Disclaimer : I own nothing of Saiyuki.
Title : Lesson For Sanzo.
It is raining cats and dogs. The Sanzo-ikkou is staying the night at an inn situated near a bushy forest. In a room, Sanzo is sitting on the windowsill as he looks at the rains through the windowglass. The splitter and splatter of rains are like a deafening music to his ears since they're the only sound in the room. Goku has been sleeping a little while before the rain starts since they have fought quite an enormous group of youkai this evening. Sanzo looks at the saru, he curses, he wishes he can sleep like his charge too, undisturb.
Suddenly, he senses evil vibes directed to him. As he retreats from the window to wake the saru up, the windows are broken by an ambushing group of youkai. Goku is instantly alarmed and gets on his feet. He stays back to back with Sanzo. In the other room, sounds of metals clashing and blasts are heard. With a cry, Goku lunges forwards, summoning his staff and whacks the youkai on their heads deadly. Sanzo stays in his position as he shoots five youkai, reloads and shoots again. The partner sync themselves, Goku protects Sanzo when the monk needs to reload the banishing gun while Sanzo protects the saru when youkai attack the already occupied saru.
The fight goes on well, a lot of youkai are killed and vitally wounded but the problem arises when the last five youkai are left. Seeing the cooperation worked between the monk and the saru, the youkai think of a plan which will either wounded the blonde or the brunette. And hopefully, a vital and deadly one. Agreeing to this newly-build plan, the three youkai attack Sanzo from the front, right and left together while the remaining two youkai attack the monk from behind. Sanzo manages to shoot four of the youkai, but one of the youkai from his back has jumped up high in the air and throws dusts blinding his eyes.
Goku sees all of this happening. He stays at the side only because his guardian will be mad if he tries to save him, so if anything out of control happens, only then will he puts himself on action. Just like right now. He lunges forwards and slips between Sanzo and the youkai as the youkai lands on the floor loudly. The youkai uses all of his strength to strike towards Goku. Easily, Goku summons his Nyoi-bo and blocks the blow, unfortunately, because of the rain which has been sprayed into the room, the saru's staff is now slicked with rainwater.
The youkai's sword slips from Goku's Nyoi-bo and wounds the saru's chest not so deeply due to the already restrained momentum earlier. Goku cringes in pain but he stays on his feet, he punches and kicks the youkai out of the room, leaving it dead on the ground. Goku staggers towards Sanzo and crouches in front of the crouching monk. Sanzo's eyes finally cleared from the youkai's dusts. The first thing that he sees as soon as his sight returns is a bloodied Goku worrying over him. He smiles at the sight but then he feels mad, the saru's chest is wounded, the bloods although not flowing as much, still, a blood loss is a blood loss. That, is a bad thing.
Just as he wants to whack his charge on the head for not calling for Hakkai, the healer and Gojyo bursts into the room. Hakkai, being the keen person he is immediately spots Goku's bleeding chest. He rushes towards the saru, puts the saru laying on the bed and heals him. After being cured, Goku quickly scrambles to Sanzo, frantically asking whether his charge is okay or not. But this, is a bad move no matter how pure his intentions are. Yes, they're clearly shown in his eyes, written on his face and acted by his body, but still, this is a rainy night.
Sanzo is mad for the youkai that attacks his saru, he is saddened by the memories of his master, he is terrified as he imagines his saru dies in his arms because of protecting him, and it scares the shit out of him when he thinks that someday HE will be the reason his charge dies... because he is too weak. Sanzo is snapped out of his trance when Goku tugs at his robe. Rage instantly fills him when he thinks that if Goku hadn't been calling him from the mountain, these things will not happen. He slaps the saru hard on the cheek! Goku stops.
Hakkai and Gojyo are shocked. Sanzo's eyes soften and are filled with regret when he sees the saru's watering golden-eyes, but then he remembers how many times has he been defeated because of that look. His control vanishes. He raises his hand to slap the saru again, but Gojyo catches him and Hakkai pulls Goku out of his reach. He seethes hotly towards them before he glares daggers at Goku. Goku shrinks in Hakkai's arms. Then, Sanzo yanks his hand from the kappa before he stomps outside. Goku makes sure that the monk is out of his range before he cries.
