Masaka: Okay, okay I see some of you sweating out there! Don't worry people, this little Christmas story doesn't mean I have given up on Heavenly Interventions
Yami Masaka: It simply means she's ignoring her ART final to do a little more writing
Masaka: HEY! Yami Masaka just shrugs unrepentantly and goes back to starting at the Christmas tree in both confusion and awe
Jason: Okay ya'll should now I'm the amazing transforming muse dog disclaimer! And I'm here to tell ya'll that neither Masaka nor that shriveled old hag she calls a yami gets whacked by Yami Masaka's shoe has any legal claim to Yu-Gi-Oh or any of the other name-brands mentioned in this story. Fact is, our mentioning it is a good thing! We give freaking free advertisement to those corporate hell's angels so we should be getting a BONUS not a call to court! That's it ya'll!
All: AND LET THE STORY BEGIN!
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Bakura and Atem had dealt with some pretty strange things since coming back from the world of the dead –thanks in no small part to Malik's innate desire to tick off the gods leading to his discovery of and enacting of a very old spell that had been trapped down in the Ishtar catacombs for centuries.
They'd dealt with the oddities of the microwaves, the cell-phone, the television and the alarm-clock. They'd been schooled by their aibous to understand modern-day mentalities including 'unjustifiable self-defense' –that particular lesson had made both dark-spirits terribly depressed.
But nothing they had learned so far prepared them for…'Cris-mass'.
"For the last time, mou hitori no boku, it's pronounced CHRIST-MASS! As in Christ's Mass," Yugi sighed as he readjusted a stack of boxes in his arms.
"Christ…wasn't he part of that Christianity you tried to tell me about, aibou?" Atem blinked, trying not to let the instinct to protect his other force him to take the boxes from Yugi's arms.
Yugi hated it when anyone, even his friends, did something to remind him of how petite he was.
"Well…yes, technically if you want to get down to it, Christ is part of Christianity and Christmas is a Christian thing…but it doesn't have to be…Gah!! Yami, we already went over this didn't we? I spent TWO WEEKS researching every historical thing about Christmas right down to why it's called Yuletide! Honestly, I thought you'd understand it by now."
"Well…I can understand why an ancient culture would create a festival to celebrate winter solstice and I understand why another religion would absorb these practices into its own as a method of converting followers…but I do not understand how all of these ancient religious babble boiled down to a silly ritual of buying gifts for people you may not even see more than one day a year and further wasting money on expensive electrical lights," Atem frowned regally crossing his arms over his chest.
It even further perplexed him that a stupid religious festival would force people to don such hideous garments as the reindeer strewn wool sweater he'd been blackmailed into this morning –Yugi must have KNOWN Atem couldn't stand his aibou looking so upset and embarrassed and disappointed, it was on PURPOSE-. The creature depicted on his current garment didn't even look like a reindeer; it looked like a geometrically designed horned DOG with a freakish red bulb for a nose.
"Yami…" Yugi sighed in disappointment. He didn't get any further than that before Jii-san called from the front of the store for more copies of the video-game Magic Journeys.
Throwing his other-half a mournful look Yugi quickly turned away and hustled back to the game shop portion of their home.
Atem watched his light-half leave from his normal place in the kitchen. Normally he would hang around in his and Yugi's room or in the living-room but since winter had started the ancient spirit found the kitchen more to his liking.
As long as he justified it by sliding in a tray of those instant-cut cookies that Jii-san bought, Atem had an unlimited source of heat courtesy of the oven. It was even luckier that the oven was gas-run so Atem didn't have to bother with buttons AND enjoy very long bouts of heat as the oven took forever to cool down.
"It's all just nonsense," Atem grumbled to himself.
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All the way across town another ancient spirit was thinking the exact same thing.
"I DON'T SEE WHAT THE HELL THIS CHRISTMAS THING HAS TO DO WITH OUR BEDDING ARRANGEMENT!!!" the ex-thief screamed.
