Elfie Obedience School
By: Luimenel

Author's note: Well, this has been an idea of mine for quite some time now and I finally got the time to write it.

Disclaimer: I do own and elf, Fred, but not Middle Earth or anything else that came out of the brilliant mind of Professor J.R.R Tolkien. I also do not own Minnie or Pandora, they are real people who exist and also own elves.

Bad Elfies!

Audrey was having a terrible time with getting her dear sweet pet, Fred, out of her room so they could go on a walk.

Fred, you need the exercise. You like nature and all that. Why don't we go for a nice walk?

Now Fred was most definitely not an ordinary pet and Audrey was not an ordinary pet owner. Fred was Audrey's elf who she found in her closet and Audrey was a rabid fangirl author who enjoyed nothing more than a good old fashioned elf hunt. Audrey didn't know how Fred had gotten into her closet in the first place but was content with the fact that she had an elf of her very own and could do whatever she pleased with him, unless, of course, he was being difficult.

No! I will NOT go on another walk! It is demeaning and I do not deserve such torture. Fred said while clinging to the door frame of Audrey's room while she pulled at his feet in a vain attempt to get him outside. I refuse to wear that horrid collar one more time and, plus, you never even take me to nice places on my walks.

Audrey sighed and clicked her tongue in frustration. Fred, you are coming out of this room, putting on your leash and going for a walk if I have to drag you the entire way. Audrey looked thoughtful and changed her tactics, I'll give you some lembas.

Fred perked up at the mention of his very favorite treat but then increased his grip on the door frame, remembering his last encounter with a walk.

Audrey was growing irritated. Fred, I am taking you on a walk whether you like it or not

No, I will not let go of this door until you promise to let me go back to Middle Earth. Fred was beginning to panic. He just couldn't let that rabid fangirl take him for a walk again, he just couldn't.

Arg! Stupid elvish stubbornness. Audrey growled and stalked off looking for something else to entertain herself with.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Somewhere in a park in Sweden nearly the same thing was happening.

Bob, No! Yelled Minnie. She was desperately struggling to restrain the elf she had on a leash by digging her heals in to the ground. Pandora, how are you doing with Chris?

Pandora was having a similar problem with another elf at the end of the leash she was holding. Not so good, Minnie. I don't think they want to be out on a walk. Maybe we should take them home.

said Minnie, If we do that they'll never learn. We just need something to make them stay while we teach them commands.

Pandora looked around and spotted a particularly strong looking tree to tie Minnie's elves to. How about over there? It looks like it would be pretty darn hard for them to get away if we tie them to that.

Oh no! Said Bob, in Sindarin. They are going to tie us to the tree! We have to get away! The two elves started urgently straining against their leashes but the power of the two rabid fangirl authors was too great for them. Minnie and Pandora led their elves over to the tree and quadruple knotted the leashes so there was no hope of the elves getting away, although they sure as hell tried.

Bob pulled with all of his might and so did Chris but to no avail. The two sank back against the tree cowering. The two rabid fangirls seemed to tower over them.

What first? asked Minnie, sitting, singing or proposing?

Oooh, singing, said Pandora, They should already be good at it, now we just have to teach them to do it on command.

said Minnie, Come on elfies, sing.

Sing for mommy? pleaded Pandora.

I'll give you an elfie treat.

Chris, sing.

Come on, Bob, sing for me.

The two rabid fangirls coached for almost an hour but the elfies just clenched their teeth and looked stubbornly at the two authors.

At the exact same time Audrey, Minnie and Pandora all threw up their hands in disgust and said, ARG! Why are you so disobedient?, and at the exact same time they disappeared.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Excuse me, have you signed in yet? A receptionist lady behind a desk asked the group that was clustered in the middle of a waiting room.

Audrey looked up, Uh, no. Where are we?

You are in the waiting room for the next Elfie Obedience seminar, taught by none other than the almighty Professor Tolkien, himself.

said Pandora, how do we sign in?

Sign in book, on the table. the receptionist pointed to a table with a book on it, so they figured that was about where they should be headed.

The three elves hung back and clumped into a little group. Where are we? asked Bob.

I do not know. said Fred.

Perhaps we could escape. said Chris, sounding not at all sure of himself.

No you couldn't. Said Audrey, We are authors and as authors we have supreme power over you.

The three elves sighed and looked forlornly at the door. It was going to be another one of these fics.

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Author's note: Well, that is that. I need names of people to be in the class and pet elves for them to be trying to teach. I don't think that a class of three people would work very well. And, as always, please review. I would appreciate any reviews and if you review something of mine, I will review something of yours. It is a trade, review for review.