Hakkai tries to soothe the boy but he and Gojyo know that nothing can be done if it's concerning Sanzo. To Goku, ony Sanzo's words are needed and only Sanzo's touches are all he wanted. However, that doesn't stop the couple from coaxing the wailing saru. Gojyo says that the monk is in a bad mood because of the rains while Hakkai seconded and reasoned it. Goku knows his friends are just trying to help him but no matter what, he can't just ignore his sorrow, his cheek is still hurting and throbbing. He finally falls asleep when he has no energy to cry anymore.
Hakkai and Gojyo places the saru on the bed and wait beside him before they retreat to their own room, silently praying that their tomorrow will not be as awkward as they think it should. Sanzo, in the other room is having quite a headache as he listens to Goku's inner anguish cries, he curses the inability to block the saru from invading his mind so obnoxiously. After a little while in the middle of midnight, Goku's voice in his mind finally subsides enabling him to get some sleep.
The next morning, everything looks like usual. Gojyo and Goku bicker during breakfast, Sanzo yells at them and Hakkai tries to calm the monk while Hakuryuu eats the food that the saru and the kappa fight for, successfully silencing the bickering pair. However, if you know them well enough, you can sense something off from the group; the absence of Sanzo's harisen and gun, the dark glints in Hakkai's eyes, the lack of energy in Goku's grin and Gojyo's loss of playful taunt for Sanzo. In brief, these mean only one thing; trouble.
Looking from her throne, Kanzeon Bossatsu, our playful Merciful Goddess shakes her head in disbelief at the way her nephew, Konzen aka Sanzo treats Goku. She never thought that the blonde can be so violent and mean. Fortunately, Sanzo doesn't spouts nonsense when he slaps Goku or the boy will be hurted double and even triple more. Kannon decides that she has to do something to teach her nephew, something that will make her blonde nephew appreciates his partner moreso his charge more. But, it must looks like an accident or the sharp-mind blonde will realizes her plan and the effects will be gone.
The Sanzo-ikkou is driving through the bumpy and rocky mountain. The thumps that they suffered from time to time make each of the member of Sanzo-party more angry or annoyed. The atmosphere is so dull. Suddenly, a quite large stone appears out of nowhere, Hakkai has no time to swivel the jeep from the stone's path. The jeep jumps suddenly as it hits the stone, everyone manages to grab parts of the jeep but Goku who is spacing out doesn't have so much time to snap out of his trance and saves himself. He is thrown out off the jeep.
His head bumps into the ground hard, causing a little bleeding at the back of his head. As soon as the jeep is stopped, Hakkai and Gojyo quickly run towards Goku. Hakkai heals the small wound but Goku is still unconscious, probably from the large shock to his brain from colliding with the ground. Sanzo is sitting unmoving on his seat, making Hakkai frowns and Gojyo almost lashes out if not for the healer who stops him. They ride the jeep back and soon find a village. Sanzo takes a room to himself while Hakkai and Gojyo take a room to share with Goku.
That middle of the night, Goku wakes up and feels a harsh pain on the back of his head, he instinctively rubs the hurting spot gently. He then starts to recollect his memory together. He rememebers they were driving through a really annoying bumpy mountain-path. If he can, he wants to scream and shout curses at the god for putting him in that situation but he knows that will make his friends worried, so he just spaces out. Then, he remembers his head hit something sharp as he was thrown out of the jeep so suddenly. Lastly, he remembers Hakkai and Gojyo calling out for him but... at this one specific memory, Goku cries his heart out, muffled by the pillow. He remembers Sanzo... the monk didn't show any concern at all at that time. He is his charge, damnit! How can he be so cold-hearted!
Soon, morning comes. They travel like usual to the West. Before they can arrive at a village, they have their usual demon attack. Hakkai and Gojyo are fighting like usual winning over a lot of youkai. Goku too, even if he is distracted this morning he has made a determined solution to talk with the monk later so he has his full attention on the battle. However, Sanzo is way beyond distracted, he is spacing out! He is feeling too guilty for what he has done to his charge and is feeling very angry at himself for having so much useless pride and becomes a coward as to avoid himself from confronting Goku and apologizes.
