Summary: Bella Swan, lost her best friend, and the love of her life. She tries to cope with it, and come to terms that he has actually died, but her heart doesn't let her. At the edge of hope she is alone and she doesn't know what to do. And as a famous and successful businesswomen as well as the author of 4 successful books, she is living her new life, until one day. After 8 years, something happens to make her blood run cold,run in terror;shock and making her wish it was only a dream. But its not, and she has to face it even though, she doesn't want to. Why? Because she is afraid, and angry. Will she let the man that broke her heart many years ago, explain the reasons behind it and will Bella be believing him? Or will she laugh at his face, for having such an unbelievable and absurd reason involving a myth?

Read and find out.

Edward: I think you must tell your amazing readers some shocking news.

Me: Like what? *acts innocent*

Edward: You know what it is. *wiggles his eyebrows*

Me: *Dazzled by Edward, start to repeat what he says*

Edward: I don't own Twilight. And Edward is so good in bed.

He He! :)

I'd never lived
Before your love
I'd never felt
Before your touch
And I'd never needed anyone
To make me feel alive
But then again,
I wasn't really livin'
I'd never lived
Before your love

Before your love by Kelly Clarkson

18 November 2003 - 4: 30pm

Love can be difficult. Love can be happiness. Love can be finding the one, that completes you. Love can be irrevocable or forbidden. But most of all. Love is painful. Love is a drug, that once you become addicted to it, it can kill you. Love is the biggest regret, mistake people make. Every time. No one learns from their mistake because they are blinded by the flow of strong emotions, as if there was water flowing through them instead of blood.

I am one of those people.

And now look at me. I wish I could open up my heart, and show you the holes that keep growing bigger and bigger by the minute; which you will scream in pain and run never looking back. The holes that were coasted by him. My poor heart is bleeding. Crying. Missing him. The boy that I thought would be with me forever. He left this world, toward the sky. His soul must have vaporized from his body, leaving no trace of him on Earth. Making me hate the person who was responsible for his heart to stop beating. For the curse: life. Life that no more had any meaning...

The news came to me as soon as I woke up. Just last night, I had felt- No. I had anticipated for something bad to happen. And it did. Someone who shared the same life as me left me all alone. Longing me for his touch, for his strong;comforting arms to take me in. Longing me to want to feel his warm, soft lips meet mine, and move in synchronization. Longing me for the talks we would/could have had, for nights, with our souls pouring in front of us as we spoke.

I didn't believe it.

I couldn't.

I wouldn't.

How can things go worse than they already were? How could just in couple of hours my heart would feel as if it never had beaten? As the words poured from my fathers mouth, I couldn't keep up to follow them. It was as if the time had slowed down. It was as if, the world was just quite for a couple of seconds, for the respect for another soul to disappear into Heaven. My fathers lips moved but I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't listen. And as much as I tried, restraining my ears to listen to the voice of my father, I couldn't. The loneliness finally drank me in. The darkness finally, caught up with me in the marathon, and wrapped its arms around me. Strapping me into place. Paralyzing me not to move. Or to speak. Or to see. Or to hear...

I ask you? How can I deal with two deaths?Huh? Both the people I most needed, cared and loved, in this goddamn world was gone. Just like a blink of an eye. Just like a click of a finger. This world, isn't fair. The world that man-kind created. Not created. Destroyed. With hate, deaths, with arrogance, selfishness, vain, power, money, mistakes, revenge, wrong choices...I am not saying I'm not one of them. Because no one is perfect. No one is pure. No one is without a sin. But he was different...

He was innocent, unselfish, modest, kind, sweet-heart, loving, caring, passionate, determined, polite and very very stubborn. But most of all his heart was pure. Away from hate, revenge, kin, grudge. He was my guardian angel. He only wanted to save lives, help the innocent or the guilty, he just wanted to give people second chances to live, make their hearts continue to beat. That's why he wanted to be a doctor. He had the passion, the excitement, the ambition. I could see it, hear it every time he spoke in his soft velvet voice. It was like hearing silk, while you run your hand through it. But now...I would look at the pictures, remember the memories, fantasize him kissing my cheek, imagine him talking to me, replay his touch in my mind, just to keep his memory alive. Keep him alive.

I was staring into space, while I felt a hand on my chin. I didn't have the energy, the strength to turn my head. I felt like I was drowning in deep waters, with a rock tied to my feet. It was difficult to breath, to concentrate and I felt panicked. But the hand slowly twisted my face toward the right. It was my father. He had fresh tears in his eyes, and few were now slipping down his strong jaw. His usual dark brown eyes, were now full of pain, concern, loss. It was distant, too. It was as if he was remembering something else, he was at a different time but only his body was the proof of reality. I knew what he was thinking about. He was also remembering his loss. The love of his life, his companion through the sad and the good time; through difficult times. I could sense that he was using all his power to keep control of his body, mind, his emotions. I knew the pain in his eyes were of an image. The image of a beautiful woman.

A woman with long brown hair, deep and ocean blue eyes, with Caucasian skin, and dimples on her cheeks. Her delicate eyebrows rarely knotted together, and it usually happened when she was worried. When she smiled, it was as if her soul brightened and a white bright aura covered her body.

