each other."
"Hmm?"
"You and Kinoshita and Narita." Tanaka chewed on his straw a bit. "I'm glad you did have someone to come out to."
"Uh, yeah…" Now that he thought about it, he hadn't said anything to give them away, had he?
"They married yet?"
Ennoshita froze. "Ah— Well— I— They—" he spluttered.
"Relax, Ennoshita. You didn't say anything, but I've always been more people-smart than book-smart. And they threw some serious vibes, especially as third year drew to a close. I'm guessing because getting out of our tiny town was becoming a reality and not just a possibility for them?"
"…got it in one." He groaned and blew bubbles into his tea simultaneously. "They also aren't—"
"—out at home? My lips are sealed. Don't worry. I'm reliable off the court, too," he proclaimed. He puffed up his chest slightly.
Tanaka's mannerisms were a comfort, and Ennoshita eased up at last. "You really just go with the flow, don't you?"
"It's a family trait."
Ennoshita chuckled. "I'm glad." He glanced at their surroundings, at how the other dozen tables began filling up and how the line would be out the door shortly. It was already hard to glimpse the peach polka dot wallpaper between bobbing heads and shifting shoulders. He turned back to Tanaka. "Maybe we should walk around instead? I sat in class all day, and you came by…"
"Bus today," Tanaka supplied.
"Yeah, we've been sitting for too long." Ennoshita got to his feet, Tanaka following suit, and they squeezed through the shop doors together. Despite the crisp chill in the air which his cardigan did little to break, Ennoshita felt more energized outside.
"Are you done with classes for the day?" Tanaka asked after an odd beat.
"I am. This," he said with a wave of his tea, "is a nice pick-me-up after Clientele Management."
Tanaka raised an eyebrow. "Clientele…? Is that something to do with the film industry?"
"Ah, no…"
"But you do still love writing and directing, right?" He frowned, genuinely forlorn at the possibility Ennoshita had given up on his hobbies.
"I do! I do… But it clicked early on that, realistically speaking, a good way to get into the movie-making business would be becoming an agent. Do PR. There's decent money in PR. I can more than pay my bills while still pursuing my dreams. So PR, talent agent…"
Tanaka whistled, the pitch intensified with his lips pursed at the opening of his straw. "Damn. Not bad, Ennoshita, not bad."
"It really isn't. I've had to find and sign two people before—a commercial actress, and a lounge singer—as class assignments. The singer liked my work, and he says he wants to keep me on after graduation." Ennoshita smiled at that, because there hadn't been many moments where he'd felt proud of himself since...well, since Karasuno.
"Do you still make those mini films, like the ones we did in high school?"
"Nah… I don't have the time or the cast. If I'm behind the camera, that leaves me with just Kinoshita and Narita," he pointed out with a laugh. But he stopped laughing at the softness in Tanaka's eyes.
Luckily, Tanaka looked away. "Time to fix that, Director Ennoshita." He took a dramatic bow in the middle of the sidewalk, embarrassing Ennoshita and amusing bystanders. "After all, you've got your leading man right here!" He snickered upon straightening up and seeing Ennoshita's red cheeks, and he laughed hard when he got swatted in the shoulder.
Ennoshita busied himself with finishing his drink. However, the mouthful of tapioca pearls at the bottom was excessive. Though he somehow managed to get them down, he couldn't help scrunching up his nose in distaste.
And Tanaka caught that. "Can't stand the pearls? I'll finish 'em." He held his hand out until Ennoshita passed the tea, and he had no qualms finishing the sweet treat as they hooked a right and took their walk towards the university campus. "But three of us—me, Kinoshita, Narita—that's enough to get you started up again, right? Man, I wondered how they are. Maybe I'll meet up with…"
But Ennoshita's attention span was suddenly short, his mind caught up in how easily, how smoothly Tanaka did things. He had a random thought, a mental image, of them walking back to his campus, hand in hand, going to meet his best friends for a double-date, a snow-forewarning breeze making him shiver and prompting Tanaka to tuck him into his leather jacket, under his arm…
Then Ennoshita pinched his leg and winced. How was he supposed to keep a misunderstanding with Tanaka at bay if he entertained the very thing he didn't want to get started?
- ^-^3
One could only avoid the shrewd and pestering likes, respectively, of Narita Kazuhito and Kinoshita Hisashi for so long. "So long" meant they practically yanked Ennoshita from his morning class as soon as it let out the next day.
"What the—?!" Ennoshita looked between the two of them, startled by their glares.
"Fridays are to be expected," Narita began. "And Saturday you texted that you were catching up on assignments."
"Then Sunday you took care of errands and 'got ahead' in assignments," Kinoshita picked up. "And yesterday you skipped lunch because you 'weren't hungry' and then holed up in your room for dinner. So."
Ennoshita swallowed the lump in his throat. "So?"
"What. Gives."
He rolled his eyes, though his heart wasn't in it. He elbowed his way past them. "It's—nothing."
