DROP DEAD, GORGEOUS

Genre – Drama/Humor/Erotica/Romance

Style – AU

Rating – M (for now)

Main Pairings – Undecided (you're not supposed to know yet – it's a surprise!... or maybe a vote.)

Summary – Naruto buys a one-way ticket to Japan in the hopes of beginning a new life with the help of Sakura, a long-time pen friend. He ends up trapped in a hurricane of lust, jealousy, love, danger and secrets.

WARNING!

Rating will go up in future chapters, but it will take a while for things to get steamy. Warnings for the story so far are: swearing, female Sasuke, het/yuri/yaoi/bi, love triangles (more like a major love hexagon), (possible) Incest, drop dead gorgeous Uchiha siblings, lots and lots of drama. You have been warned.

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Chapter Pairings – (slight) NaruSaku, (Slight/one-sided) SakuSasu

Chapter Warnings – Swearing, (slight) Yuri

Chapter Rating – M

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Sakura was used to being exhausted. At least, that's what she told herself as she dragged her tired body into a cafe and over to a table. She mumbled her order to the waitress, praying she wouldn't pass out before got home.

After making sure she wasn't a zombie, the waitress went to get her coffee, nearly colliding with a tall blond that had just burst through the door.

Sakura groaned, her headache increasing as the blond loudly apologized and took a seat at the table right in front of her. She glared at him, but flinched when he responded with a bright smile that made her realize just how handsome he was.

He was very tall. He towered over the rest of the people in the café, some who were openly gawking at him. He was also very muscular, his arms were ripped and she could see hints of an unfinished tattoo sleeve peeking out under his hideous tie-dye t-shirt. His light blond hair was thick with natural highlights and in a messy haircut. He was tanned which betrayed the fact that he either lived somewhere sunny or spent a lot of time travelling to warm places. But the most eye-catching feature of the guy was his face. His eyes were bright blue and almond-shaped, and his cheekbones were high, which told her that he wasn't entirely Caucasian. And that smile of his could cure world hunger.

Her heart skipped a beat when he aimed it at her after he was done chatting up the waitress. She frowned at him as he walked to her table and sat opposite her. She wondered momentarily if this was a prank. Despite her best efforts to freshen up a bit before meeting her friend, she still looked like hell after a tough day at work. She glared suspiciously at him.

"Rough day?" He asked in perfect Japanese with a sympathetic smile. "Sorry 'bout that. I didn't mean to bother you or anything."

Sakura simply nodded, stunned at how her negativity had seemingly bounced off of him. Maybe the guy really did like her. She became a little hopeful. Maybe he was trying to flirt with her.

"I'm actually looking for a friend. We're supposed to meet up, but I don't know what she looks like so I thought you-"

Sakura blinked at him. "Naruto?"

The blond paused before replying with, "Sakura?! So it is you. For a second I thought I had the wrong person. I remember you saying in one of your e-mails that you had dyed your hair pink, but when you didn't recognize my voice I got worried that I'd made a mistake."

The hot blonde's name was Uzumaki Naruto. They became pen friends during Sakura's last year in college. It had been part of some social experiment. The students had to draw a piece of paper on which a random country would be written. At first, she had been extremely disappointed when she had gotten The Netherlands. She had been convinced she would end up with some middle-aged pervert looking for a mail-order bride and since pictures weren't allowed it made her even more uncertain, but it turned out she had been the luckiest in her class.

Naruto was a photojournalist born in the Netherlands. His mother was half Irish, half Spanish and his father was Brazilian. A nature and animal enthusiast with a love for travel and exotic food, he had started out as an amateur, taking pictures of the modest wildlife in Dutch water areas. His e-mails had been very detailed and she could still remember how much she looked forward to him describing all the places he'd been to and the people he had met. He would often compare them to animals he'd seen.

According to him, Sakura was a sugar glider – highly social (her popularity at school), it was nocturnal and highly active at night (a nod to her clubbing habits), it had a surprisingly strong bite (she was stronger than she looked) and it could glide across the length of a football field (symbolizing her decision to break free from her tiger-mom and pursue a career in fashion photography). Naruto was the one who had encouraged her from the moment he told her.

Sakura had always imagined him as a feral horse. A proud stallion prancing and running freely throughout a grassy plain with a magnificent mane and chestnut coat. In all honesty, she had always harbored a secret attraction towards him and his adventurous lifestyle. Naruto had managed to turn his hobby into his job, his passion and talent with wildlife giving him great success.

Unlike Sakura. All she had accomplished since quitting medical school was getting into trouble. Embarrassed by her lack achievements, she had ended up telling him that she was working together with an upcoming fashion designer on a huge project and things were looking promising.

"How have you been?" Naruto asked after ordering a glass of water.

"I'm hanging in there."

Naruto smiled. His teeth seemed impossibly white against his tanned skin. "Been busy with work, huh?"

