A/N: Hello! I come back with a oneshot. I hope you all enjoy it. Listen Future Style while reading the ending.
If you wanna talk with me, my twitter is shiropotato7
Torture. One would call an endless punishment by means of what Umi had been doing to Kotori at midnight.
Kotori slouched in the bed and paid languid attention to Umi's face with half-open eyelids. She rested her chin in her palm. She had been patient, but playing with a straight face during their old maid was getting harder. Umi pinched the bridge of nose, thinking thoroughly a way to win and Kotori looked up through Umi's eyelashes.
For Kotori, Umi was just being cute by showing her weak side. Kotori couldn't help but accept another round. And then another one and another… It was already 36 rounds? No problem at all.
As long as Sonoda Umi had determination to win, she wouldn't accept an utter defeat. Unluckily, or rather giving too much opportunity for Kotori to win, the things had been on the other way around.
Kotori's quite whines went through Umi's ears, channeling her weariness to Umi. At the very end, Umi would finally understand this game would never end so she stopped torturing her by the end of the last game. They plopped down on their beds and decided on sleeping right away.
As time went by, the restless night fell into a silence, allowing other voices to be heard but mostly Kotori's.
"Umi-chan, did you sleep?" Kotori asked fitfully as she took a turn at Umi's side. Judging by Umi's distracted expression, she had been caught up in the full moon outside of the hotel. She never attempted to move a muscle to turn at the source of inaudible, strained voice.
"Not yet," Umi replied clearly, completely oblivious to the part where Kotori hesitated.
Intrigued, Kotori scanned through her calm silhouette before she piped up. "Can I ask you something?" Her inquiring eyes shifted to Umi's tired ambers. Content and relaxed, Kotori noted.
The moon light emanated through the curtains reflected on Umi's silky blue hair and bronze skin, and Kotori took the visible, warm smile formed on her lips kindly to herself in turn.
Umi breathed out wholeheartedly. "Yes, of course," she said without the sleep in her low-pitched voice, barely paying attention to what Kotori had asked.
Kotori stared at Umi's face as she pulled the blanket on the level of her nose. For some reason moving her legs from right to left aimlessly was a new habit to her as if she couldn't manage to contain her inner turmoil.
Umi glanced down at the fidgeting sight that had captured her attention within seconds. Though, Kotori's odd expression was mismatching her actions at that moment, Umi became all ears.
At a calm time like this, Kotori would question why she had chosen that path in her life. There was no end to stop questioning as to how to escape those ambiguous feelings within her. As if she should have made career plans before graduate from college, or have thought about settling in one place for the rest of her life with her family. However, those were not what she was dwelling on. Simply put, what had been occupying her head was the turning point when she accepted Honoka's offer: become an idol and shine brightly.
Yet, was it only a regret that had left in her heart?
"Thankfully Honoka-chan formed the μ's. You are not regretting to join in, are you?" She asked through uneasiness and dreadiness.
The slur in Kotori's voice became obvious that slightly alarmed Umi. In Umi's eyes, her impression of Kotori was quickly subverted by the muffled sound. Interestingly, Kotori's question had never passed through her mind at all. Not even once. The unexpected question kept her gaze sweep by in a few minutes silence until she met Kotori's intense stare.
She knew that as lonely and weak as Kotori was feeling right now, this was the time Umi should drop her inhibitions and ask what was going on with her. However, reaching someone through an emotional connection and straying from the logical aspect had never been in Umi's book. In other words: empathy. In those conceptions, empathy, sympathy, or any less reliable or discernable, emotional connection she wasn't the most interesting person to be acquainted with. Due to absence of empathy and understanding between the people, Umi always claimed to be very practical and, hence, she failed to see the importance of emotions and understand them. Basically she would tend to view her life pragmatically. Now, it became a quite problem for her so she should make up for with logic, and reliability at first.
"Why would I be?" Umi lifted her eyebrow, confused. She got off the blanket from herself and sat on her legs quickly, placing her fists upon her thighs. "Also, may I learn why you are asking me such a question?" Umi's tone suggested great interest, but the expression on her face gave no clue as to why. Her voice plying between soft to firm, she was immersed in thought.
She couldn't decipher the reason behind the hoarse voice of Kotori. She was quite vague or rather atrocious about the underpinnings of what Kotori had intended to imply. She was still on thoughts, rubbing and tapping her chin.
In the moment when the street sounds had held its tongue, a solemn silence took over in the room. Kotori looked down with a distinctly dubious grimace. "Umi-chan… I'm asking because I knew you were nervous and half-hearted to give it a try at first. Honoka-chan's crazy ideas dragged us at this point where..." she hesitated, sounding as distant as her eyes were. ''...we're caged up by these feelings,'' she muttered to herself.