"You realize you're a terrible liar," Narita groused as they flanked him.
"All right! It's—something."
Kinoshita sighed to his left, and the blond huddled in his turtleneck as his sigh melted into a groan. "It's that stupid site, isn't it? Gods, I knew it. We knew it. Ennoshita, we're so sorry for forcing that on you."
"We should've known better," Narita agreed.
Ennoshita glanced at them, Kinoshita burrowing further into his shirt and Narita's shoulders slouching, and motioned them over to one of the arched windows in the hallway. "While I appreciate the apology…it's not that, either."
The couple stared at him with quirked eyebrows.
"I did get a match last week."
Narita's eyes widened, and Kinoshita perked up, ready to interrupt but stunningly staying silent.
"And I did meet a guy."
He could keep quiet, but Kinoshita couldn't keep himself from excitedly smacking his boyfriend's nearer arm. His eyes damn near sparkled.
Ennoshita dropped his eyes to his feet. "Tanaka showed up."
The silence that greeted him confused him, so Ennoshita gave up tracing the rubber toe of his right sneaker to risk a peek at them.
"What?"
"Tanaka…that guy from that accounting class we took in year two?" Narita asked.
"No."
Kinoshita snapped his fingers. "No, it's that guy from orientation! I thought he was kinda flashy for your tastes, but if you like him—"
"You guys know this Tanaka, extremely well," Ennoshita grumbled in exasperation. "Tanaka, our former ace and my vice-captain, showed up to meet with me last Friday. He was my match."
They gaped at him. Kinoshita tried to cover his mouth with his hand, even.
"Yeah, I was shocked, too."
But, just as fast, they went from shocked to worried, and Kinoshita grabbed Ennoshita by the wrist, hauling him downstairs and outside to an empty bench. He yanked Ennoshita down to sit beside him, leaving Narita standing with his arms crossed.
Ennoshita scowled. "What?!"
"Tanaka 'I'm gonna marry Kiyoko-san' Ryuunosuke arrived to go on a date with your gay ass?" Narita twisted his lips around as if he had a lemon in his mouth. "Tell us everything."
He did. He took it from the top and didn't leave anything out…except for that musing he'd had of Tanaka actually being his boyfriend. It wasn't that important, and it'd only happened once anyway. It hadn't and wouldn't happen again, Ennoshita knew.
But even with that bit redacted, his friends still seemed fretful. "Why in the hell would Tanaka match with you?" Kinoshita thought aloud.
Ennoshita shrugged. "He's got the type of personality that probably matches with a lot of people."
"No, I mean him being on the site. And I know, I know," the blond continued, holding a hand up to keep Ennoshita from interrupting, "you have your prank and punishment game theories. But did you consider he might seriously be on that site?"
"…no."
"Ennoshita—"
He shot up from the bench. "That's not even the point! It's just nice to see him again. I told you two—he knows nothing's going to happen between him and me. We're just—just hanging out again." He paused. "And he wants to see you guys again, too," he added. There. Maybe if they felt a tad guilty, they'd get off his back. Sure, they were raising an excellent point, but Ennoshita didn't want to talk or even think about it.
Narita caved first, dropping his arms to rub the back of his neck. "All right. If you feel that strongly…all right."
Ennoshita felt relieved. "Really?" He hated how squeaky his voice sounded, asking that.
Narita nodded. "We knew Tanaka for three full years. Some time has passed, sure, but Tanaka is Tanaka." He grinned. "I kind of miss his antics."
They looked to Kinoshita. "…shyeah, I miss riling him up," he confessed, and he diffused the remaining tension with a laugh.
"No more sneaking around to hide your old friendship, though," Narita scolded as he gave his boyfriend a hand up.
"Agreed," Ennoshita decided. "And it's your old friendship, too, you know."
He chose not to look back at them as they split up to go to their next classes. He knew they'd shared another doubtful look behind his back anyway.
- ^-^3
"I actually thought that first night was a bust," Tanaka said as they settled in to Narita and Kinoshita's apartment the following Tuesday night. He said it lowly, by Ennoshita's shoulder as they shucked their shoes.
"Mm, Saturday? Yeah…" Ennoshita held his head as he recalled the memory. "Kinoshita being holed up in his professor's lab at the last minute always means a late night that's kicked off with drinks once he's free. I should've warned you so you had the chance to cancel."
But Tanaka smiled and took Ennoshita's jacket, which he hung up with his and the others' on the stand by the door. "It wouldn't've mattered. I was already on my way to see you. We just could've put them off for another time."
Ennoshita gave him a dry look before he rolled his eyes and backed out of Tanaka's charm radius.
"What I am still shocked by," Tanaka said, louder so the other two would join the conversation, "is how the hell Kinoshita ended up in agriculture. That's a mystery."
