Everything
a/n: Yeah yeah, don't own anything.
Kouichi laid on his back. He had the sudden urge to throw up every now and then from all the vodka he had taken in last night. He also felt a sudden urge to tear whatever person was laying beside him apart, he had no had his heroin or pot fix this morning. He turned to see some older man he had never seen before laying in his bed beside him, naked. Kouichi smacked his head on the pillow...it had happened all over again. It all started so innocently, he was young and stressed and found no where to turn but what many of his friends had...drugs.
One day after school he and Takuya went downtown to find a dealer, they had enough for two grams. After they found what they were looking for they bussed home and got high in Takuya's room. Kouichi had woken up that morning almost in a laughing state as he found his friend Takuya beside him. It started from there and didn't stop It all caused him to do things not in his nature. He got into fights a lot and he started sleeping around with either sex. Kouichi quickly notice that the pot wasn't enough for the stress he was putting on himself trying to hide his addiction, he quickly turned to needles and heroin. It dug a hole in his pocket big time and he got himself into more trouble. Kouich had felt lost beyond lost.
Fine me here and speak to me
I long to feel you, I need to hear you
You are the light that's leading me to the place where I find peace, again
Kouichi rolled out of bed that morning and dragged himself to the bathroom. He looked in the mirror in the bathroom and couldn't recognize himself. He had such a clear appearance before. His hair was always washed and well groomed and his clothes were clean and he smelled clean before, it had all changed. It had not showered in weeks and his clothes that laid on the ground had vomit and vodka spills all over them. He must have worn them for weeks now. His blue eyes looked almost dead as he stared in the mirror. Who was he? What had he turned himself into?
Kouichi felt a quick ache in his stomach. He leaned over the sink and vomited. He missed the sink a bit and almost flooded it when he did hit it. When it was all said and done he felt even worse then he had then before. "Why do I do this to myself? Why did I?" He cried out loud in tears. He hadn't crie din the longest time, and it was about time.
You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the light to my soul
You are my purpose, your everything.
Kouichi then felt feet move towards him and arms wrap around him. He felt some sort of comfort in these arms even though he knew well they had no love for him. He turned around and wrapped his arms around the older man's neck and cuddled into him. The man felt shock and pulled away. "What the hell is wrong with you?" The man asked staring at Kouichi. "For you to love me, and for me to love you back..." Kouichi whispered. "Fuck, I don't even know your fucking name boy. All you are is a good fuck, I don't want anything to do with you!" The man shouted at Kouichi. The older man walked out of the bathroom, gathered his clothes and put them on. Kouichi watched the man do this until the man left out the door. Kouichi dropped to the floor, slammed his face to the ground and cried and screamed for so long. "Why won't anyone love me? Why? Don't I deserve to be loved?" He cried into his hands. Kouichi felt so lonely and hurt. He had never done that to a partner before and he had never had that happen to him before. Why did he have this craving for love, affection and real intimacy now?
Kouichi crawled back to his bed and started getting dressed. As he opened a dresser he found have a needle left. It must have been filthy and disgusting but he was desperate to numb what he was feeling. Kouichi took the needle into his hand and fell onto the ground. He rolled his sleeve up and tried to find an clean spot on his arm, once he did he stuck the needle in deeply, he winced and bit but then he injected himself carefully. After the needle was done he pulled it out and waited for everything to start happening. Then it started again. He started feeling weird and seeing things that weren't there. He started screaming and falling flat on the floor. The pain he felt was still there and was still as ugly as before, maybe even uglier. "Could it be any better then this?" He asked himself in tears.