Her smiles were always welcoming and genuine. She was tall and statuesque, with elegance, like a model. My father was in love with her. He always saw her as beautiful as how a goddess could have been. Every time when her name would slip out of my mouth, my father would just smile, and take long walks. That's why we don't talk too much about her. If we did, then I would be alone all the time. I know what he is doing in those long walks and it hurts me know that I caused it. He goes and visits the places where my father and mother both visited while she was alive and well. He cries under the apple tree in the forest where they shared their first kiss. I follwed him for a while but guilt took over me. He had the right to be alone, and protecting his own privacy. I also know these because my father always speaks when he's sleeping. He always dreams about her, and that I am the reason that he is still alive. If my father didn't feel that he was responsible to look and care for me, he would have already been gone right after my mother. My parents were unconditionally in love with each other, you see. They always joked that death would only tear them apart. Now, however, fate was joking with my father. They were like teenage lovers:flirting, always touching, talking, wanting each others company. It was the relationship that had feelings, emotions that reached its full extents. My father never got past her dearest companions death. I sometimes hear him remind himself that his wife will not be joining him,forever, just before he goes to sleep. He mumbles a low tune, of the song that was on when they first met. Now, looking at my father, made me feel selfish. I had no right to hurt him, no matter how much pain I was in. He was already still hurting, and I was as usual making him feel everything all over again. Tears poured down his soft cheeks, and he had a painful, shocked but calm expression. I closed my eyes, and rested my head on his chest. I could feel his weak heart beating hard against his ribs. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight.

"I'm here for you, as I'll always be." he spoke in almost a whisper, with a soothing voice. He was calm but I still could sense sadness in his voice. He continued to speak but all I wanted was to close my eyes and wake up from this nightmare. "This is a promise I made to your mother. To protect you and move on with my life. This promise is the only thing that is keeping me to move forward. Its hard but I cannot do anything else but to obey it." he stopped abruptly to take in a deep breath and I knew he was trying to control his emotions. "I'm sure he wanted you to look after yourself and your family. I am almost 100% sure, that he would tell you to move on, and continue to live your life."

"Why?" I said, my voice hoarse. My voice felt like if some total stranger was speaking. It didn't sound like my usual cheerful and happy voice. It sounded as if a person who's heart stopped beating many years ago, and was now just wandering around like a ghost, without any purpose.

"Because my dear child, everyone's past is too painful, and everyone is too afraid to live and feel again. The easiest way for them is to forget. This is also the most selfish act." my father kissed the top of my head and ran his fingers through my hair. "Its sometimes...sometimes...too painful to look into your eyes. It's like I am looking into your are so many similarities between you two its bizarre. But the biggest difference is that you are emotionally stronger. She was not weak, but she always made small things get to her. But you don't." he took in a deep breath. I didn't know what to say or feel. It was if I was frozen for many years in a box and now when they took me out into the 21st century, everything seems so different and scary. I wanted to talk to someone. And my father was the only person left that could understand.

"Why?"I repeated, again. "Why him?" I spoke as if I was a robot. My tone was dark and hard. I must have sounded cold and emotionless.

"We cannot act as God, and choose who dies or lives, or ask for an explanation of God's work. It is not right for us to believe that instead of the someone we care about not to die but instead someone else. That would be selfish and it would show we have no humanity." he spoke slowly, emphasizing each word carefully. He wanted me to desperately gasp his point but the more he spoke, the more the reality started hitting me. He sighed. "I always asked the same question to myself when I lost your mother, and to be honest, I still do. I always ask, If there was something I could have done, to save her. Always." his words shot deep to my heart like bullets. He was sad. I was sad. And now we both had each other to hold on to. As much as the tears in his eyes, were pouring down his cheeks, I didn't cry. Nor did I want to.

"Why now? Why me? What did I do to deserve to be unhappy? Why is life playing with me?" I spat the questions as fast as I can. I wanted to get my hands on fates throat and kill it. Make it pay back for taking my happiness away and making me lose the meaning of living;to life. I wanted to cause pain, to make it taste its own medicine. But it was impossible. Fate wasn't a person. It was just one of the elements of reality.

"You can hate life as much as you want or blame someone to ease the pain in your heart, but it still won't bring them back Bella. It still won't bring them back!" he said, and I felt him shake his head. "Trust me. At nights I miss your mother deeply but I haven't given up on life. For one there is you. My life is yours and I would use all my power to protect you. And second, your mothers last promise is as important to me as to hearing your heart beat. All we can do is still love them like the first and never forget them. Even if that seems to be the easy way out." he said and fell into silence. I slowly unwrapped myself out of his strong hold and looked into his eyes. Tears were still pouring like rain down his cheeks and he had a smile on his face but it didn't reach his eyes. I swept the tears away from his wet cheeks and held his face in my hands.

"I understand." was all I said and it seemed to be the perfect response, because I finally did understand. I did understand why I would find my father staring at my mothers pictures in the mantel. I understood why he preferred to sleep on the couch rather than his empty bed. I understood why he took long walks to remember his memories of my mother and I finally realized as how much as he wished to remember of her he always avoided going to those places with me. I was a reminder and he was too afraid to relive those moments. I finally understood why he looked so hurt and lost whenever he saw me with another male. He was too afraid to die again, to lose me, to break his promise to my mother. I finally understood why he always felt awkward when he needed to comfort me or when he touched me. Loss hurt him so much and I was hurting him more.

"I'm so sorry." he said and kissed the top of my head. He held himself there for a minute and sat back down on my bed opposite me.

"How did it happen?" I asked. I wanted answers. I wanted to show myself that this wasn't a dream.

A/N: Hey everyone, this is my story. It may seem a bit dull or boring, but trust me, there is loads to come, with drama, humor, friendships and family.

Plus, please review and add comments as much as you like!

Bye for now!

Edward: *rudely interrupts* They can ask question, right?

Me: Yep! Absolutely.

Edward: And can kiss me, or dream about me?

Me: *gasps* Most definitely NOT! You're mine!