Kinoshita shrugged and opened the two pizzas they'd picked up on the way home from school. "Nah, it was easy. My loves are Kazu, videogames, food, and volleyball. I'm already an expert—the world's expert—on Kazu, so I don't need a degree in him."
Poor Narita flushed a light berry hue but managed to shake his head casually, considering how often Kinoshita wore his heart on his sleeve.
"Volleyball was a true interest, but I was never gonna go pro," the blond continued as they gathered around the food. "I love playing videogames, but I don't have the brains to make them—I have Kazu for that. So that left me with food."
"Food," Tanaka repeated. One eyebrow sank low while the other arched high, and Ennoshita knew the rest of the story would stun him further.
"Yep," Kinoshita said around a bite of cheese. "But not cooking. Like, I can cook and feed myself just fine, but I'm no chef. But growing food and the logistics involved sounded like fun."
Their guest held his head in his hands. "Gods, I… Ugh. Not for me." But he was enthralled. "What's the worst class you've taken so far?" he asked before shoveling a slice into his mouth.
Kinoshita groaned. "One I'm currently in: Fraccing Solutions. It's one of my environmental science requirements, and it's a fraccing joke. What? What?" he asked when the rest of them groaned, but he knew what he'd said because he laughed at his own bad joke.
"Ennoshita told us you're working at your sister's bike shop?" Narita prompted.
"Oh, it's not hers; it's just the shop she's always used. But yeah! It's a lot of fun, and I get to work with some awesome guys and meet a lot of people."
"Does Nishinoya work there with you? It sounds like the right environment for him."
Tanaka shook his head. "No. I mean, I could see it, too, but Noya's not there anymore."
Ennoshita furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"
"Well…he moved to the city a while back."
"He's here?"
"Not Sendai—Tokyo."
Ennoshita's eyes widened. "That's a big move for a homebody."
"Not really. 'Sides, he's making t-shirts full-time thanks to work he found through his t-shirt guy back home. Plus he's got Yaku-san."
The other three stared.
"Noya's admiration and love for Yaku were serious things," Tanaka informed them with a chuckle. "He was persistent, but he didn't have to try very hard, because it was mutual."
"Wow… Nekoma's Yaku," Ennoshita said, absorbing it all. Although, the more he thought about it, the more sense it made, given the two liberoes' intensity was unmatched by others.
Kinoshita leaned on the table where they ate in the living room. "Man… Makes you wonder what the rest of the team got up to… Well, aside from Kageyama," he pointed out, because no one could watch the sports segment of the news without hearing about pro volleyball's new golden boy.
Tanaka shrugged. "I don't know much. Except Kiyoko-san and Asahi-san moved back home a few months ago. And moved in together. There's a new apartment complex not far from Karasuno—maybe about as far as Sakanoshita Shop? It's where that old bank used to be. But they've dropped by the restaurant where Nee-san still part-times. They seem really happy together."
"That's not very surprising," Narita remarked, voicing what Ennoshita himself thought. "She was really attentive towards him when he returned in their last year."
"True! But Kiyoko-san's just that kind of person."
"Do you envy him?"
Ennoshita was glad he already had a foot not tucked under him (damn pins and needles), because he jabbed his toes into Narita's nearer outer thigh. He tried glaring, too, but Narita either didn't notice or ignored him.
Tanaka, for his part, mulled it over as he finished one slice and reached for another. "No, not really. I mean, it's hard not to want what your friends have when they're happy, but Asahi-san clearly makes her happy and vice versa. Even if I still liked her, I wouldn't butt in."
"You don't like Shimizu-senpai anymore?" He couldn't help it, asking himself. Ennoshita could sense Kinoshita's dry "I thought you were leaving well enough alone" stare, but he focused on Tanaka instead. He hoped Tanaka didn't notice his reaction; since he couldn't steady his fingers, he put his pizza down and dropped his hands in his lap.
"As a person, yeah. But even I know my crush on her back in high school wasn't really much of a crush. If it had been, I don't think I would've given Kanoka so much thought and ended up with her."
Just like that, the stupid, fluttery feeling in Ennoshita's gut vaporized. He really ought to stick to his own advice…
With Ennoshita devoting the rest of his attention to his supper, Kinoshita jumped in to change the subject. "By the way, I love the design you're sporting in your buzz—is that Saeko-san's doing?"
Tanaka ran his clean hand along his nape, almost brushing Ennoshita's arm in the process. "This? Nope! Kanoka works at the beauty salon next door, and one of her coworkers likes to try new designs, so I let him test 'em out on me for a big discount." He laughed. "Let me know if you're done looking like Daichi-san, Narita. I'm sure he'd love a fresh canvas."
Narita groaned and Kinoshita howled with laughter. "Ennoshita calls me 'Daichi-san' already, so don't you start, too…!"
"Really?" Tanaka aimed a smile at Ennoshita and held it until the latter looked at him once more. "Great minds think alike, Ennoshita!"