"You could say that." Sakura said, laughing nervously. "But enough about me, how are you doing? I was kind of surprised when you said you wanted to meet me."

Naruto put on an innocent face. "What do you mean?"

Sakura gave him a look. "You weren't anywhere near Japan when you sent that e-mail. You were in Australia with that girlfriend of yours. Whatserface. And for the past three months, you've been giving me short replies which is totally unlike you, if you replied at all."

Naruto's smile faltered and for a moment Sakura was worried that she might have said something she shouldn't have. "Yeah, you're right. There is something."

"What? What happened? Are you alright?"

Naruto's handsome face was suddenly drained of its enthusiastic energy. "Remember what I said about Stephanie? That I had thought she might be the one?"

"Yes, what happened? You broke up?" She said, trying not to sound happy.

"Yeah. I caught her doing some shady stuff. She's been selling some of my reports and photos to other companies. Writing false articles in my name to promote things she knows I don't approve of. Stuff like that."

Sakura gasped. "She didn't."

Naruto gave a dry laugh. "And that's not even the worst part. After I broke up with her she started spreading the rumor that my love for animals is beyond friendly, if you know what I mean, and that's why she broke up with me."

Sakura choked on her coffee. "She told everyone you were a zoophile?"

Naruto glared at her. "I'm not a zoophile!"

"I know you're not." Sakura snapped back. "But... people actually believed her? For real?"

"I know, right." Naruto hissed, angrily snatching his glass of water from the waitress. The woman huffed and strutted away, mumbling insults under her breath. "And then she had the nerve to sue me for putting her through 'traumatic experiences' or some shit. The bitch reaped thousands of dollars from me on top of everything!"

Sakura shook her head. She was going to put in one of her own insults, but decided to let Naruto blow some steam. Besides, she was too tired to be fuming. She was surprised she had enough energy to care.

"And because of her I lost my contract with National Geographic and nobody will hire me anymore." Naruto finished. "Fuck, and now I'm left with a building debt, a busted ego and a few friends short, wondering what on earth I had ever seen in her. She wasn't even that pretty."

"A few friends short?" That caught Sakura's attention.

"Well, they weren't really friends if they believed the rumor. They would know better."

"So you're here to cool down a bit." Sakura finished for him. "Get away from the people who're accusing you of being something you're not."

"And to find a job." Naruto said. Spotting the look on her face, he added, "I was hoping you would be able to help me with that."

Sakura froze. She couldn't even reply. Naruto saw the color drain from her face and suddenly began to look a little desperate.

"You work in fashion photography, don't you? Can't you, like, score me a job too. I'm sure it's not that different from wildlife photography. It's much less dangerous for one. I mean, you just have to take a few snapshots of some skinny bitches. I could do that." Naruto's expression turned more desperate as Sakura remained silent, "Please, Sakura, I need a job. I have a lot of debts to pay and no income. I need this. No one will hire me because of the rumors. Please."

Sakura barely heard him. She was lost in her own thoughts. The guy had come all the way to Japan, thinking she could give him a job because he believed she already worked in photography. And she didn't. She had never thought that one little lie could do so much damage.

"Naruto," Sakura began slowly, "I work in the fashion industry."

"I know." He replied as if she'd told him not all roses were red. "It can't be that difficult. I mean, I'm already a professional photographer. How hard could it be?"

Sakura fought against the urge to shriek. How was she supposed to tell him that he had flown all the way here for nothing. That she couldn't help him.

"What do you know about fashion?" She said, after calming down.

Naruto frowned. He looked offended. "More than you think I do."

Sakura's expression was still skeptical as she subtly looked at his multi-colored T-shirt, his faded jeans and orange-black sneakers. She snorted, immediately thinking how her boss would have a field day destroying everything that kept Uzumaki Naruto sane.

Naruto caught her look. "Do I really need to know?"

She was tempted to tell him to give up and try looking somewhere else, but she couldn't. He had probably given up his last savings to pay for the flight to Japan and when she saw the desperate plea for help in his eyes something in her chest began to hurt. She knew Naruto was proud so having to ask for help was probably one of the most difficult things he'd ever done. And he was the guy who had climbed snowy mountains to take a picture of some rare bird.

She sighed, willing herself to look away from those damned puppy eyes. She could always ask her boss if he was worth hiring. "I can arrange an interview for you, but you'll have to do the rest yourself."

Naruto launched forwards unexpectedly and pulled Sakura into a tight bear hug. "Oh, you utter beauty, you. Thank you!"

"Don't thank me just yet." Sakura managed to gasp. She resisted slumping against his muscular chest. He was warm and surprisingly soft. He smelled like the beach.

Naruto pulled back and reseated himself, but his flashlight grin didn't disappear. "Yeah, I know. Don't cheer until I get the job."

Sakura giggled nervously. "Yeah, besides that… there's something I need to tell you."

