*Knock knock knock* "Amy."
*Knock knock knock* "Amy."
*Knock knock knock* "Amy."
Amy answered the door. "Good evening, Sheldon. You do realize you need only knock once, do you not?" She gestured for him to come inside.
Sheldon nodded and entered. "I do, but it's a habit I have no reason to break."
Amy understood his compulsive need, but said nothing. She was slowly learning discretion - something she was sure Sheldon would never master. Instead, she asked, "So what brings you to my humble abode this fine evening, Sheldon?"
"I'm locked out of my apartment and I can't get to Penny's spare key, as she and Leonard have gone camping in an attempt to "spice up their relationship" and won't be back til tomorrow afternoon," he said this all very quickly, head hung low, wringing his hands together. "You think I would've learned after last time."
Amy processed all of this fairly quickly. "So this has happened before. How did you handle it then?"
Sheldon sat on the couch, still looking uncomfortable in Amy's apartment, and explained his night with Penny in as little detail as he could. He still remembered Leonard overreacting at the details and didn't want Amy to be as hysterical as Leonard.
"Well, I went to Penny's to get her spare key, but her apartment is a cesspool and we couldn't find it. I stayed the night there while I waited for Leonard to return from Las Vegas with Raj and Wolowitz." Remembering Leonard's problem with the 'friends-with-benefits' lesson Sheldon left it out of his explanation here, fearing she would also take it the wrong way. Sheldon was feeling tired and annoyed, and he didn't want to have to explain anything to simpler minds, even if hers was almost on par with his. It was after dark on a Saturday. He should be doing laundry.
"It's Saturday night. I should be doing laundry," he muttered darkly. "Not sitting on my girlfriend's couch, locked out of my apartment."
Amy chose to ignore that. Instead, she offered, "You may stay here tonight. I have a spare toothbrush you can have, as well as shorts and an oversized t-shirt you may sleep in, if you wish to wash the clothes you are wearing now." Happiness blossomed in her at the thought that Sheldon would be staying the night again - this time for the whole night. There would be no interruptions from Penny and/or Leonard. Amy would have him all to herself for the night.
"I appreciate the gesture, Amy," he said. "But I would prefer to sleep in my own clothes. Your shorts and oversized t-shirt are not my Saturday pajamas." Then he added, "Also, I would never want to wear something 'oversized.' It's just undignified, even in sleep."
Amy nodded and resigned herself to the fact that she wouldn't get to peek at him while he changed. "I'll get you a pillow and blanket." She looked at him with a hopeful smile and added, "Unless you would rather share the bed with me. There is more than enough room for two."
Sheldon shook his head and replied, "Thank you, but no. Your couch is longer than Penny's. It will accomodate me adequately." He didn't notice Amy's smile fall or the disappointment in her tone as she acquiesced.
She returned with the same blanket and pillow he had used last time he slept on her couch. As he removed his shoes, the thought that he might keep an emergency set of pajamas at Amy's and Penny's apartments crossed his mind. He dismissed it, though. What were the odds that he would forget his keys a third time? Sheldon lay on the couch with his head away from the door, tucked himself in, and drifted off to sleep.
An hour later, Amy got out of bed to get a glass of warm milk. She couldn't sleep knowing Sheldon was slumbering on her couch. She grabbed the milk from the refrigerator, poured a glass, and popped it in the microwave. Then she heard a soft voice from the couch. Thinking she woke up Sheldon she thought she would ask him if he wanted some warm milk as well. When she saw he was still asleep, she hesitated. Then he spoke again.
"No, Kitten, I don't like coconut. The ducks and I want tea and snickerdoodles."
He talks in his sleep, she thought. I wonder if he is aware. And why exactly is he dreaming of animals and food? The microwave beeped and Sheldon twitched in his sleep. Amy resolved to ask him about it in the morning. In the meantime, she would drink her warm milk and go to sleep.
~*DD*~*DD*~*DD*~
Sheldon woke up the next morning on his right side, which was odd until he remembered he was on Amy's couch rather than his bed. He got up and pressed his ear to Amy's bedroom door. When he heard the shower running he decided to fix himself a bowl of cereal. Amy didn't have any cereal with the fiber content he wanted, so he resigned himself to eating mid-fiber cereal on what was clearly a high fiber day.
He sat slightly to the left of the center of the couch, perched on the edge (there was no real optimal spot, as Amy had forbidden him from rearranging her furniture, so this was as close as he could get) watching the news when Amy exited her bedroom. Her hair was still wet from the shower and no longer smelled of tar thanks to her new shampoo. Sheldon barely noticed her presence until she sat perilously close to him - something he was telling himself, but still unable, to get used to.
Amy sat next to him and tried to keep her hands to herself. Sheldon's hair was still tousled from sleep. It was adorable. "So, how did you sleep last night?"
Sheldon stood and put his now-empty bowl in the sink, rinsing it out. "I slept adequately, but would much prefer my own bed to your couch." He stopped between the couch and her bedroom door. "Would you mind if I used your shower? I detest wearing the same clothes twice, but perhaps I'll feel better if my skin is clean, at least."
