The Sugar Bunny Army
He was getting ready to ring the doorbell, but stopped. It was a bad idea, considering the usual amount of chaos that immediately followed the arrival of a visitor. Instead, he walked around to the back of the house and found the ladder leading up to the jelly bedroom. When he finally reached the top, he cautiously knocked on the window.
"Tily?" He called. He was greeted by the sight of two Aisha stalk ears, and answered by the opening of the window. Before him stood an annoyed looking Faerie Aisha holding a scroll.
"What took you so long?" she demanded. Before he could answer, she quickly shoved the scroll into his claws and began rummaging through one of her many drawers until she found what she was looking for. "Here we go."
She withdrew a rather long stick, which she used to slice a hole in the wavering ceiling. "Go get me that ladder, will you?"
When the Kiko returned, she was already looking down at him from the crudely made hole. He sighed and followed her lead.
When he reached the top of the ladder, he found himself in a second jelly room. This one, however, had only one set of drawers and in the center was a Royal Throne surrounded by two huge Meowclops Statues. Off to the side was a heavily marked and slashed globe, worn from many failed world domination plans. Attached to the wall was a banner that read "Tily + Pastels=Partners in Crime Forever" with a paint brush drawn under it.
"Okay!" Tily exclaimed, clasping her paws together enthusiastically. "I have a really good plan for today, and it looks like I'll need your help with this one."
"Uh-huh," Pastels replied, distracted by the piece of scroll in his paws.
"If you open the scroll," she continued, snatching it from him. "You'll find a list of some items we'll need. We're gonna need a Blue Toothbrush, some Mint Toothpaste, and...SPIDER! KILL IT!"
She broke off, grabbing the nearest object (which unfortunately happened to be Pastels) and immediately began beating the culprit with it. When she was absolutely sure it was dead, she popped the spider in her mouth and continued down the list as if nothing happened.
"We're gonna need a Blue Toothbrush, some Mint Toothpaste, some Dental Floss, some Bubble Gum, a Bar of Chocolate, a Magic Vial, and thirty Sugar Bunnies."
"Thirty?!" Pastels exclaimed, reattaching one of his Band-Aids.
Tily nodded. "Yep. We might even need more than that. So we'd better get going now. Oh wait, I forgot one...we'll need a tooth, too."
"A tooth? You mean like one of those Cub Teeth you get at the Mystery Island souvenir shop?"
"No...I mean an actual tooth from an actual Neopet," she explained slowly. "So we'd better add Striped Hammer to the list, too. Let's go!"
Ignoring her companion's alarmed face, she let out one of her triumphant, evil laughs before jumping back down the hole.
~
"Perfect. All we have to is sneak up on him. He'll never notice." Tily whispered, gesturing to the sleeping starry Lupe in the garden.
Pastels frowned. "Uhh...Tily, you're about to knock one of his teeth out with a Striped Hammer. That's kind of a hard thing to ignore, you know?"
She didn't. "He has like thirty-million teeth, he's not going to notice if one's missing. Now come on, before he wakes up!"
With that, the two quietly descended into the garden of Weasleyrose's Neohome. As she grew closer to her sleeping brother, Tily slowly raised the hammer over her head. "Okay...start timing!"
"One...two..."
Before Pastels could say "three," Tily brought the hammer down with a crushing blow...onto the bare earth. She was instantly splattered with dirt and found herself staring into a large hole. She frowned.
"What the..."
"I think you missed." Pastels pointed out helpfully.
Growling, the Aisha repositioned the Lupe and raised the Hammer over her shoulder once more. "So help me, I'm getting that tooth!"
This time, however, the Lupe rolled over just as the hammer reached it's mark. Furious, Tily turned to Pastels. "Hold him down for me, will you?"
"Tily, are you sure we shouldn't just go buy-"
"YES!" He jumped. In a slightly calmer tone she added, "Just hold him down, there you go...one...two..."
At that exact moment, the Lupe's eyes snapped open. He looked around in confusion, and when he realized what was happening, yelled, jumped up, and ran toward the house. As he disappeared inside, Tily heard him shout, "Weasleyrose! Tily's gone on another killing spree!"
"Damn." Tily muttered. "Now where are we supposed to get a tooth?"
As if she were being answered, her other brother, SmilingDaemon, poked his head around the corner.
"Tily, are you really going on another killing spree, 'cause I could help-"
WHAM! Without really thinking, Tily swung the hammer and managed to conjure up two teeth and an unconscious Desert Shoyru.
"That was easy." She chirped happily, tossing the hammer over her shoulder. To Pastels she added, "While I go get the rest of our stuff, could you hide him or something?"
"Umm...maybe we should take him to the Healing Springs, Tily." He replied, but was answered with silence. "Tily?"
He sighed and dragged the Shoyru into the garden.
~
When Tily returned with the items, she was pleased to find that the house was empty with the exception of Pastels, who was discovered drawing obscene things on a sheet of parchment.
"You got rid of everyone?" she asked, impressed.
He nodded. "Yep. Weasleyrose isn't on, I hid SmilingDaemon, and Zander ran off again after I told him you'd come back with a Highland Chia War Hammer to finish him off."
"Good." She smiled. "Now come on, we don't have much time!"
He followed her into the kitchen, where she began stuffing Sugar Bunnies into a large bowl.
"What are you doing?" he asked, looking over her shoulder.
"Creating a Sugar Bunny army, what does it look like?"
"Er...right. You do that. I'll be in the living room, working on my drawing."
As he added the finishing touches to his picture, Pastels saw several bright flashes of light. He ignored them, figuring Tily was trying to melt the Sugar Bunnies in frustration. He ignored them, at least, until a small, pink Bunny went hopping over the back of his chair, wrinkling it's nose in disgust at his artwork.