Sanzo's shooting hand is moving because of his everyday reflex not because of his mind which is entirely working its way to build a solution for his current problem with his charge. He needs his charge more than his master and that means something! He doesn't realize the youkai is fastly closing on him and that he has ran out of bullets. Slash! Sanzo snaps out of his trance as pain explodes in every nerves of his body. He barely muffles a scream as he bits down his bottom lip until it bleeds. He slumps to the ground as he pants and slowly driven out of his consciousness. He barely hears Goku's scream before he blacks out.
Goku stays near Sanzo all along the three days the monk is in comatose state. However, he doesn't really abandon his own health. He eats his meals although lesser than usual, he also sleeps when he is tired and he bathes instead of staying dirty. So there, he's good, unlike Sanzo. The monk has been having nightmares for the past three days and he always needs Goku to calm the monk. Not Hakkai's coaxing words, not Gojyo's shouting, but Goku's worried voice and gentle touches. That's the reason why the saru looks as though he has been lacking in sleep, he doesn't, it's because he's too worried for his guardian.
Goku changes the dry cloth on Sanzo's forehead with a wet one. The monk's fever has subsided considerably a lot. It is afternoon when Sanzo is awaken by Goku's soft snores. The monk is very touched at the saru for caring and nursing him eventhough he has treated the saru completely bad last time. He ruffles the saru's hair gently, feeling every strands' texture on his calloused palm and fingers. He is highly overjoyed when the saru leans into his touch and murmurs his name. And he is even more than happy moreso glad when the next thing happens.
Goku has been woken up by his guardian's touches, he wants to jump in joy but he is too tired that moment. So, when he cracks his eyes open and gazes into the amethyst set of his guardian's, he smiles full of care before he rests his head on the monk's legs. He can tell that his guardian is happy with his action when he hears the slight hitches of Sanzo's nervous breath. He looks at his guardian and grins sleepily before he closes his eyes. He just stays there contentedly. Sanzo replies the caring gesture as he ruffles the saru's brilliant brown hair and says affectionately, "Bakasaru."
Goku doesn't care how uncomfortably warm Sanzo is right now, all he wants to do is to assure his guardian to accept him again and lives their life just like before. Sanzo smiles softly as he rests his head against the bedhead, breathing in the earthly smell of the saru. Oh! How he misses the scent of his charge, how he misses the feeling of his charge's caring gestures, how he misses the warmth his charge provides for him and shit, he misses every single things about his charge. He knows that he loves the saru like his own son, but the fact will be kept a secret for now. He wants to apologize to his saru right then and there, but when he looks down and takes in the slightly disheveled look of his charge, his lips stopped.
Later that night, Goku wakes up to find the monk no longer on the bed. He rubs his eyes tiredly before he walks into the kitchen, thinking that his guardian might feel hungry when he woke up. Typical, but nonetheless Goku's premonition is true. He finds the monk at the table, a cleaned plate and half-filled cup is in front of him as he smokes heavenly. Goku laughs amused, breaking the silence and catching the monk's attention. Goku walks towards his guardian hoping that their earlier comfortable encounter has solved their problem.
He is even convinced that it HAS been dealed with when Sanzo suddenly lunges forwards for a firm hug. Sanzo pours all of his feelings, need, grief and anger into that one final hug making the saru limps in his arms by the swarm of emotions revealed. Sanzo tightens his grip slightly to steady the saru, he breaks the hug and ruffles the saru's wild hair for the last time. Yes, last! Pushing away the saru gently, he turns around and with a composed voice he says, "Let's stay away from each other!" Goku is stunned, "Wha-" Sanzo cuts him off as he defiantly says again, "I said let's stay away from each other! It's for the better!"
Sanzo walks towards the stairs and stops at the first step as he whispers, "I'm sorry, Goku." Then he disappears into his room. Goku stands still at the kitchen shocked beyond belief. As he finally accepts what has just happened, he slowly brings his hand and grips his hair, tears run down his cheeks unstoppably, as a damn of sadness is broken. He can almost practically hears his heart shatters to pieces as he replays the 'stay away' word again and again. He solemnly walks to his shared room with Sanzo.
