Disclaimer: Not mine. All the characters belong to Matt Nix.
Of Girls and Guns
"Oh, and one last thing, Sam. Don't forget to get some yoghurt. Someone finished the last one while I was on a job yesterday," said Michael, staring straight at Sam.
Sam chuckled. "I was meaning to tell you about that, Mikey, but it slipped my mind. Sorry. Anyway, you two go have fun at your mom's. Tell Nate I said hi."
"Don't forget, Sam," said Michael as he opened the door to Fiona's Hyundai.
"Michael, stop talking and get in here already. We're going to be late for lunch. Don't you want to see your nephew?" demanded Fiona.
Michael hopped in as Fiona fired up the engine.
"Whoa, slow down, Fi! It's just lunch. They won't mind waiting for just a few minutes," said Michael as the indicator needle of the speedometer deflected further and further to the right.
"Well, it's your fault that we're going to be late, Michael. I told you that we were leaving at eleven. It's twelve now. And just look at the traffic!" exclaimed Fiona while braking heavily.
"Fi," said Michael reproachfully as he lurched forward.
"What?" snapped his feisty girlfriend.
"Nothing," said Michael quickly.
"What is causing the jam? Ugh," said Fiona as she hit the steering wheel with the palm of her hand.
"It's probably nothing; just a slight delay."
"It had better be. I'm hungry and annoyed. I might shoot someone soon," threatened Fiona. She fidgeted in her seat. "You'd better call Madeline and tell her that we'll be late."
Half an hour later, the traffic was just as bad as before, if not worse. Fiona was gradually losing her patience. Then the cars in front of her Hyundai started moving again.
"Finally! Now maybe we'll reach your mom's house before nightfall." Just as she stepped on the accelerator, a black sedan cut into her lane.
Now Fiona was really angry. "I am going to –"
Michael laid a restraining hand on her arm. "Fi, don't. Just stay. We don't want to get into a fight."
Fiona shook his hand off but remained in her seat, boiling with rage.
At least the traffic flow was improving, thought Michael.
Just then, another car cut into their lane.
"Ugh! Can you believe this?" asked Fiona as the sound of someone honking loudly filled their ears.
Suddenly, the burly man in the car ahead of theirs opened his door and got out. He limped over to the blue Hyundai and knocked on Fiona's door.
As Fiona scrolled down the window, he demanded belligerently, "What is your problem? Why did you honk at me, you idiot?"
"I most certainly did not honk at you!" said Fiona defensively.
"Then who did?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe one of the hundreds of annoyed people on this road?"
"You stupid woman. I know it was you," insisted the man.
"What did you just call me?" asked Fiona.
"A stupid woman. What are you gonna do? Scratch me with your itty-bitty nails?" The man taunted Fiona.
"Wrong move, buddy," said Fiona as she whipped a pistol out of the glove compartment. "Get out of my way before I shoot your good leg. Now!"
"You'd better do as she says," Michael chipped in. "She may be small, but she's dangerous."
"Move!" commanded Fiona. The burly man quickly limped back into his car and drove away as fast as he could.
"Well, the road's less congested now," said Michael. Fiona ignored him and put her foot to the accelerator pedal.
Madeline Westen and her youngest son were waiting for Michael and Fiona in the living room.
"Oh, you're here. Good. What happened?"
"The traffic was really bad, and Fi threatened to shoot someone," Michael explained to his mother.
"Hey, bro! Long time no see," said Nate as he hugged Michael. Then turning to his son, he continued, "Look, it's your uncle, Charlie. Say hi!"
"Hello, Charlie. It's nice to see you," said Michael as the toddler lunged at him and grabbed his hand.
"I think Charlie likes his uncle," said Madeline. "And Charlie looks just like you when you were a baby, Michael."
"In that case, let's just hope Charlie doesn't end up as a burned spy with a trigger-happy girlfriend like his uncle," quipped Fiona as everyone sat down at the dining table.
This story is something that I thought of while I was stuck in a traffic jam the other day. I was wondering how Fiona Glenanne would react to annoying people that make false accusations like that brainless burly man with the limp. Yes, I met someone like him the other day and you can probably sense how irritated I was at that particular moment in time. I wouldn't have shot him, of course. I just glared daggers at him. Fiona would have shot him though. I'm certain of that.