And, despite the recent revelation, that fluttery feeling did a baby somersault in his chest.
Somehow, dinner was all right, even fun, with the four of them. Tanaka graciously let Narita explain about his computing skills until Kinoshita cried of boredom and demanded beer. Considering how loud and in the mood to sing the blond had been last weekend, Tanaka and Ennoshita cut out early.
Unfortunately for Narita, they could hear the first few bars of a popular anime theme emerging from the apartment as they left downstairs.
Ennoshita heaved a sigh. "How they've not been evicted yet, I have no clue."
"It's because they're so pleasant and entertaining!"
"They're not entertaining! Kinoshita set up my profile on that damn site, which means I'm stuck with the username…," Ennoshita hissed, "…take69."
But Tanaka snorted. "It's not terrible. It's clever! Plus your icon is one of those movie clapperboards. It's a great play on words."
"It's embarrassing."
It didn't help that Tanaka had no rebuttal for that. When Ennoshita glanced at him on the sidewalk, Tanaka gave him half a smile, and his eyes read "Okay, yeah, it's kinda embarrassing."
"I know it's not super late, but I'm going to head ba—"
"Can I walk you?"
They stopped at the crossing light on the far corner from Kinoshita and Narita's complex, and Ennoshita hid his clenched fists in his bulky jacket's sleeves. But…as the light changed to stop, Ennoshita realized he was being foolish.
Tanaka had someone, a girlfriend. Tanaka was only being friendly. Tanaka was being the good guy he'd been raised to be. Tanaka was just being Tanaka.
His feelings properly cooled, Ennoshita nodded, slowly, reluctantly. But he felt his smile coming back, teasing though it was, as he pointed out they had a quick bus ride back to N.T. University first before Tanaka caught his train back.
"I think I could make a habit of this," Tanaka mused aloud while they stood side by side on the bus, the sleeve of his heavier leather jacket aligned with Ennoshita's arm…a sleeve Ennoshita didn't have to put much effort into ignoring.
"What, make a habit of hanging with the three of us again?" Ennoshita chuckled, feeling the most like himself since that "meeting greeting" had taken a turn nearly two weeks ago. "Maybe I will get to make more movies after all."
"The three of you…movies…right." Tanaka was quiet for the rest of the way, but Ennoshita wrote it off as nothing of consequence.
- ^-^3
Depending on his work schedule, Tanaka would come to Sendai once or twice a week to hang out with the trio of friends or, more likely, with Ennoshita alone. Sometimes Ennoshita would worry about Tanaka playing hooky and on occasion he would voice his curiosity, only to have Tanaka assure him he was fine. "I'm on track to be the next store manager, even," he'd say with the same tone of voice he'd use to brag about being Karasuno's next ace after Azumane.
And Ennoshita would roll his eyes and laugh when Tanaka shoved him playfully for doubting the hardworking goof.
For the most part, it got easier to hang out with his old friend and teammate. Since putting those confused feelings on ice, Ennoshita became better at discarding the tiny distractions, like wondering what the pattern in Tanaka's hair felt like, noting that Tanaka's jaw was a touch squarer these days, his cheekbones sharp but subtle and handsome, figuring that Tanaka's winter jackets and coats weren't thickly lined (he had to be doing more than playing volleyball and fixing bikes to be able to fill out his sleeves like that).
But while those items were easier to dismiss, Tanaka would still do or say something that would give Ennoshita pause. Like at the end of November, when they were out for a walk (really, Ennoshita's weekly grocery run) and Tanaka caught him by the elbow when Ennoshita nearly set foot in traffic; Tanaka took his hand…and tucked it into the crook of his elbow. Or when Ennoshita casually suggested early in December that Tanaka should bring Amanai or his sister along on one of his trips and Tanaka shook his head and said that not only would they not be that interested but that it was nice to have Ennoshita to himself.
"You mean me, Kinoshita, and Narita to yourself," Ennoshita corrected while they sat on the floor in his dorm and rifled through his old movie ideas that were yet to be made.
"Sure," Tanaka said automatically. But he wouldn't meet his companion's eyes when answering. Instead, he'd focus so hard on reading Ennoshita's creative parodies and fascinating original works that it'd take him a delayed second to realize he'd rested his hand on Ennoshita's when reaching for the next notebook or printout.
Of course Ennoshita would pull away, but the temptation was strong. And cute. And it took thinking "don't do this, don't do this," a miserable round playing in his head, to keep his wits about him. That would just about do the trick.
Though it didn't help, catching Tanaka staring at him several times each time the bike mechanic visited.
Kinoshita and Narita had seen that happen a few times, as well, and they informed Ennoshita as much on a cold day spent lunching in the dining hall, snow falling outside the very window by which they sat. "He seems—" Narita started.
"Don't say it," Ennoshita ordered, though there were a million ways for Narita to end that sentence.
"—lovesick," his friend deadpanned. He picked at his remaining ginger somen before giving the rest to his boyfriend and breaking his brownie into bite-sized bits.