Umi didn't hear the last line, she waited an explanation. Her expression was a blend of concern and question. In response to Umi's distress, Kotori took a deep breath as of then she found courage to speak her mind frankly.
''...Where it was called a never ending story. Now we are saying we have to disband while we were so connected and bond with each other at heart… don't you think we're taking things too fast? Sometimes I think if we had never joined, we wouldn't have to reckon this feeling,'' Kotori finally said the words that had been stuck in her throat since the beginning. Her inner thoughts poured out, yet her voice was fragile like a bird with a broken wing that was unable to float in air.
There was only a response left.
Kotori slid away from her as tears began to gather uncontrollably around the corner of her eyes.
"Umi-chan… d-don't you regret?" Kotori stammered, feeling guilt in her guts as she thought what would come next. It became more daunting when she couldn't interpret Umi's gestures nor her facial expression. Maybe she shouldn't have asked the same question again?
The question itself was a dire news to Umi. Saddened by seeing her childhood friend's doleful and downcast eyes that almost penetrated her own deep goldens, she was quiet with a mournful expression on her face.
Had she always been feeling like this way? The μ's's always cheerful girl Minami Kotori?
You wouldn't know someone just by looking at their outer shell. There would be an inner conflict within people's psychology or they could easily hide their true intentions in which Umi hadn't seemed to comprehend, reckon and understand yet. It was around that time a bitter realisation dawned on Umi. Kotori's erratic moods had grown more volatile the past couple of days, and Umi couldn't have noticed her friend was feeling sad because μ's decided to disband, and now she was trying to find a good reason to get back to her normal life.
Umi felt the pang in her heart, touching where her heart pumped against her chest rapidly. The pain had gotten worse as the realisation upon her became more perceivable and inevitable because she was sharing the same feelings with Kotori, yet Kotori was thinking wrong. The answer was not to question and fathom the trueness of the taken decision, it was standing upright by that of decision behind.
Umi was not unwilling to tolerate difference of opinion and narrow-minded about cherished opinions, so she thought she had to lean to the emotional commitment.
''You know Kotori, remember how we became friends? Our adventure has begun when Honoka reached out her hand to us. In that way, I could make close friends… important friends. Time went by and as I regained my strength and hope, the world around me gradually confined with sense of responsibility and that gave me motivation, it pushed me forward and I climbed out of the pit. The true motivation behind is not just my hardwork and dedication, but when I decided I wanted to broaden my horizons with an abrupt change.''
Umi's words brought her to the present.
Who she was.
Where she began to shine.
When she became someone who started to move forward to what she was running after.
She glanced up, homely warmth crawling up to her pale face as she recalled the adventurous memories Umi had brought back.
It was getting less and less awkward and anxious, and Kotori's mood was getting fickle, never lasting too long. She started feeling delightful receiving support by Umi. She threw every fiber of her being into each words Umi was telling to her.
''When you don't think through the consequences of your decisions, the results are bound to unfurl unexpectedly. This time, waiting of what the future might bring to us can be always going to give us ambivalent feelings people have never experienced before. This is what makes Honoka different from me, Kotori. Do you really believe you'll remember the time we spent together as just the brief sadness at the end?''
Flabbergasted, Kotori sat on the foot of Umi's bed, tears were threatening to prickle through her eyes slowly. That seemed to stir something up within her, and it was distinctly shown on her intensifying gaze.
''I think I'll be thinking about how happy I was able to join and meet everyone in μ's. Singing together with my friends, and hearing the voices of everyone supporting us... At those moments, I also felt like I was capable of doing anything. Maybe some irksome event that had preceded our way left me perturbed at those moments, I could laugh along with everyone. This time was... is... will be our miraculous time even though we won't have practice nor performance anymore, the memories will rest within our hearts. We did our best and jumped, covered in sweat. It's a stage forever bursting with smiles.''
Kotori's troubles and worries were diminished by Umi's unyielding words, and they fell sharply as teardrops on Kotori's red cheeks.
"Umi-chan…"
The sound of crying filled the small hotel room, the cry that might abolish the night...
Kotori has kept all this inside herself too long that it became a burden and she couldn't hold back anymore. A faint feeling of uneasiness came over Umi, feeling remarkably sad by seeing her friend crying that much, the ache within her deepened at the pitiable sight. Umi wasn't the best person to come in handy in this kind of circumstances, yet she couldn't just bear staring at the despairing, dejected expression of her friend. So she came closer to her leniently and saw something in her eyes - something akin to relief.
After a moment of silence Kotori's crying was appeased by the person she had needed by her side. The tiny droplets on her face were much visible in the luminescence come from outside, so Umi could wipe the dampness off her cheek with her sleeve. She wanted to place her hand onto Kotori's shoulder for comfort, albeit Kotori's low-pitched voice interrupted her in the halfway.