"Of course," she complied. There might be a chance to see him naked after all. "I'll get you a towel and an extra toothbrush so you can brush your teeth afterward."
"Thank you, Amy," Sheldon replied. He still looked and sounded exasperated, but his thanks was sincere.
When she heard the shower start she cracked the door open just the slightest bit and peeked, but was disappointed. He was already behind the frosted glass door or her shower. She softly closed the door again and returned to the living room. Sheldon's phone, which he had left on the coffee table (the steam from the shower could make it glitch) was lit up and displayed a new text message. Since it was just lying there in the open for anyone to see Amy felt no remorse in glancing at it. It was from Penny, saying Leonard was totally clueless to any problems their relationship had. Amy wondered why Penny was texting Sheldon about her relationship problems when it was clear he neither cared nor could he help. A few seconds after the screen went blank another text lit it up. Penny again, saying Leonard hadn't even noticed her change from coconut shampoo back to green apple. That struck a chord in her brain, but Amy refused to put that two and that two together and possibly get twelve. When no more texts seemed forthcoming Amy turned her attention to the news - only to get three rapid text messages herself.
Penny: Ugh! Leonard is so clueless, Ames! Every time I try to bring up ne problems he just brushes em off n ignores it. Or his ansrs r shallow n don't really answer nethin. He didn't even notice my shampoo, Amy! Is he just distracted? Am I boring him?
Penny: He just thinks of me as a trophy gf, doesn't he? UGH he can be shallower then me sometimes!
Penny: What should I do, Ames? Do I try to train him? Dump his ass? I don't know...
Amy noted her grammar was better when she texted Sheldon. Then she came back to herself and texted back the best advice she could come up with. She wanted her bestie to be happy, and if Leonard wasn't making her happy...well, Amy might just have to have a word with him.
Sheldon stepped out of her bedroom, fully clothed and groomed, and sat in the closest thing he could get to a spot in Amy's apartment. He wondered when Leonard and Penny would be home so he could return to his own apartment. Amy disrupted his thoughts.
"You received two text messages while you were in the shower," said. "I noticed they were from Penny."
Sheldon looked excited, which put Amy on edge a little, but his words soothed her ego. "Ooh, I wonder if that means they're home yet. Leonard doesn't have the foresight to let me know when he gets home, but Penny does." Then he laughed his breathy laugh. "Which is funny, as Penny is the one to believe in psychics." When he read the texts he felt disappointed that they weren't home yet, and something else he couldn't name. He didn't like that she asked him for relationship advice. He responded to her messages with clear, concise words.
Training Leonard doesn't work well. I know from experience. If you couldn't make him aware of his blunders it is likely no one can. Now come home. I'm locked out of my apartment and had to stay the night on Amy's couch. I would like clean clothes.
As he typed his message out, Amy debated how to bring up his sleep-talking. She decided to be blunt, as anything else could be misconstrued.
"Sheldon, did you know you talk in your sleep?"
He froze. Instantly, he remembered his dream last night and wondered what she could've heard him say. He dreamed of Penny, but he couldn't have said anything incriminating or Amy would be angrier. So he decided to play it 'cool' until he could discern her reason for asking.
"It has been brought to my attention, yes. Did I disturb you last night?"
Not in the way you're thinking, Amy thought to herself. Out loud she said, "Not at all. I merely got up to make myself a glass of warm milk and heard you. Although I wondered what you were doing with a kitten, ducks, and a coconut, it's your dream and you needn't share if you don't want." Amy held on to her hopes that he would share, but they were dashed.
"I apologize, but I don't remember much of my dream," he lied. Fortunately for him his facial tic was on the side away from her. "It seems my eidetic memory does not apply in the dream world." He was saved from expounding further when Penny responded. Oh Sheldon, I'm sorry. We'll be home in half an hour, sweetie. You need anything? Your mom gave me her peach cobbler recipe last time we talked. I could use some myself, so I'll pick up the ingredients after we get back and we can make it together, sound ok?
Sheldon replied his assent and turned to Amy, pocketing his phone. He thanked her for letting him stay there again and explained that Leonard and Penny were on their way home. He thought about mentioning the cobbler, but decided against it. Much like the 'friends with benefits' incident, he didn't think Amy would take that too well.
A/N: "No, Kitten, I don't like coconut. The ducks and I want tea and snickerdoodles." Guys, you have no idea how excited I was about this line. I managed to jam FOUR Shenny episodes into one line of dream-sleep. That is the line this fic was written for. If there are any holes, let me know. I have a feeling, but I've been working on this one for so long that I just don't care anymore, I want it in my completed folder and on here for you fine folk to read.
Don't forget to review! Seriously, the sound I make at each email is much like Castiel's true voice and could probably shatter glass.
A/N2: I just got an anon review from a child who hasn't learned to spell yet. To see my response, copy-pasta this link to my Tumblr. It's pretty clever if I do say so myself.
comeandplay-jimmoriarty dot tumblr dot com slash post/ 35255754719/ though-i-know-you-wont-see-this-needstokmow-i