Disclaimer: Bioware owns all, except this Shepard is mine.

First ever Fanfic. Please R/R.

The Broken Clock

It was a beautiful planet, too beautiful for the ugliness that had occurred on its stormy beachside. Years had passed since Shepard had experienced a proper rainstorm, reminiscent of the showers she enjoyed that seemed to cleanse the gutters on Earth. She would stand in the downpour, soaked to the bone while her companions would snicker and tease her. The fresh scent of a thunderstorm permeated the air, rather than the usual industrial waste. Billowing clouds of multiple hues hung above her. No one appreciated a yellow sky anymore.

A jolt rocked the Normandy as Shepard was moved from her reverie. Joker was working furiously, swearing under his breath as the Normandy sped away from the blast that had devoured Saren's research facility. Shepard steeled her resolve once more when Joker declared them clear, and headed aft toward her cabin to strip bare and cleanse herself of the grime that covered her.

The commander neatly placed her gear in her locker, passing by the console that Lt. Alenko always seemed to try to fix. It still had yet to function properly. He was not there, most likely still below, stowing his gear and double checking the damage to the Mako with Garrus. A wave of relief washed through Shepard. She was not ready to face him, not yet. Not until she had actually figured out what the repercussions of her decision would be. She groaned inwardly and continued toward her cabin.

With the scent of Alliance issued soap on her skin, Shepard stared blankly at the console screen in front of her. Her report to the council was already written, but she lacked the ability to send it, continuously re-reading it and picking it apart for any mistake. The loss of Williams was only one part of the report that bothered her. She had decided to wipe out the potential cure for the genophage along with all the Krogan in the breeding grounds. The council was going to love that. And then there was Sovereign, the ancient machine-organic hybrid intent on wiping out organic life. Shepard shook her head at the notion and wondered if she was going slightly crazy as the council claimed. The Reapers seemed a ludricous idea, but every fiber of her being vibrated with warning from the first vision on Eden Prime. She knew what she had to do, and held out hope that the council would agree. Shepard stabbed the button and sent the Virmire report.

The commander sat at her desk once again after the debriefing, mulling over Alliance troop and carrier movements. She had warned the council and they had actually agreed to increase security around the Citadel based on the Virmire report. Despite the fragile relationship she had with them, she was pleasantly surprised at the outcome. Apparently this broken clock is right more than two times a day, she thought smugly. Shepard stretched briefly and looked at her watch, surprised by how late it was. Coffee, or the Alliance's poor imitation of it, seemed like a good solution and she headed to the mess bringing a data pad with her for company.

As was her habit, Shepard glanced to her left as she exited her cabin. Alenko was at his usual post, still trying to improve performance on that damnable console. Shepard set her data pad down and approached him.

"I just wanted to see how you're dealing with Ash's death." The statement sounded completely inane to her ears, but Kaiden turned his attention to her, a smudge of dirt on his cheek. His answer was lost to her as their conversation was but background noise to the chaos in her head. Why did she really make the decision that she did? Yes, the nuke needed to be set, and yes, the facility needed to be destroyed, but why exactly did she choose Kaiden?

Her attention was drawn back to the moment at hand as the lieutenant waited expectantly for an answer to his question. "You deal and move on. Mourn them on your own time." Her voice was sharp, she hadn't meant to sound so callous, but it was an easy enough mistake given the predicament the crew of the Normandy was in. Alenko nodded and expressed his understanding, turning back to the console as if it demanded his utmost attention. Shepard gripped the fabric of her uniform in order to keep from pursuing the conversation further. Instead, she grabbed her data pad and marched to the mess.

The warm cup of coffee was a comfort as Shepard attempted to scan the data pad. Her mind wandered down a myriad of paths, all ending in one truth: you know the real reason you chose Alenko. Shepard denied her inner voice, justifying her choice that he was the more experienced officer, that she needed to make sure the nuke was properly deployed and set, that the Geth didn't disarm it and blow all their plans to hell, that he was closer and easier to reach, that fewer lives were lost by saving him and not her, that the Alliance had invested more time and money in him. Shepard sighed heavily and set down the data pad, finally giving up the pretense of attention.

You love him.

"You son of a bitch! Nobody stabs me in the back, Udina! Nobody." Shepard stalked purposely through the halls of the Citadel, having been unceremoniously dismissed from the council meeting. She headed straight for her cabin on the Normandy and pulled up information on every contact she could think of, including a reporter she had once helped out. Nobody, not even her most powerful contacts, could assist her now. Official channels were closed. She was grounded, and Captain Anderson was nowhere to be found. Shepard fumed with frustration and headed to her locker to pack her gear.

It was there, at her locker, when her resolve cracked. For months, she had been on edge, one goal in mind, and now right when she was so close, the Normandy was grounded. Shepard was stuck in the one place she didn't want to be, especially since the council had a huge hole in their defense plans the size of the Mu relay. She let her body slide down to the floor in frustration.

A pair of combat boots approached her, and Shepard only needed one guess to know it was Alenko. He stopped far enough away from her to be respectful, but closer than most subordinate officers would. "Don't tell me you're giving up now?" His voice was velvety smooth and contained a hint of sarcasm.

Shepard met his gaze and briefly contemplated an answer. She was unsure that she wanted to pursue this discussion because she didn't have a full plan in place. "Official channels are closed." She hated the sound of her own voice at that moment. She might have as well screamed I'm helpless!

Kaiden shook his head gently. "So you're just going to give up? That's not like you, Shepard."

He was goading her, she knew it, and it sparked a fire in her belly that was due more to other causes. "We may have lost the battle, but I intend to win the war."

"You have something in mind?" he said, en eyebrow raised. "Wait, of course you do. When don't you?"

Shepard smiled at him conspiratorially. A strong hand reached down to her and Shepard looked up into chocolate brown eyes. Kaiden had his usual stoic mask plastered on his face and only showed a hint of hesitation as he reached out. Shepard felt her moment of weakness pass into something more akin to embarrassment, or anticipation. Of course Kaiden would interrupt her pity party and force her to cowboy up. It had become something of an unspoken agreement between them.

He pulled her up faster than she expected and lost her footing throwing them both slightly off balance. Shepard felt the heat of his body as he inadvertently pulled her close to regain his own balance. The spark in her belly from earlier blazed and suffused her body in delicious warmth. She pulled Kaiden closer and leaned in ever so slightly without realizing what her body was actually doing. He smelled of earthen musk and fresh air after a thunderstorm, and she could taste his breath on her lips.

"Call coming in for you commander." Joker's voice cut through the silence on deck and Shepard and Kaiden parted surprisingly fast, leaving her briefly breathless.

"What is it Joker?" Her voice was calm despite the pounding in her chest, her body bereft of his warmth. She glanced in his direction and Kaiden rubbed his neck awkwardly, looking almost sheepish.

"It's Captain Anderson. He wants you to meet him in that club, Flux."

Shepard nodded, even though Joker was oblivious to the movement. "Tell him I'll meet him there shortly." She heard the comm go silent and looked to Kaiden. "Go get suited up. We're going to the club."