"What the...Tily!" He ran to the kitchen, and his jaw dropped at what he saw: the room was swarming with walking, living Sugar Bunnies. They scurried about the kitchen, knocking over jars, chewing on table legs, and relieving themselves on the bamboo floor. "Tily...what...?"
"I told you this was a good idea," she said, stroking one of the Bunnies as they went by. "All I had to do was pour that Magic Vial on them, and 'poof!'" She stretched her paws out to demonstrate. "Now, for phase three: the Tooth Faerie."
"Tooth Faerie?" he repeated.
"That's what I said. Now take SD's tooth outside and wait."
"For what?"
"For the Tooth Faerie!" she explained impatiently. "She'll come along and give you money for the tooth, then you tell her there's another one in the house!"
"Oh. Then what?"
She grinned. "The Faerie comes inside and it's game over!"
~
Pastels waited for about twenty minutes before he saw a familiar pink and blue figure floating down from a nearby tree.
"Why, aren't you the cutest little thing!" the Tooth Faerie cooed as she landed softly on the sidewalk.
The Kiko glanced nervously at a snickering group of Kyriis watching nearby. "I guess so..."
"And it appears you've lost a tooth! I'll just take this and see what I can give you..." when she got a closer look at the tooth, however, she frowned. "This is a Shoyru tooth!"
"That's my...umm, my brother's tooth. He lost a lot of them when he ran into...uhh...a hammer."
The Tooth Faerie frowned. "Poor thing! Has he gotten any money for his other teeth?"
"Nope," he suppressed a smile. "The rest of them are in our house, this way."
Praying that Tily knew what she was doing, Pastels lead the eager Faerie through the front door.
"Oh my!" she exclaimed, when she spotted the Sugar Bunny army. "Your owner doesn't try to feed you all of this candy, does she?"
Before her "captor" could answer, a chorus of triumphant laughter echoed through the entrance hall and Tily slid down the banister, wielding a long string of dental floss.
The Tooth Faerie, however, was not impressed.
"You shouldn't slide down the banister, sweetie," she advised. "You'll hurt yourself."
The Aisha blinked. Then she promptly began wrapping her victim in Dental Floss, mumbling to herself as she did so.
If the Faerie was aware of being in any danger, she certainly didn't show it.
"Dearie, Dental Floss is for your teeth, not for tying people up!"
"Hey, who's the evil genius here?" Tily demanded. "You fly around and give people money for their teeth, I take over the world. Got it?"
Pastels raised his hand. "Not to interrupt, but what do we do now that we have the Tooth Faerie?"
"We interrogate! We get the information we need and-"
"Honey, you're slouching." the Tooth Faerie pointed out.
"Oh, sorry. Anyway, we get the information we need to disarm the faerie establishment! And then, the world is ours!"
"Isn't that what we did last time?" Pastels asked.
"Well it worked, didn't it?"
"No..."
The sound of a door opening and an angry female voice cut this conversation short.
"Tily, did you knock SmilingDaemon out and bury him in the garden, 'cause you killed my Gardenias!"
Pastels grinned sheepishly. "Oops."
"Erm, sorry Rose!" Tily called. She nudged Pastels. "We have to hide the Faerie before Weasleyrose comes in!"
"I think not!" the Tooth Faerie huffed indignantly. "You are a very naughty little Aisha!"
"Yeah, so?"
"Why, I have half a mind to tell your owner what you've done!" she grabbed the Aisha by one of her stalk ears. Tily blinked.
"I thought I tied you up!"
Weasleyrose poked her head around the corner, holding a dazed SmilingDaemon. "Hey, Tily, why are there Sugar Bunnies running around-" she gasped and dropped her Shoyru, knocking him out again. "Is that the Tooth Faerie?"
Tily sighed and Pastels looked at the ground. "Yes."
"Cool!" Pastels looked up in surprise. "You see, it looks like my Shoyru's lost some teeth, and he hasn't gotten paid for them."
The Tooth Faerie gave Weasleyrose a long, hard stare before speaking. "You mean to tell me that this Aisha knocked out your Shoyru, attempted to take over the world, littered your house with candy, tried to tie me up and interrogate me, and you don't care?"
The girl shrugged. "She does this every week, you kinda get used to it, you know?"
"Well!" the Tooth Faerie exclaimed, dusting herself off. "This is one account I certainly won't be giving money to in the near future!"
"Like we really care about 200 NP." Tily muttered.
"What was that?!"
"Nothing."
"If it's not to much trouble, I'll be leaving now," the Faerie glided toward the door. "Good day to you."
"Wait!" Pastels quickly floated over to the departing Faerie and handed her a scroll. "Take this. It's our way of saying 'we're sorry.'"
The Tooth Faerie smiled. "How sweet. At least you have some manners. Here, have 189 neopoints."
With a quick wave, she floated through the open window.
"Well, that was corny," Tily grumbled. "What'd you give her, anyway?"
Pastels chuckled. "My drawing."
Somewhere outside, they could hear a female voice yell, "how filthy!"
~
"Okay, so we didn't take over the world this time," Pastels explained the next morning. "But we've only tried seventy-three times. Besides, we have all the candy we could possibly ever want!"
"I guess you're right," Tily admitted. "Hold on, let me get this spider."
With a battle cry of "DIE, YOU EIGHT-LEGGED PIN CUSION!", she squashed her victim with the handle of her Striped Hammer.
"You want it?" she asked, holding it out to her partner.
"Er...no, that's okay."
She shrugged and began to chew on her prey thoughtfully. "You know, this gives me a great idea for next week..."