Ryou had been trying –in the most delicate fashion- to persuade his other-half to move into one of the house's guest-rooms in light of Ryou's father coming home for the holiday but the spirit wasn't having it.
"Yami-" Ryou sighed warily.
"Don't 'yami' me! You and I both know your father is a jackass bigot and I don't see why we have to change OUR lifestyles for even ONE SECOND to accommodate him!!!" Bakura snarled.
Ryou's shoulders drooped slightly. He knew that his lover and dark-half had a very good point but…Well it was important to him that his father be comfortable for the holidays. Because if he was comfortable he wouldn't find any excuse to work through the Yuletide…like last year…and the year before that…and the year before that…and the one before that.
If Ryou could just SOMEHOW manage to convince Bakura to cut down on his seemingly constant need for PDA…and calm down his swearing…and maybe do something about Bakura's bluntness…then maybe there was a chance this Christmas would work out.
"DAMN IT, I'M NOT EVEN A DAMN CHRISTIAN, WHY THE HELL DO I GOTTA PUT UP WITH THIS SHIT!!!"
Unlike Atem, Bakura hadn't needed an elaborate explanation of the holidays. While there definitely WERE things the spirit didn't get, he was still pretty well versed in culture. The Millennium Ring had managed to go to very many countries and pull in very many hosts. In fact Bakura had teased Ryou that he probably had seen the evening star hanging over Bethlehem itself when the pale-haired boy had first brought up the holiday.
"I know you're not Christian Bakura…and I know that you hate my father…but please can't you respect that Christmas is IMPORTANT to me and that my father is IMPORTANT to me?" Ryou frowned gently, trying to blink fast enough that the tears in his eyes would go back in.
He hated being so girly all the time.
Bakura looked over his hikari critically and noticed the terribly hidden battle of tears and let out an almighty groan of annoyance.
"Will you STOP with the TEARS? Damn it! You know I can't stand to see you cry because of me! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!" Bakura winced, his temper souring even further.
"I'm not crying," Ryou said, continuing to blink in vain.
"Well you want to," Bakura almost pouted. He let out another annoyed groan and pulled Ryou into his arms. "I'm not moving into the damn guestroom."
"I-"
"BUT –and I want you to listen to this part- I WILL try my best to NOT scare your father away…so you can enjoy this stupid capitalized carnage celebration of yours."
A brilliant smile broke over the hikari's face and he threw his arms joyously around Bakura's neck.
"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!"
"Yah, yah, yah. Just know that the minute the 26th rolls around and your dad hightails it out of here, your ass is mine. And I expect interest on our little sexual escapades given the fact that you are forcing me into celibacy for that damn next week!"
"That sounds fair," Ryou blushed prettily.
Bakura smirked darkly and planted a tongue-heavy kiss on his other to seal the deal and let the boy go.
Ryou smiled again then darted off to finish the Christmas decorating he'd been trying to finish up all weekend.
Bakura watched him go and then smacked his head hard against the nearest wall. One week with his beautiful angel's hellish dad sneering at them for every little move they made around each other. Being forced to carry around Zorc's nasty mind hadn't been as daunting as this!
"It's all just nonsense, damn annoying nonsense!"
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The All Millennium Mid-Week Coffee Meeting had been a tradition that Yugi-tachi had set up even before the yamis had returned to the living world. Before they'd come back it had just been The Former Lights And Friends Mid-Week Coffee Meeting, and it had been much more depressing because Yugi and Ryou both spent the majority of the time wailing away at how much they missed their other-halves.
The meeting always took place at this little American styled café in the center of town. Usually it was filled with the soldiers from the nearby American Air-Force Base but not always. The café was very cozy, with a color scheme seemingly made up of all different shades of brown, spare the giant blackboard behind the counter where the menu was dedicatedly etched out every other week.
To both dark spirits' horror this blackboard had been decorated with the seasonal images of snowmen and Santa, holly and even what looked like a cockeyed version of a Menorah. Not only that but there was mistletoe hanging in the doorway –okay, Bakura hadn't been TOO upset by that, but Atem turned a violent shade of pink- and fake frost and more holly stenciled onto the windows and red-ribbons were looped artistically over the bar and the photos had all been wrapped up like presents.