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Could you tell me how could it be any better than this? yeah
The needle didn't last as long and it usually did for Kouichi. It wasn't long before his high had hit a low. He crawled into bed and started crying. There was a anger in him, an anger for what he had done to himself and the gutter he put himself into. He wrapped himself in the musky blanket and started to rock himself back and forward like his mother had done for him as a child. "Rock a by baby on the tree top, when the wind blows the cradle will fall. And then will come down baby cradle and all" He tried to thing to himself without breaking into tears. He couldn't even find comfort in what he mother did for him as a child. She use to sing that nursery rhyme all the time to him and it didn't comfort him anymore. He started crying again. He felt there was no more love for him anymore
"Why don't you just fucking kill yourself?" Satan asked him. Satan was closest thing he had to a friend. Satan was there for him, he never felt alone. "But, I don't want to go" He told the man that he never really saw. "Your miserable Kouichi. Your brother doesn't care, Takuya found 'Jesus' and Izumi left you for Junpei. You have no more purpose here anymore Kouichi, it's alright if you go now cause no one will miss you" Satan tried to explain. Kouichi wrapped himself closer into the blanket and rocked himself some more while shaking his head. "There must be someone who still loves me out there" Kouichi tried to convince himself and his only friend. "Kouichi, stop fooling yourself. You have nothing left. Your own mother doesn't even love you anymore, you fool" Satan protested.
Kouichi busted into tears, it was true. Many times he went to his mother for help and love but she always pushed him out the door and said to never come back. She had no sons anymore. She didn't want to see him again and if he came again she would call the cops on his sorry ass. Kouichi felt a pain in his heart, there was nothing he could do for his mother to want him home again. He ran off when he was fifteen and he could stay that way two years later. "Why is it so hard to have some love and affection in this world? That's all I want, just to feel loved" Kouichi explained to Satan. "I love you Kouichi, that's the reason why I am trying to help you" Satan continued.
You calm the storms and you give me rest
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall
You still my heart and you take my breath away
would you take me in? Take me deeper.
Kouichi nodded his head and walked over to the bathroom. He found a razor blade and decided he would cut himself to death. Kouichi still felt something that was telling him no no no. Kouichi looked back at the bed he had just talked to Satan on. He started crying again and smacked himself against a wall. He blacked out.
He woke up in darkness. He was alone. He wasn't where he started. The world he was in now was pitch black. Had he done the deed? Had he killed himself? Question ran through the young boys mind. He then tried to get up and move around but only a couple a feet away he realized he was chains to the ground. Chains were around his wrists and two people were holding him in place. He tried to pull away but they were too strong for him. He started freaking out and screamed for them to let him go. He soon noticed a black scarf around him, nothing made sense to him. "What is this" He screamed. The voice he heard so often, Satan, answered him. "These chains are holding you away from everything you are worth, this scarf and the chains around your neck and wrists is every sin you committed. Seems like you dug yourself into a hole Kouichi. You've got nothing left." Satan said. Kouich fell to the ground out of terror. He had seen everything in this world. He was ready to die.
"Kouichi" He heard someone whisper. Kouichi's head shot up as he looked around. He saw nothing but he felt someone around him. "Kouichi, my son" He heard again.
"Who are you?" He screamed in hostile. "Shh, don't be scared Kouichi. I'm who you need" The voice said. "I don't need you, I don't need anyone!" Kouichi screamed. "I'm Jesus, Kouichi. I died for you so you didn't have to pay for what you've done. You need to know that" The voice told him. Kouichi shook his head in denial.
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Could you tell me how could it be any better then this?
"How can I not be moved by someone who died for me unless they didn't die for me!?" Kouichi screamed. He then felt God tug on his chains.
"I have what you are looking for. You want love and affection. I have them all and I want to give them to you but you need to accept me. Kouichi felt tempted by it and rushed to the tugging of the chains but was pulled back by the two people holding the chains back. He fell back on the ground and started crying. He felt another tugging and he rushed to what he knew was there but he fell back. "If you love me, why are you torturing me?" Kouichi asked in a weak voice.
"You refuse to accept what I have done for you. And truly Kouichi I am done with seeing you in this pain! I don't want to cry for a son I love so much anymore. Everything you slept with someone that didn't love you did drugs or got drunk it hurt me so much and I love you and I am done with watching you cry for someone to love you.