Ennoshita scoffed and clenched his jaw. "You're misreading Tanaka," he insisted.
"Are we?" Kinoshita asked. He sighed, but it was a pitiful note, and he put his back to Ennoshita before leaning back against the other man's arm and nudging Ennoshita's jaw with his head. "Ennoshita, my friend, honey. He looks at you as though someone else walked away with the last melon bread."
"Thanks for the comparison to food," he griped.
"No, but— C'mon." Kinoshita nudged him again, like a possessive stray cat who demanded affection right then and there. "Ennoshita, he's always looking at you as if he's got something to say, something on the tip of his tongue."
Ennoshita crammed the rest of his dinner roll in his mouth, not at all ashamed to get crumbs on the blond because it made Kinoshita get off him. "Maybe he wants to hit an indoor court and see how bad our volleyball skills have gotten from years of lack of use," he said around his mouthful.
"Ugh. That was gross," Kinoshita bitched, brushing crumbs from his pixie cut, "and you're not taking him seriously."
"No, you two are making something out of nothing." Though, as he said it, his heart thumped at the memory of Tanaka nearly catching Ennoshita's fingers with the stray pinky he had on the floor between them at Ennoshita's dorm two nights ago. They've been watching a movie on DVD, so Ennoshita had kept the lights out—but he'd reminded himself that Amanai was still a fixture in Tanaka's life. Even if there were something to misunderstand and to act on, Ennoshita was not going to be anyone's dirty little secret.
"Well, unless you deleted everything I wrote and set your preferences to 'hidden,' then he knows you're a guy looking for another guy," Kinoshita stated. He finished Narita's somen and continued, "Plus, you told him as much. Tanaka's easy to read in some ways, but you really need to ask him what he was doing on the site and why he would've matched with you."
"But—"
"Hisashi's right," Narita started. His tone was soft but firm, meaning he wouldn't let Ennoshita finish his argument. He even furrowed his brow and frowned. "Worst is he's definitely straight and is playing around at maybe questioning himself. But it's not necessarily great if he's bi, either."
Ennoshita startled. "That's a problem?"
Narita shrugged, his frown growing into a grimace. "Personally, I have no issues with anyone who is. But I've a senpai in my 8-bit club who's gay and has had his fair share of poor experiences with bi men. One boyfriend left him for a girl, leaving him with severe confidence issues. So the next one he had a hard time trusting, and that one confirmed his fears of having a 'fake gay' boyfriend when that one caved to his parents' pressure to marry and start a family."
He hadn't given this possibility any thought because it hadn't occurred to him. "I feel for your senpai…but I don't agree with his generalization."
"Seconded," Kinoshita piped up. "Those were two bad apples, is all."
"And I agree with you guys," Narita clarified. He left some of his brownie crumbled on his tray, though. "But it still makes me nervous for you, Ennoshita. I don't want to see you experience that."
Ennoshita bumped his hand against the side of Narita's right one and smiled reassuringly. "Thank you for your concern, honestly. But do you remember one of my first dates? The financial, salaryman type I met at the secondhand bookstore?"
His friends nodded.
"He told me on our second date that he was bi. I was fine with that. We split up because we didn't have anything else in common aside from our very obscure taste in film magazines. I still see him in the store from time to time, because he seems to be dating the store's assistant manager…who's also a guy. But even if the assistant manager were a woman, I wouldn't be bothered. The salaryman simply has twice as many people to fall in love with. So I'll be fine. Besides, you're forgetting an important detail."
Narita blinked. "What detail?"
"Tanaka and I are just friends." With that, Ennoshita felt the discussion was closed…even though a seed of nervous doubt was starting to war with that fluttery feeling in his gut.
- ^-^3
His curiosity was not so bad it'd kill the proverbial cat, but Ennoshita's main dilemma was even approaching the subject.
And not just asking why Tanaka was on the site, but why Ennoshita cared so much.
The cold and the snow outside did nothing to clear his mind anymore. Instead, his mind would drift to daydreams of being holed up in his dorm, sipping hot tea and watching whatever came on TV and just being together and being warm together.
Gods, he needed to get a grip.
He was thinking just that when someone knocked on his door three days before Christmas, and he opened it with surprise. "Tanaka?"
"Hiya!" He motioned for Ennoshita to back up so he could scoot in.
"But it's a Sunday, and you were here just last night—" His thoughts turned into a jumbled mess as Tanaka twirled him around. "Uh, Tanaka? What are you doing?"
"Just stealing warmth!" Tanaka assured him. He wrapped his arms around Ennoshita's middle, grabbed his hands, and shoved their hands together in the pockets of Ennoshita's sweater. "Ahh…! I was right. This is perfect. I'm so glad you love these warm grandpa cardigans."
The comment snapped Ennoshita out of his daze, mostly; his neck felt hot with Tanaka's face nearby. "…I do not wear 'grandpa cardigans.'"