"My Ra, everyone seems to get sucked into this mayhem don't they," Atem gapped in shock.
"Considering how many Americans traipses through here it ain't that surprisin'," Jou snorted, tugging self-consciously on his not very Japanese blonde hair.
"Well I think it's lovely," Anzu sighed clutching her hands together over her heart.
"You would," Honda blanched.
"She's right guys. It's really nice! I mean, it's the fact that everyone makes an effort to show Christmas spirit that adds so much to the magic of this time of year," Yugi smiled brilliantly. "If only individual people decorated their homes it would feel like something was missing. This way it's like the whole world is acting in sync, trying its best to act a little kinder for the holiday."
"It's all just a gimmick to trick witless shoppers into thinking that businesses really give a damn about you fools," Seto's voice interrupted, along with a chilling draft of cold from outside.
"KAIBA! Who the hell invited you?" Jou blustered, his face suddenly turning a violent puce.
"If you must know, Yugi invited me. He's invited me every single week since you idiots started this stupid tradition," Seto said as he unwound his powder blue scarf from his neck.
"Y-YUG'!" Jounouchi whirled around to the silent duelist in shock.
"W-well he IS part of our group, he's survived all the crazy stuff we have and he deserves an equal chance to rant about it all," Yugi smiled weakly at his pal.
Jounouchi floundered about for words for a few seconds more then buried his still cranberry-colored face in his arms.
"It's wonderful to see you, Kaiba-san," Ryou smiled politely at the CEO.
Atem and Bakura just glared icily at the billionaire as they usually did and gave slight inclinations of the head.
Honda and Anzu tried to be more polite and gave actual vocal greetings, both of which Seto ignored.
"Would any of you be interested in some holiday work at KaibaCorp," Seto asked blandly as he ordered a cup of hazelnut decaf.
"What did you have in mind, Kaiba?" Anzu asked politely.
"I have a Santa hired for the building but I'll be damned if I can find a single person willing to play as an elf. All you'd need to do would be pass out candy-canes and keep the kids in line."
"How much are you thinking of payin'?" Jou asked, peeking up from his folded arms.
"For you, mutt? All the dog-food you can eat," Seto smiled tauntingly.
"WHY YOU-" Jounouchi screamed, moving to get up and pummel the brunette. Luckily Bakura and Honda were close enough to stop him-not the Bakura really wanted to but he knew that Ryou would insist on it-.
"I could actually use a little more money," Ryou smiled.
Bakura looked at his lover in shock. "Ry! Why would you-"
"That goes double for me, I have some holiday expense that I need work to cover," Yugi spoke up.
"Aibou!" Atem gapped.
"Wonderful," Kaiba said, scribbling something down on a notepad he pulled from his seasonally-appropriate trench-coat. "You report to the address here tomorrow around ten-o-clock and you'll be set up. I'll be working down in Advertising during this week if something should go wrong, that's the fourth floor."
Putting the piece of paper down on the table Seto paid for his drink and departed. Apparently he was only there to look for help. Ah, well at least he'd shown up at all.
"Aibou, why are you doing this for Kaiba of all people? You know he wouldn't hesitate at turning this situation into a chance to humiliate you!" Atem gapped at his other-half.
"Well…I guess I'll just have to trust Kaiba that he won't take advantage, won't I? Besides, if I want to have the Christmas I want, I need to get a little extra money," Yugi said picking up the card and looking it over before passing it onto Ryou.
"We aren't in any danger anyway. I mean, of all the places we COULD work, KaibaCorp makes the most sense. Anywhere else and Yugi and I would have to worry about old Battle City fanatics," Ryou said in a preemptive strike against his other-half's protests.
"But what if someone harasses you? The holidays seem to bring out wackos and-" Bakura started.
