Summary: Shang reveals that he too, managed to fail the matchmaker's test.
Warnings: None.
A/n: I've always had this headcannon that Shang had just as much luck as Mulan with the Matchmaker, which is why he is still single when he is the general of an army. So I wrote it as a ficlet!
"I'm sorry, but how?" Mulan spluttered, "The great General Li got thrown out of the Matchmaker's office?"
"You're one to talk," Shang replied, trying to hide his blush.
They were relaxing in a field after a long day of training, when the subject of matchmakers had come up. After Mulan had revealed her disatarous encounter with her village matchmaker, Shang had thought that it was a good idea to reassure her and tell her how he too, had been thrown out of the matchmaker's office. Now he was regretting that descision.
"You have to tell me the story now," Mulan whined.
"There really isn't much to tell," Shang mumbled.
"Please?" Mulan asked. Shang knew that he had been won over. He could never say no to her when she looked at him like that.
"Well, as you know, my mother died when I was only ten years old. My grandmother a year later. As a consequence, it was only me and my father at home. We took turns cooking, and doing housework. I always thought that there was no point in having a girl around just to do things that I could do perfectly well for myself. Voicing that to the Matchmaker was probably my first mistake..."
The Matchmaker narrowed her eyes, looking at him suspiciously. "Thier effectiveness at cooking and housework does not bother you?"
The young Shang shook his head. "I want a companion, someone to share life with, not a servant."
The Matchmaker scribbled something onto her sheet.
"How good are you at making small talk?" she asked.
"I like to think that I am proficient at it," Shang replied.
"Ok," she continued, scribbling more notes, "talk to me,"
"Uhhh... Well a few months ago when I went on a trip to the great wall with my father..." Shang proceeded to tell a short tale of how he had ended up in a fight with a hun, and seared his arm off. The Matchmaker looked quite sick by the end of it.
As she turned around to pick up a kettle of tea, Shang saw the words "arrogant" and "tactless," on her sheet. This wasn't going well.
"What is your profession?" the Matchmaker asked.
"I am a soldier, ma'm," Shang replied, confused. Hadn't he already made that clear?
"But what else? What do you do when you are not at war?" She pressed.
"I... China will always need protection," he fumbled, trying to think of something clever to say.
The matchmaker scribbled more notes. "Away from home a lot," she mumbled, "will make a terrible father,". Then she stood up, "Come with me, I want to know how tall you are," she intstructed.
Shang awkwardly stood up as she looked at him.
"Too tall," he heard her mutter, "could produce a good offspring but unlikely to care for wife properly,"
"Now that's just unfair!" Shang said angrily crossing his arms. "You don't know that!"
"Rude, bad temper," he heard her mutter. She walked away to the other side of the room gesturing for him to follow her. Unfortunately, he wasn't paying enough attention to his surroundings, he bashed into a lamp with his head.
"Inscolent fool!" she yelled at him, as the lamp crashed onto the floor.
"I'm terribly sorry-" he began. Just then, the floorboards caught fire.
"Put it out! Put it out!" the Matchmaker screeched.
Shang looked around for something to smother the flames with, and grabbed the first thing that he saw; an old blanket that was lying on the back of a chair.
The Matchmaker screeched again, "Don't use that! It's a family hierloom! Has been passed down from generation to generation!" But it was too late. The banket was already covering the fire.
The blanket started to smoulder and some of it caught fire.
Shang quickly grabbed a nearby pot of liquid, that he assumed to be tea, and threw it over the blanket. He managed to douse the Matchmaker in process. As soon as the liquid hit the blanket, it burst into flames. Not tea then; oil.
Shang could only look on with fascinated horror, as the Matchmaker screamed at him to leave the house. When he didn't move, she grabbed him by the shoulder, marched him over to the door and threw him out.
"Don't ever show your face around here again!" She yelled. "You'll never find a wife! You'll die a lone man!"
"Does anyone ever manage to get engaged at a Matchmaker's?" Mulan asked. "I'm starting to think that it's all a hoax, and that they just insult people, and blame them for any accidents that happen whilst they are there."
Shang laughed. "Perhaps you're right,"