As the sun began setting over the mountains surrounding Velaris, casting a pink hue on the townhouses down our street, Mor came waltzing into the sitting room wearing her trademark red flowing skirts. Elain and I had been having a late tea and chatting about nothing in particular. I had just finished telling her about my hope of opening up a studio in Velaris, to paint and to teach others painting as well. It was nice, I supposed, to spend time with my older sister, no longer feeling the pressure to ensure her safety, nor the guilt I had felt until so recently about her new fae form.
"Hello, hello, Archeron sisters! I just wanted to let you know that we're all going to Rita's tonight, to celebrate our spectacular victory. I'm even forcing Amren to come, so no excuses!" Mor glanced around the room before adding, "Where's Nesta?"
"Hey Mor, sounds good to me. Nesta is still up in her room, she hasn't been down all day." I replied, glancing at Elain to see a similarly worried expression on her face.
"I've never seen her like this, I really think she's taking our father's death to heart. Perhaps I should go check on her, I'm not sure if she's eaten today..." Before Elain could stand to move toward the stairs that would take her to Nesta's room, I decided,
"No, Elain, you can go get ready for tonight, I'll go check on Nesta," I stood up with a firm nod of my head and walked over to the stairs, sharing a glance with Mor that had me pausing.
"Where are Rhys and the Illyrians? Still up at the House of Wind?" The three males had been in meetings all day, with their various legions and, in Azriel's case, spies. I had forgone the meetings this afternoon to spend time with Elain, making sure she was truly alright.
I quickly sent Rhys a silent question down the adamant bond in my mind, Are you coming home to me soon?
I got a deep laugh through the bond in return.
Soon, my darling, don't get impatient...
I sent him back a visual image of me rolling my eyes, before turning to Mor to find out where the males of our court really were. Particularly, the male who I had almost lost forever and who I never wanted to let out of my sight anymore.
Mor smirked at my pointed curiosity, and answered, "I think they're just about finished with their meeting. Cassian said they'd meet us down here in a few minutes, but knowing them, they could be another hour. Feel free to take your time with Nesta."
I sighed internally and began to make my way up the stairs in the front hall of my home, listening as Mor took the seat I had previously been occupying and began chatting Elain's ear off about something or other. Elain seemed pleasantly surprised to have Mor's company, so I let the pair of them be. I was to face a much more difficult task in confronting Nesta and her sullen demeanour.
I knocked on her closed door before entering the dark room, to find Nesta wearing her night clothes and lying, fully awake, in her bed. She looked for all the world like she planned never on leaving her room again, and part of my heart ached to see her in such a morose state. Ever since defeating Hybern, which, though it was just a week ago, felt like centuries past, Nesta had been withdrawn and nearly silent, only coming out of her room at my or Elain's insistence, only eating when we begged her to. It seemed that Nesta was taking the death of our father to heart, blaming herself for what was all truly the King of Hybern's fault.
"Hey Nesta, how are you feeling?" She didn't deign to reply, not even glancing at me as I spoke.
After a period of silence, I tried again. "We're going to Rita's tonight, its going to be really fun. I'd love for you to join us." I slowly walked toward the edge of her bed, before sitting on the end of it and waiting for her to answer.
Finally, she said quietly, "Go without me, Feyre, I'm certainly not in the mood for dancing."
"Oh, you don't have to dance, Cauldron knows I never do. Its fun to be with people though, I really believe you could use a change of scenery right now."
"I'm truly fine, I would like to be alone. Close the door on your way out." I sighed, knowing a lost cause when I saw one, and stood, heading for the door. As I neared it though, Nesta suddenly blurted,
"Will Cassian be there?" I smiled to myself, before schooling my face into one of kindness and turning back to face my sister.
"Sure, all of our friends are going. I'm sure everyone would love to see you there." Acting obtuse around the subject of Cassian was probably best, I had decided, as I still had not let on to Nesta that I knew about their mid-battle kiss just a week ago. Nesta seemed to be trying to decide whether to ask further about Cassian, and so I allowed her more information without the inevitable damage to her pride.
"Cassian is fully healed, by the way. He's feeling a lot better. Is there any reason why you ask?" Nesta only made a small noise of acknowledgement, but I decided to sit back down on her bed anyway.