"Oh please, like anyone would hit on Santa's Elf. The standard elf suit is a chemical-free form of birth-control!" Ryou laughed.
"But-" both spirit's whined.
"No, yami," both hikaris rebuffed.
A dangerous silence descended over the table which Anzu bravely moved to break by bringing up the Secret Santa arrangement their group had come from.
"S-so everyone have an idea on what to give their pick?"
"I got MY person the PERFECT gift! Man, it is so awesome I've even impressed myself," Honda bragged happily.
"I gotta find another job or get a cheaper gift," Jou moaned.
"No idea what to get my person," Atem shrugged.
"Same," Bakura said plainly.
"Well I think I've done pretty good with my pick," Anzu smiled almost saintly. She then turned to the abnormally silent lights. "What about you guys?"
"O-oh well t-the Secret Santa I got I just…yah, I got my person's gift," Ryou stammered.
"Uh…I think I may have something planned for my person," Yugi smiled thoughtfully with a slight blush.
Bakura and Yami shared a suspicious look and then looked at their respective lights.
"We're all chipping in for Malik's present right?" Jou asked, unaware of the strife going on.
"Yes, and it's being shipped to Egypt this Friday, so everybody better get their money into me sooner rather than later. I'm sticking in a few things for Rishaid and Ishizu too…just because it feels cruel to leave them out," Anzu reported.
"Hmmph, I still don't like the fact we're buying a present for that homicidal freak," Honda frowned.
"That homicidal freak is the reason Atem and Bakura are with us," Anzu frowned.
"And you are grateful for that little turn-about, aren't you dear Hirito?" Bakura cooed sarcastically.
Honda only growled and took a gulp of his peppermint mochacinno.
The rest of the afternoon went by in a rush, with the conversation going from everything to why Mahaado had gotten so lucky as to be stuck with a busty blonde with his eternal servant while Atem and Bakura got to sit around in the dark to why Pegasus should not be allowed to do holiday commercials.
Soon three-o-clock came around and the gang was forced to split up for various matters such as classes or jobs, leaving only the yamis and the hikaris.
"So what's the real reason you guys are taking this job," Atem plunged in.
"MOU HITORI NO BOKU! Sheesh! Can't you give this up for even a single second?" Yugi flushed painfully.
"We are just looking for a little extra cash for presents, okay? Is there anything unjustifiably sinister about that," Ryou pouted, leaning in closer to Yugi for emotional support.
"You are willing to dress up in ridiculous costumes for a guy you hate while dealing with all the other things you have to do before this damn Christmas day comes around. Excuse us for thinking it is a little suspicious," Bakura jumped in for the defense.
As shocking as it was, more to themselves than anyone else, Atem and Bakura made a pretty good team. They knew when and where to boost each other's strengths and could cover just about any angle of attack between their assorted skills.
Once they had set aside their difference with a resounding 'WE BOTH GOT SCREWED OVER, OUR ANCESTORS SUCKED AND HELL'S BELLS IF I'M GOING TO LET AN THOSE ANCIENT BASTARDS DEFINE MY NEW LIFE' the two dark ones actually became rather good friends.
Good friends who sometimes suspected each other of coming up with ruthless plans to destroy each other, but friends none the less.
"We. Are. Just. Doing. This. For. The. Money." Ryou persisted, "How many times must we say it before you understand!"
"Well then, answer us this, what presents are you buying that are so expensive? And why won't you let us help pay for them? Between Atem's ancient inheritance and my own recovered hordes we could buy you Shibuya twice over, including the clothes off the people who hang around there!" Bakura snapped.
"We can't tell you," Yugi said softly, "but please trust us that it's important and we really want to do this."
Atem and Bakura shared a long look then nodded in silent agreement and turned back to the little ones.
"All right then," the said as one, "then we're coming with you."
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Masaka: This is my most stupid and stupendous feat ever! Trying to write a Christmas story this close to the holiday, it may not happen but I'm gonna try!
Yami Masaka: So let's all pray for 'Saka's success!