Thought

Rain. It always seemed to rain during a shinobi's funeral. Maybe it was a non-existent god's one merciful act in a life of unfairness- because no one can tell if you're crying when it's raining. But Kakashi didn't cry at this funeral. He never cried at a funeral, because that meant showing a weakness, showing that he felt pain just as keenly as his people. But he couldn't do that. As the Hokage of Konoha, he always had to be strong, he had to be the one comforting the mourners, not the one being comforted. It didn't matter that when he was alone, when no one was around, he would curl himself up into a tight ball, with one thought running through his mind.

Did I do the right thing?

In the growing darkness of the Hokage's office, Kakashi sat wearily in his chair, gazing blankly at the paper in front of him. He absent-mindedly began tapping his hand on his desk, his mind drifting further and further away from his official duties, where it really should have been. A sharp tap at the door quickly brought him back to reality.

"Come in." he called, smiling as he watched his blonde ex-student walked into the office.

"Se-… Hokage-sama. I was wondering if I could speak to you about my team's next misson." Kakashi raised an eyebrow slightly at Naruto quick change of words. It saddened him slightly that the young boy who had called him sensei so long ago was all grown up now; yet was proud that he had turned out to be such a fine, mature man, one of his top-ranked jounins.

"Is there something wrong with it?" Kakashi asked, smiling wryly. He knew what was going to come next.

"Not really…wrong with it…It's just… Well, we've been doing C-rank missions for over a year now and quite frankly, I think my team is ready for a harder challenge. Is it possible for you to assign us a B-rank?" Kakashi grinned.

"So, you've decided, with no input from anyone else at all, that your team is ready for harder missions?"

"Hmm… Kaito might have done a little convincing, too." Kakashi smirked.

"Kaito, huh? He really reminds me of a certain someone when he was younger." Naruto looked back at his Hokage, a slight blush on his face.

"Well, I was really quite an immature brat back then." Both men began chuckling slightly, as memories came to the surface of their minds. Still smiling, Kakashi nodded his head slightly in consent.

"Alright. I'll consider changing your mission. Report to the mission desk tomorrow and see if they've got anything else for you."

Kakashi watched the blonde man (no, boy) leave his office, pride and regret mixing together as he thought of his old students.

When Naruto's team came back, heavily injured but still very much alive, Kakashi spent a long time lecturing them all on the importance of staying level-headed during a fight and if they came back from a mission dead due to recklessness, he was going to be at their funeral saying I told you so. Kakashi was shocked at his slight lack of composure, but everyone else put it down to the pressures of being Hokage. When Kakashi finally got home, he locked himself in his bedroom and shut all his blinds. Then he curled up into a tight ball on his bed, one thought running through his mind.

Did I do the right thing?

Kakashi looked up as one of his ANBU's appeared in his office. He was alone, dripping with blood, but his voice was smooth and without a tremble as he spoke.

"I'm sorry, Hokage-sama. The mission failed. Badger is dead and Snake is in the hospital with critical injuries." There was no emotion in the masked man's voice, but Kakashi could feel the raw pain radiating from him. At least, he thought he could; it might have been his own pain he was feeling. With a curt nod, Kakashi dismissed him, telling him to go straight to the hospital to get treated for his own injuries.

For a long time, he sat in his office, the day growing older as he methodically finished all his work, all of it except that red slip, first pushed to the side of his desk, then hidden under another pile of papers, finally floating to the floor. Then he picked it up. And he filled it in. And when he was alone, he curled up into a tight ball, with one thought running through his mind.

Did I do the right thing?

A random thing that came to me, inspired by uzumaki rakku's fic 'The Girl at the Missions Desk'. I would recommend you all go read it, it's absolutely beautiful ^^. I know this one is short and it ends quite abruptly, but, as usual, I ran out of inspiration at the end…