Tanaka's breath was warm on his skin, too, when the mechanic laughed. "Yeah, you do, Ennoshita. And there's nothing wrong with that."
"… …are you almost done?"
He rested his forehead on Ennoshita's shoulder. "Just a little bit longer? Please?"
Ennoshita would've pinched himself if Tanaka hadn't threaded his fingers with his. But he tensed. "It's kind of a hike to come two nights in a row, Tanaka. You could've stayed home and stolen Amanai's warmth instead of mine."
At that proximity, he felt Tanaka tense, too. Tanaka straightened up, withdrawing his hands and arms, but he took Ennoshita's shoulder and turned him again so they faced each other. "Not that Kanoka's hugs suck, but why mention her?"
Oh, hell. It'd been petty to say that, but it could only get worse from here on out. Accusing him of cheating would be bad, especially when based on the assumption that he and Ennoshita—
"Ennoshita. Hey." Tanaka took Ennoshita's face in his hands so they looked each other in the eye. "I'm not sure what it is, but I feel as if there's something hanging between us."
Ennoshita hated that Tanaka was barely an inch taller; that meant looking away was fixing on a point by Tanaka's right ear, and he could still view Tanaka's face in his peripheral vision. "Why…were you on the website? Why did you show up that day?"
He must've said something wrong, because Tanaka released him…but he didn't leave. He took off his black knit beanie and unzipped his jacket, and he sat down on the floor across from Ennoshita's bed. Tanaka patted the floor in front of him until Ennoshita sat, too, although it was a tight fit, and they kept bumping knees.
This time, when Ennoshita met his eyes, it was because he was prepared to hear Tanaka out.
Tanaka scratched a spot along the right side of his jaw. "You think Kanoka is my girlfriend."
Ennoshita nodded and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He hated to admit it, but he really missed Tanaka's arms around him just now.
"Ennoshita, she was my girlfriend. A long time ago. I'm single now."
He perked up but sat still and willed the change not to show on his face. "And?"
"And I'm guessing you never read my profile," he said, withdrawing his phone from his pocket. "And since you trust me enough to know about you, I want you to know I feel the same." He glanced up from searching for something and gave Ennoshita a small, maybe sad, smile. "I'm not gay, but bi."
Ennoshita didn't fly into a panic; he'd meant what he'd told Narita and Kinoshita. But he was still confused without further details.
"Ah! There, that's a good one," Tanaka exclaimed as he stopped swiping his screen. "I dated Kanoka from around the end of high school until…two? two and a half? years ago." His smile was softer and cheerier now as he passed his phone to Ennoshita. "But Kanoka's also bi, and she's really in love with my sister, who loves her back."
On the screen, Ennoshita saw a candid picture of Amanai and Saeko, with Saeko's arm wrapped around Amanai's waist and Amanai planting a surprise kiss on her shorter girlfriend's cheek. Saeko's hair was shorter these days and spiky in the back, highlighting the earrings crawling up her ears. But a purple hoop in her left ear matched one hidden by a dark, wavy lock of hair on Amanai's right ear.
"My parents love her even though she switched Tanaka siblings," he joked as he showed Ennoshita a few more pictures, mainly of Amanai at the beauty parlor and him crashing the party because he was covered in grease, "but Nee-san's talking about marriage these days."
Ennoshita closed his gaping mouth, which he didn't even know had been hanging open. "Wow. That's…an unexpected turn."
Tanaka shrugged and tossed his phone on his beanie. "They're lucky to have found each other."
"You weren't upset with Amanai or Saeko-san?"
"Kanoka and I know we're better off friends. And my sis treats her like a queen. Something I wanna do, someday, with the right person."
Ennoshita frowned. "But if it's been two years since…"
"Oh, I've tried dating. Well, been dating…nah, tried," Tanaka settled. He waved his hand dismissively. "No one really sticks. And I've felt I have to be careful disclosing to anyone that I'm neither gay nor straight. Which sucks, because that makes me feel sketchy."
"You're not sketchy," Ennoshita confirmed.
Tanaka beamed. "Thanks, Ennoshita. And that's why I signed up for that site. Once you get to my profile, I'm—well, bared for all to see. But I knew this was right for me when you showed up that day at the library."
Ennoshita's face grew hot. "How?"
"Two things! After we met and I read your profile, I really liked what you wrote. I've had a few dates that went nowhere from that site, and you know what a common thread is? That people want someone trusting, which I feel is a kind of red flag for a boatload of reasons, but you—"
It clicked. "I wrote about wanting someone trustworthy."
Tanaka nodded. "I mean, sure, I'd like someone trustworthy, too. But I know I'm trustworthy, and I wanna be there for my significant other, and…and I thought I'll find someone good if I'm allowed to be my loyal self." He said that last bit with a puffed chest, even.
