In the Nightgown of the sullen moon
For Lillian...
She loved the song by 'They might be Giants...'
My life is horrible...
And I wish it would end now....
The main author note is at the end..
It will all be explained there...
Lillian, I'll never forget you...
Disclaimer: I own nothing...
The drugs began to take effect
And the world seemed like the nicest place I'd ever been
I smiled
Forgetting abuse
Forgetting parents
Forgetting everything
But how wonderful life is
I smiled, and I stumbled happily home...
I shakily opened the door,
The darkness inside even seemed like a wonderful castle of majesty...
I slowly walked up to my room
Opened the door,
Looking inside,
I staggered in, and turned to close the door...
My hand on the knob,
I convulsed...
Wow...
Never had this happen to me before...
The world began to blur up...
I fell...
My hand still on the knob...
Fire alarms seemed to be going off in my head...
And I forget...
How I got here, and where I was...
And I noticed how the windows seemed to lean into me...
The drapes swished like a nightgown.... it looked just like him...
Just like Hiei...
"Hiei... I'm coming..." I smiled...
I knew I was slipping into the death I so craved...
I felt light headed...
Why wasn't I going unconscious?
I couldn't move my body...
It was just like the first time he and I met...
When I first saw that appendage on his forehead...
The Jagan...
I looked up into the trees,
I sighed,
How happy the forest was...
I had never been in this deep, but now I didn't care...
They abused me,
And I was sick of it.
So what if a demon killed me?
"Hn... Onna what are you doing here?
Before I even knew what was happening,
The cold metal of a blade pushed into my neck...
I smiled at the feeling...
"Trying to get killed..." I smiled...
"Why would you want to do that, onna?" he turned me to face him,
And I gasped,
My reason to live now stood before me,
The soul purpose of my life was now found!
For in front of me was the most handsome young man I had ever laid eyes on
His black hair defied gravity, with the white star burst at the front...
His eyes were deep crimson red...
He wore black t-shirt, and black jeans,
His red eyes coldly surveyed you, and he didn't show if he liked what he saw, or hated it to the point of destruction...
That was when I saw the bandanna on his forehead,
My hand moved of its own accord, I unable to stop myself, I ripped of the bandanna,
I was amazed he didn't stop me,
And I felt my body go numb,
As I looked into that blue third eye...
I gasped,
I was floating in the air, unable to move...
"Baka..." he growled,
I sighed...
He had been perfection, there was no doubt about it...
He had been my reason to live...
And I his...
A lone tear crept down my cheek...
But it was that stupid Koenma's mission....
That my reason left me...
"Guys! You're back..." I abruptly looked over them,
They looked nervous as you surveyed them.
1...
2...
3....
3?
"Wh...Where's....where's Hiei?" I asked, trembling...
I looked into each of their eyes, them finally Koenma's...
They all bowed their heads....
"Lillian... He's dead..."
It felt like a dream...
Those words imprinted on my mind,
"No....no... he... HE CAN'T BE! Hiei's.... Hiei's to strong for that...!" the tears flowed down my cheeks....
"We're sorry...."
"Bring him back... bring him BACK Koenma! You brought Yusuke back, why can't you..."
"His body was destroyed.... there's nothing I can do...." Koenma sighed...
I broke...
My heart stopped....
And I thought I was going to die...
My reason to breathe...
Was not around anymore...
I never saw the Tantei after that...
And I began to forget what he looked like
I started on drugs to make me lose myself
And soon it became my only way of seeing him
And I knew he hated what I had become
So weak
So frail
Dieing and no one to care
No one to cry over my grave
No one to love me
No one...
Just alone...
The moon my only company
As I knew my moments were now far too few...
I remembered how he once held me in his arms
The sweet caress of his arms...
I knew his spirit was there...
Watching me...
I knew he was crying...
For me
For what I had become...
I could almost see him...
I knew my last moments were coming fast...
"Hiei... I'm coming..." I whispered,
I smiled...
I remember the sweet moment we spent together
The wonderful moment when 3 words left his lips
The 3 words that made us so close...
The wind beat and lashed at us, never able to reach as we were at the back of the cave...
His arms wrapped around me,
He shielded me from the numbing cold we felt...
His warmth sustained me...
My reason sustained me...
But I felt still cold...
I shivered...
Even though the heat that radiated form him burnt me...
"Lillian...?" he asked
I couldn't answer, it was so cold..
I felt darkness eating away at my vision...
I was leaving my reason...
"Lillian... no! Don't leave me!" He restrained my soul to my body...
Not allowing me to leave him...
"Don't leave me like everyone else..." he hissed,
"Why do you care?" I asked angrily, the 'great' Jaganshi, caring?
"Because...I...I..."
"Because you what Hiei? What is it that makes you afraid?" I growled,
I was angry, frustrated,
He knew so many times I wanted to die...
Yet at every turn he stopped me...
Why!?
"Because... You're my reason...." he whispered, and I understood...
What he meant, was he loved me,
I was his reason to live...
His reason to breath...
"Hiei..." I whispered, and wrapped my arms around him, the cold didn't affect me anymore...
I felt complete...
"Lillian, let me be your reason..." he whispered, lifting my chin so my obsidian eyes looked into his deep crimson orbs...
"You're already my reason..." I whispered...
I felt a single tear drip down my cheek...
I heard the door downstairs open...
"Lillian!" the voice...
It was...
It was familiar...
But so out of reach...
I heard footsteps run up the stairs, and stop, than come down the corridor...
They opened the door...
My body slumped down,
"Lillian!" the voice exclaimed,
But he was too late...
I looked down upon myself, upon myself and Kurama...
He cried for me...
Someone would cry over my grave...
"Lillian... it's been such a long time..." I heard the familiar voice of Botan reach my ears, and I turned,
To see she was not alone...
The fire demon I loved was with her...
His eyes tear stained...
His lips trembling, as he looked into my eyes...
I felt tears run down my cheeks, as I floated to him,
"Hiei..." I smiled...
He embraced me,
"Lillian..."
This made me cry...
I cried...
I cried because this is how I found my sister, Lillian...
She... she died from a drug over dose...
My parents were so ashamed...
They didn't have a funeral, they just...
They just told the hospital to do what they wished with her body...
They threw it out...
So I took her body, and I buried her myself,
My parents don't know,
And now I can't look at them the same...
I can't believe everything that's happening...
It's like I'm in a nightmare....
It's never ending...
This was for Lillian...
I just can hardly believe how horrible my life has become...
There' so much death...
And now it's become so hard to find a reason...
A reason to breathe,
I want to join them,
I do,
But I don't want anyone to follow me...
I may still do it though...
And it's starting to look so beautiful...
I'm finding it so hard to ignore...
But I must keep going, mustn't I?
Marina asked me to complete her work, and I won't ignore her last wishes
Please review...
Rein