"Can I hug you?" Kotori asked enthusiastically, her voice was more stable now.
Kotori could hurry to her with arms outstretched for a hug, but Umi again wasn't the best person to be good with physical intimacy, even more she would be startled once her body were about to touch other. In less than no time she was beaten by Kotori's meaningful glance, and the warm smile tracing her lips. She accepted the friendly offer, minimizing the gap between them. Maybe Umi would reach her own limit, but she had to do this for her friend.
So, she simply nodded.
No matter what Kotori tried, she couldn't move an inch. Perhaps crying in front of a friend was still embarrassing. This time, Umi took the first action to pull her toward herself by throwing her right arm on Kotori's shoulder and put her chin on top of Kotori's head.
''Everything is going to be alright…'' she paused, scrutinising the expression of Kotori's face attentively. ''If you cry again, I'd be very upset. Don't forget even if we are going to separate our ways, our hearts will be always connected Kotori,'' she continued, softly gazing at the yet-relaxed eyes.
Kotori sniffled. She was reminded of this special time that would never last, yet it was going to take shape in time. Her smile broadened with the sense of security Umi gave her. ''Umi-chan,'' she uttered. Her hollow voice changed into gentler and much better tone.
"Kotori," Umi called her name for once, this time she wanted to hug this little girl underneath.
Kotori tilted her head upwards to get a better view of Umi. Her hands gripped her back as tightly as she could manage to. "Umi-chan, I never knew you would be this huggable.'' She beamed up at her. Hands drew even closer, closer enough to make Umi squirm just a tad.
The pink dusts acrossed Umi's cheeks, it didn't take long time for her to draw back and start complaining. "Don't tease me please," she sighed slightly. Her mouth curled up to a smile at Kotori without realising, she chuckled just a tad. "Feeling better now?"
Kotori gave a peck on her cheek, slightly giggling on the sting of her palm. "Way better hehe~" Eliciting a little gasp from unguarded Umi, Kotori appreciated the view with the glint in her eyes.
Umi frowned at the teasing, eyes narrowing. "Kotori, that's such a shameless behavior. You shouldn't do it to anyone as if it is such a trivial thing!" Her voice was firm as she replied.
Kotori's suppressed giggles soon turned into outright laughter mingled in a merry sound, like the chirping of birds. "Yeah, I shouldn't but you are not anyone, you are Umi-chan and you are being cute right now."
"C-cute?" Umi looked down meekly, quite embarrassed by the compliment since she never thought one someone such as herself would be called cute. Wait... She was wearing a pair of pyjamas for the Idol God's sake, how could you call her cute!? "W-what do you mean?" she asked as she lifted her eyebrow, seeking for an answer.
''Umi-chan, you are a perfect Yamato Nadeshiko model,'' Kotori answered with faint amusement, obviously enjoying how flustered Umi was at the compliment. She stood by her side, leaning against her chest slowly.
Umi froze at the closeness, snapping her eyes down to follow her next moves. ''Stop teasing me please,'' she said. In spite of her efforts to control her emotions her face tinged with red, hoping Kotori wouldn't discover it yet.
''Umi-chan!'' Kotori took a hold of her hand, beaming, the dark thoughts of earlier banished.
"K-Kotori! When did you become such a tease?"
Kotori giggled, gently tightening her grip on Umi's hand. "I think you can blame Nozomi-chan and the others for that."
Umi sighed, like she already knew the answer to her question. "Of course it would be her. She's so… shameless."
Kotori chuckled again and sat on her bed, leading Umi by the hand to sit next to her. "Umi-chan, you're so funny about things like that."
Umi folded her arms. "O-Of course I am, I don't want them to hurt you by making you too shameless."
"Umi-chan saying things like that, if we weren't friends I'd think that you were being a bit shameless yourself." Kotori leant across to her, narrowing her eyes with a smirk spreading across her face.
The penny dropped and a violent blush erupted across Umi's cheeks when she suddenly realised what she had said. "A-Ah Kotori! That's um… I mean…" Umi floundered, she tried pressing her hand in front of her face to hide her blush, letting her voice grow quiet.
The awkwardness of the situation draped itself over the room, Umi glanced over at Kotori, noticing that she was blushing quite seriously.
She watched Kotori shift uncomfortably, and everything about the moment felt… wrong somehow. The air made her skin crawl, the space between her and Kotori felt off, at once both too close and too far. Her arms laid at her side motionless she didn't know what she would normally be doing with them. She was sure that all this was as noticeable as the blush on her face, 'Oh God what if Kotori notices how weird I'm being,' she thought.
Kotori cleared her throat and opened her mouth to speak, but no words followed. Umi watched with amusement while Kotori opened and closed her mouth a few times like a fish.
"Um."
"Um."
Both girls spoke haltingly at the same time. Looking startled at one another for a few moments, the awkwardness became so unbearable Umi couldn't help but smile.