Ennoshita would've laughed…if only his stomach would stop plummeting. Had he really ruined a chance he didn't know he'd had?
Wait.
"You said there were two things." Ennoshita left his arms by his sides and leaned forward, listening intently. "What was the other thing?"
"Oh, uh…" Tanaka averted his eyes, a dust of pink spreading across his cheeks.
"Tanaka."
"It's silly. Just, in hindsight, you were…my lightbulb crush. In high school. Second and third year."
"What's a lightbulb crush?"
"When my stupid ass first questions the merits of dating Ennoshita as opposed to dating Kiyoko-san or Kanoka." Somehow he managed to meet Ennoshita's eyes once more, but Ennoshita tore his gaze away.
Because he'd really screwed up. Badly. Saying right off the bat that they could never date. And he couldn't look Tanaka in the eye, not now, maybe not ever again.
Not when he could see it on Tanaka's face, him wanting to reach out and hold Ennoshita's hand in his but not making a single move because Ennoshita had shot him down as soon as the thought "he's cute" had crossed either of their minds.
Oh, gods. There was no way to fix this.
Tanaka exhaled, low and slow, calmer than a sigh. And he got to his feet, picking up his beanie and phone. "I…mostly just wanted to stop by. I probably can't come again this week, with the holiday and all, but—Merry Christmas, Ennoshita." He zipped up his jacket, but he stooped and placed something in Ennoshita's lap before he left. "And happy birthday."
His mind caught up with reality at the quiet click of his door closing behind Tanaka. Numbly, he picked up the tiny wrapped package and opened it to find a camera charm keychain and a folded note. It was Tanaka's scrawl:
This one's just a symbol, but let's get back to work on making your name famous!
The writing melded and bled together, however, because Ennoshita's tears were the one thing he couldn't hold back.
- ^-^3
Few of his classes were going to run up right until Christmas, and the rest cancelled because the professors felt like it. So when Clientele Management let out late Monday morning on the Twenty-Third, Ennoshita hopped a bus and waited for his best friends outside their apartment.
"…and I nearly told my professor where he could shove—holy shit, Ennoshita, what happened?!" Kinoshita exclaimed, running the rest of the way to their friend.
Narita was on his heels, and each grabbed an arm and heaved him to his feet. "Ennoshita? Are you sick?" He brushed Ennoshita's brown fringe back, checking for a fever. Then he and Kinoshita studied his tear-stained cheeks. "Oh, no."
Kinoshita bit his lower lip. "Was it Tanaka? It was Tanaka. Was it bad? Ohh, of course it was bad," he grumbled, and he shoved Ennoshita into Narita's arms so he could unlock the door.
They helped him inside, but Ennoshita was a lump at their coffee table until Narita coaxed him to life with a warm cup of barley tea.
"Good, you're not dead," Narita said as they watched him sip the drink.
"…no."
"So what the hell happened?!"
"I…" He couldn't tell them without crying again, but they had patience. Same as they always had, they stuck together, and Kinoshita and Narita asked him to repeat when they couldn't quite understand his blubbering. But they didn't lose it once or tell him to stop crying. They let him get it all out.
"Damn…" Kinoshita frowned. "How long were you waiting for us? It's after lunch."
"…only a few hours."
"A few—?!" The blond shook his head. "You're staying here. For as long as you need to. But go warm that butt of yours up in the bath. I'll get you a change of Kazu's clothes."
Ennoshita blinked slowly, as if waking from a nightmare. "That's…all?"
"We'll talk about it when you're ready," Narita assured him.
Ennoshita nodded his thanks, and he availed himself of their bathroom—he could fit his dorm room in there—but he was surprised when they didn't resume the topic once he was out of the bath. Nor did they talk about it as they fed him a quick lunch, nor at dinner that night.
It really was up to him, he realized, as the next couple days followed suit. He didn't feel like bringing it up, and they were excellent at taking his mind off things. Narita even borrowed his key to swing by his dorm to pick up a few things before the trio spent Christmas together, since Ennoshita couldn't live in Narita's clothes forever.
But Ennoshita had that one reminder—the keychain—in his jeans' pocket, and he finally toyed with it on Thursday after half a Christmas/birthday cake was gone between the three of them.
He sensed their eyes on him and the keychain, though.
He chuckled. "I can already imagine what you guys want to say."
"Then you probably know we wanna scold you," Narita huffed on his right.
"I do, too."
"And we wanna apologize for exacerbating things," Kinoshita added. He flopped on his back to Ennoshita's left at the coffee table-turned-kotatsu.
Ennoshita shook his head. "You didn't say much I hadn't already thought. To be honest, I knew from the get-go I should've asked him a lot of things right away." He gently kicked their feet under the table. "You two are my conscience, telling me things I don't want but need to hear. I should've been smarter about things."
Narita sighed and crossed his arms on the kotatsu so he could rest his chin atop them. "It's easy to say that now, but you shouldn't kick yourself. Tanaka's always been boyfriend material; you just didn't realize that until late in the game."