Naruto stopped bouncing in his seat. "What?"

Sakura remained silent for a while, wondering whether she should tell him or not, before she blurted out, "I haven't been entirely honest with you about what I do for a living."

Naruto blinked, "Come again?"

Sakura bit her lip. "I'm… not a photographer just yet."

Naruto stared at her for a long time. "What do you mean with 'just yet'? You told me you were working on this big project and that-"

"I know!" Sakura interrupted, "And I'm sorry. If I had known that this would happen I would have never told you that."

"So that was a lie." Naruto said slowly. He sighed heavily. His jaw became tense. "What exactly do you do for a living?"

"I work at the Mangekyo Fashion House as an assistant."

Naruto flinched. "Assistant work?! Are you kidding me?!"

Sakura recoiled. "It's not that bad. I can still get you an interview."

Naruto wasn't listening. He had dropped his head into his hands, looking like he was about to cry. "Oh god, no…"

"Naruto…" Sakura said slowly, regretting her lie more than ever. "My boss is a very influential person. She could get you a job."

Naruto lifted his head slightly. "And just who is your boss?"

"Sasuke." Sakura said, feeling her fatigue return just as the mention of her boss's name. "Uchiha Sasuke."

Naruto's eyebrows shot up into his hairline. "Uchiha? The Uchihas? As in the Uchiha clan?"

Sakura nodded. "As in, the founders and owners of Uchiha Inc., one of the wealthiest families in the world etc."

She could see Naruto doing some fast thinking. He mumbled something to himself that sounded like 'could work out'.

"Yeah." He lifted his head and inhaled deeply. "Sorry for freaking out. Thanks for helping me."

Sakura bit her lip. "No, not at all. I'm the one that lied to you and I'm so sorry for that."

Naruto chuckled. "Yeah, but I'm the idiot that lost everything, decided to spend the remainder of my fortune on a one-way ticket to Japan and dropped my problems onto your lap. It's okay, Sakura. I'm not mad. I realize it's a lot to ask."

"It's okay." Sakura shook her head and smiled, feeling relieved. "We've known each other for several years. Sort of."

"Yeah."

Sakura fidgeted. "I mean, it's kind of flattering that you put so much faith in me even though you've never actually met me in person."

Naruto smiled, but said nothing. Sakura returned the weak smile, realizing that it had probably been an act of desperation and not faith. She sighed, feeling her migraine return.

"So what is this Sasuke like?" Naruto began after a moment of awkward silence. "Is she the typical rich snob that thinks the world revolves around her?"

Sakura fished around in her bag for the box of painkillers. "Worse."

Naruto laughed in disbelief. "That bad? What kind of animal would she be?"

"Praying mantis, probably. Or a snake."

"Poisonous or constrictor?"

"Both."

He choked on his water. "A man-devourer then?"

Sakura chuckled tiredly. If he only knew… "A devourer in general more like. I mean, she's absolutely gorgeous but, sometimes I think she's psychopathic. Her mood swings are a killer."

"So what is the best way for me to tackle this interview? Offer myself as sacrifice?" Naruto said with a smirk.

Sakura rolled her eyes at him. "Really? I just told you she was possibly a serial killer and you want to sleep with her to get a job?"

Naruto shrugged. "You said she was gorgeous. And, for the record, not all psychopaths are serial killers. Also I happen to be very good with women."

"I know. Some of your e-mails were a little too informative. But none of those skills are going to help you against the mortal reincarnation of Echidna." She knew she was exaggerating. He probably knew too, but somewhere deep down she hoped that it would prevent the inevitable.

"Hmmm, half nymph, half snake and known as the Mother Of All Monsters. Nice. If I seem nervous for my interview tomorrow it's just your imagination."

Sakura laughed. She hadn't been doing much of that lately, but Naruto always managed to put a smile on her face.

"Don't worry about it too much. Just be confident and brag about your skills like you always do. She senses fear like an apex predator."

Naruto smirked. "Apex predator, huh? Look at you, miss wildlife expert."

"Your fault."

"You are welcome." He said with a wink.

She laughed again. She didn't know how long they had talked, but the sun was starting to set. A part of her had wanted to invite Naruto over for something to eat, but she decided against it. By the time she reached her apartment she was exhausted. She kicked off her heels and threw her bag on the couch. She still had to call Sasuke.

Taking a deep breath, she pressed the speed dial to her boss's personal phone. "Hello?"

"This had better be good, Haruno." Sasuke's smooth voice felt like an ice spear to the brain. It caused shivers and froze her insides.

"S-sorry to bother you at this time of night. I was just wondering if-" Sakura's timid stuttering was cut off by a man's deep voice. She couldn't quite make out what he said or who he was, but her boss hissed at him to stay quiet.

"You were wondering what?" The sound of her voice made it clear. She was daring her to ask who the man was.

She could've cried.