The next morning, Sanzo, Hakkai and Gojyo are terrified when their youngest member has fallen down the stairs from the top during their breakfast time. Hakkai and Gojyo quickly run to the saru's side as Sanzo languidly follows them from behind. He is not terrified, the word is putting way too lightly of what he's feeling right now. He knows that the happening occurs due to his action last night. He has thought that his decision is the best for both, since he's always making the right choice even when he's in a pinch.
Unfortunately, he is wrong when he thinks that the way he acts in a fight with youkai is the same with the way he has to deal with his charge. And that is visually proven by the unwanted incidence. At that critical moment, as he runs into the clinic behind his companions who one is carrying the saru, he makes a mental note not to leave Goku's side. Never again, even when in the worst moment. NEVER AGAIN! He waits impatiently outside of the operating room, since Goku's brain has received too much shock this time that Hakkai thinks it's better that they let the professional does his job.
Hakkai and Gojyo have demanded an explanation from him as they know something terrible must has happened the night before, looking at the guilty and shadowed expression on Sanzo's face. Reluctantly, the monk tells the pair about his non-brilliant decision after he loses any way to avoid the question. Gojyo almost strangles him if not for the always calm Hakkai who controls the situation. He then embarrassedly tells the pair that he thought that the saru will be better off with someone other than him since he thinks he makes a bad influence in Goku's state.
Hakkai reasons that Goku chooses to be in the state and that if the situation is reversed, he doubts that Sanzo will not do the same, probably more. Gojyo also gives a good and comforting explanation, that this is how families are, they care for each other; when one is sick the other will not really be healthy, when one is sad the other will not likely be happy, when one is depressed the other will try to cheer him up and when one is hurt the other will also share the pain inwardly and tries to become the cure. To easily conclude, the relationship between father and son are like a yin and yang concept.
Hakkai and Sanzo are amazed at how the almost perfect explanation can flows freely from the kappa's mouth. They gaze to the kappa unblinkingly making the redhead blushes red and stomps away in embarrassment. Hakkai chuckles before he excuses himself and follows his lover. Sanzo makes another mental note to thank the pair when he meets them later. True, it's not in his nature to appreciate anything but it's not too late for a change. Besides, he has to be a better father figure to Goku, so, he will start from the smallest thing first.
Sanzo waits by the bed, waiting for his charge to wake up already. He has been worried as hell when the doctor said that the saru may lost some memory due to excessive force on his brain. The doctor said that he can brings the saru to the inn, so he did, but he has to stay by his side since patients that suffer from memory lost will likely have an intense nightmare before they woke up. And so, here Sanzo is, waiting for the nightmare to occur, at least it indicates that the saru is regaining his consciousness instead of staying comatosed like this.
Finally, Sanzo sighs when the night is too late. He climbs onto the bed and wraps himself around Goku in a protective and loving manner. He drifts off into an uneventful sleep. He doesn't know that tomorrow he'll be shocked and that his life will changes for the worst.
The next morning, Sanzo is awakened by the soft whimpers by his side, he instantly sits up and softly calls for his charge. "Goku...Goku...Goku..." Goku squints his eyes before he opens them slowly, adjusting his sight with the morning light, he finally takes in Sanzo's features. He looks unblinkingly at the monk making the monk nervous, what if the saru hates him now? But then, he has made a vow not to leave the saru's side no matter how bad the situation is.
After a few minutes more, Sanzo speaks up, "Goku, are you okay?" The saru looks confusedly at him, there's no glint of recognition in his eyes. Goku nods before he asks the monk nervously, "Ummm~ Yeah, I'm okay but who are you? Are you friend of Hakkai and Gojyo?" Sanzo's heart drops at the question, his face is finely solemn. He tries so hard not to cries, the only time he did was when his master died and he vows to never again cry. However, he isn't really sure whether he can keep his vow or not right now.