Nesta looking like she has having an internal battle, deciding whether or not to let me in on a piece of information that, unbeknown to her, I was already aware of. Finally, she cracked.
"Feyre, something happened with Cassian and I. Now, normally I would speak to Elain, but I do not wish to burden her when she seems to be in such a healthy place. Besides, you know more on the topic of males anyway." That I did, though I'm sure Nesta intended it to be an insult. She and Elain still carried with them an entirely human sense of propriety, though it seemed that Elain was beginning to loosen up as she spent more time in Prythian with other fae. Nesta, however, held in her mind the antiquated idea that females and males should not express any sort of romantic notions to one another until they were happily married. Nesta had always disagreed with my rebellions of this nature, though she had mostly kept them to herself. I, for one, was fine with her keeping her comments to herself.
"What could have happened between you and Cassian, Nesta?" Playing stupid would be the only way to get any real information out of Nesta, it seemed. That was fine, I could play stupid if I had to. It was for my sister and her happiness after all, if my sneaking suspicion about her mating bond was correct.
"Well, a week ago, during that final battle, when Cassian and I confronted the King, we... shared a romantic moment."
I sighed. She was going to be difficult about this, I could already tell. "Did he kiss you, Nesta?" She had turned as bright red as Mor's dress, and didn't meet my eye as she nodded subtly.
"And now you're avoiding him, right?" Another nod. I had never once seen my older sister act this way, but it was apparent that she was quite out of her element. Elain may have been the kinder, sweeter sister, but I knew what to do in this situation. My own romantic troubles of past had taught me that much.
"You need to come to Rita's with us tonight, Nesta. I promise you, it's for the best. I can tell you have feelings for him, and anyone with a set of eyes could see that he feels strongly about you."
There was a long pause before she answered, looking completely uncomfortable with the topic of conversation.
"I just don't know what I want. I've never... been in this situation before. And what if he doesn't feel the same way that I do?"
I smiled to myself, and propped my feet up on her bed, getting comfortable.
"Nesta, you are no coward. You have proven that time and time again. You have faced down the King of Hybern, someone so powerful that High Lords shake when confronted by him. Beron could barely stand the thought of facing him, and you killed him. You are no coward, Nesta. But I know how scary this can be. When I realized my feelings for Rhys, I felt the same. It can be overwhelming, the fear that you might give your entire heart to someone, love them with everything you have, only to find that they do not return the sentiment. But I know you, and I know Cassian. I can tell that if you give him the chance, he will give you an eternity of love.
"Its frightening, and terrifying, and downright horrible to imagine loving someone who does not feel the same way, I know. But when you meet someone that you have that connection with... it makes all of the heartache and worry and fear worth it." I started tearing up, thinking of Rhys and all that we had endured so that we could find each other, so we could be together.
"I know what it is to love, and to be loved, with every fibre of your being. And because you're my sister, and I love you, Nesta, I can only encourage you to find your happiness, so that you might feel the same way that I do. So I insist that you come out with us tonight. You're no coward, Nesta, and you know well that it is time to confront this fear. So lets find you an outfit."
And with that, I stood up from her bed and went to her armoire, in the corner of the room by the window. The sun was still setting, though it was lower now than it had been during my tea. I opened the doors to find a litany of dresses, in mostly darker colours, and started sorting through them. I could tell Nesta was still watching me with wide eyes, as she had throughout my little speech, but I knew that I had gotten through to her.
Finally, I pulled out a dark red gown, conservatively cut, as Nesta would feel most comfortable in, but snug enough that it would make her curves apparent. Perfect.
I laid it on the bed beside where she sat, and told her,
"We'll be leaving in a half hour. I'm sure that will be enough time to get ready. I'll see you then." As I turned to leave, I was shocked to find Nesta barreling toward me, scooping me in for what was probably only the third hug I had ever received from her. Stunned, I stood there for a moment before wrapping my arms around her and returning the gesture.
"Thank you, Feyre. I know what needs to be done." Nesta smiled a bit as she said it, and I was touched at the kindness and gratitude apparent in her eyes. It seemed that though the war had taken its toll on all of my court, it had also softened the cold outer shell of Nesta's heart.
She pulled away at last, and went to her bathing room to prepare. I smiled to myself as I left, feeling much lighter than I had before the exchange had occurred.