"I know…" Ennoshita placed the keychain on the kotatsu and stared at it with a frown. "Too late," he mumbled.
Kinoshita sat bolt upright. "'Too late'?"
Ennoshita cringed. "Yeah, Kinoshita."
"'Too—'?!" He rolled his eyes and yowled. "You have got to be kidding me!"
"What?!"
"Oh, no. You're not getting this for free. This you'll work out on your own." Kinoshita shook his head as Narita grinned, catching on. "You got yourself into this pickle; you can chew your way out, my friend."
- ^-^3
And Kinoshita was right. It took several days of glaring at the cheery blond's back and a trip to the shrine for the year's first visit, but it clicked, nevertheless, for Ennoshita all on his own.
Of course he could fix this. Ennoshita, a strategic mind who always came through at the last minute, knew what he had to do.
But would Tanaka hear him out?
The semester resumed early on in January, and for a few days winter took a winter break of its own. Much of the snow melted, and the chill in the air was not unlike that of last November, around the time Ennoshita and Tanaka had their meeting greeting.
This time, however, found Ennoshita exiting the library, lost in thought. He hadn't emailed, texted, or even called Tanaka since the last time they'd seen each other. They didn't do any of that with any regularity, even; Tanaka seemed to enjoy seeing Ennoshita in person the most. So would it be bad, too spontaneous to reach out to him out of the blue and just ask to meet once more?
Ennoshita ran a list of pros and cons in his head…but they promptly escaped him when he saw, standing several yards away by the library's sign and the very bench where they'd reconnected, Tanaka.
Ennoshita stopped in his tracks and gaped.
Tanaka smiled rather bashfully, but he lifted one hand to wave, as if there weren't even anything to smooth over.
And that was all the impetus Ennoshita needed. He started walking, then running full speed at Tanaka.
"Ennoshita?!" He was taken aback, eyes wide and kind of scared.
But Ennoshita smiled, determined, and kept at it.
Whether reflex or totally prepped for it, Tanaka opened his arms and stood his ground, though he couldn't help grunting under Ennoshita's weight when the latter literally leaped into his arms. He laughed, though. "And here I thought I'd be lucky if we crossed paths here aga—"
Ennoshita had to interrupt him, and interrupt the best way he could: He took Tanaka's face in his hands and kissed him, full on the lips and long enough so they both knew just what the action meant.
When they pulled apart, Tanaka's grip on Ennoshita's waist tightened, not letting him slip even a bit. Still, he gawked at the university student. "Wha—?! But—"
Ennoshita rested his forehead against Tanaka's as he nudged to be let down slowly. "I know," he confessed as they stood together, Tanaka's arms still wonderfully around him, "I'm smart, but even I say stupid things sometimes, Tanaka. I know I want someone trustworthy, but I hope you can trust me when I say I like you." They locked eyes, and Ennoshita's nose brushed Tanaka's as he smiled and continued, "A lot. And I want to date you. I want to be with you. Very. Much."
Tanaka snorted and grinned.
"What?"
"Ahh, Captain Ennoshita, making his mind up at last… Don't change," he breathed against Ennoshita's lips. "Just…be yourself. And be with me, too."
- ^-^3
I watch a lot of TV, so I watch a lot of commercials, too. When the ship week came around this year, the day four prompt of "college" I thought would be fun, but my main inspiration for this story comes from watching ads for dating websites. At least one or two users in a specific commercial mention how they wanted someone trusting—not trustworthy, but trusting. Being a logophile (and somewhat of a philologist), I found the word choice peculiar, and it got me thinking…and Tanaka explains my emotions on the topic clearly! But, anecdote aside, how Ennotana approached writing profiles and even being on a dating website was a lot of fun to contemplate, despite the rough time I had writing the story (more so than last year's entry, "Personal Garden"). Kinonari seem quite easy for me to write, esp when they're just being excellent friends for Ennoshita, but writing this longhand and then typing it up made me like the fic more—esp 2nd-yr trio hijinks! XD Bc c'mon, letting Kinoshita set up that account? My gods… I think my final thought is this is one of my favorite times I've written Tanaka? Not just for how Ennoshita describes the handsome boy, but for some personal reasons, too. c: Also—ANYONE WANNA JOIN THE KANOSAE SHIP WITH ME? If anyone's written them and I've missed it, then pls link me, bc I hadn't thought about this ship until I planned this story, and now I have a mighty need. Art, fics—I want it all. :3c Even if I have to make it myself… ;w;
Thanks for reading, and please review! As always, I have plenty of HQ! fics, esp Ennotana stories (even a gigantic universe centered around them, Birds of a Feather)! Plus I draw Ennotana and many other amazing ships and rarepairs on tumblr (le-amewzing)—so come by, check out some art, read some fics, and hit me up for requests or just asks in general!
-mew-tsubaki :D