Kotori tried in vain to stifle a laugh, and Umi soon joined her.
The laughter burst forth, cutting through the tense atmosphere of the room.
Umi laughed even harder at Kotori's attempts to stop laughing and regain a semblance of control.
The laughter died down gradually, both girls eventually chuckling to each other. The awkwardness of earlier now replaced by a calm atmosphere of contentment.
"You know Umi-chan…" Kotori paused.
Umi looked over to Kotori, feeling the heat rise to her cheeks as if waiting something else from the gleaming eyes. "Yes?"
Kotori reached down to the drawer nearby. Umi watched what she was doing, she took out a notebook and pen. "The words you said to me,'' she turned to Umi and handed them over her, ''they would be good lyrics for our next song," she suggested and leant back to Umi again.
Despite how warm the touch against her skin seemed welcomed, Umi couldn't approve yet. ''Kotori…'' she murmured as she slid away from her slowly. ''You are too close.''
Kotori hovered nearby resting her head on Umi's shoulder sluggishly. ''I'm taking your advice and broaden my horizons, Umi-chan.''
''K-Kotori!'' Umi blushed at the mention of her own words come from her friend, glancing away. The slight hesitation in her voice didn't even tingle Kotori at all.
Kotori giggled briefly. ''I'm just glad to have you and Honoka by my side,'' Kotori said then smiled gliterlingly. It was a gentle smile that if Umi had been told this was what angels looked like, she would have believed it.
''You just don't give up do you Kotori?'' Umi sighed inwardly, smiling. ''It can't be helped then.'' Umi rested her head on Kotori's hoping to just stay there, calmly.
Kotori chuckled softly, Umi supposed she was pleased with her victory over her own inhibitions. Umi rested there for a brief moment before jumped at the soft sensation of Kotori's fingers ghosting over her forearm.
''Let's write them together when we're having a date in New York,'' Kotori murmured.
Umi nodded nonchalantly to wrap up in the warmth of the moment to grasp the implications of what she had agreed to.
"Wait!" Umi sat bolt upright again, nearly throwing Kotori off the bed. Catching her gaze, and holding onto it and Umi then maintained prolonged eye contact. The words piled up in the back of her throat forming an uncomfortable lump. Umi swallowed trying to find the courage to push the word out until she was able to find a sufficient courage to speak again. ''D-Date?" she spluttered, putting down what Kotori had given her. "That's quite a strong word you're using there Kotori..."
''I'm tired Umi-chan! Take me on a date…'' Kotori whined, faux-whimpering.
''Maybe-''
Kotori smiled, perhaps smelling the crack in Umi's armour.
''Please!''
The whole world around Umi has brightened in a split second. Kotori using her trump card, it was so unfair. The effect seemed to rebound around the room resided in Umi's head and clouded her mind. Her excuses for not answering were getting worse by the second her defences obviously broken, so Kotori pressed her advantage.
She pulled out her phone and started browsing the place names she had marked on the map. ''Where do you think we should go? Actually there is this cheesecake house I really do want to see. It's three blocks away from here. I wanted to visit it earlier but Eli-chan said we shouldn't separate.'' Kotori pouted slightly.
''How about others? They would like to join us.''
''Let's keep it a secret and give them a wonderful song made by the two of us,'' Kotori said, eyeing Umi with a sideways glance.
''That makes sense,'' Umi nodded, her hand on her chin. 'That's weird. I guess Kotori would ask anyone if someone else were in my shoes.' A part of her felt upset when she thought like that.
''You know Umi-chan it would make even more sense if you weren't so stubborn every now and then. Sometimes there are things I would only do with you, you know.''
Kotori held her hand, smiling at her. "All you need is to be a little less inhibited Umi-chan."
Kotori began to hum a soothing tune, haltingly like she was making it up on the spot. The sound drew Umi in, and she could swear that she could hear lyrics to go with Kotori's tune.
''Just a little bit of courage can be the trigger,''
It all felt so, natural, like Umi's feelings were perfectly expressed by Kotori's music, the words flowed out from her soul forming a picture before her, like a puzzle with all the pieces being put into their right places.
''What's really inside you is courage that makes you want to fly high,''
Sometimes it took Umi ages to write even a line, but now whole verses formed instantly in her head, all thanks to her amazing friend and her gifts.
''If you let it out, you'll be able to see a larger stage next time.''
Both girls chuckled, their eyes locked with each other. Umi took the notebook and pen where she had put before, and they started writing.
''Your voice... I can hear it!''
Umi was already half done and she could finally understand better when Kotori made her voice heard.
''Kotori… We should definitely visit this place too,'' Umi pointed to a Japanese style bookstore near Bryant Park. "It seems really interesting and we should both suggest places," she paused, and coughed ''it's our date after all.''