Kouichi felt the scarf whip off of him and he saw the man that was talking to him. H was tall, olive skin and long brown bushy hair and he was dressed in a white robe, the man looked pure and beautiful. The man put the scarf around himself.
"What are you doing?" Kouichi cried out to him. Kouichi then felt the two people who held him down throw the chains are him and went for the man who stole his scarf. The man was being dragged to the corner, near a cross. Two other people who hammers and nails waited for them there. "No! Don't do it! Please stop" Kouichi cried. He tried to run towards the man but the chains were still to heavy alone for him. The man tried to run to Kouichi to but no avail. The man was put against the cross and they started tying him to it.
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better then this?
After he was tied the two other people put nails right at his hands and held the hammers away from them. Kouichi screamed in terror. Jesus had seemed very calm and willing to do what he was doing as he turned to Kouichi and mouthed the words Kouichi craved to hear since he was very young "I love you". Then it started. He was being nailed to the cross. Kouichi heard him scream in pain. It was enough to make Kouichi cry again. "No, no, no" Kouichi cried as he held himself and tried to reach out to the man being nailed to the cross. "He really did do it for me" Kouichi thought in his mind. "He took everything that was at my fault and he took the blame for me and now he is going through what must be the worst pain in the world for me. Every time I hurt my body with sex and drugs, he is suffering that right now. He's taking it all for me. How could he love someone like me? How?" Kouichi asked as he cried. "How could I stand there for years and not notice this man, how could I not be moved by him?" Kouichi screamed in his mind and cried heavily.
Cause your all I want, your all I need
Your everything, everything
Your all I want, your all I need
Your everything, everything
Your all I want, your all I need
Your everything, everything
"Your all I want to live for my Saviour! Your all I need, I need your love God. Jesus! Thank you! Thank you so much! I don't know how to repay you for what you have done right now! Oh thank you, thank you" He spontaneously cried out to the man on the cross. "I'll love you forever, I will follow you all of my days!" Kouichi promised out loud. The man was left alone now, he was ready to die on the cross, still in pain. "Kouichi. I've wanted to hear that since the day you were born" The man said with his final breath. Then he died, the man was dead. Jesus had died on the cross for him. God's son was dead and all because of Kouichi. He died for everyone too, everyone who ever sinned in the world, he took all of that right there and right now. Kouichi couldn't help but fell touched by the man's love. What he had never heard in his life had came to his mind:
"God sent his only son just to die for the world's sins? That's amazing! What a friend I've always had. I can't repay him any other way but follow him. I am so unworthy of this love, but I have it and I adore it and I want it and I need it. It's all I want and it's all I need it's everything, everything.
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better then this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better then this?
After it was all said and done Kouichi felt his chains become lighter and he walked over the cross. Jesus was alive again and pulled his hands off the cross but still the holes from the nails remained. "Th...thank you so much" Kouichi cried to him. "How could you still be alive?" He asked. "Because I am Alpha and Omega, beginning and end. My father made me mortal so I could take the pain for you and everyone in the world, all my sons and daughters. Now...how about you drop those chains and go back to the world and live for me. You are clean of all your sins, you are clean and you now know you have my love" The man smiled. Kouichi looked down at his wrists, he was holding onto the chains the whole time. Kouichi then drop his chains. "Take this son" Jesus said and he gave the boy a white scarf. "Because of my blood spilt you are pure and will always be pure as long as you love me and follow me".
"Thank you" Kouichi smiled as he walked away.
Kouichi then found himself back in the bathroom he was in before. Nothing had changed in the room. Kouichi sat up and looked at himself in the mirror. There was something new in him, he knew what love was now. He had everything he could want now. He had his Saviour in his life and he was saved from hell... Kouichi smiled, a true smile for his Saviour.
Could you tell me how could it be any better than this?
A/n: I put a lot of work into this story just to get the point across that you are loved and that you are God's son or daughter. He loves you so much and I just hope this story encourages you to follow him for all of your days.
If you have any questions you can email me or write them in the comments...I will most defiantly answer them...
JadedBlueEyes