Goku sees this and his heart throbs, he doesn't know why but he wants to make the man happy again and he somehow feels something breaks in his heart at the frail sight of the blond. He frantically finds a solution in his mind. Somehow, something pops up in his mind and he blurts it out so smoothly almost as though he has done it before so many times. "You're like... the sun," he widens his eyes. Realizing how absurd and weird his compliment is, he quickly covers his mouth. But, he doesn't apologize as he somehow feels that what he said is the best thing he should have said.
Sanzo freezes as he the saru says the magic praise. It was the compliment that his charge always says whenever they are together or when he feels sad or stressed. He lits up a bit as it seems that the saru isn't completely forgetting him, only a temporary case. Soon, this will pass on and they'll be like before, happy and content... hopefully. Just then, the healer and the kappa come in with bags of foods and some herbal medicines. Goku cheerfully greets the couple making Sanzo jealous. The monk stomps away from the trio into another room.
"What's wrong with him?" asks Gojyo distastely. Hakkai smiles, "Maybe he doesn't like the fact that we've spent a load of money on these things." Gojyo huffs in annoyance and is about to reply the healer when Goku cuts him off, "Hakkai, who's that man? Is he your friend? He's a grumpy one, I'd say." Hakkai and Gojyo are shocked, so that's why the monk has been more gloomy than usual. Akwardly, Hakkai explains everything, from the moment Sanzo found Goku till yesterday's event.
With that, the coming days are spent colourfully for Goku, Hakkai and Gojyo. Unfortunately, that's not the case for the monk. Sanzo has been quite depressed for a while now, since he has been lacking with Goku's presence. The saru has been closer to Hakkai and Gojyo, he said that the monk is dull, he hates dull person so he always pays more attention to Hakkai and Gojyo. This has caused the monk to suffer from loneliness and depression. Worst, the monk can't hear the saru's voice in his mind anymore. He misses Goku's pestering.
Finally, one day while looking at the moon, Sanzo breaks down. His eyes go lifeless as he continues to gaze at the moon emptily. Outside, Goku is picking flowers for Hakkai and Gojyo when his memories come flooding his brain again. He feels terrible for forgetting Sanzo, he quickly abandons the flowers in his grasp as he runs into Sanzo's room. There, he sees the dead-looking monk stays rigidly on the windowsill. His heart throbs.
Sanzo is shocked out of his trance and self-hated mode when he feels that he has been hugged by the one he has been longing for. His eyes are regaining the life back. He fights from crying over the joyous moment. He hugs back the saru gently and puts his head on the top of the saru's head. Goku keeps apologizing again and again making Sanzo annoyed albeit happy. The monk takes the simplest solution, he ruffles the saru's hair effectively silencing the saru. Goku sighs in relief. Looking at the slightly disheveled look of Sanzo, Goku leads the monk to the bed and forces the monk to sleep.
Sanzo doesn't relent as he does feel sleepy after all the stress he had during the absence of Goku's memories. So, he falls asleep almost as soon as his head touches the pillow. Goku waits for about half an hour before he stands up to retreat into another room. However, he manages to look at the twitching fingers of the monk when he takes his first step backwards. He knows that the monk unconsciously wants him to stay by the side, so he takes a futon and a pillow as well as blanket and sets them on the floor near the bed.
The next morning, Goku finds himself on the bed, being wrapped in Sanzo's arms protectively. He moves a little into a more comfortable position, but that triggers Sanzo to tighten his hand more. He chuckles, he never knows that his guardian can be such a scaredy-monk when it involves him. But then, family does make people fragile afterall. Goku holds the hands that are wounding his waist protectively and pets them gently, reassuring the unconscious monk that he'll stay by his side forever. Sanzo opens his eyes and longingly gazes into the bright topaz of his charge's. He mutters, "Bakasaru," softly before he tries to sleep again. Unfortunately, the saru's stomach make a food call.
Goku grins sheepishly before he sits up and gets ready, followed by the monk. That morning, they have a very calming breakfast after quite a long while. From that day on, Sanzo has been more careful with his words towards Goku as he doesn't want to repeat the same thing again. He resents the happening. Therefore, he has been taught by Hakkai -very grudgingly- on how to take a little time before he speaks up with Goku.