Disclaimer : I own nothing of Saiyuki.
Title : Keep On Living.
As Sanzo reads the bedtime story to Goku, the saru listens attentively at the loving and warm voice that Sanzo uses for him. It makes him feel very save and protected, unlike when he was in the cave at the top of Mount Gogyo. He shivers as he remembers how lonely, dull and dark his life has been during his imprisonment. He wishes that he'll know what has he done to be kept and secured away from the livings. If only he knows the source then maybe he can avoid the same thing from happening again. Goku keeps on thinking and thinking along the flow of Sanzo's rare voice.
"Were you listening?" asks Sanzo slightly annoyed when he realizes that Goku has been in his own world. His premonition turns out to be true when the saru is startled out of his trance and looks confusedly at him. He sighs in irritation before he closes the book and puts it on the table near the bed. He ignores the wistful look on Goku's face since he is a bastard after all. He bids the saru a goodbye before he turns off the light and closes the door. He has caught the worry-line on the saru's forehead but he shrugs it off, not wanting to be bothered by anything anymore. He needs his beauty sleep.
Goku looks around from under his blanket. He has wrapped himself so tight that he almost strangles himself from the stupid action. But, what can he do? He's too afraid of the dark, it reminds him of his cave and the deadly serene surrounding during the winter. He digs himself completely under the blanket, shivering unstoppable as he silently cries himself and wills begging for himself to fall asleep already. With that, he won't have to deal with the pitch-black room anymore. At first, he only sobs then they turns into a choked cries before they converts into a wailing. It is so loud, but since the monks' rooms are way far from his, he lets his voice go as high as he can.
Sanzo is watching the moon, one hand occupied with his favourite cancer-stick. Normally, he should feel calm and relieved but not tonight. Right now, his head is pounding painfully because of the loud cries by the saru internally. The saru's soul is beyond terrified and it begs for him to save him from the darkness that is suffocating him, again and again. However, he is a cruel and a mean monk so he tries his best to shut the voice off or at least to reduce the volume.
Goku wonders why Sanzo has yet come for him when he has been calling internally for the monk several times already and in the loudest voice he can muster. As he wonders, he remembers how the monk told him that he was only taken because he doesn't want to shut up and that he annoys the monk. He freezes, his cries instantly stop although there are still sobs and hiccups. He thinks of the possibility that maybe he is a burden to the monk and that maybe his existence means nothing to the monk. Unlike him, Sanzo is his sun and he'll do anything for him even...
Sanzo sighs in relief as the saru's voice finally decreases very fast. It's weird but since that's what he needs, he just shrugs it off and assumes that the saru has fallen asleep. He continues to smoke and gaze at the moon. As time goes on, he starts to recollect on his first day hearing the saru's voice. It started when the Jikaku Priest died and the saru's voice was so... annoying. It wents on and on without stopping. Goku's voice usually very clear and always gets on his nerve, unlike now. Now the saru is so quite... very quite. Sanzo's eyes go wide. Finally he realizes that he hasn't been hearing the saru's voice for a while now. It has never happened before then why now? What's happening to him? Is he...
Goku is slowly being consumed by the darkness, but he's not afraid. Well, maybe a little but this darkness is where he has chosen to go. This will make Sanzo happier because the monk should no longer hear his voice by now. Sanzo must be rejoiced at this fact, at this thought Goku chuckles. How very like Sanzo to silently celebrate something that he finally get after a long time. He feels that his time is near as his mind is now fogged up and his visions are becoming more blurry by the seconds. His grips on his blanket are loosening and his rigid body is relaxing spontaneously. Now is the time. 'Sayonara, Sanzo'.
'Sayonara, Sanzo'. Sanzo curses as he hears the saru's voice for the last time. He shouts in his head that the saru shall stay alive as he runs to Goku's room which is too far for this kind of emergency situation. He wishes that the saru can hear his voice but that's impossible since he's the only that seems to be gifted with this cursed bond. He picks up his pace as his heart beats faster than anything. 'Don't you dare die on me, bakasaru!' he screams internally. What feels like eternity finally ends when he arrives at the saru's room. He bangs open the door and strides towards the bed. He snatches the blanket away. His breath caught at the sight of the small fragile form lays comatose on the bed. No life sign is shown.
Goku feels that he's like flying in the sky or floating in the water, his body feels so light and unmovable. He tries to open his eyes but they won't flutter no matter how hard he try. So, he just lets his body being controlled by the unknown force to wherever he'll be soon enough. From the distance, he can hear several voices telling him something, advising him about something but he can't hear them clearly. Then, the voices owners try to push him towards the opposite direction but when he feels their aura, he remembers the longing to be with them for so long ago. Therefore, he pushes himself towards the voices.
Sanzo stares at the body that no longer bears the soul of Son Goku, Seiten Taisei. He is frozen on his spot, unable to move. He doesn't understand what he's feeling right now. It just feels so... empty, lacking, incomplete. Like he has lost half... no, it's almost the whole of his life. But, why? He only meets Goku five days ago, so why does the saru's lost feels so greater than his master did? It just makes no sense, but no matter he hates confusing and complex problems. So, for now he'll bring the saru back first and think about this again later. Sanzo finally moves, he shifts himself on the bedside. And then, on impulse as if he knows the solution all along, he lowers himself and hugs the limp saru. He whispers harsh yet protective calling again and again to the saru.
'Goku, you better come back now or I swear I'll cut down your food!' Goku stops his pushing. He listens carefully to the new voice that interrupts his mystery journey... 'Oi, bakasaru! I know you hear me, damnit! Come back!' "San-zo?" says Goku stutteringly. But, it's impossible, right? Sanzo doesn't want him, the monk hates him because he's annoying and loud... 'Ch. Fine, I'll stay the night with you from now on but, only until your scaredy-monkey self being taken care off' Is Sanzo for real? Then, he can stay with the monk forever? Really?... 'Come back already or I'll take back my offer, damn you!' Wha- okay, he'll go back~
"Unnn~" Sanzo stops his muttering when he hears the saru whimpers softly and moves about in his arms slightly. He raises himself and looks at the saru's face. It has coloured considerably. He waits nervously for the saru to wake up and grin at him but then, suddenly the saru seems to be drifted back towards the other realm. Quickly, he hugs the saru again and calls unstoppably for Goku, even when the saru already whimpers and mumbling incoherently. The saru needs to speak and open his eyes first, only then will he lets him go. This goes on for couples of minutes before he finally gets what he wishes for.
Goku fluttters open his eyelids, revealing two clear albeit dull golden-eyes. He hears that Sanzo still lowly calls for him. He tries to raise his hand returns the hug but his body is stiff. So, he resorts to the next method, voice. "S-zo~ San-zo~ Sanzo~" calls him. He feels that Sanzo abruptly stops muttering and stiffen. "Sanzo~" once again he calls the monk. Slowly, the monk lets him go and looks straight into his eyes, finding some reassurance which he soons get when Goku grins broadly as he repeats again in a joyous tone, "SANZO!~" Then, Goku pouts and complains on how his body feels so stiff that he can't even move a limb.
Sanzo loses his words, his excitement at this moment to find that Goku is still alive is indescribable. He doesn't know any expressive action to convey his feelings, besides he is a closed person. So, he lets out all of his worry, aggravation, relief, nervousness and happiness by sending a skull-breaking fan attack. Listening to the saru's complaint of him being a mean monk is such an reassurance. But then, he realizes that the saru still can't move yet, so he takes a massaging oil and massages the saru's body. It takes time. As promised starting tonight Sanzo sleeps with the saru. As the next day shines upon them, Goku are able to move unrestrictedly.